A/N: We (aka) I Have Fingers and nfanpepsi have wrote a fic together ... here it is ... enjoy...
WARNING: everything is OOC/AH/AU don't read if that doesn't fit to you.
Disclaimer: We don't own the Twilight Saga ... we don't own the characters but own this plot and if you steel it we will find you and CHOP YOU!
NPOV
Perfect.
That's what I'm suppose to be.
What people expected me to be.
Until now.
I've had enough of people telling me what to do. I hated people running my life for me. For 18 years they have told me nothing but what to wear, eat, when to eat, when to study, where I can go, who to hang out, and what we were going to do.
Nothing in my life was mine. My parents gave me everything, except my own decisions. Everyone judged me on my appearance and not me. I had brains and I had looks. But I didn't have friends really. I did have one though.
I told her everything, how I felt about people running my life at home. She helped me through it just by listening. I was thankful for her, and I let her know that. She was the only person in the whole school who would talk to me.
But all the other teenagers in the school treated me like an outcast. I had nothing to do with them if I didn't need to. I had never done anything to them. But that's what teenagers do right?
Walking down the hallway at school I noticed that people stared at me, some girls looked jealous at me, but for the most part that just shot me nasty looks. Boys would give me winks or would whisper something to their friend next to them.
I just clung my books close to my chest and walked quickly down the hallway to my classes. I wish I could be like everyone else. Go to the wild parties and make out with guys. Have plenty of friends, but that would never be me.
"Ren, you need to tell them to stop. Do your own thing. Sneak out and go somewhere." Bree told me one day at lunch. Usually she would go and sit with her other friends. But she decided to sit with me today. She tried to have me eat lunch with her friends one day, but they just ended up crude remarks.
"I would, but it's not worth it. Where would I go? Who would I go with? I don't have any other friends here." I stated to her. My voice was low and steady not wanting to get her pity on me.
"Tonight is graduation night. After the ceremony, I'll stop by your house and we'll go to a hot party." she smiled.
And with that my rebelling began. I didn't take shit from anyone else. My parents were getting worried but they somewhat understood. At first they tried to punish me from my sneaking out but had given up. Nothing was going to stop me. I have had enough of them.
I came home one day with my nose pierced and they started to freak out. They had a long talk with me about the piercing and how if "God wanted a hole in my body, I would've been born with it." I just sat there and took the yelling.
My life was starting to get better, I now had plenty of friends who liked me and invited me to the beach in La Push and have bonfires and parties. I was happy for once. I had friends to hang out with, and I was normal. Or at least I felt like it.
I want to parties at the beach and danced with many guys, made out with them, and got their numbers. I never felt so free. Grinding against guys and feeling their reactions always placed a smile on my lips. When it first happened I was freaked out and I blushed, I had never done anything like that before. The guy laughed at my response and told me it was a good thing.
After that I started feeling as if it were a compliment, but I never took it any farther. I was too scared to do anything, I wanted to wait till marriage. Crazy, right?
I wasn't a party queen by any means, I just snuck out and got my ear and nose pierced. I never drank maybe a sip or two, but nothing else. I was just having a good time. This was the time of my life that I had to be having fun and living it to the fullest.
From here on out, I'm going to forget my past, it hurt to much to think about. It wasn't right to be treated in such a way.
Shaking everything out of my mind I went back to dancing, "Hey there, Ren." I heard the familiar voice. It was Skyler. He grabbed my hips and I started dancing to the music and grinding slowly against him. His breathing fell evenly on my neck . His hands were moving up and down my body.
My body shivered in response. I felt awkward and tried to dance away but only to have his have him grip tighter on me, "Where are you going?" he said into my ear.
"Just getting a drink." I smiled, hoping my lie seemed realistic. His face gave nothing away and he just stood there still holding on to me. I could feel that a bruise was starting to form there.
"Can you let go? Your starting to hurt me." I said trying to get out of his grip, but he just held me there tighter.
"Your not going anywhere." he said taking me a little farther away from the fire, "Let go of me." I said starting to get pissed.
"What if I don't?" he smiled deviously, I had enough, it really wasn't that hard to get rid of a guy. There is just one little thing you need to remember, guys have balls, therefore they act like pussies. That tip had started to come in handy lately.
I looked him dead in the eye, as soon as I knew his eyes were on mine I made me move quickly. Taking one more step closer to him I lifted my right knee quickly underneath the gap between his legs. He let out a loud groan and dropped to the ground in a fetal position.
"Don't mess me, jackass." I said before stepping away and back to the group of party goers. I resumed dancing with friends and having good time, I made it home in one piece and climbed up the large house and crawled into the window that lead to my room.
Once I was in there, I quickly changed and went to the large bed in the middle of my room. I looked out the window into the dark sky only being brightened by the shining moon.
This was almost starting to get boreding. Almost.
Maybe tomorrow I could get a job.
I know. I know. What kind of teenager wants a job, right? We'll maybe a cool job like a life guard. Who knows, I can do CPR on a hot guy.
*~*~*~*LOST*~*~*~*
I woke up from my sleep not even a nice 6 hours, instead 4 hours at the most. Let's see what time did I get in.
3...4...5..6..it's 6:30 right now.
Okay 4 and half hours of sleep, so I was wrong. Maybe if I got to the beach early enough I could still sign up for the training. Why am I doing this job?
Frankly, I have no idea. Just something to do so I don't have to deal with the parents. Maybe I could also use the money for college. Anything that helps me get rid of them quickly I'll do.
I changed my clothes and put on a bikini, shorts and large white shirt and made my way down the large flight of stairs to the foyer grabbing my sunglasses and car keys on the way.
Walking through large clean house, I noticed how everything was in order and had it's proper place. It didn't look like there was anything out of place, no dust covering the shelves, the pictures in a perfect angle. Nothing looked short of perfect. It bothered me a little to much.
I stumped over the shelves with the pictures and disarranged them quickly before making my way back to the dining room to eat breakfast. I walked in to open room with large table with my father at the head and mother to his left side. They were reading as they were taking smell bites of their meals.
I rolled my eyes and sat down at the right side of my father. I heard them both put down their articles and look at me as I grabbed some toast and place it on my plate.
"Good morning, Renesemee?" My mother spoke first not sure of it was really me. Usually I haven't been up early enough to eat breakfast since I would sleep in until 1 or 2 due to the fact of coming home at 3 in the morning,
"What are you doing up this early?" My father asked taking a drink of his juice. I just started spreading some peanut butter on my toast and took a bite.
"What? No, Good Morning, how did you sleep?" I scuffled taking a bite of the toast. My parents just looked at each other, my mother brought her carefully shaped eyebrows together as my father let out a small grunt.
"Actually, I should take this to go if I want to be on time for my job training." I said starting to push back my chair.
"And what would that be?" my mother said sounding interested. "Lifeguard." I stood up took a muffin and left the dining room and went to the garage and took out my car.
Getting situated in the car I took a bite of the blueberry muffin and moaned in the pleasure. The food was amazing thanks to the cook my parents hired, since they were apparently to busy to bothered with such a chore in the household.
I pressed my lips together into a grimace. I remember the meals my mother use to cook and my father would come in a kiss her on the cheek and hold her as the cooked the food with a smile on her face.
Then once I turned 10 everything changed, my father got a promation and had to work longer, but her got more money of course. I had to start taking count on how I looked, what I did, who I did things with.
I hate my father for taking the offer, it ruined my life. He made me sick, everything he did that was to supposedly help our family made me sick.
There was no way I could ever thank him for everything if he wasn't there. I'd rather have nothing if it mean being with my family and being happy again, but no. It would never be that way again.
As I drove up to the beach I found a nice parking spot and pulled into it. I grabbed my bag with my cell phone and iPod, and made my way over to the beach.
After looking for the person in charge and got everything set up I set down in the sand and pulled out my iPod and listened to some music.
"Mind if I join you?" A girl came up to me with long dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, and tan skin, obviously she was from the reservation.
"Not at all." I smiled and gave her one of the head buds. We scrolled through some of the songs commenting them, also making some joke, or drooling over how cute the singers were.
I learned that her name was Leah, and she was almost two years older than me. She had a younger brother that was 2 years younger than myself. She seemed like total bitch if you got on her wrong side, but pleasant company and maybe even a new friend?
"There's Jacob Black. And it looks like he's looking at you." Leah whispered into my ear giggling. I looked at her and raised my eyebrows.
"Who?" I asked and she just dropped her jaw.
"He is like the hottest, but almost the baddest bad boy there is. But the funny thing with that stereo type is, I've never seen him with a girl, or even stare at one. You my dear, have caught his eye." she winked at me as I blushed.
"Well then, I guess I should see why he is looking at me and not talking." I said getting up. I walked over to the large body. His arm had a large black tattoo covering his left arm that had a hint of red in it. I grinned at that. A real bad boy. Finally.
His height was almost scary. Okay, it was really scary, he was easily 6'7''. I wouldn't be surprised if he was 7 foot.
Walking over to him I saw him staring right at me, and his bulge was to as so it looked. I inwardly smiled even more and walked up to him.
"Is there a reason you were staring at us?" I looked up at him with a smirk on my face. He looked down at him, his body was towering mine by 2 feet but felt more like 200. His eyes bored into mine making me feel a little uncomfortable.
"Can't I just enjoy the sight?" he asked raising and eyebrow looking me up and down. I instantly crossed my arms over my chest and looked up at him.
"You sick pervert." I hissed. He just chuckled and took a small step towards me.
"Be lucky it's me and not some real pervert." he whispered in my ear then looked at the guy that was going to be training us. He was looking directly at my butt and I blushed immediately, then quickly took a step back and looked at him once again.
"I'll take care of my problems and you take care of yours." I said patting the little tent in his swim trunks and walked off Leah, which she immediately starting trying to hold back a laugh. The instructor call us over and we starting laughing our way over there.
This was going to be fun.
JPOV
Clean.
It's what I needed to be.
No, I didn't have any venereal diseases. No, I didn't need a shower because I take one everyday. I needed to clean up my reputation. I was a rebel. I was an alcoholic. I was a bully to everyone every my family. I would do anything but drugs. I didn't do drugs because of my past. But that is another story is meant to be told a different day. As I was saying, I would do ANYTHING. And when I say anything . . . I literally mean anything. From beating up my oldest brother to a pulp to breaking into La Push Library and setting books I hated on fire. I even broke into La Push High School and destroyed all of the class rooms and set all of the teacher's desks on fire. I did this of course after I had graduated. How I had graduated I have no idea.
See? I was a rebel. A bad ass if you will. One day I had woken up and decided that what I was doing with my life was not cool. I was destroying my life and the people's lives that I loved. So, I went to rehab. Well not really. I packed up three pairs of clothes, some matches, a pillow, a blanket, and some food and I headed out to the abandoned part of First Beach and spent four weeks in total solitude, just by myself, no booze; just me and the ocean. When I had came back home, my father was waiting in my room, on my bed.
He told me that he knew where I had gone and why. He had also told me that he was proud of me. But I really know that he wasn't proud of me; he was just glad that he didn't have to pay for all the damages I had done to La Push. Billy was and is an alcoholic. He's always been once since they killed her. Before she was killed, he was never an alcoholic and I was never a rebel. I was the sweet boy who was the teacher's pet, the one who never hit anyone, the boy who always helped old ladies across a busy street.
That all changed when she was killed. They killed her and they have ruined my life. But at the same time I thank them. I thank them for toughening me up, because God knows that if they never killed her, I would never be able to handle the real world and never would be able to hand all the stares and rude comments from small minded people.
I don't think that I will ever be the same. I also think that if I tell anyone besides my family about my past, that they'll leave me because they won't want to deal with all of my emotional baggage. I don't need a woman in my life. I will never need one. All I need is me and knowing that I'll be okay for the rest of my life. I don't need anyone else trying to help me or comforting me; I've had enough of that already.
People just don't understand that when I say 'I don't need comforting' that I really don't need any comforting at all. But people choose not to listen to me. No one listens to me. I could that World War III has started and people would laugh and carry on with their day to day activities. It's annoying having people who don't even care about you pretend to care about you. They only do it because they feel bad and they think that I need comforting. I've comforted myself. To everyone's eyes in the day time, I have gotten better at getting over her death. But they still tried to comfort me. At night when I am alone, in my bed, I don't sleep a wink and I cry so hard that I usually puke. And if I do sleep, I have nightmares which cause me to wake up screaming and tears to run down my cheeks.
I know that I'm not normal. I know that I'll never be fixable. But I know that I can be happy.
~*Lost*~
"Jake . . . You need to get off your lazy ass and go find yourself a damn job; you're going to burn out my TV with all the video games you play!" Billy huffed as he walked into the living room from his bedroom. He's probably just now waking up. The fucker was out drinking with his friends and came home wasted. I bet he has one major hangover.
"Yeah, yeah I know. I need to get a job. I know. You keep nagging me. I've been looking and I actually think I've found a job." I said as I resumed my Gears of War game. Billy always nags me about how I don't have a job. That doesn't really irritate me. What irritates me is that he doesn't notice that I've been searching and searching and that I've put in many applications; no one has just seemed to want me to work for them.
"Oh really, now? Where at?" His mood perked up. Fucker. Only because I said I found a job.
"Down at First Beach as a lifeguard. I have to go through a two week training program before I get the job.
"I'm pretty sure that they'll accept me." I was a good swimmer. When I was seven I used to compete as a swimmer at Forks Aquatic Center once a month and ever since then, I've always swam. It helped keep my mind off of things. I also liked the burning in my lungs and the stretch in my legs, arms and torso after the swim; it took my mind off of other pain.
"Oh . . . that's great Jake. I hope you get it." Billy mumbled as he fixed himself a bowl of cereal.
"Thanks." I mumbled sarcastically.
The rest of the day I did nothing but sit on my ass playing video games. I didn't even get up to shave the beard that I was growing . . . nor did I take a shower yet today. I probably stunk like ass and B.O. Quil and Paul came over and tried to get me out of the house, but when I told them to leave me the fuck alone and that I just needed space from the world, they got up off of the couch and went out the door without a single good bye.
I went to bed around midnight. Okay . . . I didn't go to sleep, but I sat in my room, the tears rolling down my cheeks silently and my chest aching with memory or her touch. I knew that I would never feel the same touch as hers ever again in my life.
As the memories from my past filled my mind, I ran to the bathroom and emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet and I stayed there for the rest of the night. Not sleeping, not even blinking. I just starred off into nothing. When the sun comes up tomorrow, I know that I'll forget tonight . . . but when I go to 'sleep' tomorrow night . . . this same thing will happen.
~*Lost*~
I remember the day that I got my tattoo. Yes, I have a tattoo. It's on my left arm. The ink starts at my shoulder and ends at my wrist. The tattoo is a tribal tattoo. It has two colors in it; red and black. The black ink is the dominant color while the read just twists around the black ink, balancing it out. I got the tattoo because she had a tattoo almost like it on her left arm. I hate it when people ask me the story behind my tat; only because I have to make up a lie to cover up my past; the reason why I got the tat. The tat is to remind me to be strong and to never let anything get to me and to always follow my heart. I know that I've screwed up, but if I didn't screw up, I wouldn't be a strong person. I wouldn't learn from my mistakes. I wouldn't be me.
When I came home with my tat, Billy had freaked out. But then . . . when I had told him why I had got it, he apologized for being a jerk about it and the next day, he went and got her name tattooed on his left calf.
I have and always will flaunt my tattoo. I flaunt it for her. I flaunt it in memory of her.
~*Lost*~
Another rough night.
Great.
I'm used to the rough nights. I've had them ever since she was killed and I've never stopped having them. Not one night goes by that isn't rough. Some people would say that it must suck, but to me, it's a wonderful reminder that she was ever in my life. Without her being in my life when she was, I would not be strong.
I got up off of the cold tile bathroom floor and went to the shower and turned the water on. While I was waiting for the shower to warm, I stripped off my clothes from yesterday and reached under the sink and grabbed a towel and placed it on the toilet lid. I reached my hand into the spray of the shower and I decided that it was hot enough for me.
I had washed my hair and body all the while thinking about what I was going to do if I didn't pass this two week training program to be a lifeguard. I needed the money so that way I could save up for college. I didn't know were I was going to go for college. I just knew that I was going to go to college because I needed to prove that I could do something great in my life. Who was I going to prove this too? Two people; me and her.
After I was done showering, I shut off the water and stepped out of the shower, grabbing the towel to wrap around my waist. I went to the sink and grabbed my tooth brush and tooth paste. After I had brushed my teeth, I had shaved my jaw and neck. I hated growing facial hair. It makes me feel like a hobo.
I walked to my room, passing Billie's on the way. His door was cracked and I stuck my head in just a little bit only to find empty bottles of beer and other empty alcohol bottle on his night stand and floor. The fucker is going to die of alcohol poisoning one of these days and I won't give a shit because he did it to himself.
I walked into my room, shutting the door behind me as I went. I walked over to my dresser and dropped the towel that was hanging loosely around my waist, onto the ground. I pulled out a white wife beater and my blue and silver swimming trunks and a pair of grey boxers.
I quickly got dressed and grabbed my keys that were sitting on my nightstand next to my picture of her. I walked out of my room and into the living room. I had decided to leave a note for Billy just incase. But I don't really think he'd care were the fuck I was. But I just couldn't take the risk of him calling the police just to find me and ruining this day for me.
I slipped on my flip flops that my sister Rachel got me from the mall and headed out to my motorcycle. I didn't want to take my Rabbit because I wanted to feel the rush that I get when I ride my motorcycle. And plus . . . it's too hot to take the Rabbit.
The rush of adrenaline was amazing. It made me feel alive.
When I got to First Beach, I had found Eric the instructor for the lifeguard training program and asked him if I was late. He told me no and that it didn't start for another hour and to go mingle with the other soon-to-be lifeguards.
I hated being told what to do, but if I want to make a good impression, I better do what he tells me to do.
I saw two girls sitting by each other, sharing an iPod and giggling over what I guessed to be the song that was playing. One girl had jet black wavy hair and the other had . . . reddish/brownish hair color. I've never in my life seen that hair color. But fuck me, she was gorgeous. And not the overly too much make up gorgeous, but the 'I-can-be-smokin'-hot-without-make-up' gorgeous.
I just stood their like a dumb idiot with my mouth gaping open like a fish and my eyes unblinking.
Then she looked up at me with the most beautiful hazel eyes.
I felt my dick harden in my swim trunks and I hoped she hadn't seen that I was getting aroused. That would be awkward. But the irony of it all . . . I couldn't find myself to move from were I was. It's like I was glued there, unable to move, unable to walk up to her and ask her what her name was.
Then I realized that I never called a woman gorgeous, I never thought that she would have beautiful eyes.
But I felt that I've known her my whole life. I feel like I love her.
Wait . . . whoa.
I don't say or think that.
God . . . I hate her for making me want to love. And I don't even know her! Ugh!
I was pulled out of my thoughts when the girl that I was drooling over came over and asked me:
"Is there a reason why your staring at me?" She looked up at me with a smirk on her face. Looked down at her looking her in the eyes. By the look an her face, I could tell she was uncomfortable.
"Can't I just enjoy the sight?" I couldn't help but obey my hard cock and look her up and down. She had one hell of a body. A body that wouldn't mind to have under mine as plowed into her over and over with my hard cock.
"You sick pervert." She hissed at me and I just chuckled and stepped a little closer to her.
I looked to my side to see the life trainer basically fucking her with his eyes. Yeah, I know that I was doing the same thing but what he was doing was creepy like a rapist.
"Be lucky it's me and not some weird pervert." I whispered to her in a harsh tone and nodded in the direction of the Rapist Trainer who was staring intently at her ass. Just him doing that made a possessive fire start in me.
She blushed and stepped back and looked me in the eye.
"I'll take care of my problem and you take care of yours." She patted my erection through my swim trunks. I swear I was this close to cumming my trunks. Just from a teeny tiny little pat on the cock.
I wanted to desperately go home on jack my cock.
But unfortunately, I needed this job.
Oh dear God, let me survive!
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