Disclaimer: From Eroica With Love belongs to Yasuko Aoike. I'm just having fun with the boys.
Author's Notes: I was just Googling smoking and its effects when I came across something interesting. I hope something like this hasn't been written before. Many thanks to innervoicechan for the beta and critique.
GOVERNMENT WARNING
There was a package on his desk when he stepped into his office.
Klaus picked up the thing and removed the brown paper that had been used to wrap it. A medical textbook was uncovered. He blinked a few times before he saw the card with a single fancy letter G printed on it. He dumped the book in the garbage can.
The next time he and his men worked with the flamboyant blond, Dorian asked him if he had received his gift.
"I threw it away," Klaus snapped and continued smoking his cigarette.
The Earl frowned. "Smoking is bad for you, you know."
The Major was not in the mood to be lectured about his health. "You smoke too, you bloody wanker!"
"I've quit," the Earl said. He shuddered visibly. "The effects are horrible."
Klaus ignored him and shouted at his men. "How long is it going to take you idiots to find that damn envelope?"
xxx
Klaus cursed whoever thought of e-mailing him the mission details—didn't they know how easily someone could steal them online?—and made a mental note to ship the idiot who thought of sending the details over the Internet to Alaska. He clicked his inbox and saw that there were two unread messages. One had the subject "Mission details" and the next one had the subject "Cigarette smoking." It was from the Earl.
He deleted the latter without opening it and modified his spam filter's settings to include everything that came from Dorian.
xxx
The next time Klaus entered his office, a pamphlet was spread open and tacked to his desk. He was about to rip it off, crumple it, and throw it away when a highlighted "erectile dysfunction" caught his eye.
"That damned degenerate!" he thundered. Then he managed to process the entire sentence.
For men in their 30s and 40s, smoking increases the risk of erectile dysfunction (ED) by about 50 per cent.
xxx
The next time Klaus was on a mission with Dorian, he found a pack of nicotine gum in his back pocket.
The Earl was watching him out of the corner of his eye, obviously readying himself to duck in case the German decided to throw the gum at his head. After a moment of indecision, Klaus opened the pack and took out a stick and chewed it.
He was a healthy German male. Every part of his body should be able to function properly. Even that.