Disclaimer: The thoughts and plot bunnies are mine… The story is Nari Kusakawa's.
"I went around saying whatever I wanted. But, in the end, I wasn't able to do a thing."
A pause. "Not once did I carry through on my promises. I got greedy. I wanted it both ways," said Sahara, holding back sobs. "And now look. I've gotten you into a terrible mess."
The demon gazed softly at her, quietly wishing that she would stop blaming herself. "You're wrong. You managed to do a lot," said Gertrude, softly gripping Sahara's right hand in his own. So, it all comes to this, huh? "I've changed since meeting you."
He took a breath and continued, trying to choose his words in a way that would let her understand. Let her understand how much she means to me. "You've helped me in many ways. It was nice having you around." He almost slapped himself. The way that had been worded sounded like they were friends about to go separate ways. That wasn't what he wanted… He wanted to show her how much he loved her.
"That's… that's—that's just not right," Sahara choked out, one hand futilely trying to rub the tears springing to her eyes.
"Huh?"
"I won't stand for it!" Sahara cried, a sob escaping her throat as she finished. "Because I never ever want you to go away!!" A fresh round of tears threatened to spill over her cheeks as she spoke, very well knowing that she may not get the chance to say this again. Sahara took another breath and continued, her voice softer this time. How did it come to this? "Sure, I can say that. Sure I can hope for that. But it's meaningless if I can't make it come true."
Sahara looked back to the cold floor of her 'brother's' university. The Rewind Spell was taking its toll on her, too, and it showed. Her limbs felt like lead; it took all the energy she had to even move. So this is what Kyusaku meant by my soul being extinguished… she thought. A sharp pain pierced her heart as she thought of the one she had come to think of as her brother. All these years, he was lying. All these years he planned on this…He planned on destroying me, and with that, Gertrude. Her hand subconsciously scrubbed away more salty tears that flowed openly down her cheeks. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't. Why? Why did it have to be her who would ultimately wind up destroying the demon?
The one she loved?
Gertrude watched Sahara quietly, turning over what she had said in his mind. It was only the other day that she had stood by his bedside at the abandoned house the trio of demons shared, telling him to dream more. "You can have way more dreams, you know. Many more will come true. I mean it, Gertrude." "I'm saying that it's okay to want more! In fact, I order you to come up with new dreams!" If he recalled correctly, those were the words she had used. He also recalled that just minutes before then, she had decided that she would return home to save her parents, and they had shared their first real kiss. He had even taken her instructions and followed them… One of his new dreams had been to share many more moments like that one with her.
The patchwork demon almost laughed when he realized the situation they had been in at that time. Almost. Sahara had been in the hospital the day he had finally openly shown his feelings to her by kissing her forehead, and the day they first kissed had been when he had a near-death experience, and was bedridden. To Gertrude, it was funny in a painful sort of way. Never again…After this, it's all over.
A new thought occurred to him as he watched Sahara rub at her tears to no avail. If nothing else…
His hands moved to some of the locks of hair framing her face, careful not to scratch her cheek with the dark claws that made themselves known during full moons, along with hair the color of death. A dull sort of stinging pain informed him that his body had speeded up in its process of turning to dust as one of his fingers dissolved and fell. Being a demon, he had a higher pain tolerance, but the pain was still there, and he was beginning to feel desperate. Would it be enough? Could he possibly communicate this one message to her in this single moment?
Sahara glanced upward, removing her hand from her eyes as she felt Gertrude's fingers brush against her cheek gently, moving several strands of her cinnamon hair from her face. The demon's fingers gently lifted her chin, and he looked her straight in the eyes. Please understand. He leaned forward slightly.
Her mouth was soft and pliable. It was made to accommodate his own. A dark feeling of sadness struck him; this was the end. He leaned forward into her, made himself fit against her soft little mouth. It didn't matter that Puppen, Mariotte, and Curtis were watching and were most likely staring(or at least the puppet masters) ; the only thing that mattered was Sahara. All of it was brief, and yet he'd lost all the time in the world with that moment. His arms lifted themselves to hold her closer, but he caught himself, and in doing so seemed to end the moment. He pulled away. I love you.
His hand rested by her cheek, slowly dropping. Her eyes were opening, but she kept them half lidded. Her mouth looked slightly swollen from the kiss.
"Listen. It's all right. Okay, Sahara?" His voice was quiet as his left hand gently squeezed hers. "To the monsters that wanted body parts back… To the savage beast inside… I refused to give in." This was the first time he had ever had someone to tell these things to… And now he was about to lose that person. "But, I welcomed them, too. Because fighting my enemies made me feel more alive. That thought kept me going all these years."
Has it only been a little over one hundred years? It feels like so much more…Have I really known Sahara for such a short time?
Gertrude continued. "It's different now. You're here—and that's good enough for me." It's my last chance. "Sahara…" He paused. This was going to hurt her, having to hear this next part, but he had to say it. There was no denying it; this was the end. "I'll be gone soon. And, you'll probably cry about that." He watched her eyes widen and brim with more tears, her cheeks pink from crying. "I couldn't ask for a better end."
Something inside of Sahara snapped. Despite the weight of the spell on her body, she launched herself forward and wrapped her arms around Gertrude's neck, clinging onto him for dear life. The dress that Claude had put her in clung to her body which now was beginning to sweat from exhaustion.
A sob tore itself from her throat, and in a quiet yell, she cried, "What's so great about me crying?! Of course I'm going to cry, silly!" Gertrude's skin didn't feel so cold anymore as she buried her head into the crook of his neck, trying to suppress the tears that would inevitably come. "Just how? How can you be happy with just that?"
No more…Sahara's body refused to listen to her. She wanted to stay with Gertrude, but her muscles just gave out on her. She slumped down, her arms loosening around his neck, and she slid down his torso, desperately trying to regain control. I can't move…
Gertrude gently placed his hands on her shoulders, supporting her slight frame as she fought for strength. "Take it easy," he murmured, gently squeezing her shoulder. "You have to. You've reached your limit." He allowed his left arm to fall, and just as she reached for his hand once again, he continued. "My body, too. It's really weak now." As if to punctuate his sentence, most of his arm crumbled, the dust falling from his sleeve, along with a bandage that had been used to cover the gash Puppen had left on his arm, with a quiet foomph. Sahara's eyes widened as her hand froze before reaching where his hand had just been.
"It should work now."
Gertrude's right hand quickly undid the first few buttons on his shirt, leaving the top half of his chest exposed.
"I need her life force to get rid of Gertrude." That was what Claude had said earlier… But he wouldn't let him. Not Sahara.
His clawed hand rose to the exposed skin, and he slowly dragged the sharpest point on his thumb across, cutting deep enough to create a steady flow of deep purple blood.
"Stop it." Curtis's words echoed through his head, reminding himself of what he had to do. "Break the spell before her life burns out. That might save her."
"Wait."
Sahara leaned forward, pressing her hand over the cut, smudging blood all over her fingers. The slight pressure imbalanced Gertrude a bit as his left arm wasn't there to support his weight anymore. "What are you planning on doing with that blood?"
Gertrude smiled. She was the best. She cared about others more than herself, and it was the little moments like those when he realized how much he truly did love her. Sadly, now it was over.
He kept a lighthearted tone as he took her smaller hand in his own, moving it from his wound. I need to break the spell before her life burns out. How? It was then that he noticed, while he cradled her hand in his own despite the fact that his body's transformation had reached more of his right hand. "Wow. You're pretty cold to the touch."
She's dying because of me.
"Ice cold, even."
That's unfair.
"Believe me. I wanted to break the spell earlier. I had to wait until my body started getting really weak." As he spoke, he removed his hand from hers and swept his thumb across the wound on his chest. He rubbed the bloodstained finger across his skin, writing the spell in English that Sahara had learned so well. "My body wasn't mine to begin with, so it wouldn't have accepted this command—until now."
Not Sahara. If anyone's gotta die, it better be me
Sahara's eyes widened with shock as she realized what Gertrude was about to do.
"Even my name was never really mine," he said with a strained chuckle, a strained smile present upon his lips. "Still, it was sorta cool." A genuine smile broke out on his face. She'll be okay now. Sahara…
YOWAKI MONO YO…
FRAILTY…
Sahara lunged forward with all the energy she had left, trying desperately to do something—anything—to stop the spell. No…No…No! NO!! "NO!!"
NANJI NO NA WA GAATORUUDO NARI.
THY NAME IS GERTRUDE.
That last image of Gertrude's cheery smile burned itself into Sahara's mind. Within a second, what remained of Gertrude's body transformed completely into dust, falling to the ground with a muffled fwoosh.
Sahara just stared. No. This isn't happening. I'm going to wake up in a second, realize it's a dream, and go visit Gertrude. She repeated this over in her mind a few times, and then squeezed her eyes shut tightly. When she opened them, the scene remained.
"Gertrude..?"
Her hands dipped down to the jumbled pile of dust and clothing that lay on the floor, slowly picking up a handful of the granules. The thin particles slipped through her fingertips, and even then she could feel her soul's energy reigniting itself, and saw the 'fog' formed by the recipe entries fading. Faintly she could hear Curtis, Puppen, and Mariotte talking, and the sound of the two puppet masters sobbing. However, none of it mattered now… He was gone.
"Sahara…I'll be gone soon, and you'll probably cry about that."
"I couldn't ask for a better end."
A choking sob tore itself from Sahara's throat. NO! NO WAY! NO WAY THAT'S OKAY!
An image of Gertrude, smiling with that goofy grin he reserved for her plastered on his face, appeared in her mind. His voice chuckled lightly, and she heard him say with a laugh, "Don't worry about it. It's nothing."
Sahara's palms were once again scrubbing furiously at her eyes, trying in vain to stop the onslaught of salty tears. Her fingers paused briefly over her lips, where minutes before, the demon had kissed her so lovingly. Had it only been that short of a time? Gertrude's smiling face appeared once again in her mind, causing more tears to flow. Oh, Gertrude…she thought, another sob wracking her small body, Please don't laugh like that.
Sahara sat bolt upright in her bed, tears streaming down her face. She quickly looked at her surroundings to confirm where she was. As she noted her location, another wave of tears flooded down her cheeks as the dream replayed itself in her mind. She slowly stood up and opened the door to her room. Her feet quietly carried her to the door nearest the stairs of the abandoned house. With a light rapping noise, her knuckles tapped against the wood.
In a few seconds the door opened, revealing a rather sleepy looking Gertrude who looked ready to murder whoever had woken him up. However, his demeanor shifted to worry when he saw Sahara in his doorway, tears staining her face. He quickly wrapped his arms around her, already knowing what was wrong.
"Shhh…" Gertrude's fingers ran through Sahara's cinnamon brown hair as he tried to calm her down. This wasn't the first time Sahara's dreams had pulled her back to that time that they both desperately wanted to forget, and Gertrude was completely willing to do whatever it took to comfort her, no matter how late it was. "Shhh… It's okay, Sahara. I'm right here." In response to this, she just tightened her grip on his torso, burying her face into his chest.
Gertrude easily picked up the human girl, carrying her to his bed and laying her down. He sat beside her quietly, stroking her hair as she cried into his shirt. Time passed slowly, and her sobs eventually faded into sniffles and hiccups. Gertrude's fingers traced gentle circles over her back, relaxing Sahara greatly.
A few deep breaths later, Sahara had managed to steady herself enough to think straight. She sighed and pulled herself closer to the demon's body, letting the pain of the dream melt away into tears.
The two eventually lapsed into one of the comfortable silences that they tended to share, just enjoying the other's presence. Sahara had her head buried into the crook of Gertrude's neck, and he, in turn, rested his head upon hers. They didn't need to talk.
After a few minutes, Gertrude spoke softly. "Was it that dream again?" It was useless to elaborate on what dream he spoke of; it had happened many a time before. Sahara nodded softly, her old sadness coming over her like a wave once again. "Oh…" That was all that Gertrude could think of to say. He moved his head slightly enough to press his lips against the top of Sahara's head. "It's okay… I'm here. Even if it did happen, it's just a nightmare now." Sahara nodded once again, tightening her grip around Gertrude's back.
"Yeah…"
For just a moment, the two lapsed into another comfortable silence. For just a moment, there were no more worries, no more battles. For just a moment, nothing mattered but each other. For just a moment, they could relax.
But moments don't last forever.
Slowly, Sahara shifted and stood up, lifting herself from the demon's bed. Eyes directed downwards, she walked towards the door, not wanting Gertrude to see the tears stinging her eyes. Before she could reach the doorway, however, she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her body. Sahara stopped in her tracks, knowing that Gertrude wanted to say something.
"…I'm sorry."
That was all it took. Sahara broke down into small sobs once again. She turned to face Gertrude's chest and wrapped her arms around him tightly, crying into his shirt for the second time that night.
Moments may not last forever, but we have to do our best, and live in them while they last.
With that in mind, Sahara cried her heart out, clinging desperately to the demon that she had fallen in love with so long ago.
But please, can this moment last just a bit longer?
-----------------
Well, here it is. This is oddly angsty compared to my other works… I don't know what got into me. O.o;
See that part where the spell's in Japanese? Yeah. That's how it was originally. I would've made the conversation the direct translation of the Japanese version, too, but I only have the first two books in Japanese. Darn. But CMX did a bad job on some parts of the translations, so I'm wondering what they changed in the third through fifth books… but mostly the fourth one. And yeah. It's funnier in Japanese.
Oh. And before anyone asks, yes, I am studying Japanese, and can read it. Understanding is easier than speaking it, though…
Anyways, I've been crazy obsessed with TRfG lately, and hope that you enjoyed this (somewhat angsty) oneshot. It was originally just going to be Sahara and Gertrude's points of views on the most angsty area of book four, but that alone is too depressing for me. Sooo, I went ahead and wrote it out as a recurring dream of Sahara's, and took that as a chance to show her more vulnerable side that you got to see in the fourth volume. She's always keeping her head up, so I decided to give her a break and let her cry.
…
What a long note for me. o.o
Reviews? x)