My immortal Pt 2

By: Amy Jonas

Category: Jimmy and Yves Angst

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: Not mine

Archieve: See. Want. Take. Just let me know

Summary: Sometimes people take different paths.

A/N: This story was borne of a discussion (My apologies to Laura who listened ever so patiently) between Ginny and I who had very different views of Jimmy and Yves.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote 'Thou art to me a delicious torment'. That was what Jimmy was to me. The antithesis of everything I was used to and expected in people; Jimmy is the one person I completely trusted in this world. I told him about my past; and he accepted it; accepted me. I loved him like I never thought I could love another. And he loved me; completely and unconditionally. We were happy.

Or so I allowed myself to believe.

I have never encountered a more gentle, caring soul. There isn't a selfish bone in his body. Jimmy's work on the paper is motivated only by a desire to help other people no matter how it impacts him financially or emotionally. My actions, rooted in a need for redemption for my father's sins or because it furthers that agenda, would never be magnanimous. Eventually I was forced to accept a fundamental truth. Jimmy Bond was too good for me. Despite that, I think we could have stayed together.

But Jimmy grew up; matured both emotionally and intellectually. I wanted this for my sake as well as his. While I found his innocence fresh; in what we do caution and a certain amount of cynicism is needed to unearth the truth and stay alive. I realized that as he matured, he would no longer view the world – or people – the same way. He would learn the same truth that I discovered. I have never been afraid of anything but the thought of him looking at me differently scared me.

Our wants are similar. Marriage. Children. A life together. But my father is still out there destroying lives. I have work to do and cannot remain in one place too long. Knowing Jimmy as I do, he would give up his dream of a family to be with me. As tempted as I was, that arrangement wouldn't have been fair to him. After five years, I did the one thing that didn't benefit me. I ended our relationship.

Seeing him after that hurt more than I thought it could. I wanted him to be happy; to have his family but the knowledge of him being with other women was like a dull knife twisting in my heart. I buried myself in my work trying to forget how much he meant to me. Then I would help the Gunmen and Jimmy would be there; in all his loveliness; a delicious torment of what I had lost.

The other day I brought over a disk the boys would find useful. Upon arriving, I discovered Jimmy was alone. For the first time words failed me and we stared at each other. All my feelings clamored inside me. I wanted to touch him. I wanted to see his goofy lopsided smile I love so much. I wanted us to talk like we used to. I wanted to hear him laugh. I wanted him to hold me again. I wanted to tell him I still love him.

My pain was mirrored in his eyes. I broke eye contact, dropped the disk next to a computer and left. The door slammed behind me; a flat, hollow sound. I climbed into my car, pausing a moment to look back. Starting the engine I thought how true Emerson's words were.

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