Hi Guy, Dr. B here. So I hope you guys read this series even though I'm going to take more liberties with the characters than I have up to this point. Please comment along the way about what you like and dislike, becuase until I post the chapters, I can change stuff around.
~ Dr. Brooklyn
1.
"Hmmmm..." Chris McLean looked around the campsite, "I don't know if this place is skeevy enough, you know?"
"You're looking for a 'Nam and this is a Grenada?" Chef Hatchet said walking over from the mess hall.
"Sure..." Chris rolled his eyes, "Have you ever actually been in combat?"
"Not according to the government," Chef smiled.
"So... are you actually even a chef?"
"I've made a meal or two before," Chef said kicking a can across the campfire area, "Of course they were in foxholes outside of Hanoi."
"But there weren't any land ops outside of Hanoi," Chris stopped walking, "And besides Canada had no troops in Asia during the Vietnam War."
"When did I say I was there DURING the war?" Chef laughed as he walked down the dock, "I kind of like this place... it's... homey."
"I like it because it seems like Jason is about to pop out of the lake," Chris grinned evilly, rubbing his hands together, "It reeks of slime, horror, dare I say DRAMA!"
"How did I know you were going to say some stupid shit like that?"
"1) That was not stupid, and 2) here's your list of campers to round up... I'll see you one week from now in Meskoka."
TDI
"Remember, VOTE COURTNEY!" A sweater wearing Prep said from behind the table set up at the southern exit of Lakeshore Prep.
"A Little early to be campainging, don't you think?" Chris said as he walked up and leaned on the table.
"Politics never sleeps," Courtney smiled, "Aren't you a little old to be in High School?"
"What gave it away... my stubble?"
"No guys who can't grow beards are all too common in high school."
"Ouch," Chris laughed, "You seriously don't recognize me?"
"N... OH MY GOSH! YOU'RE CHRIS MCLEAN!"
"Yup," Chris stood up, "So I guess you know what this means..."
TDI
"This is a little song I wrote called 'I'm sad, so very, very sad.'" Trent strummed his guitar, "And it goes out to Crystal... who broke my heart into a million pieces. 'I'm sa-"
Chef, who had just walked up to the circle of girls listening to Trent, grabbed the guitar and smashed it on the ground, "!"
"You Trent?"
"Y-y-y-yes." Trent sobbed, picking up the neck of his guitar.
"Then you've been selected for Total Drama Island... hoo-fucking-ray for you." Chef said grabbing Trent's shirt and pulling him up, "Take the lead out, we've got places to be."
TDI
"DAD!" Ezekiel moaned, "I've been chopping wood ALL DAY!"
"That's what you get for participating in that foul idle time activity, eh."
"But, Dad, there's no girls for 20 miles! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!"
"EZEKIEL! EZEKIEL, JR! GET YOUR FANNIES INTO THE HOUSE NOW!" The two Ezekiels put their axes down and made their way towards the house.
"Gentlemen," Chris smiled from the table, putting down his glass of milk, "Excellent Milk, ma'am. Anyways, Ezekiel, we got your video... and out of the 1000s that applied... well, how would you like to come with me and got to the best summer camp you've ever been to?"
TDI
"And that's when I said 'Lvl. 4 Paladin? More like Lvl 3. Avenger! Am I right?'" Harold and his DnD friends all began to snicker when Chef walked down the stairs.
"Which one of you is... Harold?"
"There is no Harold," Harold said from the end of the table, "Only Zhuul!"
"Fine," Chef said, "I'm looking for some one with freckles, glasses, acne, and their virginity."
"That's all of us," Todd said.
"Fine," Chef grabbed a picture, "You in the lame pointy hat."
"Again, all of us."
"You're coming with Me!" Chef grabbed Harold, through him over his shoulder and stormed out of the basement, "Fucking nerds."
TDI
"It's about time you showed up, McLean!" Heather said storming down the driveway.
"Aren't I supposed to have a cool expository sit down with you?"
"Nope," Heather said climbing into the van, pausing only to flip off her house, "Just drive."
TDI
"So... who are you?" An angry punk said from behind the glass.
"McLean, Chris McLean."
"Do I know you?"
"Nope, but you know of me."
"I think you give yourself too much credit."
"I'm an actor."
"I prefer movies with Clint Eastwood."
"I'm here to get you out."
"What?"
"Yeah, me and the Warden of this fine Juvenile hall have come to an agreement. You get out if you're on my show. You're parents AND your future P.O. signed off on it."
"You got Scagnetti to agree to that?"
"Yup, so you in?"
"Nope," Duncan leaned back in his chair, "Maybe I like it here."
"Fine," Chris stood up, "Oh, and happy 18th."
"What?" Duncan slammed his chair forward.
"You turned 18 on Monday, remember? Yeah, that means you'll get to carry out the rest of your term at big boy jail." Chris smiled, his back to Duncan.
"When do we leave?"
TDI
"I'm on what show?" Lindsey said brushing her hair.
"Total Drama Island," Chef said, putting his face in his palm again.
"What's it about?"
"An island... and there's drama on it."
"Sounds good, what time is it on, I'd totally watch that show."
"You're not going to watch it... you're going to be ON IT!"
"No, I think I'd know if I was on a TV show."
"JUST GET IN THE DAMN VAN!"
TDI
Chris made his way through the club, pushing aside the sweaty adolescents, reaching a girl shaking everything she had and then some.
"You Leshawna?"
"What gave it away, shug?" Leshawna said 'moonwalking' towards the terrified host, "My awesome dance moves?"
"Do you have any awesome dance moves? Or are you saving them for a rainy day?"
"Fuh-ny," Leshawna said turning to face Chris, "Wait, your the string bean from those lame zombie sports movies."
"No, I'm the string bean from the AWESOME zombie sports movies," Chris said, "But of more import, I'm the string bean from Total Drama Island, and we've been looking for some one with your... special talent set, care to talk more outside of this obnoxious place?"
TDI
"Wait... you're twins?"
"In spirit!" Katie declared with pride
"And in soul!" Sadie added.
"But," Chef said, scratching his shaved head, "You aren't even related."
"No," Sadie smiled.
"But we're pretty much the same person!" Katie smiled as well.
"I was going to say that!" Sadie turned to face Katie.
"Because we're the same person!" Katie shrieked "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"So I'm here to inform the two of you that you've been chosen for TDI," Chef murmured, "God help us all."
TDI
"My final poem is called "My soul," 'The night sees my soul, and views it as light, My soul sees the ocean, and calls it shallow, the dead see my soul, and they feel alive, my eyes see my soul... and they. start. to. cry." Gwen bowed her head to snaps from the crowd.
"That may have been the most depressing thing I've ever heard," Chris said from his second row seat.
"Thank you," Gwen smiled and brushed her hair out of her eyes, "That's exactly what I was going for."
"Can I speak with you in private?" Chris said walking to the stairs where Gwen was descending.
"Sure," Gwen pointed to a booth in the back, "there's a spot over there"
"So, Gwen, that was a... poem" Chris said sitting down, "Have you considered anything in the reality TV industry?"
"That's a strange getting to know you question," Gwen said resting her head in her palms, "Isn't it?"
"Well..." Chris stopped, realizing the implications of her posture, "Oh no, I'm not here for THAT, I'm here because of your video for Total Drama Island."
"Oh, you got that?" Gwen laughed, sitting up more formally, "That was kind of to be ironic... you see my friends-"
"Well, you're on the show if you want to be."
"How soon can we go?"
TDI
"Yeah, the girl you're looking for is in cell 1138," The Doctor said, "She's here for DID, and arson."
"Really?" Chef smiled, "Reminds me of Sasquatch Jones from 'Nam."
"Yeah, but for an 18 year old to refer to herself as three different people and try to set fire to a moose, that's a little bit more of a problem," The Doctor grabbed his keys, "I'm just surprised we're even letting her out."
"Hello, Christopher," Izzy said from the back corner of here room.
"Um, My names Chef."
"What? Chris didn't even come himself?" Izzy stood up angrily, "'Explosivo will end him.' 'Not yet, Explosivo.' Let's get going, Chad!"
TDI
"Hey there Bridgette," Chris said walking down the studio hallway, "How's the biz treating you?"
"Like Howard Beale," Bridgette said brushing her hair, "It seems like only yesterday I was surfing with my cousin Emma at Surfer's Paradise, then me and Geoff were the new Bogey and Bacall, and now the shows bottomed out since he left."
"Bummerville," Chris said sitting down in her dressing room, "But I have seen you're out with a new beau... BJ?"
"DJ," Bridgette said, "It was a classic case of bodyguard turned boyfriend."
"Cute," Chris started playing with her Gemini award, "So..."
"You came about that new show of yours didn't you?"
"It's the first season, baby doll!" Chris said walking over to her, "A bunch of nobodies? But a few celebs, especially the famous, and best looking half of BridGeoff? That's ratings gold!"
"Fine," Bridgette, spun in her chair to face Chris, "I'll be on it, if DJ comes too."
"Yeah, I figured that would be an ultimatum," Chris started walking to the door, "A van will come by to pick the two of you up in an hour."
TDI
"HEY!" an angry movie store patron said slamming the DVD on the counter, "You said 'One for the Flipper' was good! AND THIS WAS SHITE!"
"I liked it, bro," Geoff said looking up from the return bin he was emptying, "You asked MY opinion of it."
"Yeah, and your opinion ain't SHIT! And to think, you used to be BIG." The patron stormed out.
"Bastard," Geoff whispered before yelling after the man, "I AM BIG! IT'S THE PICTURES THAT GOT SMALL!"
"And how's that being big thing working out for ya, Captain Hollywood?" Chef said putting Heartbreak Ridge on the counter.
"I work for a fat slob who listens to The Clash all day... and that job is minimum wage at a video store," Geoff's shoulders slumped, "I'm suprised anyone recognizes me with out... Bridgette!" Geoff began crying.
"I didn't want the whole Damn story," Chef said, "But, I got your video... pathetic attempt at Herbert West-ing your career... and me and Chris couldn't say no to that." Chef grinned as Geoff began to smile.
"WOOOHOOO!"
TDI
"8th rule of Food club, if this is your first night... you have to bite," A charming man said from the center of a dark basement.
"It's my first night," Chris said stepping forward, "Who dares eat against me?"
"How about the O-Bomination?" The man smiled and motioned to a hulking blonde boy who stepped forward.
"OH YEAH!" Owen ran over and hugged Chris, "IT IS AN HONOR! NO A PRIVILEGE! No, is an honor more than a privilege? IT'S AN HONAVALEGE! TO EAT AGAINST YOU MR. MCLEAN!"
"Easy there Big Guy," Chris said, well, more of a gasp, "I don't actually want to eat, I want to talk to you about Total Drama ISLAND!"
TDI
"What the hell is this place?" Chef said walking into the dressing room of Mr. Lemieux's Haus of Fashion.
"Only the haus of the greatest model in Canada," Mr. Lemieux said as he walked Chef over to Justin, "Justin!"
"You called?" Justin turned around and winked.
"I think I've just felt love for the first time," Chef said, "In your eyes, I am complete!"
"Yeah, I get that a lot!" Justin laughed, "The b-ladies love me!"
"And I think our viewers will too," Chef said, "We got your audition tape, and... your on the show."
"Excellent," Justin winked.
TDI
"And the winner of Quiz Night in Canada, for the 28th straight week is the Trivial Pursuer from Toronto! NOOOOOOAAAAHHHH!" The crowd cheered as Noah bowed and walked off stage, only to meet Chris McLean.
"Move simpleton," Noah said, "I have the Firefly boxed set waiting in my dressing room, and I intend to watch it."
"What if you had a more pressing engagement?"
"Unless it's meeting Emilie-Claire Barlow," Noah scoffed, "I doubt it's more pressing."
"How about a chance to win $1 million?"
"Now you're speaking directly to my heart."
TDI
"What's the matter, pussy?" Chef said sitting down next to a sobbing Tyler.
"The Canadiens said I was no good!" Tyler sobbed, "I waited and waited until I turned 18 so I could audition, and they laughed at me!"
"With good reason," Chef said putting his hand on the crying boys shoulder, "You're not Rocket."
"I know, but..." Tyler whimpered, "I wanted it... so bad!"
"How would getting a chance to win $1 Million make you feel?"
"A bit better."
"Come on, we've got a plane to catch."
TDI
"And in the red corner," The MMA announcer declared from the center of the octagon, "The Alberta Abomination, The Brawler from 'Berta, EEEEEVVVVAAAAA!"
Two fighters, one of whom had lured Chris McLean to the gladiatorial, walked to the center of the octagon, tapped gloves and began fighting, well... Eva started fighting. Landing a quick gut shot Eva knocked her for backwards, allowing the savage girl to leap forward and drop her opponent into a crucifix.
"And this fights over," Chris said getting up and walking over to Eva's corner.
"And winner by TKO, EVA!" Eva waved to the crowd before leaving the ring.
"What do you want dick face?"
"Remember how you sent a video to TDI?"
"Yup," Eva sucked down some Powerade, "I'm trying to get my name out."
"Well, as fate would have it, I'm the dickface who hosts the show," Chris said as Eva spat out her Powerade in shock, "And I'm the dickface who picked you to be on it."
TDI
"Yes, sir," Cody said shoulder shrugging,"Yes I understand you don't want the "Artsy shit" you just want regular photos."
"Damn right I don't, nobody cares about the angle or lighting that the monkey in the funny hat is caught with, they just want the monkey in the funny hat. Same thing goes for people, just catch them, don't stage a shot with lighting and all that-" a buzzer rang on Mr. Klein's desk, "Monroe here."
"Sir, it's... It's someone for Cody."
"Cody?" Klein looked from the p.a. to the photographer, "Cody, do you know who wants you?"
"National Geographic?"
"Probably not," Klein smiled as he lit a cigar, "Get out of my office and figure this shit out."
"Yes sir," Cody said walking out. Klein took a few puffs before hearing a loud scream of joy and the door swing open, "Sir," Cody said beaming, "I'm about to say something I've wanted to say since I started this whole 'peter parker' gig. Go fuck yourself!" Cody slammed the door and turned to face Chef, "Let's go before he comes out here and kills me."
TDI
"Hello sir," Beth beamed from behind the counter, "How may I lemonify your day?"
"BETH!" Caitlin said stepping forward, "For the last time that is NOT the sloHMIGOSH IT'S CHRIS MCLEAN!"
"Yes, yes it is," Chris smiled, "I'll take a lemonade, shaken not stirred."
"Coming up, sir," Caitlin turned around and started making the lemonade.
"So, Beth," Chris smiled at Caitlin's back side, then caught himself and turned back to Beth, "How'd you like to be on TV?"
TDI
"Welcome Campers," Chris smiled from his podium, the fire roared a foot from him, "Welcome to Camp Wawanakwa, I'm sure you all got a good look at the facilities."
"The whole island looks like facilities," Duncan smirked, which led to a few laughs.
Chris smiled, "I hand picked this island for that reason! And I hope you all got introduced, because I don't have the time to introduce you. On the tray in front of me are 22 marshmallows, this is the only time this entire season you ALL get Marshmallows, starting tomorrow one of you won't get a marshmallow every time their team comes here after a loss. That person will then walk the Dock of Shame, and get on the Boat of Losers and go... to an undisclosed location." Chris tossed the marshmallows to the campers, enjoy your marshmallows, mingle some, I'll be back in a few minutes with the get to bed blow horn."
"Hmmmmm..." Owen said, "I hope my team loses every time... but I don't get eliminated., because I LOVE me some mallows!"
"Well," Heather sneered, "If you're not on my team I can guarantee you'll be here every time."
"Come on Guys," Beth said, "Can't we at least be friends."
"Nope," Gwen said, returning a smile from Cody.
"I'm sure SOME of us can be friends," Cody said, his blush hidden by the night.
"Just so long as I walk off this island with the money," Duncan said putting his marshmallow on a stick he had sharpened, "I don't care which team I'm on."
"Really, Cool Hand Luke?" Courtney scoffed, "You think YOU can beat me? I'm a CIT."
"Yeah," Duncan said, "But I'm a hardened criminal WITH A HOOK!" Duncan said as he raised a fake hook, causing all the other campers to scream, except Gwen.
"I actually believed you for a second," DJ laughed as he put his arm around Bridgette, which caused Geoff to tense up.
"Duncan, just so you know, I'm not afraid of you, I know like 38 martial arts and can kill a man, with out him even being a man!" Harold said striking a martial arts pose.
"Alright, Chuck Dorkis," Duncan laughed, "You have me afraid."
"You should be!"
"You all SHOULD be going to bed," Chris said walking back over to the fire pit, "It's late and we start bright and early tomorrow." Chris started ushering the campers out of the pit and pointing them in the direction of the cabins.
TDI
"So, here are the cabins, the left is for the ladies, and the right is for the dudes," Chris pointed out, "The bathrooms are right over there, and that is the ONLY place you are allowed to go once you guys are sent to bed at night."
"Sent to bed?" Duncan laughed, "I'm 18."
"Yeah, and you're a jailbird who should be used to going to bed when your warden tells you too," Courtney scoffed, looking over at Justin who winked in her direction.
"So, anyways, get your teenage asses to bed," Chris said, "I'll see you at sun up, filming starts then"
"Duncan," Heather said walking over as various guys exchanged looks with girls as they entered their cabins.
"What was your name again?" Duncan said as he was walking away.
"It's Heather," She grabbed a small rock and threw it at Duncan, "And you'll pay attention to me when I fucking talk to you!"
"What do you want to talk about?"
"An alliance," Heather said, "On the boat ride here I made a plan that involves you, and how I can get the two of us to the finals."
"I'm listening," Duncan said walking back over to her, "What's this plan?"
"We fake a relationship-"
"And I'm no longer listening."
"No, trust me, An alliance people will try and break, who's going to be heartless enough to try and break a relationship?"
"So why me?"
"Well, you're obviously one of the strongest people here, mentally and physically. And I'd rather have you on my side than against me."
"But I can obviously tell neither of us likes the other one," Duncan sneered, "I may actually hate you."
"Well, everytime we want to say that we hate the other, say love instead, people won't know the difference."
After a long period of time, Duncan smiled, "Fine."
TDI
"Well number 3 has to be Geoff," Sadie said, "I mean, those abs."
"And that smile," Katie agreed, "He was the best part of Aftermath, I didn't even care about the stupid celebrities."
"No offense, Bridgette" Sadie said turning to face Bridgette.
"None taken," Bridgette said looking up from the magazine she was reading, "I mean... it's not like I still think about him."
"2 is probably Duncan," Lindsey said, "That whole bad boy thing is kind of hot."
"What about that Tyler?" Leshawna said, "I like my men athletic."
"Which one is Tyler?" Lindsey said scratching her head.
"And 1 is no doubt Justin," Courtney said smiling.
"Yeeeaaaah," all the girls sighed.
TDI
"Duncan?" Geoff said from his bed, "Where were you bro?"
"I was... taking in the moonlight," Duncan said sitting on the empty bed, "What were you guys doing?"
"These neanderthals were discussing which of the females they would choose to defile," Noah said from his bed on the other side of the cabin.
"Oh?" Duncan smiled, "Who topped the list?"
"There's some debate," Trent said, "It's a toss up between Lindsey, Heather, and Gwen."
"No," Tyler said throwing his pillow at Trent, "You and Cody are the only ones who put Gwen as #1 so she's no on the list."
"But she's SO hot!" Cody said, "I mean, that pale skin, the eye liner, the highlights!"
"Yeah," Trent said, "Me and Cody obviously have the best taste in women."
"So D-Man," Ezekiel said, "Who would you bone?"
"Hmmm... probably Heather..." Duncan smiled, "We kind of started a thing, that's the kind of moonlight I was taking in."
"NICE!" Geoff leapt up to high five Duncan.
"How would he know what a hot chick is?" Harold whined, "I mean, he's been in jail probably trading his ass for cigarettes!"
"One," Duncan said, "It was only juvie, Two, I only smoke cigars, Three I'm going to beat the ever loving shit out of you!" Duncan ran across the room, grabbed the bar of the top bunk and vaulted into the bunk with Harold, grabbing him and throwing him down to the floor.
"BRAWL!" Geoff declared as all the guys, except Tyler, Justin, and Noah, started punching each other and kicking, until the door swung open and they all stopped.
"What the fuck do you monkeys think you're doing?" Chef said picking up the garbage can and throwing it across the cabin, causing all the boys to climb back into their beds rapidly, "That's more like it. If I hear one peep out of you I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and FURIOUS ANGER! So keep your asses in your sheets." Chef slammed the door.
"Harold," Duncan said, "Tomorrow... I'm kicking your ass."