Detention with Katie Bell…
I will not throw Mrs. Norris into Myrtle's toilet.
TP-ing the Whomping Willow will not be tolerated!
I will not remind Draco of the ferret incident.
I will not vandalize the mermaid in the Prefect's Bathroom's picture!
Allowing Dobby to bang his head on heavy furniture isn't funny!
Using Mrs. Norris as the Quaffle is punishable by being hung upside down on chains in the dungeons.
Turning Umbridge into a toad is neither clever nor acceptable even though it suits her.
I will not ride a broomstick under the influence of fire whiskey, especially in broad daylight.
Suggesting psychoanalysis for Professor Trelawney is not appropriate!
I will not suggest committing Umbridge to St. Mungo's or handing her over to Child Services under any circumstances; even if there has been a history of child abuse!
I will not constantly keep reminding Filch about the day of Fred & George's departure!
Telling Peeves to create total chaos is unacceptable.
Learning how to speak Parseltongue is strictly prohibited!
Using a Time-Turner to disrupt the space-time-continuum will not be tolerated.
Going around pantsing random hot guys in not acceptable.
Going on boxer raids is inappropriate.
Just because I'm angry with someone does not give me the right to throw them down the staircases or across the room using magic.
Mrs. Norris doesn't answer to "here kitty, kitty."
Shoving my enemies into a vanishing cabinet is not amusing.
Charming a farting machine to go off in Potions class whenever there is an injustice done is not amusing!
Giving Mrs. Norris catnip in order to avoid getting caught out of bed is punishable by detention with Filch, not by being transfigured into a scratching post.
Sliding down the banisters at high speeds will not be tolerated!
Drugging Filch and using him as a hexing dummy is not amusing!
Sicking Fluffy on your worst teachers and fiendish peers will not be tolerated!
I will not make jokes about when Crabbe & Goyle get off the train it becomes lighter!
Transfiguring Goyle into a baboon is not funny!
Transfiguring Crabbe into a gorilla will not be tolerated; neither will feeding him bananas 24 hours a day.
Singing the Addams' Family theme song and making parodies about all the wizarding families with two syllables is not amusing! ...That's Peeves' job!
If Mrs. Norris could talk, she wouldn't say "alright this way thunder-butt!" or "Yeah, yeah chow-down chubby!" She would say to Filch, "Get a makeover you good for nothing excuse for a squib! While you're at it, take a shower and brush your teeth!"
A basilisk doesn't belong in the Slytherin Common Room.
Centaurs do not belong in Umbridge's office, nifflers do!
I will not constantly sing Bad Boys in the hallways when my enemies are coming down the hall!
Impersonating Umbridge with Polyjuice and then streaking around the school is not appropriate!
Flipping off Filch, Snape, and Umbridge is punishable by giving them all a sponge-bath!
Getting Arabella Figg and Argus Filch together is inappropriate!
Stealing Snape's teddy will not be tolerated!
Teasing Draco about doing servant stuff and seeing dead people is unacceptable!
Badgering Harry about Myrtle's offer to share her toilet will not be tolerated!
I will not try to straighten Professor Trelawney's hair ever again!
Giving Professor Flitwick stilts is not amusing!
Farting in class after eating Mexican food to give the Slytherins aromatherapy is not funny!
Helping out Madam Pomfrey by brutally injecting certain students in the backside not only is unprofessional but brutal!
Putting people in a straight jacket that don't need one is not amusing!
Chanting JERRY when some conduct of flirting with the same sex; is highly disruptive! So is when some couple is arguing out loud and going to kill each other!
The dungeons don't qualify as make-shift torture chambers!
The Chamber of Secrets is no place to play hide and seek, especially if you are afraid of snakes.
Venturing into the Dark Forest is no way to meet magical creatures, let alone endear them to you.
Playing Strip Poker in the Room of Requirement will not be tolerated!
An unsuspecting Slytherin doesn't equal dungbomb target!
I will not use the Sonorous charm to announce to all the unsuspecting guys that I'm on my period!
Using Extendable Ears when friends of yours are talking privately is not the best time to use the info you heard and black-mail them!