The Emotions of Saito Hajime
"Vice Commander!" Saito called from behind the closed doors to Hijikata's room.
"Yes, Saito. Come in." Hijikata answered, still very much focused on his work.
Saito entered then and put himself in a position ready to give his daily report to the Vice Commander, and as he spoke, Hijikata patiently listened to him as he always did, hearing the status of the patrols, soldiers in the Shinsengumi and any other matters that were relevant to the group.
"…Finally, Vice Commander, you have some Ishida Powder here, don't you? Unfortunately, I seem to have caught a headache and I need some medicine."
"Yes, Saito. There should be some in the drawer over there. Help yourself, I have to finish writing these documents now." Hijikata responded, guessing what Saito would ask next.
"Thank you." Saito nodded.
Not intending to delay taking the medicine any longer, he went straight to the drawer to retrieve the Ishida powder. "Vice Commander, there is a different packaging of medicine in this box, they are all the same right? Only Ishida powder is stored here?"
"Yes." Hijikata answered without much thought to his answer as he was already absorbed in his writing.
Now with the go ahead, Saito consumed the first packet of the medicine he laid eyes on, it had an odd and horrible taste, but he was sure that it would be effective.
"Thank you, Vice Commander. I shall be going now."
"Hm, okay, Saito. Wait! Saito, hang on a second." Hijikata paused as he recalled a gift that he had received a few days ago from a fellow medicine pedlar and had stored it along side his own stock of powder.
"What packet of medicine did you take?" Hijikata had a bad feeling about what the reply would be, but at least he would be able to warn the other of the effects it may or may not have.
"It was the one on the top of the pile with an odd pattern on the packaging." Saito replies wondering why the Vice Commander would ask such a question. It became clear from the sigh the Vice Commander let out, that his answer wasn't the answer that he was hoping for.
"Saito…" Hijikata sighed. "That wasn't Ishida Powder…but rather something else."
"What do you mean Vice Commander?" Saito asked, slightly unsettled now and curious as to what he was on about.
"Ah, well, a few days ago I received a medicine packet from a medicine pedlar, like myself, however they said it wasn't a medicine to cure illness but something else and so therefore they suggested reading the instructions beforehand. I kept hold of it out of interest to what it was, and I don't believe it to be a harmful drug, but perhaps you might want to look at it yourself." Hijikata explains.
"Very well then." Saito nodded, trusting the Vice Commander's words. As instructed, Saito fetched the piece of paper which he had left in the box before, assuming before it was for something else, and started to read what effects this powder that he had taken had. As he read the label, his face turned into a frown. It didn't seem like this would bode well for him. He could tell what was written down just spelled trouble and he wished that his headache had never had happened, or that he had taken this drug, although his headache was now gone.
"Vice Commander! What is the meaning of this?! A powder which makes a person's emotions heighted? What sort of drug is this?" Saito demanded, wanting an answer from the Vice Commander. Just what had he eaten? What would this do to him? "It says that while this drug is in effect it will make any emotions of that person appear openly and the change in emotions could happen at any time."
"Calm down, Saito." Hijikata urged, somewhat startled by Saito's sudden outburst. "The effects will wear down by the end of the day, I'm sure."
"They better had, Vice Commander." Saito replied icily. "What possessed you to accept such a gift anyway?"
"Look here, Saito." Hijikata started, feeling the cold stare from the other and needing to calm him down. "No need to get upset."
"But there is! This could effect my work!" Saito points out, now raising his voice.
"This shouldn't last longer than today, you should be fine until then and keep your emotions under wrap right, Saito?"
"How do you know that though, Vice Commander? This is a drug which exposes emotions!"
"Saito! Calm down!" Hijikata barked, more for Saito's sake than his own. "You're better than this aren't you? Are you going to let this affect you just minutes after taking it?"
Saito held a cold gaze towards the Vice Commander, knowing his words were right, but he couldn't help but feel angry about it. Saito paused for a while longer before heading towards the door. "Excuse me, I shall leave and handle this on my own."
As Saito closed the door, leaving a stunned Hijikata behind him, he could feel a swell of annoyance about him being dragged into this mess. With fists clenched, he headed towards somewhere where perhaps he could cool down. He could tell that these forced emotions that he was having would get in the way of his duties for the day.
Saito hadn't gone far before he felt his anger start to turn into something else, perhaps this was the change in heightened emotions that the instructions had mentioned. He was slightly relieved that his anger would now disperse, but he knew that it would be replaced with something else and it was. All he could feel now was despair and regret.
"Hajime-kun?" Saito heard Souji call from behind him.
"Ah…Souji." Saito said, acknowledging him. He didn't really have the strength to talk with his fellow Captain at that moment, he was now too caught up in feelings of depression. Only made worse by his earlier heated exchange with the Vice Commander. They hadn't really argued, but he was regretting that he had spoken out of line.
"Well, this is rare. Your emotions are showing, Hajime-kun." Souji teased, noticing that something was up.
With that fatal blow, Saito felt even more depressed. He couldn't even keep up his Samurai training of hiding his emotions while under this drug.
"Souji, I'm ashamed of myself…"
"Why?" Souji simply asked, half-entertained, half-worried about Hajime-kun's new state of mind.
"I spoke disrespectfully and got angry at the Vice Commander."
"Eh? You did, Hajime-kun? Why should you let that bother you? I do plenty of things to piss Hijikata-san off."
In ordinary cases, at this point Saito would reprimand Souji, but not today. Saito just felt depressed and he wanted to return to his normal self and state of mind.
"Souji, that isn't helping." Saito sighed. "I'm sure the Vice Commander will treat me differently now. I shouted at him when it wasn't my place too. I've dishonoured myself."
There was a silence between them for a few moments, before Saito finally heard Souji speak, tone harsh and his voicing sounding to Saito as if Souji was also fed up with him. "Snap out of it Hajime-kun. Moping won't get you anywhere."
"You're right." Saito agreed, after a long pause while he was processing Souji's words. He suddenly feeling a whole lot lighter than he did before. "I'll train my sword skills for a bit. I suspect it'll do me good to clear my head."
As Saito made his journey to the training grounds where he'd be free to swing his sword around, he started to feel lighter inside and he suspected his mood was about to change again soon. He was annoyed by it, but the changes were coming along quickly so he was hopeful that the effects would soon wear off.
"Harada!" Saito called, a little too cheerfully for his liking, upon seeing the Captain in the area. "Care for a match?"
"Oh, Saito! Are you sure? Aren't you normally doing something else around this time of day?" Harada half laughed at the other's purposed match.
"I'm sure. I've not been feeling my best, so I need to clear my head. I thought something enjoyable like this would be perfect." Saito smiled in reply.
"Alright." Harada smiled back, picking up his spear.
It seemed that although Saito was aware of his change of emotions, Harada wasn't or at least he was picking up his sudden change, but he had decided not to mention it. Saito was glad that Harada was treating him the same way as he normally does and he felt he could somewhat relax.
They were soon in a heated match, exchanging blows with one another. Saito found that he was really enjoying himself and a smile was plastered on his lips.
"Oi, Saito. What are you smiling for? Think you've already beaten me?" Harada grinned, before lunging his spear towards Saito.
"Hmph. That's because I will soon." He replied, with an equally large grin.
"Hey, aren't you smiling too much for someone who hasn't even taken the final blow and beaten me yet?" Harada throws back at him.
The emotions were causing Saito to enjoy himself and it was totally unlike him to do a sparring match when there was work remaining to be seen too. However, this didn't mean that his sword skills had been hindered. In the first opening he saw, Saito as usual struck with a quick and neat movement, finally making the finishing blow.
"Ah~ Looks like it's your win Saito, but you know, you don't have to rub it in by being so smug and pleased with yourself. The smile on your face is giving you away." Harada remarked.
That comment left Saito somewhat stunned, the smile slowly fading from his face. The effects from the powder had been present, in all the enjoyment he was having he hadn't really noticed. The feeling of enjoyment was slowly going and started to be replaced by that of embarrassment. As they started to set in, Saito turned his face away in hopes that it didn't show, and Harada wouldn't see. He needed to find somewhere where he could deal with this by himself.
"Excuse me, I must be going now."
Without waiting for Harada's reply, Saito left the training grounds and headed to the kitchen which he hoped at this time would be free. He knew the next heightened emotion was embarrassment by the colour which he could feel starting to rise in his cheeks. He wasn't going to be pleased if he was caught yet again in this moment of weakness. He was letting the drug control him, and it made him feel ashamed and it greatly bothered him. As he walked into the room, he found no one there so he felt that he could relax a bit. As he recalled the earlier events, however, he couldn't help but blush. To think that all this started from a mere headache.
"Ah! I saw it! Hajime your face has gone red!" Heisuke cried out.
Saito sharply looked up to up to see yet another two Captains, Heisuke and Shinpachi, catch him under the influence of a drug. This only made him blush even more.
"There it is! You blushed, Hajime!"
"I…I know."
"Hey, this is unlike you. You don't have a fever do you or anything like that?" Heisuke wondered aloud, taking in fully the change in Saito.
"No, it's something else. A drug has made me emotionally unstable." Saito replied, still slightly red in the face.
"Saito, I didn't take you for someone who'd take drugs." Shinpachi chipped in.
"I didn't mean it like that!" Saito snaps back, but not having the usual authority he'd normally have behind his words, as his face went red like a child's who had just stolen a cookie.
"Woah! No need to get mad. I was only joking. You're still red in the face you know."
"Well, it's true that I've taken some medicine for a headache which has happened to come with some unfortunate side effects." Saito started to explain, but soon drifted off again as he realised that heat was beginning to rise in his cheeks out of embarrassment of the whole situation. Anger, depression, enjoyment, now embarrassment, what next? When would he be released from this infliction.
"What are you doing here anyway, Saito?" Shinpachi asked. "We'll soon be heading out to buy ingredients for dinner…."
"Ah! You aren't here to check up on us, are you?" Heisuke exclaims suddenly. "To make sure tonight's dish includes tofu?"
"No, I haven't. If that were the case, then it would be more efficient to offer to make the dish myself." Saito sighed. At any rate, he felt that he had calmed down enough to resume his daily tasks. Perhaps he was now free and could get back to his normal routine. "I was going to brew some tea, but I am behind on my duties for today. I must leave."
"Hey, did you hear that, Shinpachi? Hajime behind on duties!"
"Haha, well I guess even Saito has off days it seems." Shinpachi laughs. "It's feels nice to hear that there is that side to you, Saito."
"Well then, I'll leave you two to get on with your task." Saito tells them, excusing himself from the kitchen, and leaving Shinpachi and Heisuke behind by themselves.
As he was making his way to his next destination, he couldn't help but hear two familiar voices off to the side. Concealing himself, he swiftly hid so that he could first place who was speaking before deciding whether to reveal himself to them or not. His pause was mainly brought about as he was still slightly concerned as to his emotion state of mind and as Shinpachi suggested, he was having rather an off day.
"What are you doing here, Kazama?" A girl voiced, questioning the other, who Saito placed straight away to be Yukimura's voice and her question plainly told him who she was speaking too.
"Aren't I allowed to see how my future wife is fairing?" Kazama answered smugly. "Or were you expecting me to take you away now and marry you?"
Not wasting anymore time, Saito came out from where he was hidden and immediately placed himself between Yukimura and Kazama. He had to protect Yukimura, just in case Kazama did mean to take her away. He couldn't risk it, not when it was only really his pride that was at stake. "Kazama, what are you doing here?" Saito demands, scowling at Kazama.
"I believe I just answered that question earlier, you fool. Weren't you listening?"
"You are trespassing on Shinsengumi's headquarters. I demand you leave at once peacefully now while you have the chance."
"Oh, and if I don't want to? What will you do then?"
With that, Saito put his hand on his sword, ready to draw it at a moments notice. "Then I'll have to force you to leave."
"I have no intention of fighting with a dog in its home territory. I have seen that my future wife is well and so far, you have managed to protect her. My business here has come to an end."
Saito waited until Kazama was out of sight, before dropping his hand from his sword. "Yukimura, are you alright?"
"Yes, I'm fine. He didn't harm me. Thank you, Saito." Yukimura bows in thanks.
Saito was now very much feeling like his normal self again. His headache was gone, and he felt no ill effects from the strange powder that he had consumed earlier. This encounter proved that and so Saito felt that he could deem it was safe to say that he was now feeling stable and back to his normal self.
"I must report this to the Vice Commander." Saito said, turning on his heels to give the report without delaying it any further and while he was doing that, he'd take this opportunity to apologise as well for his earlier transgression.
Saito was hoping that he'd able to prepare himself for how and what he'd say to apologise to the Vice Commander, but when he arrived, he found him sitting outside.
"Ah, Saito. Are you feeling better now?" Hijikata asked, upon noticing the arrival of the Captain.
"Yes, the effects seem to have worn off." Saito answers and pauses to gather himself for what he had to say next. "Vice Commander!"
"What is it, Saito?"
"I must humbly apologise for my earlier behaviour, it wasn't befitting of a Captain to his Vice Commander. Please understand that I was under the influence of that strange powder. It was my mistake that I had took it in the first place."
"Mm. I understand. Apology accepted." Hijikata replied, knowing accepting the apology was the best way for Saito for to be able to put the incident behind him.
"So, did it work? Were your emotions swung around?"
"Yes." Saito responded shortly, not wanting to dwell on the topic any longer. "Vice Commander, I beg of you not to accept such gifts again in the future."
"Alright, I won't do it, for yours and everyone else's sake." Hijikata laughed, knowing that Saito was truly back to his normal self.
"Good. Thank you." Saito was relieved that the Vice Commander had taken his advice, although it was short, it was an experience that he humiliating to him and wanted to forget about as soon as he could.
End