AN: I found this on my computer: I wrote this the day after the AWE midnight showing, because I was mad at the outcome of this particular scene. If it's already been written, I'm supremely sorry.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. The term "slitherer-outer" belongs to Diana Wynne Jones and can be found in Howl's Moving Castle. It's an awesome book; I recommend it.
Fair Trade
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It was a standoff.
Six of the biggest power players in the nautical world all standing on one small spit of land unfortunate enough to be located between two huge armadas - one neat, organized, and pristine (not to mention very, very large), the other an odd mixture of rapscallions made up of pirates from all over the world.
On one side stood Davy Jones, captain of the Flying Dutchman, standing in a bucket of water since it was not yet his time to come ashore, of which he could only do once every ten years. The tentacles on his face waved as if in a breeze, but his countenance remained stiff and cold.
To his right stood Lord Cutler Beckett, looking smug as usual in a neatly pressed uniform and freshly powdered wig. It was he that commanded the armada at his back, and all present knew that he wasn't afraid to use it.
Next stood Will Turner, blacksmith turned pirate, who looked oddly out of place. He held himself casually, clearly unperturbed at the situation he found himself, yet standing noticeably apart from his two companions.
Facing that trio was an even more extraordinary three people.
Well, four if you counted the monkey.
Said monkey was currently perched on the shoulder of one Captain Barbossa, previously thought to have died. His grizzled face showed little emotion as he evaluated the three across from him, doing his best not to look Jones too much in the face (though this was particularly difficult as he was standing in front of him).
In the middle was the recently appointed Pirate King. It was a rather odd title, for this King was, in fact, a woman (and one that didn't have as much experience at pirating as any king of pirates should ought to have had) named Elizabeth Swann. She was dressed in imposing oriental garb and stared steadfastly ahead of her. Her face betrayed nothing.
And last, but certainly not least, was Captain Jack Sparrow. He was a once in a lifetime figure, extraordinary, outstanding, unforgettable, yet at the same time quite hard to describe for he was unique to himself alone. His stance alone set him apart from his companions, simultaneously at ease and ready to topple over in a strong wind.
A few cursory greetings, and the negotiations began.
Jack remained silent except for a few witty comments casually thrown in, until… the woman beside him made an inexcusable offer.
"We'll trade," she said calmly, her glare belying her tone. "Jack for Will."
Jack felt his eyebrows fly up and his eyes go wide.
"What?!" he exclaimed, surprise dominating his face. Next came a bit of squabbling as Jack tried, like a good slitherer-outer, to slither his way out of something for the umpteenth time.
But this time, there was no good excuse to get out of exchanging places with Will.
Faced with everyones expectant stares, Jack could only sigh and step forward to take his new place beside his "acquaintance" Beckett. But as Will also began to make his move… they were both stopped by the Pirate King's questioning voice.
"Jack…" began Elizabeth, "Where do you think you're going?" Her face looked far too innocent to be natural.
Jack decided, and concluded, that this was the expression that had ended with himself in the belly of a giant, ravenous kraken. He twitched nervously.
"Miss Swann," Beckett's smooth voice cut in, all his ill-notioned prim and properness leeching into this one sentence, "do you intend to go back on our wager? You just promised us Jack Sparrow for William Turner…" He trailed off, eyebrow raising expectantly.
Elizabeth Swann, the Pirate King, smirked.
"Oh, I promised you a Jack for Will, alright," she said airily. "But I never said anything abouta Sparrow."
Said incredibly relieved pirate felt a grin tug at the corner of his mouth, as Elizabeth turned to Barbossa and easily plucked Jack the Monkey from the formerly-dead captain's shoulder and held him aloft. The monkey gave Beckett a pleading look.
Barbossa looked heavily affronted for a few moments, his secret plan to pilfer Jack's piece of eight thwarted, but managed to force a lopsided grin. He turned to a confused Beckett and offered an explanation Jack the Pirate remembered all too well.
"…We named the monkey Jack."
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IF ONLY THIS HAD HAPPENED