You don't know how you got here... But you couldn't be happier either way. A date with Markiplier. The Markiplier!
It started as a joke really. Your friends were only kidding when they mentioned how you were single and if he was interested in a date to let you know. You thought he was kidding when he said meet him after the panel. Everyone in the hall laughed and that was the end of it. Later you stop by the booth he is at to get him to sign a t-shirt from one of his charity live steams he did. Then when you realize that he wasn't joking your heart skips a beat. You both choose a near by restaurant in the local area and wait until the panel is over before you go together.
The place is nice. Classy, but not in an intimidating way. It's kinda loud with the mix of conversation from other people and the music in the background. It has a bar with some of the more fancy bottles of alcohol sitting at the top shelf under a blue light. You order your food and the waiter leaves. Markiplier almost seems distracted. He keeps looking back at the window behind you, like he's waiting for someone. You move your head so he has to notice you and he immediately snaps out of it. "Are you okay, Markiplier?", you ask. He smiles. "I'm fine. Please, call me Mark."
Things go smoothly for a while. Surprisingly, you and Mark have a lot in common. He seems to be really interested in you as well, looking at you sweetly as you tell him about yourself. Naturally, the topic of conversation turned to YouTube. At first you were worried that he would think you're a little obsessed, but he doesn't seem to mind. "I love your videos! You are always so funny in them!", you tell Mark. "I'm glad to hear that! Do you have a favorite video?", he asks with a wide smile on his face. You say eagerly, "The ones with Wilford Warfstache. I love him!"
Mark's smile falls the moment you say that. He's quiet; creating an extremely awkward silence between you both. "Might be a good time to change the subject...", you think to yourself. But, before you get the chance to do that Mark is excusing himself to the bathroom bringing his backpack with him. You sigh, looking down at the floor. You never would have guessed that Mark didn't like being Wilford. Though it would make sense that he keeps doing it since everyone loves him so much... Five minutes later and you start to worry that he's stood you up and left you to dry. Wait... He's back! In your moment of relief you almost ignore what he is wearing. The top hat, the stripped jacket, even the pink warfstache!
Oh... Mark wants to be Wilford Warfstache for you! Isn't that sweet!? You almost thought that he was ticked off with you for a second. Actually. That was kind of fast now that you think of it. He changed clothes in five minutes? He was fast! You feel like jumping out of your seat when you see him doing his sensual walk from the bathroom. Hold on? Is he walking past you? "Hey, Wilford!", you yell at him. He stops and turns around. "You don't plan on leaving our date early do you?", you tease jokingly. He comes back to the table. "Hello! My name is Wilford Warfstache!", he says in his iconic accent. "I was starting to think you forgot about me.", you joke. "Oh I would never!", he says. "Wilford Warfstache loves the ladies." He winks at you and orders a bottle of expensive champagne. "I don't want any, but thanks.", you tell him. "No. It's not for you. It's for me!", he says as he grabs the bottle from the waiter. He pops the cork (at an unfortunate elderly woman) and then chugs it all in one go.
The date only gets more awkward after that. Wilford yells at the waiter to get him a new plate of food because the one he had got "as Mark" was not meaty enough. "I love meat! I love meat in my mouth!", he yells. The waiter says that he is being a little too loud, but it only makes things worse. "Wilford Warfstache don't take no shit!", he says before punching the waiter in the mouth. Everyone is staring at you at this point. Grandmas and small children look traumatized by your date's behavior. Needless to say, he gets you both kicked out of the restaurant...
Mark is really in character isn't he? You know that you expressed interest in the fantastic Mr. Warfstache, but this was just getting ridiculous! Was it his way of proving a point or something? You scowl at "Wilford" as he walks along the sidewalk with you. Some date this turned out to be... As if things couldn't get any worse, you hear a man yelling your date's name. It must be the people from the restaurant since you know neither of you paid the check. You know there is no way that you can afford all that alcohol your date downed so you move fast and by how fast he's walking you know he can't pay either.
"You MONSTER!", the man yells behind you. Turning around you see a man in a dirty blue bath robe. His eyes look like he hasn't gotten sleep in days and his face looks like it hasn't been washed or shaved in weeks. You wonder at first if you are the object of his anger, until he points a wedding ring clad finger at Mark. "You are a MURDERER!", he yells. What is he going on about?
"You slept with my wife!", he screams. "I thought that I killed both of you! How are you still alive?!" Mark doesn't answer. All of the color leaves his face as the man pulls out a pistol. "Well it doesn't matter anyway! I'm going to finish you off one and for all, WILFORD!""Hey now! Take it easy!", you say with your hands in front of you. "Wilford Warfstache is just a character! Mark didn't do anything I'm sure!", say as you look to Mark. "Yeah! I'm just Markiplier! Good old Markimoo!", he says.
The man looks like he believes you both. He lowers his gun and you feel like you can give a sigh of relief. Until another scream comes from the distance. "I can't believe you!", Mark screams at the top of his lungs. You feel like a brick hit you in the head as you see Markiplier running down the sidewalk. "I was stuck in that bathroom for two hours! Tied and gagged with my own socks! I had to free my legs with a urinal cake! A USED ONE!" You can see the rope still attached to his hands. His shoes and socks are gone and he has tape sticking to the side of his mouth.
"You'll never catch me alive!" Warfstache throws a smoke bomb down. The man in the robe runs into the smoke. Markiplier follows suit, yelling obscenities at Wilford. He shoves at you as he looks for Wilford. The smoke clears and Wilford is gone, only his top hat remains and sits on the sidewalk. "DAMN YOU WARFSTACHE! DAMN YOU!", the man in the robe yells. Later on, Mark apologizes for what happened. He says that Wilford has been running around for years sleeping with wives and punching waiters. When you asked why he tied him and left him in the bathroom Mark said that Wilford stole his credit card and planned on going to Canada after the man caught him in an affair with his wife.
You say that it's okay and that you hope to maybe have another date with him some other time. But before he can answer, a largo dildo hits Mark in the face. Looking up you see dildos raining from the sky. Big dildos, little dildos, butt dildos! The dildos rained down like rain. You leave before things can get any weirder. (As if that could be possible)
So you go home. After a night of champagne drinking and waiter punching you are tired out. As you fall to sleep you think, about how it was the best date ever.