A young child stands on a room.
... Actually no. Standing would require feets on the floor. The child is more like FLOATING. Ok, that's alright, let's begin again.
A young child floats on a room. It just happens to be this child's 18th birthday. Would you like to name this... aw fuck it! The oportunity just passed like 6 years ago, along OTHER THINGS THAT MUST NOT BE TALKED ABOUT, so no naming allowed.
Look at nameplate
Well, there's a nameplate lying up there, let's check it out
"Ushiromiya Umineko"
Examine room
Your name is UMINEKO USHIROMIYA.
This is your room, the one where you're stand-er i mean, FLOATING. Well, you like to FLOAT AROUND a lot, when people are not looking at you, it's just one of your HOBBIES.
Around your room there's WEIRD PAINTINGS of TASTEFUL CIRCLE SPELLS, you made most of them. You have a passion for NOVEL WRITING and MYSTERY MAKING, so usual your friends are tired of your CLOSED ROOM SHENANINGANS. Well, that doesn't bother you, after all you could KILL THEM IN ONE OF YOUR NOVELS. But the thing you like the most is watching LOVESTUCK MOVIES and GOLD, boy, do you like GOLDEN STUFF OF SUSPICIOUS NATURE. Anyway, you're a MASTER in SPELLS AND MAGIC, and sometimes you're a showoff in that regard.
Your CHUMHANDLE is goldenEqualizer (GE) and *you change your typing color to red when youre saying the truth* or |when youre speculating, maybe to a blue color|
What will you do?
Umineko: Stop floating and open box
You stop floating and walk to the CLOSED BOX. It has CHAINS AND LOCKS all over it, you'll need a KEY.
Umineko: Examine your sylladex
You open your SYLLADEX. Its configured in MYSTERY MODUS. It's a tricky modus that allows you to CAPTCHALOGUE things and turn them into magical versions of themselves. Well, as long as NO ONE IS LOOKING. When you're observed, the objects revert to their original state. You have to have good memory while using it, as magic forms rarely resemble the original object. Welp, there's the KEY, you think, hiding as a GOLDEN BUTTERFLY
Umineko: Retrieve "key"
You take out the GOLDEN BUTTERFLY and... Oops!, that's a mackerel. Stop messing around you dumbass. You let it be on the floor. There's another suspicious thing on your sylladex, a GOLDEN HAIRPIN, let's try with that.
Umineko: Retrieve key
You take out the HAIRPIN and there it goes. It fits on the lock you were trying to open, and WHY FOR? You'll discover it when you open the box.
Umineko: Open box
The box makes a clicking sound as you open it. You look at it's contents. There's a SET OF 7 STAKES, three WINCHESTER RIFLES, a RED PAINT BUCKET, a COPY OF SFRUB, some SHEETS OF PAPER and a SUSPICIOUS LOOKING HEART. Yuck, why do you even keep this in a box? Anyway, let's take it all.
Umineko: Equip weapons and captchalogue everything else.
You equip the SET OF 7 STAKES in your STRIFE SPECIBUS STAKEKIND, and the WINCHERSTER RIFLES on the RIFLEKIND. The moment they touch the deck, you feel the same funny sensation when some of your things morph in your Sylladex.
Then you proceed to CAPTCHALOGUE EVERYTHING ELSE. You take the bucket and it turns into a REAL BLOOD BUCKET, the MACKEREL again into a GOLDEN BUTTERFLY, the SHEETS OF PAPER into GOLDEN ENVELOPES, and the HEART into... nevermind, don't take that thing. Finally you captchalogue the COPY OF SFRUB and oddly, it doesn't turn into anything. What will you do next?
Umineko: Do something stupid.
Ew! Don't... Ugh. You took the heart and threw it at the window. Now it's broken and you touched it. Don't get close to me you psycho. Do something more useful, like... Look, there's someone pestering you!
Umineko: Answer Pesterchum
compulsiveCatcher (CC) began pestering goldenEqualizer (GE) at 2:57
CC: -A wild Umineko appeared!-
GE: ugh, no again
CC: -What will you do?-
GE: look you idiot
GE: *noone likes that stupid routine* get it?
GE: so knock it off
CC: -Umineko used Knock off-
CC: -It's not very effective-
CC: -It knocked CC's Laptop to the ground-
GE: cackle cackle cackle
CC: -CC used Game invitation-
GE: oh right, the game. |those guys told you to be my server| right?
CC: -Umineko used Blue truth-
CC: -Umineko's blue truth is super effective-
CC: -CC accedes-
GE: wait what? no, nonononononononononononono
CC: -CC fainted-
GE: you *incompetent piece of shit* come back here!
CC: -Umineko gained 1129 exp. points!-
GE: nopenopenope i don't want to be your freaking client!
compulsiveCatcher (CC) ceased pestering goldenEqualizer (GE)
GE: *fuck*
Umineko: Level up
What the fu... Suddenly your whole body starts glowing. Congratulations! Much to your DISMAY, you leveled up. Now you're level 18, and you know what that means right? That's it: a new move. But you already know 4 moves. Which one would you like to forget to learn Medium reincarnation?
-Red truth
-Blue truth
-Knock off
-Endless magic
Umineko: Forget Knock off
Like hell you would, it's so much fun to drop that idiot's Laptop. However the name sounds to tempting, you're considering it and... Aarg! You focused so much into Knock off that you forgot it. Instead you learned Medium reincarnation! Would you like to test it?
Umineko: use Medium reincarnation
You try to use Medium reincarnation and... poof! Nothing. Why? You're not dead, you sillyhead. Well, all the hype and everything for nothing. You're so pissed off you want to kill something. What will you do?
Umineko: Kill time
Well, you suppose that's more proactive than killing a living being right? You open the door and go out. Boy, do you seem hungry. How about going downstairs for a little snack?
Umineko: Examine house
Your manor is chockfull of CAT MEMORABILIA. There's CAT POSTERS, CAT STATUES, CAT PAINTINGS, LIVING CATS all over the place. At this moment you really don't mind it. It's your guardian's tastes after all, and you're on good termns with her, even if you shouldn't be. After all you were supposed to kill her when you turned 12. But she and you made an arrangement and to be honest you really don't like killing that much. Outside of fiction that is.
Well, and you live in a manor. Your guardian is really wealthy, and there's a pile of gold in the living room. She told you you can't touch it till you make yourself independent, under the fate of explosion. Well, then, you go downstair and pass the freaking 10 ton gold pile and to the kitchen.
Umineko: Look around for your guardian.
You enter to the kitchen and, hell yes! Your guardian is nowhere to be seen. You suppose she's busy with some CAT RELATED HIJINKS. Time to seize the refrigerator.
Umineko: Prepare tasty treat
The refrigerator only contains MACKEREL for some reason. That and PLUMS. Lots of PLUMS, and PLUM-MADE PRODUCTS. You guess you have to adapt to the situations.
You take the mackerel out and pickle it, then you fry it and season it with plum vinegar. You put the results in a plate.
Umineko: Taste the treat
Well, it's not as bad as you expected it. Sometimes people say you're a MAGICAL GOHDA CHEF and it shows, whatever that means. Ok, then let's move forward to more serious bussiness.
Umineko: Go upstairs to your room
We are again where we started. The window is still broken and oh, look, someone is pestering you.
Umineko: Answer Pesterchum
capitolRevolutionist (CR) began pestering goldenEqualizer (GE) at 3:14
CR: Err Umineko? Are you still there?
CR: Dude, or dudess, I don't really know/care, you don't answer
CR: I will call you dude regardless
CR: Is everything ok?
GE: ok, who the fuck told that incompetent dimwit to be my server?
CR: o_o Wut?
GE: *one of you two fuckwads told cc to be my server player* see what i did there?
CR: First of all, he's not an incompetent dimwit
CR: Second, everyone is a valuable team member, and we should cooperate if we want to (survive)
CR: And third, well, it was a democratic decision. It was also decided that you would be my server. Do you have anything against that?
GE: seriously, use the blue, that was one hell of speculation, but lemme break it for you
GE: *cc is an incompetent dimwit and nobody told me shit about him being my server*
CR: Could you seriously limit your Red Truth usage please? And you can't say the second point in red amirite?
CR: u_ú
GE: watch me *cc can die and nothing ha-GAAAAAAH*
GE: *cc is expend-AAAAUGHHH*
GE: fuck, you win this round. still i cant see why cant say it on red
CR: Because everyone is important, and don't you dare say otherwise on red
GE: you dont believe this bullshit and you know it. anyway, im installing this thing. be right back in a second
CR: Okay _u_
CR: By the way, happy birthday! -u-
CR: I send you a present already, hope you like it.
GE: err thanks...
goldenEqualizer (GE) ceased pestering capitolRevolutionist (GE)
Umineko: Install Sfrub
You insert the Sfrub disc on your PC. A window appears detailing the installation time. It will take a while. Why don't you try being someone else for a change?