I'm back, but don't spread it around. This is just a bit of an experiment. Forget everything from my last fanfics. New Shepard (male) New Ashley (not lesbian) and New Joker (not healed)

Cockpit Conversations

Shepard and Ashley

"So Commander, where to?" Joker asked, as he swiveled to face Shepard.

"Don't know, don't care," Matt Shepard said, running a hand over his face. "Can't we just cruise? Do we always have to go someplace?"

"I know you're from Earth Commander, but the Normandy isn't something you can cruise around in picking up chicks," Joker said teasingly.

"Oh? And why not? I just saved the galaxy. I think I'm entitled to some complementary women," Shepard said sarcastically, rubbing his crew cut black hair.

"If you want to cruise for chicks, you'll have to use another ship. Only I can make the Normandy look so good," the pilot said with a wide grin. "What about Ash? Or Liara? Or even Tali?"

"First of all, Tali is like sixteen," Matt reminded the helmsman as he massaged his temples. "Liara is a bit too blunt ad I prefer humans. Ash? Well, she kind of scares me."

"The galaxy's first human Spectre is intimidated by a woman? Hold on, let me get the Shadow Broker," Joker teased.

The Commander shushed Joker as he looked around for any signs of Ashley. "It's not that she's scary physically. But one moment she's cackling like an insane person on the battlefield, and the next she's reciting poetry and talking about her religion. Could you imagine getting in bed with her?"

"Unfortunately, that's all I can do."

"Right, sorry. But it just scares me shitless and I was unsure which Ashley I would be getting," Shepard finished.

"Wuss."

"Pardon?"

"You've faced geth armadas, a rogue Spectre and possible extinction without batting an eyelash. And now you want to tell me that just because a really beautiful woman enjoys a good battle you run off?" Joker queried. "Wuss."

"Hey, if you think Ash is cute, why don't you go for her?"

"Uh Commander? This is an Alliance vessel, not a traveling brothel ship," Joker reasoned.

"They have those?"

Joker slapped a hand to his forehead. "Focus! I'm trying to say that somebody has to stay professional around here. Besides, she has the hots for you, not the crippled sarcastic pilot."

"I made my feelings clear, and I'm pretty sure she moved on," Shepard said, walking away.

"Where are we going sir?"

"Surprise me," Shepard said with a wave of his hand.

Surprise me, Joker thought. Who am I? His personal chauffer? He wants to cruise? Fine, Earth it is!

As the Normandy cleared the mass relay, none other than Ash took a seat in the copilot chair. "So where has Shepard ordered us to go now?"

"I was told to, surprise him," Joker said with a shrug.

"Okay, so where did you decide?"

"Now, now, that would be telling," Joker teased, shaking his head.

"I'm a Williams Joker, and we get what we want," the Gunnery Chief said with a tinkle in her eye.

"And what does Ms. Ashley Williams want?" Joker asked with a wink.

"To now where the hell we're going," Ashley responded, slapping at the pilot's hat.

"Earth. Figure it's high time for some rest and relaxation," Joker explained, straightening his favorite cap. "But seriously, why did you come to my cockpit?"

"Scuttlebutt," Ashley said with a shrug.

Uh oh. Please don't tell me…

"Oh?" Joker asked as nonchalantly as possible. "Buying or selling?"

The Chief shrugged. "That depends."

"On?"

"That's on a need to know basis and-"

"And I don't need to know. That's not cliché," Joker said with a chuckle. "Just spill it."

"Fine," Ashley said crossing her arms. "I want to know what Shepard said about me."

"That information has quite the price tag," joker said, rubbing his fingers together for emphasis. "I expect you have something to give me?"

"More like what I won't tell everybody else," Ashley said mischievously.

Shit.

"Go n."

"Do you really think I'm beautiful Joker?"

"Ah, crap."

Can you see where this is going? Maybe i should base my fanfiction career on minor character spotlights