"Come on dude, the water is totally chill. Don't be a wimp and just get in here already."
Sollux was sitting on the beach like a pussy again. That kid seriously needs to just live for once. He's probably never even been outside of his house—hive, I mean—before. He most likely sits on his computer or something stupid like that. Why can't he be like john, who listens like an adorable little heterosexual puppy? John got in the water and he's probably one of the biggest wimps there ever was.
"Fuck you, Thriider."
"What was that? I couldn't hear you over your dumb impediment." You smirk and sit in the water; soaking in the scent, sound, and warmth of the moment. For irony's sake of course.
"Theriiouthly not cool dude."
"Just shut up and join me. Do I have to drag you in here?"
"Daaavveee. If Sollux doesn't want to get in you can't make him." John says a few feet away from you. God, now he's pretending to be a dolphin. How typical of that doofus.
"Yeah. II agree wiith Dolphiin-boy over there."
"I didn't want to force this but you need to get your big-troll boxers on and get in the fucking ocean right now." You stand and start jogging towards Sollux who is realizing what you are going to do.
"Dave. Thop iit. Now."
He starts to back away from you. Then he starts running full speed. The dude is fast but you can't out-run a Strider.
You tackle sollux and then pick him up fireman-style and return the way you came.
"Fuck. Thtriider put me down!" He starts beating on your shoulder and you laugh. You just thought of the best pun ever.
"There is no escaping." You pause just to let this sink in. "I guess you can say… you've been CAPTOR'ed." OH GOD, THAT WAS SO TERRIBLE THAT IS WAS AWESOME.
"Theriiously. You honethtly thiink ii haven't heard that one before."
Disappointing. Someone beat you to that awesome phrase.
You arrive at the shore and sollux is trying really hard to wiggle out of your grip. Too bad. You chuck him into the water with a chuckle.
"II don't know how—" He goes under water for a second then comes up, "to thwiim, fuckath."
He struggles in the water and you laugh manically on the beach. Wasn't his girlfriend a fish? He's got to be joking.
He goes underwater.
You laugh again.
He doesn't come up.
SHIT. HE WASN'T KIDDING.
"John! Fuck. Help me out here. I think he's drowning." You say as you wade through the water trying to find sollux.
Your foot hits something. You reach down and pull him out of the water. Seriously? You can fucking STAND in this water and he's drowning it.
You drag him back to shore and john is practically running around like some sort of mental patient.
"CALM YOUR SHIT JOHN."
He stops galloping for a second and helps you pull troll's limp body onto the sand. You aren't experienced in medical shit but you're pretty confidant that trolls are supposed to breath. You try slapping him. No response.
"I don't think he's breathing, Dave."
"No shit, sherlock. Can't you do the windy thing?" You glance at him through your shades and are glad he can't see the worried glimmer in your eye.
"Ew. Dave. That would mean I'd have to kiss him or something. That's homo."
You roll your eyes and it's everything you can do to not slap john silly for his stupid "I'm not gay" act. You bend over next to Sollux and you summon every memory of Bro trying to teach you basic Emergency stuff. Fire drills and crap like that. Thank god Bro taught you CPR, even if it was extremely awkward watching him give Cal mouth-to-puppet.
You start pumping Sollux's chest hoping that's where troll's lungs—or whatever weird thing they call it—are located. Then you press your lips to his and breathe his air for him as John makes some strange noises behind you. God, this would be so intimate if it wasn't in public with John watching and Sollux dying. You can't help but think.
You pump his chest again and then push more of your air into his lungs.
You continue to do this until he coughs. His eyes flash open and he looks around violently. He spits up some water and then clenches his hand to his chest, shaking.
"Hey dude, welcome back to the world of the living."
You grab your cape that you had taken off before you jumped in the first time and wrap it around him. "You really scared the shit out of me for a minute there." You give him a friendly pat on the back and he glares at you.
He mumbles something.
"What?" You inch a bit closer.
"II thaiid, Fuck you…. And thankth for thaviing my liife.." He punches you in the shoulder and you laugh. He will be fine. He will never go near the water ever again and might have an irrational fear of water now, but he'll be fine.