Prologue
We submit the following statements as truth… 'Ignorance' is defined not as stupidity, but as lack of knowledge. Lack of knowledge inevitably leads to lack of understanding. This lack of understanding, leads to disconnect among people. Disconnection among people with differences, leads to conflict. Knowledge is the only logical solution to the problem of conflict. Therefore, we propose that in order to eliminate conflict, we must eliminate disconnect among those with differences, by correcting the lack of understanding that arises from ignorance with knowledge. I was Erudite.
Chapter 1:
Jack wanders around the kitchen in his dress pants, blue sweater, and white button down. He does this whenever he's anxious. He paces and talks quickly and constantly runs his fingers through his dark brown hair. This could be one of the last times I see him, at least for a few months. It is quite likely that my twin brother and I will soon be separated. Even though we are siblings, we want different things in life. I will decide the rest of my life and Jack will choose his. I will miss my family of course, but after the Choosing Ceremony, they will be nothing more than the past.
"Morning children!" My father strolls into the kitchen, with his fingers still adjusting the navy tie around his neck. He must've given Jack his warm and messy brown hair. Not to mention the expression they both get when trying to argue. My mother calls it the 'Lana pout.' It's crazy how similar my father and brother are.
"Morning." I murmur. It suddenly dawns on me that I will only say good morning to my father once more after today. I want to run over to him, like when I was little, and curl up in his lap. But I can't do that anymore. I am supposed to be an adult.
"Jack, please take a seat, you're giving me anxiety." My mother passes the pacing boy, heading toward the toaster.
"I already have anxiety." He mutters and flops into the seat across from mine, his eyes distant and obviously worried.
"Why?" Our father looks up from his tie and scoots closer to the table, as our mother sets down a cup of coffee for him. "Jack, this is nothing to be worried about. I passed it easily."
"You are required to say things like that. That's what parents are expected to do." He rolls his eyes and reaches for a slice of toast from the plate our mother just set in the center of the table.
My hand gets to the piece before he can, and I snatch it. "Dad's right. Stop worrying. Worse case scenario, your results say Amity." I smirk. "But you can still choose any faction you want. The results are just recommendations."
Jack frowns and our father starts to nod. "She's right. You should listen to her more often."
"I'm always right." I roll my eyes and watch as my mother sinks into the seat next to mine. Her dark hair is the same shade of mine. And people say we have the same nose, which puckers up cutely when we laugh. I don't get to see my mother laugh much anymore, but when she does, I can faintly see the resemblance people gossip about. People also say how beautiful I am. They compliment the length of my legs and the dark color of my eyes. They mention my lean figure, the light complexion of my skin and my perfectly shaped eyebrows.
"Do not be cocky." Our mother grins and takes a sip of her coffee. "It's not very ladylike."
"She's never ladylike." Jack says as he butters his slice of toast. "That's obviously why she's never had any boys over. None of them like her."
My light cheeks go pink, because I know he's right. I may be beautiful to strangers, but I'm not the most mannerly girl around. His comment still hurts though.
"Alright, Jack." My father sighs and scratches the side of his chin angrily. "We all understand that you're nervous, but the rest of us don't need to suffer. Can we be civilized please?"
"Jack, please apologize." Our mother clears her throat at the other end of the table and raises an eyebrow.
"Sorry." He mumbles, still staring down at his plate.
The bus ride is nearly silent, except for the murmurings of the gray Abnegation members, who offer their seats to the boarding passengers. My eyes follow the buildings above us, as the bus jostles over bumps in the road and my shoulder repeatedly bumps Jack's. At one point he shoves me away hard, but I hardly notice him. My eyes are focused on the train tracks. Some of them are elevated and some of them are level with the few cars on the streets. I don't know why, but as the bus momentarily drives parallel to one of the trains, my heart skips a few beats. I've always been curious with them and the faction they belong to. These trains belong to the Dauntless.
The bus stops at a tall building, made so similarly to the others in the city. Jack gets up first and swiftly yanks me to a standing position. "Sorry." I murmur to someone I bump into, as I run down the bus aisle after Jack.
A light but steady rain falls, so we both jog up the stairs to the front door of the school. Once we're inside, I run my fingers through my long dark hair, making sure I look semi presentable for today. Then before Jack walks toward his classroom, he turns back to me and smirks. "Don't choke."
"Wasn't playing on it. Good luck, Jack." Something between a laugh and a nervous babbling noise escapes my lips, as he starts toward his science class. I let him walk on for a few seconds, before heading down the same hallway to my math class.
Today the halls are more crowded than usual. Kids yell and call for their friends. Others run, but I'm striding down the hallway, looking for my best friend. She's usually waiting for me by the door of our math class.
"Blaire!" She yells, jumping directly into my path and jamming her fingers into my sides. A shrill shriek spills from my mouth and immediately my fingers go to cover the sound.
"Bailey, you're an idiot!" I gasp and lean against the wall, glaring at her.
"You're the idiot!" She mutters and grabs my wrist, so that I have no choice but to follow her as she runs to the window at the end of the hallway. "We're going to miss them…" Bailey shoves some of the kids our age aside. Some of them are wearing blue; the ones in gray step back for us immediately.
The ones in blue start to argue when Bailey pushes, but I sneak under their flailing arms and find myself with the best view. My palms press against the glass as a train whizzes by, not slowing down an ounce. The whistle sounds and the iron tracks squeal, as the train hurtles on. One by one bodies cloaked all in black jump from the moving train. Some of the younger kids giggle around me as they watch, but I remain silent. My heart palpitates excitedly. I cannot imagine the thrill created by jumping out of a moving train. It must take a vast amount of bravery to do something like that. "I can't wait." I say quietly, once Bailey is finally leaning against the window with me.
"You sure, you're ready for it? There's no going back, sweetheart." Bailey raises an eyebrow, while biting down on her thin bottom lip. "Are you sure this is really what you want?"
"I'm one hundred and fifty percent sure." My head nods slowly, as I stare at her. "Besides, if my parents don't already suspect it, they don't know me very well."
Chapter 2:
After lunch, we remain in the cafeteria. Every sixteen-year-old piles into this room and sits at one of the long tables. Bailey sits across from me, as we play a counting game with our fingers. Jack watches us, occasionally telling Bailey how to beat me, which is irritating. I hate when he does things like that. Jack has always been very advanced in math and science, which I guess gives him the authority to be a know it all.
Thirty minutes go by and I'm tired of playing the finger game, so I turn to face the door. Every couple of minutes, a man comes out and calls ten names at a time. Those kids then stand up and make their way to ten different rooms for their Aptitude Test. I wonder what it's like? My father said you couldn't prepare for this test even if you tried, because the test needs to know how you'll react in unexpected situations. Apparently, your reactions in a random situation show all of your inner traits.
All around us, the kids in the cafeteria remain in their faction groups. My eyes fall over each person, and I wonder if in two days, they'll be sitting in the same group. Most of the Abnegation will probably stay in their faction, because once you're entirely selfless, it's hard to be anything else. The Erudite and Candor kids will probably have the greatest amount of faction transfers. Erudite requires knowledge, and unfortunately, not everyone is book smart. Candors are the honest ones, who always speak their mind. I know my father wants both Jack and I to stay in Erudite, but if anything, I want Jack to be happy. He's so smart, but he could make it in any faction. And I'll miss him, but he knows where he belongs. Just like I know where I belong.
The Abnegation volunteer opens the door again and looks at his clipboard. He calls two more pairs of kids from each faction. Two from Erudite, Dauntless, Amity, Abnegation, and Candor. For Erudite, he calls Blaire and Jack Lana. My heart momentarily freezes and I shoot Bailey a nervous glance, before climbing to a standing position. The room is silent and every eye is on the ten of us. Trying to appear calm, I stride confidently after Jack, and past the Candor table. There are a few whistles and then laughs coming from both the Candor and the Dauntless table. I want to turn around and punch them all in the face, but I don't.
The man stops me at the door and points to the third room across the hall. I nod slightly and step forward, smiling at my brother as he goes the opposite way. My smile fades immediately, as my hand grasps the door handle. I feel like I'm going to throw up. These results decide the rest of my life! What if I screw something up?
After a loud exhale, I turn the knob of room seven and walk in silently, making sure to shut the door behind me. A woman with small dark eyes is waiting for me, wearing a black blazer and black jeans. Mirrors line the walls and I finally see that my cheeks are pink. The woman steps closer, and I see that her figure was blocking me from noticing the reclined chair in the center of the bright room. "Come here, sweetheart. Right into the chair, you go."
I nod gently and step toward the chair, my legs almost giving out before I get there. I wiggle around until I'm comfortable and then look back at the woman. "Now what?"
"Eager?" Something between a smile and a smirk creeps over her lips, as she adjusts the headrest for me. The fake leather is cold against my skin and I give a little shiver. I hate going to the doctors, and this chair reminds me of it. "Now just relax. My name is Tori, by the way."
"I don't need to get a needle, do I?" My eyes follow her, as she sits down next to a machine. As she sits, I notice a tattoo on the back of her neck. It's some kind of bird. A hawk maybe?
"Why? Are you afraid of them?" She asks curiously, glancing up at me as she attaches an electrode to her temple. Then she connects a wire to it and walks toward me again.
"I hate them." I mutter, watching her hands nervously. She attaches at least three different wires to me and then to the machine, before handing me a vial of clear liquid.
"Luckily, no needles today. But you have to drink this, unfortunately."
My hands don't move from the armrest. I just stare at her, suddenly struggling to swallow the thick spit that's building up in my throat. "What is it going to do?"
"I can't tell you that. Just get it down." She turns to go back to the machine and I press the vial to my lips, my eyes closing only a few seconds after the liquid is gone. The hawk tattoo is the last thing I see.
My eyes snap open. At first, my surroundings are blurry, but they soften and I realize I'm in the cafeteria again. Except it's not full of chatting and laughing teenagers. The room is completely empty aside from two baskets that stand in front of me. I take a hesitant step closer and notice the contents of the baskets. One basket holds a chunk of white cheese and the other, cradles a perfectly smooth and unused knife.
"Choose." A woman murmurs, from what I'm guessing is behind me. I turn around immediately, my brows buckled.
"What am I going to do with—" I stop. There's no woman there, and that sends shivers down my spine.
"Choose." The calming voice repeats and I turn back around to the baskets, my hand slowly extending to the knife. I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe I was expecting some kind of trap that would catch my hand when I touched the knife, or some kind of buzzer to sound. Instead, the door at the other end of the room opens. I grip the handle of the knife tightly, completely ignoring the fact that the baskets have disappeared.
As I enter the new room, a tall dog steps forward, its back tense and its lips curled over sharp white teeth. It growls and my heart falls to my stomach. Now I understand what the knife is for. I have to kill it. Kill it or it will kill me. He creeps closer again; its sharp nails scraping against the ground. My heart starts to pound, and I remember the neighbor's dog jumping on me when I was little. I hate dogs and this dog is no different.
Preparing myself for what's about to happen, the arm with the knife moves slightly and the black dog leaps forward. I grunt and topple onto my back, the dog thrashing and barking and trying to sink its teeth into my neck. My empty hand finds its way to the heavy dog's neck and I squeeze, trying to push it far enough away from my face, as its jaw snaps repeatedly. Its breath is horrible and warm, and every time the beast continues to bark, drool splashes onto my face. With all of my might, my right hand thrusts up into the dog's stomach. A horrible yelp escapes the dogs throat and it rolls off me, struggling on its side, with the knife still lodged in its stomach. Breathing heavily, I sit up and the cafeteria changes.
I'm standing in the aisle of the bus, much like the one I was on earlier this morning with Jack. All of the seats are taken and I am forced to stand. The man I am facing is reading a newspaper, with his face concealed behind it. Although, his hands are visible, and they are scarred and burned horribly. I feel bad for him.
"Do you know this man?" He taps the picture on the front page of the newspaper. The man in the photo is young and has a scraggly black beard. Above his head, the letters form the word 'murderer.'
"I've never seen him." I say bluntly, gripping the pole next to me for balance as the bus speeds on. "Never even heard of him." Immediately, I regret being that sharp with my response.
He stands, and I can finally see his face. His mouth reminds me of the dog's, because his lips are almost bent into a snarl. He's wearing black sunglasses and his cheeks are covered in scars. The man moves closer and I step back, the smell of cigarettes filling my nostrils. "You're lying." He growls. "Lying."
"I am doing no such thing!" I say angrily.
He grabs my arms, his grip tight. "Yes you are! You're lying!"
"Let go of me!" I snap, stepping back and trying to pry at his fingers. "I don't know him!"
"If you know him, you could save me." He whispers, moving into my face. "You could save me."
"Well, I'm sorry!" I yank my arms from his grasp, my teeth clenched. "I don't know him."
When my eyes open, Tori stands over me, grinning almost evilly. I sit up in the chair, as she removes the electrodes from both of our heads. Droplets of sweat are forming at the base of my neck, as I watch her. I want to know my results. The anticipation and her being silent both drive me crazy. After she organizes the wires, Tori leans against the armrest of the chair and smirks.
"Hard to believe you were raised an Erudite." She raises an eyebrow.
"Why do you say that?" My voice is raspy, so I clear my throat before speaking again. "There's nothing scientific I could have done in that simulation."
"I don't mean it like that." She rolls her dark eyes. "You're Dauntless through and through, sweetheart."
"Really?" My eyes widen happily. "How do you know?"
"Well, the simulation process moves in a linear fashion, isolating one faction and eliminating the rest." She pushes her hands into her pockets. "If you picked the cheese in the first simulation, that would have suggested Amity, but you picked the knife and you didn't run from the dog, which automatically suggests Dauntless. Also, you lied to the man on the bus, which eliminates Candor."
"But I wasn't lying. I've never seen him before. And besides, what about Erudite? Where was its part in the simulation?" I push my body up more and grasp the armrest. I'm feeling kind of weak, so I stay still for a few seconds.
"Well if you know about dogs, you could've done something besides killing it."
"I hate dogs."
She watches me curiously and then opens her mouth again. "Do you want to stay in your faction, Blaire? Technically, the results are just suggestions. You don't have to follow them."
"No." My voice is confident but still soft. I don't want to seem arrogant or selfish for wanting to leave my parents. My family has given me so much through the years. I'm not trying to purposely leave them.
"Well… We sure could use a few girls like you." Tori murmurs, staring at the ground as she speaks. "But I'm not you. You need to make this decision, not me. I suggest you go home now. You have a lot to think about tonight."
There's a knock on the door and Tori clears her throat, before moving over to help me up. "Thanks." I say and smile up at her. As I walk out of the room, I see Jack leaning against a wall, waiting for me. He seems calm and collected, like nothing happened. I'll never understand my brother. He was nervous for the test, but he's not for the Choosing Ceremony.
"You would never tell me your results, would you?" I ask, near silently on the bus. It's not as crowded this morning, but most of the seats are taken.
Jack turns to me, his lips puckered and his eyebrows furrowed. "You know that we're not supposed to tell anyone. You're included in that, Blaire. I'm not even going to tell Mom and Dad."
"Well, fine! I'm not telling you either." Jack rolls his eyes and turns away, as I lean back against the old bus seat and cross my arms. "You'll just have to be surprised tomorrow."
"I can wait." He mutters.
About three hours later, the entire family sits around our kitchen table. Jack made dinner, well, he defrosted some beef stew ten minutes before our parents got home. My spoon guides chunks of potatoes around the plate, as everyone else eats silently. Never before have I eaten at a silent table. Usually everyone is talking about his or her day at work, school, or even the latest news in the faction. My parents have never been ones to withhold important information from us. For some reason, not many parents talk to their children about political problems anymore. I have to tell Bailey about most of the things that go on in and out of the faction.
"How did your tests go?" My father asks quietly, looking up as he chews his food. His eyes catch mine first and I shrug lazily.
"Fine. It wasn't what I expected."
"The results?" He sets down his fork and then pushes his glasses further up the bridge of his nose.
"No. I meant the actual test. I was not expecting the test to be the way it was."
"Oh." He nods and then glances at my brother, before taking another bite of stew. "And you, Jack? How was it?"
"Excellent." Jack nods, as he shovels food into his mouth.
"My babies." Our mother looks up from her plate, with tears in her eyes and her lips curled into a faint smile. "I love you both so much. And I don't care what path you choose tomorrow, your father and I will always love you."
"Cécile, you explained that horribly!" Our father sighs, smirking a bit. He turns to us. "We'd prefer you both stay here, because you both are amazingly intelligent individuals—"
"But we'll still love you no matter what." Our mother interrupts, giving him a sharp look. She reaches for one of my hands and one of Jack's. "Just promise me you'll both try your hardest in life? If you do, any faction will be lucky to have either of you!"
My head bobbles on top of my neck awkwardly. It was suppose to resemble a nod, but I doubt anyone understands why my head was just moving so oddly. My mother is so close to tears that her perfectly shaped lips quiver, and that makes me want to cry. I see so much of myself in my mother and I cannot bare the thought of leaving her. I am hardly an adult! I turned sixteen two months ago and tomorrow I am out of the house that I spent my entire childhood in. I cannot scare myself into staying here forever. I am strong. Tori was right and so is Bailey. I belong in Dauntless. And there's no going back now.
Everyone is upstairs and in their beds. Our house is completely silent and the rooms are all dark. I appreciate the calmness of my room at night. When the lights are off and everything is still, with my body snuggled under the covers, nothing can hurt me, not even the sorrow of leaving this bed for the last time tomorrow morning. I am strong. I can do this. I've been waiting three years for this.
A low creak fills my ears and my eyes find the door slightly cracked open. My mother is standing there in her nightgown, looking at me curiously. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." She whispers, stepping further into my room and shutting the door behind her.
"You didn't. I've been awake for a few hours."
She sinks onto the mattress slowly and rubs my exposed shoulder. "Thinking?"
"Sort of." I nod, biting down on my bottom lip. "I already know what faction I'm choosing. I'm just thinking about what you and dad will do after I leave." I say quietly, looking up at her.
My mother smiles and shakes her head. "Please, do not worry about your father and I, Blaire. We have our jobs, my sister, and two perfect children. Nothing will change that. Not even you transferring to another faction."
"I just… I feel bad for leaving." A long sigh escapes my lips, as I close my eyes.
My mother sighs as well and pulls my covers up, covering my shoulders. In that moment, I realized she would never do that again. My mother has tucked me in for sixteen years. "I promise you, I will be there on Visiting Day. And although you father won't be pleased, he'll be there too."
"I love you, Mom." I murmur, opening my eyes again and staring up at her.
Her chin wobbles a few times, before leaning down to kiss my forehead. "I love you too, sweetheart. I love you so much. You are so strong. They will be lucky to have you." She smiles, almost as if she knows and then stands up, swiftly leaving the room. Even after she's gone, I continue staring at the door. For some reason, I cannot tell if I'm dreaming or really awake.
Chapter 3
The next morning, we all sit silently in the family car, as my father drives. My parents only use the car for their trips to work. I've probably only been in this car three times. I'm not a fan of it, because we're packed into such a small area. I have always gotten claustrophobic quite easily. Next to me, Jack stares out the window, occasionally wiping his palms on his khaki pants. He must be nervous. In the front of the car, my parents hold hands over the center console. Such a little display of affection makes me smile, but there's also a pang of bitterness within me. Besides family, I have never held someone's hand before.
My father parks at the back of the Hub and we all hop out of the car, my eyes toward the sky. The Hub is the tallest building in the city. In fact, it is so tall that clouds usually prohibit people from seeing the last two floors. I remember my father telling Jack and I how the Hub used to be a grand building, used by many different companies. But since everything changed, the five factions are the only ones who occupy it.
Families wearing all different colors walk toward the entrance of the Hub. Amity families wear red and yellow, Abnegation wear gray, Candor are wearing black and white, Dauntless are of course covered in black, and Erudite wear blue. I'm wearing a navy sweater that's pushed up to my elbows, jeans, brown lace up boots, my reading glasses and my long hair is pulled back into a ponytail. I actually don't know what motivated me to wear my glasses, but I am. We all jostle into the lobby and then make our way over to the elevators, where people pack themselves into the already cramped area. My father steps in and I grab his elbow, making him glance back at me angrily.
"Please wait for the next one."
He shakes his head and steps inside, pulling me in after him. "We don't want to be late. The next elevator could take fifteen minutes."
My mother and Jack squeeze in with us, and the doors slide shut. My heart races as the elevator begins to rise. What if the elevator were to get stuck? There's about twelve of us in this small space. Due to lack of fresh air, I would most likely die in a little over an hour. When the doors open again, I breathe out and step off immediately. Jack steps off too and hugs his arms around my neck, giving me a warm embrace. I smile and hug him back, finally realizing he will not be coming with me. My own twin. My other half lets go of my neck and makes his way into the room across the hall. This is the room where I will choose the rest of my life.
The room is arranged in concentric circles. On the edges stand the sixteen-year-olds of the different factions. We are not yet considered members. Our decisions today will make us initiates, and we will become members if we complete initiation. They ask for us to be in alphabetical order so I stand between Jack and Brett Kurtz, a Candor boy who smirks and looks me up and down, before getting into the line. Rows of chairs for our families make up the next circle. They are arranged in five sections, according to faction. Not everyone comes to the Choosing Ceremony, but enough of them come that the crowd looks huge and overwhelming.
The responsibility to conduct the ceremony rotates from faction to faction each year, and this year is the Dauntless'. Max, their leader, will give the opening address and read the names in reverse alphabetical order. Jack will choose before me.
In the last circle are five metal bowls so large they could hold a small body. Each one contains a substance that represents each faction: gray stones for Abnegation, water for Erudite, earth for Amity, lit coals for Dauntless, and glass for Candor. When Max calls my name, I will walk to the center of the three circles. I will not speak, but walk confidently toward him. He will then offer me a knife and I will cut my hand, before sprinkling my blood into the bowl of the faction I choose.
My parents follow us to our spot in line, before the ceremony begins. My father leans down and kisses my forehead, before holding each side of my face and tilting my head up. "I love you, Blaire. With all my heart." When my father smiles, two dimples form over his cheeks. He's younger than Bailey's dad. He's actually younger than most of the sixteen-year-olds' fathers. His rich brown hair and strong jaw would be striking to almost any female. But my mother and father make a great pair. He then turns and claps Jack on the back, grinning. "See you both soon."
My mother then moves forward, cradling my face in her hands. I try to smile, but I'm afraid I will cry, so I sink my teeth into the inside of my cheek instead. "Remember what I said." She smiles, her lips quivering again. "No matter what." As soon as she says that, I'm sure that I wasn't dreaming last night. She came into my room and tucked me in one last time.
The room slowly comes to order and I look around at everyone else. I try to skim the line for Bailey, but she is in the very front somewhere, so I will just have to wait. My eyes then move toward the group of Dauntless, but it is so dark that I can hardly make out any of their faces.
Max stands at the podium, his dark skin appearing eerie against the blue light from lanterns that hang from the ceiling. He clears his throat into the microphone, as he readies himself to recite the same speech from previous years. "Welcome." He says. "Welcome to another Choosing Ceremony. Welcome to the day we honor the democratic philosophy of our ancestors, which tells us that every man has the right to chose his own way in this world." He pauses for a few seconds. "Our dependents are now sixteen. They stand on the precipice of adulthood, and it is now up to them to decide what kind of people they really are." Max clears his throat again. "Decades ago our ancestors realized that it is not political ideology, religious belief, race, or nationalism that is to blame for a warring world. Rather, they determined that is was the fault of human personality—of humankind's inclination toward evil, in whatever form that is. They divided into factions that sought to eradicate those qualities they believed responsible for the world's disarray."
My eyes move to the flaming bowl in the center of the room. It is the bowl I want. The faction I am destined to be a member of. Dauntless.
"Those who blamed aggression formed Amity… Those who blamed ignorance became the Erudite… Those who blamed duplicity created Candor… Those who blamed selfishness made Abnegation… And those who blamed cowardice were the Dauntless."
My heart goes fuzzy when I hear him speak the name. Max will be my new leader. The person I am supposed to worship, instead of Jeanine Matthews. I want to spill my blood for Dauntless now. I want to, I want to. The motto they preach to us in Faction History. Faction before blood. More than family, our factions are where we belong. I belong in Dauntless.
"Working together, these five factions have lived in peace for many years, each contributing to a different sector of society. Abnegation has fulfilled our need for selfless leaders in government; Candor has provided us with trustworthy and sound leaders in law; Erudite has supplied us with intelligent teachers and researchers; Amity has given us understanding counselors and caretakers; and Dauntless provides us with protection from threats both within and without. But the reach of each faction is not limited to these areas. We give one another far more than can be adequately summarized. In our factions, we find meaning, we find purpose, we find life. Apart from them, we would not survive."
The silence that follows his words is heavier than other silences. It is heavy with our worst fear, greater even than the fear of death. The fear of being factionless.
Max continues. "Therefore this day marks a happy occasion—the day on which we receive our new initiates, who will work with us toward a better society and a better world."
There is a round of applause, but my hearing is muffled. Instead, I am still focused on the flames radiating from the coals in the Dauntless bowl. Max reads the first names and I recognize them. They are all kids I've gone to school with since I was six. And now, I watch as they choose the rest of their lives. Droplets of blood fall into each bowl and then the new member moves toward the faction's group of seats. The room is constantly moving, a new name and a new person choosing, a new knife and a new choice.
The first faction transfer comes from a little blonde girl named Emalia Roads, who was originally from Abnegation. Her long blonde hair trails behind her as she walks calmly out of the line and up to Max, who hands her the knife. She breathes deeply and accepts the knife from him. Then she drags it across her palm with a jerk and holds her arm out, her lips quivering with pain. The droplets of blood fall onto the bowl of earth and immediate murmurs erupt from the Abnegation section.
From now on they will see this perfect little girl as a traitor. Her family will have the option of visiting her in the new faction on Visiting Day, but they most likely will not, because she left them. Her absence will haunt their hallways, and she will be a space they can't fill. Humans cannot tolerate emptiness for long. I'm going to be just like this girl. I will leave my faction and I will become a traitor to my family.
"Jack Lana." Max mutters into the microphone.
Jack's hand brushes over my arm one last time, and then without looking at me, he walks away. I can feel tears rising in my eyes as we separate. My twin brother. He was my partner in crime, the only boy I could tell everything. It suddenly feels like someone has punched through my chest and ripped out my heart. There's an urge to run after him and never let him go. But I cannot do that. I have to stay strong. Jack's feet move toward the center of the room, and his hands, steady as they accept the knife from Max, are precise as one presses the knife into the other. Then he stands with blood pooling in his palm, his jaw clenched apprehensively.
He breathes out and then in. And then holds his hand over the Erudite bowl. His blood drips into the water, turning it a deeper shade of red. For some reason, my body goes numb. I will be the only transfer in our family. Soon my father will be considering Jack his only child, because I am a traitor. But my mother said everything would be okay. She will love me no matter what faction I choose.
"Blaire Lana." Max's voice is the only thing I hear. I step out of the line and force myself forward. My feet hit the ground hard, as I stride confidently toward Max. My eyes catch Jack's and his face is pale, he's never seen me so determined. Jack knows I'm not coming back. I have to think of myself, my future.
Max offers me a knife. I look up into his dark eyes, before unfalteringly taking the knife. He nods and watches as I drag the blade across my left palm. It stings but I barely notice. I look in my parent's direction one last time, before thrusting my arm in front of my body and listening to my blood sizzle on the coals. There are mutters that lift into outraged cries, as I stand behind the Dauntless-born initiates who have chosen their own faction. A smirk stretches across my lips, as the Erudite section continues to whisper to each other. They whisper about me. I am a now a traitor to them, and I didn't know that could be so freeing.
"Quiet, please." Max sighs and glances at the Erudite section. The Dauntless boys in front are taller than me, so I have to stand on my tippy toes to see the rest of the people choose. Bailey is the last girl to choose and she spills her blood over the Dauntless bowl. I don't feel so alone anymore. My best friend causes another stir in the Erudite section. This time it's her family that appears petrified.
The Dauntless exit first. I walk past Abnegation and then the blue-clothed men and woman who where my faction. My eyes scan the crowd at the last second before I pass, and immediately I wish I hadn't. My father's jaw is dropped incredulously. His only daughter is leaving with the Dauntless. They are very different than the faction I came in with. I search the same crowd for Jack, but the people behind press forward, away from my family.
The crowd of Dauntless leading us go to the stairs instead of the elevators. I've never used these stairs. Everyone starts running and I hear whoops and laughter all around me, dozens of thundering feet moving at different rhythms. There are a few annoyed murmurs from behind me and then I hear her. "MOVE! You run so slow!" Then there's a hand on my wrist and I squeal, hugging her awkwardly as we continue to run.
"I'm so glad you transferred, Bails…" I giggle, still jogging behind the concerned looking boys in front of us.
"Are you kidding? I had to. You looked so damn cool when you walked up to Max!" She trots alongside me and then ties her wavy blonde hair into a ponytail, as I laugh. She's right. I might've overdone the whole determined thing.
"What the hell is going on?" The blonde boy next to us shouts.
Bailey and I just laugh up at him and run faster, racing past the other Dauntless. We continue running, going from floor to floor, and sometimes bumping into the older members. When we reach the first floor, we burst through the exit. The crisp air is fresh on my face.
The Dauntless sprawl across the street, blocking the two cars on the road, and we continue to sprint. We make it to the front of the pack, behind the two older Dauntless, when Bailey's breathing becomes shallow. I nudge her, smiling faintly. "Almost there." She nods and bites down on her bottom lip, making me nervous. Bailey has had asthma since she was little and running this far is probably hard on her lungs. But she's okay. Her parents believed that she grew out of it. The pack in front of us turns a corner just as the familiar sound of a train horn fills the crisp air. It's a good thing I've watched the Dauntless get on and off the train a countless amount of times.
The crowd of us spread out in a long ling, still running carefully. The train glides toward us on steel rails, its light flashing, its horn blaring. The door of each car is open, waiting for the Dauntless to pile in, and they do, group by group, until only the new initiates are left. The Dauntless-born initiates are used to doing this by now, but then again Bailey and I have probably watched as many times as they have actually jumped, and we don't want to be stuck with the nervous faction transfers.
I side step a few times, pulling on Bailey's wrist and we take a jogging start. Then with all of my might, I leap toward the train, my hands latching onto a metal bar and my body continuing to fall forward. I try to catch my balance, but I stumble forward and knock heads with someone. He grunts and grabs my shoulders, keeping my body at a distance from his. I recognize him immediately. He's one of the boy's from Candor who whistled at me yesterday, before my Aptitude Test. "Watch yourself." He smirks and slowly looks me up and down. "Erudite, huh?"
"Yes, how'd you come up with that? My glasses or the blue sweater?" I cross my arms over my chest, staring up at him.
He does the same and glowers down at me, his dark green eyes sharp. "Just wondering, sweetheart. No need to get defensive."
"Sweetheart?" Bailey comes up behind me, resting her arm on my shoulders and laughing. "Already making friends?"
"Hardly." I mutter and start to turn away from the boy with the green eyes.
"Aw, don't be like that." He chuckles and leans against the wall of the train, some of the other initiates watching us now. "What're your names?"
"I'm Bailey Adams." She smiles proudly. "And this happy little girl is Blaire Lana."
"Blaire Lana?" One of his friends repeats, as he steps forward. I recognize him as well. He has messy brown hair and freckles. Actually, he's very attractive and I think Bailey realizes that as well, because she's staring.
"Yeah, why? Did I stutter?" She giggles.
"No. I was just going to say she caused quite a stir." He scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. "Your brother didn't transfer, did he?"
I shake my head slowly, my heart breaking into a million pieces again. I wonder what Jack is doing right now? Is he in the headquarters yet? I wonder what his initiation tests will be like? "Yeah, he stayed."
"They're jumping off!" Someone yells from another cart. Bailey pulls her hair to one side and clears her throat. A long sigh escapes my lips, before I lift my head and stand up. At first, my legs are stiff. We've been sitting almost silently for the past twenty minutes, listening to the roaring wind and the city smear past us. Although now, the train has slowed down, and the boy who shouted is right; the Dauntless in the cars ahead of us are jumping out as the train passes a rooftop. The tracks we are on are seven stories up.
The idea of leaping out of a moving train onto a rooftop, knowing there is a gap between the edge of the roof and the edge of the track, should make me nauseous. But I'm not. My heart is racing and Bailey is pulling me toward the car door. The Candor boy with the messy hair sticks his head out of the window and gives a panicked chuckle.
"This is insane! We'll never make it!"
"This is what we signed up for." Bailey smirks and reaches down, intertwining her fingers with mine. I nod and we both turn our heads to watch as the roof barrels closer.
"On three, Bails."
She exhales loudly and squeezes my hand so hard I'm afraid it'll break. "One…two…three…"
And for a few seconds, I'm flying. The air feels good against my cheeks and blows my ponytail out behind me. And then I hit the solid ground hard and there's pain. My eyes open slowly and I let go of Bailey's hand, realizing I'm kneeling on the rooftop. There are a few giggles next to me and I turn to my left, looking down at Bailey, who's lying on her back and cracking up. "Having fun yet?" I mutter sarcastically.
"Heaps!" She smiles.
"Need help up?" The two Candor boys are suddenly standing above us. The one with the dark green eyes holds a hand out for me and I nod.
I grasp his hand and pull myself up, ignoring Bailey as she laughs with the other boy. She may be in it for the social aspect, but I'm in it to work. I'm not here for a boyfriend. These boys may think I'm all smiles and small muscles, but I'll do anything it takes to become a Dauntless member. I am stronger than they think. I am brave.
My eyes scan the rooftop and I see a group of initiates all crowded around the edge, with one girl in a red shirt on her knees and sobbing. Someone must've fallen, but I can't afford to think about that. I can never let them see me cry. That is how things work here. They do dangerous things and people die. People die and then we move on to the next dangerous thing.
"Listen up! For those of you who don't already know, my name is Max! I am one of the leaders of your new faction." The man who spoke at the ceremony shouts from the other end of the roof. In the natural lighting, I can tell he is older than any of the others. He has deep creases in his dark skin and gray hair around his temples, and he stands on the ledge like it's a sidewalk. "Several stories below is the members' entrance to our compound. If you can't muster the will to jump off, you don't belong here. Our initiates have the privilege of going first."
The small group of initiates are completely silent, some of them staring at Max with dropped jaws. Some of them step back, while others quickly look away, hoping he won't pick someone to go first. But I want to jump first, and I don't think anyone else here has enough courage to be the first.
"Staring at him isn't going to solve your problems." Smirking, I push through two Candor girls and stride toward Max, leaving Bailey with the boys from our train cart.
"True." Max looks amused, as I step forward. He must remember me from the ceremony.
"What's below it if I go?" My voice is quiet, but still strong.
"Who knows?" He raises an eyebrow and steps aside for me.
"Don't do it!" A black girl in a blue dress shouts. She's obviously from Erudite, but I can't seem to remember her.
"Why not?" A scoff erupts from my throat. "They're not going to purposely kill all of the initiates. It's just the scare tactic." My feet continue toward the edge of the building and finally, I look down. For all I know, there is no bottom. I mean, I don't see one now. All there is, is black. The wind blows, fluttering the back of my ponytail and making me smile. It's a good thing I'm not afraid of heights.
"If you're so tough, jump already!" Someone yells.
"Not so brave now, huh?"
I swallow the thick spit in the back of my throat one more time, taking in the small amount of visible things beneath me, and then turn around so that I face them. I push my glasses further up my nose and exhale slowly.
"I knew she wouldn't do it." A girl laughs.
But instead of taking my time to think of a comeback, I simply relax my body and fall backwards off the ledge.
At first there's gasps, but then the air howls in my ears and the sky becomes harder and harder for me to see. My heart pounds so hard it hurts, every muscle in my body is tense, as I'm consumed by the darkness.
I hit something hard. It gives way beneath me and cradles my body. I lie still for a few moments, as my heart struggles to slow itself. Then I sit up and look around. A few people are crowded around the net, their hands stretching out to me. A girl smiles and easily pulls me off the net. "Congratulations on being the first to jump." She smirks and raises her right eyebrow, which has three silver rings through it.
"Um, thanks." My voice is still weak after just jumping from the roof. The adrenaline has suddenly left my hands shaky.
"Aw, poor thing. She's shaking." A boy maybe a year older than me chuckles quietly and stands next to her. He has a strong jaw and his dark blue eyes are so deep-set that his eyelashes touch the skin under his eyebrows. He is uniquely attractive.
"Most of them shake, Four. You did too."
"Did not." He smirks playfully at her and my eyebrow buckle. Four? Is that his real name?
"What's your name?" Lauren rolls her eyes and looks away from Four.
"Blaire." I clear my throat and tuck a fallen piece of hair behind my ear.
The boy—Four—looks over his shoulder and shouts. "First jumper—Blaire!"
A crowd materializes from the darkness, as my eyes adjust. They cheer and pump their fists, and then another person drops into the net. The Candor boy with green eyes. He grunts on impact and breathes out loudly and sits up, forcing more cheers out of the crowd. The Lauren girl turns away from the net and winks at me. "Welcome to Dauntless."