Hello ! I'm starting here a SasoSaku fanfic.

I'd like to say that english isn't my first language, and I don't really use it in daily life except for 'translation' and studies. I'd like to improve my writing along with writing (and reading !).

So I just would like to inform you that you may find all kind of faults, from orthographical ones, grammatical, synthaxical ones to style errors and faults. Please forgive me for them, I'll correct the language whenever I can.

WARNING : This fanfic contains non-concent contents plus a 'highly' depressive and dark mass of ideas. So if you don't like clouds, please avoid reading. Also, better not read if you can be influenced easily, and that's because of the dark thoughts contained.

It's May the 31th.

This day marked the beginning of Akatsuki's new album's tour [Damoklesschwert].

Akatsuki, a visual kei band from Tokyo, is celebrating its 7th anniversary.

May, 13th, MMXIX
23:14

Hello mon carnet noir !

Guesse what ?! I finally went to an Akatsuki's show !

Woah ! I can't believe it ! The show was impressive ! Like WOOOOW I finally saw him ! He was so coooool ! Well I barely could see him from my spot but I've the impression of being in his sigh when he gave his 10 words' speech !

Oh damn. It's already too late. I've to go to the doctor tomorrow and borrow one or two books from the library so I can finish my exposé. I guess I should sleep !

June, 1st
08:22

Hi ! Hi ! I got a little time to write ! I'm in the psychiatrist's waiting room.

I arrived too much early I guess, before the doctor.

I don't really know what I'm doing here but I have some up and downs… Like anyone ! One wouldn't go for a psychiatric visit just because they cry too much and feel life meaningless… But my mom noticed some changes on my eyes lately. Some symptoms of neurotic problems.

So here I am !

Oh ! The nurse is opening the door to someone, maybe the doctor came and I'll get out of here rapidly - impatient !

Oh - No ! Not the doctor because the person who entered came to the 'waiting room' so he's just another patient. I can't really tell if it's a man or a woman, the person is putting a mask but … Well, according to his seat position, I guess he's a man ! … Huhu cute velvet short hair … I wonder how does his eyes look like. *he's putting sunglasses* Heeeeeh ! You're getting turned on by a stranger ? Slut ! I'm not ! I'm just interested in his look, nothing bad about it… And who dared to desire an unknown only depending on his external attractivity ! Blablabla… You won't fool me ! Well… I won't talk to myself anymore because I'm sure that the "neurotic problem" I've got is nothing other than a mental illness ! Like hell ! I'm fighting this bitch -bitch yourself- since my childh-blablabla- ghaaa ! Die ou-

08:39

"Miss Haruno ?" asked the nursed taking Sakura's eyes out of her phone. "The doctor is here, please follow me."

The little pink haired girl stood from her seat rapidly, making her jacket fall on the ground from her lap. She leaned down to take it when she drops her bag that was next to her.

Grouching, she gathered her stuff and followed the nurse.

The velvet-head man follow her too with his eyes, annoyed gaze. Lost and depressed. Leaning back on his seat.

08:59

Yoy ! I knew it ! Diagnosed with BPD ! ….. Hell.

I've two antidepressants I should buy now. I'm heading to the pharmacy.

09:15

Sakura write on her diary from time to time. She does that on her Note software present on Mac and iOS. Her entries are synchronized.

She left the psychiatrist's and is now heading to the closest pharmacy. She stood by the road, saw left and right and crossed it calmly. No traffic lights on this part of the city.

When she was 10 meters from the pharmacy, someone called her name. Ino ! It was her blonde friend. Not impressed of meeting her over here since she lives two doors beside the drugstore.

09:31

Ino just said "take care of yourself !" and went on the opposite way. Sakura was just ashamed. Her friend's words still ringing in her ears, still aching her heart. "You've nothing, stop fooling yourself with this medicine of hell ! You just want to die since that bastard of your ex said it was over ! So… Move on ! No psychiatry nor medicine is going to help !" It hurts. Sakura was hurt by these words. But who knows, maybe Ino was right; Sakura's state worsened since Sasuke broke up with her.

The pharmacy reached, Sakura has some 6 stairs to climb, to enter the store. Doing that and reaching her hand for the door handle, the door got opened. She was surprised by the velvet haired man who faced her. He surely was looking down at her beyond those sunglasses. Talking about wither, the rain just started falling. He spread the door wide enough to communicate a silent invitation message that would be converted to the word "enter !". She did, when she turned to thank him, he was already out. He had already closed the door and went on his path.

Sakura looked at him through the door's glass. A blank smile on her face. She was wondering if he was mentally sick like her. She wondered if she could feel such kindness as opening the door to someone in pure courtesy, kindness toward her pitiful state. She wondered if her friends could open a door to her and invite her to enter. She wondered if her clumsiness could be forgiven. "Slut ! Still desiring a stranger!" interrupted her meditation. Her expression changed instantly, from a blank smile to a blank frowned, angry expression.

"How can I help you ?" was like a ray of light to leave the darkness of her discussion with her own self.

"Sorry ! I need some medicine…"

10:06

Sakura took off her bag. She was in the library. She had bought the medicine she needs and already took a pill after have a breakfast.

She needs two books. She knows where to find them.

Reaching the first raw, she leaned down and looked for the M.A.353 code.

"350 - 352 - 353 !" She murmured. She got the first one. Remains the second. The second book, "ARCADIA", that talks about the Eastern Roman Empire - the Hellenic Empire, got A.H.136 as a code. Far from this raw. She moved toward it then all while consulting the book she just took in hands. Even with pink hair, she wasn't feeling awkward in there since no one came to that part of the library to 'stalk' on people. She felt relaxed. She was wearing a large white blouse and a dark blue large skirt reaching her knees. Long boots. Her hairs just long enough to cover her collarbones.

"A.H." she read. "Well, over here huuuum…" looking for the 136. She leaned down once more reading the numbers of the books put on the lowest shelf. "132 - 133 - 134 - 135 -" well 136 must be up there in the next bookshelf. When she raised her head rapidly she hit someone's elbow. It got straight on her head. Shutting her eyes, she had a silent scream where she just opened her mouth without releasing any sound.
It did hurt her. Two forces going rapidly on opposite ways. When she opened her eyes she was facing a velvet-hair man. Lightly leaning to her level, he was taller.

"Are you ok ?" said the hazelnut-color-eyed man.

She did saw his eyes now. But couldn't see that zone that just released a sound. She was stunned. Looking at him with a kind of shock. These eyes, this voice… She knows them doesn't she ?

Just after getting hit, she had covered her head with her arms involuntarily. When the stranger asked, he was involuntarily having his right hand on her left elbow. He was worrying ? Or just sorry ? He was kind. She noticed.

"I'm fine ! Fi-" "Bitch !" - Keeping the same expression she had 5 seconds ago wasn't possible. She got again hit by 'herself'. Her self knew exactly how to hurt her right in the heart. Her self knew she was attracted by a way or another to this velvet haired man. And, being attracted by a stranger means you're looking for something. And that something seemed naughty enough to make her feel guilty. Her self wanted to get rid of that feeling. So, put all the weight on the other part. She didn't have schizophrenia but BPD. They look alike when it comes to personalities but schizophrenia is simply having oneself 'totally' split in two. While BPD covered just a 'cleavage' of the oneself. So Sakura's self wasn't 'totally' divided, there was still a bridge connecting the two parts of her.

The stranger gathered the book she made him drop when she interrupted his act :

"ARCADIA !" she said with an illuminated face.

Without standing back, he just looked at her from his position and guessed she wasn't so balanced. He stood tall, making the height difference clear, looking down at her and gave her the book.

"Ha ! Thank you !" she said closing her eyes in a wide smile before returning on her steps. She stopped rapidly to turn back to him : "And I'm so sorry ! Forgive my clumsiness !" before heading to the loaning services.

"Here please ! I want to borrow these two." she told the woman sitting on the other side of the platform.

"Heh !" said a masculine voice deep enough and unique enough to not be forgotten so rapidly.

Turning toward it, she faced the velvet-haired man who was pressing his left side on the platform next to her, his right hand on his waist. He looked like someone stole an apple from his tree - or something like that. Furious but finding the situation funny. Well, not really the situation but her. Her clumsiness was funny. She tilted her head to the side, in a questioning way adding a "Something wrong ?"

"Haha…" the man replied scratching the back of his head with that right hand now. "I think I picked ARCADIA before you, mademoiselle." He was smiling. A triumph smile. She got that impression. He was amused. His eyes got wider, not looking sleepy like some minutes before. He now tilted his head the same way she did, the same direction, returning the same expression and silent question.

Sakura turned her head to the book beside her on the plateform, thought about how she got it. She already, somehow, forgot. Oh yeah ! That small accident…

"Oh !" she exclaimed. "So you picked it and dropped it when you hit me !" she said leaving her mouth round when finished. The man had raised that right hand in a dramatic way that could express and 'oh you finally got it ?!' but dropped his arm down when she pronounced that 'hit me'.

"I didn't hit you - And so you didn't…" he clarified.

"Ow… I'm sorry !" she bowed down slowly adding an another "forgive my clumsiness".

"It's ok ! You can take it but just return it soon. I need it." he added.

" Really ? Oh thank you ! It's the 5th time I came looking for this book and it's the first time finding it available ! Generally, history students work a lot on it, and since there's only one single copy of it to borrow it's hard to get." She explained.

"Humm… So you're telling me I won't find it next time I'll be looking for it ? - Give it back !"

"Noooo ! No ! Please !" She said closing her eyes hard, hugging that book, turning away like he was about to steal it away. He found her reaction somehow - childish- it amused him. He wondered if she's behaving so in purpose or not. In fact, he didn't move from his place, just did a hand gesture claiming the book back.

"I've an important exposé ! And only this book may help me on some serious vital points ! Please let me borrow it, I'll bring it back soon enough." she said without facing him.

"Soon ? When ?" the male asked.

"Well euuuh.." she was staring now at the ceiling, thoughtful.

"Listen. I need it too. And soon. I don't have to explain what for but it's as vital as your need. So… Meet me here at this time in two days from now. Possible ?"

"I guess - yes ? I'm free." she responded.

"Fine."

With that, he left her view zone.

End of the first chapter.