HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MADDIE!
(Whenever you can get online, that is.)
Waking up with a jolt of fear Brittany's hand spasms to her phone, which lies, glowing, on her nightstand. Even though it's three am and her friend's reaction will be somewhere between bitchy and puppy-killing, she scrolls through her contacts to Santana and hits call. ("Call what?" she'd asked, back in seventh grade with her first phone. "
Me," Santana had replied, flipping her ponytail. "Santana!" Brittany'd shrieked, as Santana covered her ears, sighed, and hit the green button for her.)
This time, Santana answers, "Mmph?"
"I had a dream," Brittany tells her, shuddering. "I'm pretty sure it might come true."
"Congratulations," replies Santana, quickly coherent enough to be venomous. "I had a dream too, and I was screwing Brad Pitt. If you hadn't woken me up, he might have proposed."
"No … I'm pretty sure he already proposed to Angelina." Distracted, Brittany considers. "That's hot. And besides, polygamy is legal in forty nine countries and parts of Nigeria."
Santana snorts. "You can go marry Bradgelina in fricking Nigeria. Anyway, why did you call me?"
"Um …" Brittany has to stop considering Bradgelina and Brittana polygamy to remember, which is too bad, because she rather likes those topics, while her actual reason is not as much fun. Finally, her mind focuses back in on her current night terror. "What if I was a rolling pin? Would you still love me?"
Santana chokes, laughing, and is silent for a couple seconds. Finally, on the other end, Brittany sighs.
"I knew it," she says. "I should have asked Artie."
"That's what you woke me up at three in the morning for? How the hell are you going to turn into a rolling pin?"
"I told you … I had a dream."
"Oh. My. God." Santana exhales loudly. This is what she gets for being best friends with Brittany instead of normal people: normal people are awake at three am when they're having a boyfriend crisis or something; Brittany is awake at three am because she's having an inanimate-object-identity-crisis.
"Santana! This is important!"
"Right. Okay." Calling to mind logic at three in the morning is never easy, especially when talking to Brittany, but Santana tries her best. "Well, you'd be off the team faster than Quinn Fabray when she was knocked up."
"Well … maybe I could be the mascot instead." After all, Brittany reasons, she wouldn't even have to wear a costume anymore.
"Britt, we're not the rolling pins."
"Jeez, San, it was just an idea!"
Santana tries to hide a chuckle. Somehow, all of Brittany's ideas reach a similar bottom of coherence and realism.
Deciding that her life as a rolling pin isn't actually the point, Brittany returns to her original question. "Anyway, would you still love me?"
Santana smirks. "You know how much I love wood."
"Are you implying an affinity for oak or penises?"
"Jesus, Brittany, which do you think?" groans Santana.
"Okay, gross." On the other end of the line, Brittany blinks and curls up under her covers, pleased that apparently, due to her current pliability, she's not actually a rolling pin yet, so probably is safe. "But would you still love me?"
"Sure," says Santana. "We'll just be a big fricking fairytale and I'll look beyond appearances and we'll live happily ever after, the end."
"I detect traces of sarcasm."
"Finally," moans Santana. Why Brittany couldn't have detected sarcasm back when they were talking about Bradgelina, she doesn't know.
"But anyway," Brittany continues, sing-song, delivering the good news to Santana as if it actually was news to Santana, "It's all okay. Because I'm not actually a rolling pin yet." She wiggles her toes, and as if she could see Brittany, Santana laughs.
"I'm so relieved," Santana tells her, the sarcasm cutting out halfway through her sentence. "Can I go to sleep now?"
"Only if you dream Angelina and I into whatever you and Brad were doing."
"Right," replies Santana. "And you're not allowed to dream about rolling pins anymore." She grins. "Only about wood."
Santana dreams that she and Britt and Brad and Angie do go to Nigeria after all.
Brittany dreams about oak trees.
Yeah, this is my first foray into Glee, and I'm really scared about the characterizations of both Brittany and Santana. Any thoughts/concrit are much appreciated!