The characters and material of SSX Tricky are the copyrighted material of
EA Games and Sony. DJ Rahzel, of course, is his own man in real life, heh,
heh. Enjoy the story. ^_^
Twelve Racers of SSX
Opening Scene: Snowflakes fall gently upon a city hurriedly preparing for the holidays. Inside a hotel room, eleven incredulous SSX Tricky competitors are gathered around a disgruntled Zoe. For her part, the irritated punk-style snowboarder is holding a small slip of paper.
Elise: "So let me get this straight. Rahzel wants us to do WHAT?"
Zoe: (Makes a disgusted face) "He wants us to record a song for a Christmas album."
JP: (Sharing the others' confusion) "A Christmas album?"
Zoe: (Turns to answer the Frenchman) "Yeah. Apparently Razzy feels that this will help boost our positive PR." (She shrugs her shoulders) "He said something about it being 'the current crazy craze.'"
Brodi: (Calmly considers Rahzel's proposal) "Hmm...a single song. Sounds reasonable enough."
Luther: (Grunts in disapproval) "Figures you'd agree, ya Buddhist chanting pansy."
Brodi: (A bit irked by the insult, he confronts Luther) "Excuse me?"
Kaori: (Interjects before an argument can break out between Brodi and Luther) "Umm...Zoe, are we all going to sing?"
Zoe: (Sighs) "Yeah kiddo, everyone is supposed to participate."
Mac: "Man, I've got to share a stage with HIM?" (Points toward Moby)
Moby: (Indignant, to say the least) "Got a problem with that, mate?"
Mac: "Old man, I bet you don't even know how to rap!"
Moby: (Angrily snarls) "You call that garbage singing?!"
Mac: (Nonchalantly waves the Englishman off) "Whatever. I've got better things to do." (The DJ wannabe prepares to leave) "I'm outta here!"
Kaori: (Cheerfully skips up to Mac) "Come on Mac-kun, it'll be fun!"
Mac: (Suddenly unsure) "Uh...."
Kaori: (Clasps her hands and assumes a doe-eyed, puppy dog look worthy of any cute female anime character) "Please, Mac-kun, PLEEEAASSSE."
Mac: (Overwhelmed by Kaori's charm, he places a hand behind his head and laughs nervously) "Eh......heh, heh......O.K......hee, hee......I'm in......heh, heh."
Marisol: (Witnessing Mac's and Kaori's exchange, she whispers an aside to Seeiah) "Works every time." (Seeiah nods)
Psymon: (Not so easily swayed, the crazy Canadian marches toward the exit) "Well, I'm not singing any stinking carol. Later losers!"
Zoe: (Notices Psymon leaving) "Psymon wait!" (Sees that he is still departing) "Rahzel said we have to do this!"
Psymon: (Doesn't turn around as he waves and answers) "Well, give the bozo my disregards!"
Zoe: (Becomes irate) "Look, anyone who doesn't participate immediately loses their Christmas bonus and is subject to expulsion from the tour!!"
Seeiah: (Sarcastically whispers back to Marisol) "Nice way to get ensure holiday spirit, eh girlfriend?" (Marisol raises an eyebrow as she nods)
Eddie: (Can't believe what he's just heard) "Like, you're kidding right?"
Zoe: (Sighs) "Nope. I wish I were, but Rahzel was quite specific." (Walks over to a moping Psymon and places a hand on his back) "Don't worry Psymon, it's only one song."
Psymon: (Glances at Zoe) "Only one?"
Zoe: (Smiles and raises her index figure) "Just one."
Moby: (Steps right between Zoe and Psymon while ushering Zoe out the door) "Well, what are we waiting for mates? Let's give them a bloody good showing!" (Psymon, left behind, stands glaring at the retreating Englishman's back)
Elise: (Grins as she walks up to her fellow Canadian. She coyly speaks to him with her usual smugness) "You'll always have me, Sketchy."
Psymon: (Grimaces in disgust and walks toward the exit) "In my nightmares, baby." (Elise chuckles)
Marisol: (Saddles up to Elise and asks with her own brand of arrogance) "Soooooo Elise, I didn't know you went for the eccentric, psychotic type?" (In the background, an exasperated Seeiah rests her head in her hand, already knowing the outcome of this little exchange)
Elise: (Coolly considers her rival) "Nah, I just leave the psychotic types for you." (The Canadian bombshell turns to leave)
Marisol: (Momentarily irritated, she quickly regains her aloof expression) "Oh, senora, it's nothing to be ashamed of. After all, everybody needs somebody. Personally, I think you two make a cute couple."
Elise: (Growing more angry) "Like you and JP?" (Not waiting for a response, she stalks off)
Marisol: (Becomes furious at the mentioning of her ex-boyfriend) "That's hardly fair!" (She rushes to catch up to the Canadian bombshell)
Eddie: (Groans as he witnesses the two blond rivals arguing in the distance. The terms, "bimbo", "tramp", and "airhead" are being freely exchanged with great frequency) "Like, can't we just get along?"
Brodi: (Walks up to Eddie and observes) "It's probably due to their similar personalities."
Eddie: (Not sure he likes what Brodi is implying) "Dude, what are you saying?"
Seeiah: (Nonchalantly interrupts the two men) "It's a diva thing." (She moves toward the door. Eddie looks at Brodi, who in turn, shrugs. They both follow Seeiah out of the room)
Kaori: (Tries to rush out with the others) "Let's go Mac-kun!" (Notices Mac isn't following and turns to look back at her friend) "Mac-kun?"
Mac: (Still poised with hand behind the head and giggling like a fool) "Heh, heh......no problem......hee, hee......anything you say."
Kaori: (Sweat drops and then rolls her eyes. She goes back to Mac and starts dragging him by the arm) "Come on, baka." (The teen manages to pull her friend out the door)
JP: (He and Luther are the last to leave. The Frenchman turns to his partner) "My friend, I'm afraid no good can come of this."
Luther: (Grumbles) "I hear ya boss. I hear ya."
Some time passes. The SSX gang has gathered in a recording studio. Zoe is holding a box filled with strips of paper.
Zoe: "Alright crew. Since there's twelve of us, I thought it'd be cool to sing 'The Twelve Days of Christmas.' Everyone just..."
Mac: (Interrupts): "Yo, Zoe. Can we do it rap sty...oof!" (Kaori gives him a quick elbow in the gut).
Zoe: (Smiles at Kaori as the others blink) "Thanks Kay. As I was trying to say, everybody just pull out one of these slips."
The snowboarders comply, with one exception...
Luther: (Eyes the box suspiciously) "This ain't one of those 'Secret Santa' deals, is it?"
Zoe: (Rolls her eyes) "No Luther, each piece of paper has one of the twelve verses to the song. Figured it was easier to assign these randomly."
Luther: (Ponders a moment, then concludes) "Aw, all right." (Is about to snatch the last of the pieces, then reconsiders) "You sure?"
Zoe: (Exasperated, she yells) "Just TAKE it already, moron!!"
Luther: (Growls) "Who ya callin' a moron, woman?"
Zoe: (With fist clenched, she appears ready to clobber the burly snowboarder) "Why I should..."
JP: (Leans toward Luther) "Despite her uncouth nature, perhaps it would be best to do as she says."
Luther: (Reluctantly grabs the last slip) "You're the boss, JP."
Zoe: (Glares at JP and remarks) "My, aren't you the diplomat."
JP: (Preens while appearing oblivious to the sarcasm) "But of course."
Zoe: "Yeah, yeah, whatever." (Turns to address everyone) "O.K. gang. Everybody gets to sing the refrain. On the count of three, one...two...three!"
The SSX Tricky gang: "On the first day of Christmas, my..."
Eddie: (Waves his arms to stop the singing) "Whoa! Hey! Stop!"
Zoe: (Again exasperated) "O.K. Now what is it?!"
Eddie: (Somewhat hesitatingly) "Eh...well...aren't the twelve days supposed to correspond to Hanukah, not Christmas?"
Luther: "You Jewish?"
Eddie: "Er...no."
Luther: "Then shut your trap, geek!"
Brodi: (Decides to help out his afro wearing friend) "No need to be harsh with him Luther, he's just being religiously sens..." (Sees everyone glaring at him for the continuing interruption) "...ah, never mind."
Zoe: (With overly polite sweetness) "Now, if there aren't any more objections." (She takes a deep breath) "MAY WE PLEASE START THE SONG!!!" (She looks at the group, daring someone to make another comment. Satisfied that no one is willing to volunteer any more opinions, the punk-girl continues) "On the count of three, one...two...three!"
The SSX Tricky gang: "On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me!"
Psymon: (Angry when he realizes which verse he holds) "Hey! Why do I have to sing this part!"
Kaori: "Because that's the slip you got, baka!"
Psymon: (Furiously turns toward the Japanese teen) "Listen squirt..." (Suddenly he assumes an eager boy-scout expression) "Hey want to trade?"
Kaori: (Puts a finger to her chin, pretending to think a moment) "Umm..." (She looks back at Psymon grinning mischievously) "NO!"
Psymon: (Lunges after the giggling youth, who ducks behind Mac) "You little... Why the heck not?!!"
Mac: "I think she likes seeing you squirm."
Kaori: (Peeks out from behind Mac and cheerfully nods) "Uh huh." (She pulls down on one eyelid and sticks her tongue out at the crazy Canadian) "Bleh!!"
Psymon: (Shaking in impotent fury) "When I get my hands on you..."
Zoe: (Sighs) "The sooner you sing it Psymon, the quicker we can finish this song."
Psymon: (Grumpily backs off) "Oh, all right." (Takes a deep breath) "A stinking bird in a lame tree!"
Seeiah: (Reprimands Psymon) "Hey, that isn't how the song goes!"
Psymon: (Stares right at his fellow snowboarder and snarls) "If I got to sing this stupid verse, I'll do it my way!!"
Seeiah: (Holds her hands up in a placating gesture) "Down boy, down!"
Brodi: (Mentions to no one, in particular) "Perhaps we should continue?"
Everyone settles down and begins again.
The SSX Tricky gang: "On the second day of Christmas, my true love sent to me!"
Kaori: "One crazy baka!"
Psymon: (Feeling like the comment was referring to him, which it was) "Hey!"
Zoe: (Sighs again) "Kay, that's not the correct verse."
Kaori: (Frowns and points toward Psymon) "If he can do it, why can't I?"
Zoe: (Sighs again - she's been doing that a lot lately - and relents, feeling further argument was pointless) "Fine." (She glances at Psymon) "Psymon?"
Psymon: (Still not happy with Kaori, he grumbles) "My turn, I know." (Getting a sudden inspiration, he grins evilly and sings) "And a cry baby Jap twerp that needs a spankiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!"
Kaori: (Suddenly indignant) "HEY!"
The rest of the SSX Tricky gang: (Seeing the looming fight, quickly resumes singing) "On the third day of Christmas, my true love sent to me!"
JP: "An irresistible Frenchman!" (Starts arrogantly preening again) "After all, what lovely lady could resist the charms of one such as I?"
Seeiah: (Turns to Marisol) "Hey, girlfriend, didn't he do something like that for you last Christmas, wearing nothing but a...mmmmHmmmMmmrff!" (The rest of Seeiah's comment becomes muffled as an embarrassed Marisol quickly places a hand over her gregarious friend's mouth).
Elise: (Raises an eyebrow) "Care to share?"
Kaori: (Embarrassed by the obvious innuendo, continues) "One crazy baka!"
Psymon: (Grins) "And a bratty Jap squirt wearing nothing but her undeeeeeeees!"
Kaori: (Catching the last verse, attempts to punch the psychotic racer) "PERVERT!!"
Everyone else: "PSYMON!!"
Psymon: (Trying to dodge Kaori's strikes) "Geez, why does everyone has to overreact?"
Zoe: (Shouts to get everyone's attention) "SOME MORE SONG PLEASE!!"
The SSX Tricky gang: (Sighs) "On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me!"
Zoe: "Four calling..." (Sees everyone staring at her) "What!"
Eddie: "Like, aren't you going to do something original?"
Zoe: (Incredulous) "Huh? What's wrong with the normal lyrics?"
Eddie: "Well nothing, really, but...."
Mac: "But we need somethin' with a little more style."
Zoe: (Throws her hands up in the air, tossing her slip of paper aside in disgust) "Why do I even bother?!"
Mac: (Turns to Eddie with a questioning look) "Yo! Was it something we said?"
Eddie: (Looks at Mac and shrugs) "Maybe it's that time of the month."
Unfortunately for Eddie, his ill thought out comment was the proverbial straw that broke Zoe's back.
Zoe: (Screams and leaps at Eddie, tackling him) "AAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!"
Eddie: (Being pummeled, he weakly raises one hand) "...mommy..."
Marisol: (Directs an inquiring look at Elise) "Aren't you going to help out your boyfriend?"
Elise: (Shoots a glare at the Latino blonde) "He isn't my boyfriend." (Turns to look back at the ensuing carnage) "Besides, he deserved that one."
Marisol: (Also coolly observing the beating) "For once, senorita, I agree with you."
JP: (Glances aside at Brodi) "I thought Eddie was your friend."
Brodi: (Looks back at JP) "He is. Still, it is sometimes better to stay out of matters that are beyond one's understanding."
JP: "Meaning, you do not wish to disturb the ladies."
Brodi: "Exactly."
Moby: (Slightly nervous at the anger being released by Zoe) "Ah, perhaps we best move on with the song, eh mates?"
The other noncombatants nod in agreement.
JP: "An extremely dashing, irresistible Frenchman!"
Kaori: "A really perverted baka!"
Psymon: (Rather cross with Kaori's insinuations) "Would you knock if it off already!" (Continues with the song) "And a spoiled squirt who should keep her mouth shuuuuuuuuuuut!"
The SSX Tricky gang (minus Zoe and Eddie): "On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me!"
Seeiah: (With arms out wide, she shouts out in overblown, dramatic fashion) "Fiiiiiiive fiiiiiiiiine looookiiiiiiing laaaadiiieeeeesss!!! EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! Dobidobidoooobababidobidowhapdowhapbidowh...OWW!!" (Seeiah's hoping around on one foot, holding the other while grimacing in pain. She angrily confronts Luther) "Hey! Why'd you step on my foot you big oaf?!!"
Luther: (Matches Seeiah glare for glare) "To stop that catwailing of yours. I swear, my dog can sing better than you!"
Seeiah: (Her pride a bit bruised, mumbles) "No one appreciates a decent artist anymore."
Zoe: (Still hammering Eddie) "I'LL GIVE YOU A TIME OF THE MONTH!!!!!"
The rest of the crew, hearing Zoe, look blankly at one another and shrug. One verse was as good as any other.
JP: (Seizing the opportunity to jump in) "An extremely exciting, dashing, irresistible Frenchman!"
Kaori: (Still steamed over Psymon's lyrics) "A really, really stupid jerk!"
Psymon: (Chuckles) "That's the best you can come up with girlie?" (Closes this particular chorus) "And a pint-sized whinny pipsqueeeeeaaaaaak!"
SSX Tricky gang (again without Zoe and Eddie): "On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me!"
Marisol: "Six decent looking SSX guys!"
Elise: "Sparky, can't you count? There are seven guys."
Marisol: (Gives Elise a frosty glance) "Six I consider rather decent. However, one is less than desirable." (Luther, already upset, is becoming red with rage.)
Seeiah: (Ignoring the blondes' conversation, mutters in a nearly inaudible monotone) ".....five fine looking ladies...."
Brodi: (Embarrassed and uncertain what to say) "Uh...Seeiah, I don't think Luther meant you couldn't sing at all." (Brodi is covering a furious Luther's mouth as the big man tries to interject his two cents.)
Zoe: "TAKE THAT, YOU AFRO'D FREAK!!!!!"
JP: "I guess that's my prompt." (Clears his throat in a haughty manner) "An extremely intelligent, exciting, dashing, irresistible Frenchman!"
Kaori: (Trying to one-up Psymon's cutting remarks) "An dishonorable tattooed freak!" (The Japanese teen normally didn't use the word "freak", but if it works for Zoe, well....)
Psymon: (No longer amused) "So that's the way you want it? Well I LIKE it rough!" (He gathers his breath) "And a daddy's girl who only knows how to play with dooooooooolls!"
Kaori: (Nearly boiling over) "YOU!!!!!!!!"
The SSX Tricky gang (Zoe and Eddie being absent, of course): "On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love sent to me!"
Eddie: (Whining pitifully) "...help me..."
Everyone pauses a moment, expecting the seventh verse to sung out. When none is forthcoming, Moby asks...
Moby: "Hey mates, was Wachowski supposed to sing the seventh line?"
Another pause...
Marisol: "I believe he is preoccupied at the moment." (Sings her verse) "Six decent looking SSX guys!" (Luther growls again)
Seeiah: (More emboldened by Brodi's encouragement) "Fiiive fiiiine lookiiiing laaadiiiieees!"
Zoe: (Not so merrily pounding away) "FEELING LIPPY NOW, WACHOWSKI?!!!!!"
JP: "Ahem...an extremely suave, intelligent, exciting, dashing, irresistible Frenchman!"
Kaori: (Itching to verbally nail Psymon a good one) "A smelly, rude, obnoxious, perverted jerk!"
Psymon: (Angrily counters) "You better hope that daddy of yours hires some bodyguards for you!" (Continues his own lyrical attack) "And an uptight runt with no fashion seeeeeeennnnse!"
The SSX Tricky gang (although no Zoe or Eddie): "On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me!"
Brodi: "Eight gold medals!"
Dead silence. Even Zoe takes a break from her hostilities, for which Eddie is eternally grateful.
Brodi: (Perplexed) "What?"
Moby: "Well mate, it's just that you didn't seem the type of chap who would break the rules."
Mac: "Yeah, everybody figured you'd go with usual lame lyrics."
Brodi: (Still confused, he holds his hands out in a somewhat pleading gesture) "Hey, I like to fit in with a group as much as the next guy."
Marisol: (Rushes over and glomps onto Brodi's arm) "Oh Brodi, you're so full of surprises!" (Brodi is embarrassed by Marisol's attention)
Luther: (Grunts in accent) "There's hope for you yet, boy."
Brodi: (Grins awkwardly) "Thanks, I think."
Meanwhile, Zoe remembers she is supposed to be punishing Eddie for some reason or another and starts clobbering him once more.
Eddie: "Hey! Watch the afro! It's a family heirloom!"
The SSX Tricky gang (minus Zoe and Eddie, of course): (Think to themselves) "Family heirloom?"
Marisol: (Loosens her grip on Brodi slightly) "Six decent looking SSX guys - including my adorable Brodi!" (Brodi blushes)
Seeiah: (Feeling even more empowered) "Fiiiiive fiiiiiine loookiiiiiing laaaadiiiiieeees!"
Marisol whispers a bit to Elise. For once, the blonde Canadian doesn't seem offended by whatever the Latino had to say. Elise, in turn, whispers something to Kaori, who nods eagerly. Seeiah, curious about what was being said, walks over to Kaori, who whispers in her ear. A big smile lights up the black singer's face.
Zoe: (Starting to sound a little tired from creaming Eddie) "Sigh.....HAD ENOUGH YET......BIG MOUTH?!!!"
JP: (While practicing, he nearly misses his cue) "What, ah...oh." (Takes a deeper breath) "An extremely resourceful, suave, intelligent, exciting, dashing, irresistible Frenchman!"
Kaori: "A really mean baka who thinks he's Vegeta!"
Psymon: (He has no idea what Kaori's talking about) "Who the heck is Vegeta?!" (Tries to counterattack) "And a little girl who sucks big tiiiiiiiiiiiiiime!"
The SSX Tricky gang (excluding Zoe and Eddie): "On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me!"
Elise: "Nine million bucks!" (Everyone glances at her strangely, she shrugs) "A girl's got to think big these days."
Brodi: "Eight gold medals!"
Eddie: "...uncle..."
Marisol: "Six decent looking SSX guys!" (She blows a raspberry at Luther)
Luther: (Snarls at Marisol) "You want rough, I'll give you rough!"
Marisol: (Waves the unoriginal taunt off) "All talk, no brains."
Seeiah: (Finally feeling her "groove" again) "Fiiiiiiive fiiiiiiiiine looookiiiiiiing laaaadiiieeeeesss!!!"
Marisol, Elise, Kaori, and Seeiah: (Chime in at the end) "That's us!!"
Kaori: "Plus Zoe." (Someone had to note the punk-girl, after all)
Zoe: (Getting pretty tired out by now) "huff, huff.....Somebody.....gasp.......talkin'.....huff....about me?"
JP: (Beginning to have trouble singing his growing verse) "Aaaaaaah, an extremely diligent, resourceful, suave, intelligent, exciting, dashing, irresistible Frenchman!"
Kaori: "A pervert who talks to his tattoos!"
Psymon: (Indignant at Kaori's accusation) "Hey, I only talk to tattoo boy!" (The Canadian continues with his lyric) "And a lazy whiner who sickeningly cuuuuuuuute!"
Kaori: "Don't say that!"
Psymon: (Grinning because he has the upper hand at the moment) "It's true! I read it in your interview!"
Kaori: (Furious) "How did you get a hold of that?!!"
Brodi: (Desperately trying to keep some semblance of order) "Just a little more people!"
The SSX Tricky gang (you know the drill - no Zoe or Eddie): "On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me!"
Mac: (Is sitting with a mixer and record scratcher) "Boomp chica bob, boomp chica bob.......Ten radical courses!.......squeaky, squeak, squeak, squeaky, squeak, squeak." (All the other non-occupied snowboarders blink in amazement)
Elise: "Dare I ask, where you got all that equipment?"
Mac: (Smugly smiles as he gestures toward his setup) "Hey, I carry this gear with me wherever I go. Always gotta be prepared."
Kaori: (Stares at her friend) "Is that why you wear those baggy clothes?"
Mac: "Nah, I wear them 'cause they've got style." (Thinks a moment) "Although I guess they do come in pretty handy."
Elise: (Not wanting to think about all the physical laws that are probably being broken by the DJ wannabe, goes on with her verse) "Nine million bucks!"
Brodi: (Thinks about Mac and says to himself) "Will wonders never ceast." (Sings out loud) "Eight gold medals!"
Eddie: "...owie..."
Marisol: "Six decent looking SSX guys!" (She looks at Mac) "Some quite unusual!"
Seeiah: (Revved up for another round) "Fiiiiiiive fiiiiiiiiine looookiiiiiiing laaaadiiieeeeesss!!!"
Marisol, Elise, Kaori, and Seeiah: (Chime in again) "That's us!!"
Kaori: "Plus Zoe."
Zoe: (Becoming exhausted) "....I need a vacation...."
JP: (He's taking such a deep breath his cheeks are starting to puff out) "Aaaaaaaaaah, an extremely talented, diligent, resourceful, suave, intelligent, exciting, dashing...gack...irresistible Frenchman!"
Kaori: (Shouts right in Psymon's face) "A freak, freak, freak, freak, freak, freak, FREAK!!!!"
Psymon: (Something snaps, well, maybe just gets tweaked a little, within him. He lunges after the teenager, who runs wildly around the studio) "And somebody who's going to get squashed real gooooooooooood!"
Brodi: (Sweat drops at seeing the chase) "Well, I certainly hope we can make it through this." (Addresses those who care) "Not much more left!"
The SSX Tricky gang (even Kaori and Psymon who, unlike two other racers, find the time to recite): "On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love sent to me!"
Moby: "Eleven bikini-clad female beauties!"
Marisol, Elise, Kaori, Seeiah, even Zoe: "What, we're not good enough for you!!"
Moby: (Gulps and nervously waves his hands) "No, no, nothing wrong with you ladies, nothing wrong at all."
Mac: (Still with his mixer and record scratcher, plus an additional synthesizer) "Whiiiiiirrrrrrrr......Boomp chica bob, boomp chica bob.......Ten radical courses!.......squeaky, squeak, squeak, squeaky, squeak, squeak."
Elise: (Shaking her head again at Mac's display of spatial prowess) "Nine million bucks!"
Brodi: "Eight gold medals!"
Eddie: "........need......aspirin........"
Marisol: "Six decent looking SSX guys!"
Seeiah: (In full gear by this point) "Fiiiiiiive fiiiiiiiiine looookiiiiiiing laaaadiiieeeeesss!!!!! Dobewhapbedoooo!!"
Marisol, Elise, Kaori, and Seeiah: (Repeat, in unison) "That's us!!"
Kaori: (Helpfully chirps) "Plus Zoe."
Zoe: (In her exhausted state, she doesn't sound much better than Eddie, whom she stares at) "..........huff...........gasp.............wheeze.........why was I............huff, huff...........pounding you........gasp........again?"
JP: (Little pink Kirby would be getting jealous of the Frenchman's intake of air by now) "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, an extremely cool, talented, diligent, resourceful, suave,...........huff...intelligent, exciting, dashing,............hack.............irresistible Frenchman!"
Kaori: (Still dashing around the studio, with Psymon in extremely close pursuit) "IIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!"
Psymon: "Come here, you little twerp!" (Pauses a moment as he remembers it's now his turn) "And a brat who I want to stuff up a chimneeeeeeeey!"
The SSX Tricky gang (without Zoe and Eddie, whose one-sided fight is only now starting to really wind down): "On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me!"
Luther: "Twelve, ah..." (At a loss for an original verse)
Seeiah: (Savoring this chance at payback) "What's the matter, homeboy, cat got your tongue?"
Luther: (Obviously irritated) "Quiet woman! I'm trying to think!"
Seeiah: (Calmly buffing her nails) "Perhaps by next Christmas, you'll come up with something worth saying."
Luther: (Steamed, he clenches his fist) "Maybe I ought to..." (For once, his better judgment reins him in as he finally sings) "Twelve buckets of greasy fried chicken!"
Seeiah: (Sickened at the image) "That's the best you can do?"
Moby: (Butts in before any more argument can ensue) "Eleven bikini-clad female beauties!" (Sees the SSX females glaring at him again and realizes what he just said) "Oh bloody @^%&#$(%*."
Mac: (Has now added a second turntable to his 'portable' equipment) "Whiiiiiirrrrrrrr......Boomp chica bob, boomp chica bob....... squeaky, squeak, squeak...Ten radical courses!.......squeaky, squeak, squeak, squeaky, squeak, squeak."
Elise: "Nine million bucks!"
Brodi: "Eight gold medals!"
Eddie: "....oooh...is there, like, a doctor in the house?........"
Marisol: "Six decent looking SSX guys!"
Seeiah: "Fiiiiiiive fiiiiiiiiine looookiiiiiiing laaaadiiieeeeesss!!!!! Halleluiaaaaaaaaah!!"
Marisol, Elise, Kaori, and Seeiah: (Repeat, in unison) "That's us!!"
Kaori: (Still running from the crazy Canadian) "Psymon, you're so mean!! (Remembers Zoe) "Oh! Plus Zoe. Gomen nasai!"
Zoe: (Weakly pounding Eddie) "...ugh...that's it...I'm done..." (Passes out on top of a now very grateful Eddie)
JP: (Turning blue in the face) "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, an extremely sophisticated, cool, talented, diligent, resourceful, suave,...........huff, hack, wheeze.......intelligent, exciting, dashing,........gasp.....merci. CLUNK!!" (Faints due to his exertion)
Kaori: (Resorting to desperate measures, she whips a huge mallet out of nowhere and swings at Psymon's head) "Take that, baka!"
Psymon: (Seeing the impending mallet impact) "What the...?!!" BONK!!! (Gets knocked unconscious)
Those of the SSX gang who remain conscious: (Upon witnessing Psymon's clobbering, they sweat drop and simply shrug) "And a parrrrrtriiiiiige in a peaaaaaaarrrr treeeeeeeeee!!!!"
Brodi: (Sighs in relief) "Thank you, Buddah."
Epilogue:
A week later.
Rahzel has summoned all the SSX Tricky racers together for an announcement. The entire group is currently lounging around in a cozy ski lodge.
Eddie: (Wearing numerous bandages and a couple of casts) "Anyone know what this is about?"
Moby: (Still trying to keep as far away from the SSX women as possible) "No idea, mate."
Psymon: (Reluctantly wearing one of Mac's spare stocking caps to cover up the large bump on his head) "Well, it better not be for one of those stinking songs again!"
Elise: "No need to worry, Sketchy." (Psymon glares at the smirking blonde, who points toward a miserable JP) "The French nightingale over there won't be singing anytime soon."
JP: "..."
Luther: (Patting his friend on the back) "Don'cha worry boss, the docs say you should be getting your voice back in about a month."
JP: "..."
Mac: "That's too bad, yo. It would be so phat to do another song."
Kaori: (Knowingly smiles) "You didn't seem very excited last time."
Mac: (Puts a hand behind his head, embarrassed) "Eh......heh, heh, guess everything turned out pretty O.K."
Seeiah: "Yeah, it was rather fun."
Zoe: (Making doodles in a pamphlet recommended to her by Rahzel, "How to Keep Your Anger in Check") "Speak for yourselves. Personally, I could do without another Christmas carol for awhile." (In the background, Eddie eagerly nods, then winces in pain)
Brodi: (Contemplates) "I wonder if they will edit our recording?"
Marisol: (Looks curiously at Brodi) "What do you mean?"
Brodi: "Well, we did add a lot of material not directly related to the song."
For a moment, no one says anything, then a startled realization dawns upon everyone.
Elise: "You mean..."
Mac: "...they'll include..."
Zoe: "...the fighting..."
Luther: "...Eddie whimpering like a baby..."
Eddie: "Hey!"
Seeiah: "...and Luther acting like a baby..."
Luther: "Shut your trap, woman!"
Brodi: "...the lack of team harmony..."
Elise: "Not that there's much to begin with."
Marisol: "...information about JP and me..."
JP: "..."
Moby: "...the bloody screw ups..."
Elise, Zoe, Marisol, Seeiah, and Kaori: (Again glaring at Moby) "You got that right!"
Kaori: "...the insults..."
Psymon: "...the twerp nailing me..."
Another horrified pause.
Nearly the whole SSX gang: "Oh @^%&#$(%*!!!"
JP: "...!!!"
At that moment, Rahzel rushes in with a huge grin on his face.
Rahzel: "Guess what gang! They accepted our song!"
Brodi: "All of it?"
Rahzel: (Smiling like a proud father) "Yep, the boys upstairs said they loved it. 'Makes great comic material', they said." (Notices the less than enthusiastic expressions on everyone's faces as they slowly close in on him) "What's wrong?"
Moby: (Rolling up his sleeves) "Nothing much, mate."
Elise: (Smirks while approaching with cat-like grace) "But since you asked."
Seeiah: (With her own predatory stare) "We were just considering."
Mac: (Suddenly looking quite menacing for his age) "Since it is the season and all, yo."
Marisol: (Coyly smirks as she stalks the hapless DJ) "That we neglected to buy you a Christmas present."
Eddie: (Hobbling toward Rahzel as best as he can) "And because it's, like, better to give than to receive."
Kaori: (Pulling out her mallet and nods) "Uh huh."
Zoe: (Smiling way too sweetly) "We thought we'd give you a little token of our appreciation."
Psymon: (Grinning like the maniac he is) "Because you're such a freakin' nice guy."
Rahzel: (Seeing the slowly closing circle of angry snowboarders, he tries to back up) "Gulp...you really don't have to do this."
Luther: (Cracking his knuckles) "Don't sweat it chumpy, ain't no trouble at all."
Brodi: (Solemnly approaches Rahzel) "Just consider it a bit of karma returning to you."
JP: "..."
And so, amidst the falling snow and jingling sleigh bells, a certain DJ's screams ring throughout the night.
THE END
Seasons Greetings! ^_^
Twelve Racers of SSX
Opening Scene: Snowflakes fall gently upon a city hurriedly preparing for the holidays. Inside a hotel room, eleven incredulous SSX Tricky competitors are gathered around a disgruntled Zoe. For her part, the irritated punk-style snowboarder is holding a small slip of paper.
Elise: "So let me get this straight. Rahzel wants us to do WHAT?"
Zoe: (Makes a disgusted face) "He wants us to record a song for a Christmas album."
JP: (Sharing the others' confusion) "A Christmas album?"
Zoe: (Turns to answer the Frenchman) "Yeah. Apparently Razzy feels that this will help boost our positive PR." (She shrugs her shoulders) "He said something about it being 'the current crazy craze.'"
Brodi: (Calmly considers Rahzel's proposal) "Hmm...a single song. Sounds reasonable enough."
Luther: (Grunts in disapproval) "Figures you'd agree, ya Buddhist chanting pansy."
Brodi: (A bit irked by the insult, he confronts Luther) "Excuse me?"
Kaori: (Interjects before an argument can break out between Brodi and Luther) "Umm...Zoe, are we all going to sing?"
Zoe: (Sighs) "Yeah kiddo, everyone is supposed to participate."
Mac: "Man, I've got to share a stage with HIM?" (Points toward Moby)
Moby: (Indignant, to say the least) "Got a problem with that, mate?"
Mac: "Old man, I bet you don't even know how to rap!"
Moby: (Angrily snarls) "You call that garbage singing?!"
Mac: (Nonchalantly waves the Englishman off) "Whatever. I've got better things to do." (The DJ wannabe prepares to leave) "I'm outta here!"
Kaori: (Cheerfully skips up to Mac) "Come on Mac-kun, it'll be fun!"
Mac: (Suddenly unsure) "Uh...."
Kaori: (Clasps her hands and assumes a doe-eyed, puppy dog look worthy of any cute female anime character) "Please, Mac-kun, PLEEEAASSSE."
Mac: (Overwhelmed by Kaori's charm, he places a hand behind his head and laughs nervously) "Eh......heh, heh......O.K......hee, hee......I'm in......heh, heh."
Marisol: (Witnessing Mac's and Kaori's exchange, she whispers an aside to Seeiah) "Works every time." (Seeiah nods)
Psymon: (Not so easily swayed, the crazy Canadian marches toward the exit) "Well, I'm not singing any stinking carol. Later losers!"
Zoe: (Notices Psymon leaving) "Psymon wait!" (Sees that he is still departing) "Rahzel said we have to do this!"
Psymon: (Doesn't turn around as he waves and answers) "Well, give the bozo my disregards!"
Zoe: (Becomes irate) "Look, anyone who doesn't participate immediately loses their Christmas bonus and is subject to expulsion from the tour!!"
Seeiah: (Sarcastically whispers back to Marisol) "Nice way to get ensure holiday spirit, eh girlfriend?" (Marisol raises an eyebrow as she nods)
Eddie: (Can't believe what he's just heard) "Like, you're kidding right?"
Zoe: (Sighs) "Nope. I wish I were, but Rahzel was quite specific." (Walks over to a moping Psymon and places a hand on his back) "Don't worry Psymon, it's only one song."
Psymon: (Glances at Zoe) "Only one?"
Zoe: (Smiles and raises her index figure) "Just one."
Moby: (Steps right between Zoe and Psymon while ushering Zoe out the door) "Well, what are we waiting for mates? Let's give them a bloody good showing!" (Psymon, left behind, stands glaring at the retreating Englishman's back)
Elise: (Grins as she walks up to her fellow Canadian. She coyly speaks to him with her usual smugness) "You'll always have me, Sketchy."
Psymon: (Grimaces in disgust and walks toward the exit) "In my nightmares, baby." (Elise chuckles)
Marisol: (Saddles up to Elise and asks with her own brand of arrogance) "Soooooo Elise, I didn't know you went for the eccentric, psychotic type?" (In the background, an exasperated Seeiah rests her head in her hand, already knowing the outcome of this little exchange)
Elise: (Coolly considers her rival) "Nah, I just leave the psychotic types for you." (The Canadian bombshell turns to leave)
Marisol: (Momentarily irritated, she quickly regains her aloof expression) "Oh, senora, it's nothing to be ashamed of. After all, everybody needs somebody. Personally, I think you two make a cute couple."
Elise: (Growing more angry) "Like you and JP?" (Not waiting for a response, she stalks off)
Marisol: (Becomes furious at the mentioning of her ex-boyfriend) "That's hardly fair!" (She rushes to catch up to the Canadian bombshell)
Eddie: (Groans as he witnesses the two blond rivals arguing in the distance. The terms, "bimbo", "tramp", and "airhead" are being freely exchanged with great frequency) "Like, can't we just get along?"
Brodi: (Walks up to Eddie and observes) "It's probably due to their similar personalities."
Eddie: (Not sure he likes what Brodi is implying) "Dude, what are you saying?"
Seeiah: (Nonchalantly interrupts the two men) "It's a diva thing." (She moves toward the door. Eddie looks at Brodi, who in turn, shrugs. They both follow Seeiah out of the room)
Kaori: (Tries to rush out with the others) "Let's go Mac-kun!" (Notices Mac isn't following and turns to look back at her friend) "Mac-kun?"
Mac: (Still poised with hand behind the head and giggling like a fool) "Heh, heh......no problem......hee, hee......anything you say."
Kaori: (Sweat drops and then rolls her eyes. She goes back to Mac and starts dragging him by the arm) "Come on, baka." (The teen manages to pull her friend out the door)
JP: (He and Luther are the last to leave. The Frenchman turns to his partner) "My friend, I'm afraid no good can come of this."
Luther: (Grumbles) "I hear ya boss. I hear ya."
Some time passes. The SSX gang has gathered in a recording studio. Zoe is holding a box filled with strips of paper.
Zoe: "Alright crew. Since there's twelve of us, I thought it'd be cool to sing 'The Twelve Days of Christmas.' Everyone just..."
Mac: (Interrupts): "Yo, Zoe. Can we do it rap sty...oof!" (Kaori gives him a quick elbow in the gut).
Zoe: (Smiles at Kaori as the others blink) "Thanks Kay. As I was trying to say, everybody just pull out one of these slips."
The snowboarders comply, with one exception...
Luther: (Eyes the box suspiciously) "This ain't one of those 'Secret Santa' deals, is it?"
Zoe: (Rolls her eyes) "No Luther, each piece of paper has one of the twelve verses to the song. Figured it was easier to assign these randomly."
Luther: (Ponders a moment, then concludes) "Aw, all right." (Is about to snatch the last of the pieces, then reconsiders) "You sure?"
Zoe: (Exasperated, she yells) "Just TAKE it already, moron!!"
Luther: (Growls) "Who ya callin' a moron, woman?"
Zoe: (With fist clenched, she appears ready to clobber the burly snowboarder) "Why I should..."
JP: (Leans toward Luther) "Despite her uncouth nature, perhaps it would be best to do as she says."
Luther: (Reluctantly grabs the last slip) "You're the boss, JP."
Zoe: (Glares at JP and remarks) "My, aren't you the diplomat."
JP: (Preens while appearing oblivious to the sarcasm) "But of course."
Zoe: "Yeah, yeah, whatever." (Turns to address everyone) "O.K. gang. Everybody gets to sing the refrain. On the count of three, one...two...three!"
The SSX Tricky gang: "On the first day of Christmas, my..."
Eddie: (Waves his arms to stop the singing) "Whoa! Hey! Stop!"
Zoe: (Again exasperated) "O.K. Now what is it?!"
Eddie: (Somewhat hesitatingly) "Eh...well...aren't the twelve days supposed to correspond to Hanukah, not Christmas?"
Luther: "You Jewish?"
Eddie: "Er...no."
Luther: "Then shut your trap, geek!"
Brodi: (Decides to help out his afro wearing friend) "No need to be harsh with him Luther, he's just being religiously sens..." (Sees everyone glaring at him for the continuing interruption) "...ah, never mind."
Zoe: (With overly polite sweetness) "Now, if there aren't any more objections." (She takes a deep breath) "MAY WE PLEASE START THE SONG!!!" (She looks at the group, daring someone to make another comment. Satisfied that no one is willing to volunteer any more opinions, the punk-girl continues) "On the count of three, one...two...three!"
The SSX Tricky gang: "On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me!"
Psymon: (Angry when he realizes which verse he holds) "Hey! Why do I have to sing this part!"
Kaori: "Because that's the slip you got, baka!"
Psymon: (Furiously turns toward the Japanese teen) "Listen squirt..." (Suddenly he assumes an eager boy-scout expression) "Hey want to trade?"
Kaori: (Puts a finger to her chin, pretending to think a moment) "Umm..." (She looks back at Psymon grinning mischievously) "NO!"
Psymon: (Lunges after the giggling youth, who ducks behind Mac) "You little... Why the heck not?!!"
Mac: "I think she likes seeing you squirm."
Kaori: (Peeks out from behind Mac and cheerfully nods) "Uh huh." (She pulls down on one eyelid and sticks her tongue out at the crazy Canadian) "Bleh!!"
Psymon: (Shaking in impotent fury) "When I get my hands on you..."
Zoe: (Sighs) "The sooner you sing it Psymon, the quicker we can finish this song."
Psymon: (Grumpily backs off) "Oh, all right." (Takes a deep breath) "A stinking bird in a lame tree!"
Seeiah: (Reprimands Psymon) "Hey, that isn't how the song goes!"
Psymon: (Stares right at his fellow snowboarder and snarls) "If I got to sing this stupid verse, I'll do it my way!!"
Seeiah: (Holds her hands up in a placating gesture) "Down boy, down!"
Brodi: (Mentions to no one, in particular) "Perhaps we should continue?"
Everyone settles down and begins again.
The SSX Tricky gang: "On the second day of Christmas, my true love sent to me!"
Kaori: "One crazy baka!"
Psymon: (Feeling like the comment was referring to him, which it was) "Hey!"
Zoe: (Sighs again) "Kay, that's not the correct verse."
Kaori: (Frowns and points toward Psymon) "If he can do it, why can't I?"
Zoe: (Sighs again - she's been doing that a lot lately - and relents, feeling further argument was pointless) "Fine." (She glances at Psymon) "Psymon?"
Psymon: (Still not happy with Kaori, he grumbles) "My turn, I know." (Getting a sudden inspiration, he grins evilly and sings) "And a cry baby Jap twerp that needs a spankiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!"
Kaori: (Suddenly indignant) "HEY!"
The rest of the SSX Tricky gang: (Seeing the looming fight, quickly resumes singing) "On the third day of Christmas, my true love sent to me!"
JP: "An irresistible Frenchman!" (Starts arrogantly preening again) "After all, what lovely lady could resist the charms of one such as I?"
Seeiah: (Turns to Marisol) "Hey, girlfriend, didn't he do something like that for you last Christmas, wearing nothing but a...mmmmHmmmMmmrff!" (The rest of Seeiah's comment becomes muffled as an embarrassed Marisol quickly places a hand over her gregarious friend's mouth).
Elise: (Raises an eyebrow) "Care to share?"
Kaori: (Embarrassed by the obvious innuendo, continues) "One crazy baka!"
Psymon: (Grins) "And a bratty Jap squirt wearing nothing but her undeeeeeeees!"
Kaori: (Catching the last verse, attempts to punch the psychotic racer) "PERVERT!!"
Everyone else: "PSYMON!!"
Psymon: (Trying to dodge Kaori's strikes) "Geez, why does everyone has to overreact?"
Zoe: (Shouts to get everyone's attention) "SOME MORE SONG PLEASE!!"
The SSX Tricky gang: (Sighs) "On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me!"
Zoe: "Four calling..." (Sees everyone staring at her) "What!"
Eddie: "Like, aren't you going to do something original?"
Zoe: (Incredulous) "Huh? What's wrong with the normal lyrics?"
Eddie: "Well nothing, really, but...."
Mac: "But we need somethin' with a little more style."
Zoe: (Throws her hands up in the air, tossing her slip of paper aside in disgust) "Why do I even bother?!"
Mac: (Turns to Eddie with a questioning look) "Yo! Was it something we said?"
Eddie: (Looks at Mac and shrugs) "Maybe it's that time of the month."
Unfortunately for Eddie, his ill thought out comment was the proverbial straw that broke Zoe's back.
Zoe: (Screams and leaps at Eddie, tackling him) "AAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!"
Eddie: (Being pummeled, he weakly raises one hand) "...mommy..."
Marisol: (Directs an inquiring look at Elise) "Aren't you going to help out your boyfriend?"
Elise: (Shoots a glare at the Latino blonde) "He isn't my boyfriend." (Turns to look back at the ensuing carnage) "Besides, he deserved that one."
Marisol: (Also coolly observing the beating) "For once, senorita, I agree with you."
JP: (Glances aside at Brodi) "I thought Eddie was your friend."
Brodi: (Looks back at JP) "He is. Still, it is sometimes better to stay out of matters that are beyond one's understanding."
JP: "Meaning, you do not wish to disturb the ladies."
Brodi: "Exactly."
Moby: (Slightly nervous at the anger being released by Zoe) "Ah, perhaps we best move on with the song, eh mates?"
The other noncombatants nod in agreement.
JP: "An extremely dashing, irresistible Frenchman!"
Kaori: "A really perverted baka!"
Psymon: (Rather cross with Kaori's insinuations) "Would you knock if it off already!" (Continues with the song) "And a spoiled squirt who should keep her mouth shuuuuuuuuuuut!"
The SSX Tricky gang (minus Zoe and Eddie): "On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me!"
Seeiah: (With arms out wide, she shouts out in overblown, dramatic fashion) "Fiiiiiiive fiiiiiiiiine looookiiiiiiing laaaadiiieeeeesss!!! EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! Dobidobidoooobababidobidowhapdowhapbidowh...OWW!!" (Seeiah's hoping around on one foot, holding the other while grimacing in pain. She angrily confronts Luther) "Hey! Why'd you step on my foot you big oaf?!!"
Luther: (Matches Seeiah glare for glare) "To stop that catwailing of yours. I swear, my dog can sing better than you!"
Seeiah: (Her pride a bit bruised, mumbles) "No one appreciates a decent artist anymore."
Zoe: (Still hammering Eddie) "I'LL GIVE YOU A TIME OF THE MONTH!!!!!"
The rest of the crew, hearing Zoe, look blankly at one another and shrug. One verse was as good as any other.
JP: (Seizing the opportunity to jump in) "An extremely exciting, dashing, irresistible Frenchman!"
Kaori: (Still steamed over Psymon's lyrics) "A really, really stupid jerk!"
Psymon: (Chuckles) "That's the best you can come up with girlie?" (Closes this particular chorus) "And a pint-sized whinny pipsqueeeeeaaaaaak!"
SSX Tricky gang (again without Zoe and Eddie): "On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me!"
Marisol: "Six decent looking SSX guys!"
Elise: "Sparky, can't you count? There are seven guys."
Marisol: (Gives Elise a frosty glance) "Six I consider rather decent. However, one is less than desirable." (Luther, already upset, is becoming red with rage.)
Seeiah: (Ignoring the blondes' conversation, mutters in a nearly inaudible monotone) ".....five fine looking ladies...."
Brodi: (Embarrassed and uncertain what to say) "Uh...Seeiah, I don't think Luther meant you couldn't sing at all." (Brodi is covering a furious Luther's mouth as the big man tries to interject his two cents.)
Zoe: "TAKE THAT, YOU AFRO'D FREAK!!!!!"
JP: "I guess that's my prompt." (Clears his throat in a haughty manner) "An extremely intelligent, exciting, dashing, irresistible Frenchman!"
Kaori: (Trying to one-up Psymon's cutting remarks) "An dishonorable tattooed freak!" (The Japanese teen normally didn't use the word "freak", but if it works for Zoe, well....)
Psymon: (No longer amused) "So that's the way you want it? Well I LIKE it rough!" (He gathers his breath) "And a daddy's girl who only knows how to play with dooooooooolls!"
Kaori: (Nearly boiling over) "YOU!!!!!!!!"
The SSX Tricky gang (Zoe and Eddie being absent, of course): "On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love sent to me!"
Eddie: (Whining pitifully) "...help me..."
Everyone pauses a moment, expecting the seventh verse to sung out. When none is forthcoming, Moby asks...
Moby: "Hey mates, was Wachowski supposed to sing the seventh line?"
Another pause...
Marisol: "I believe he is preoccupied at the moment." (Sings her verse) "Six decent looking SSX guys!" (Luther growls again)
Seeiah: (More emboldened by Brodi's encouragement) "Fiiive fiiiine lookiiiing laaadiiiieees!"
Zoe: (Not so merrily pounding away) "FEELING LIPPY NOW, WACHOWSKI?!!!!!"
JP: "Ahem...an extremely suave, intelligent, exciting, dashing, irresistible Frenchman!"
Kaori: (Itching to verbally nail Psymon a good one) "A smelly, rude, obnoxious, perverted jerk!"
Psymon: (Angrily counters) "You better hope that daddy of yours hires some bodyguards for you!" (Continues his own lyrical attack) "And an uptight runt with no fashion seeeeeeennnnse!"
The SSX Tricky gang (although no Zoe or Eddie): "On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me!"
Brodi: "Eight gold medals!"
Dead silence. Even Zoe takes a break from her hostilities, for which Eddie is eternally grateful.
Brodi: (Perplexed) "What?"
Moby: "Well mate, it's just that you didn't seem the type of chap who would break the rules."
Mac: "Yeah, everybody figured you'd go with usual lame lyrics."
Brodi: (Still confused, he holds his hands out in a somewhat pleading gesture) "Hey, I like to fit in with a group as much as the next guy."
Marisol: (Rushes over and glomps onto Brodi's arm) "Oh Brodi, you're so full of surprises!" (Brodi is embarrassed by Marisol's attention)
Luther: (Grunts in accent) "There's hope for you yet, boy."
Brodi: (Grins awkwardly) "Thanks, I think."
Meanwhile, Zoe remembers she is supposed to be punishing Eddie for some reason or another and starts clobbering him once more.
Eddie: "Hey! Watch the afro! It's a family heirloom!"
The SSX Tricky gang (minus Zoe and Eddie, of course): (Think to themselves) "Family heirloom?"
Marisol: (Loosens her grip on Brodi slightly) "Six decent looking SSX guys - including my adorable Brodi!" (Brodi blushes)
Seeiah: (Feeling even more empowered) "Fiiiiive fiiiiiine loookiiiiiing laaaadiiiiieeees!"
Marisol whispers a bit to Elise. For once, the blonde Canadian doesn't seem offended by whatever the Latino had to say. Elise, in turn, whispers something to Kaori, who nods eagerly. Seeiah, curious about what was being said, walks over to Kaori, who whispers in her ear. A big smile lights up the black singer's face.
Zoe: (Starting to sound a little tired from creaming Eddie) "Sigh.....HAD ENOUGH YET......BIG MOUTH?!!!"
JP: (While practicing, he nearly misses his cue) "What, ah...oh." (Takes a deeper breath) "An extremely resourceful, suave, intelligent, exciting, dashing, irresistible Frenchman!"
Kaori: "A really mean baka who thinks he's Vegeta!"
Psymon: (He has no idea what Kaori's talking about) "Who the heck is Vegeta?!" (Tries to counterattack) "And a little girl who sucks big tiiiiiiiiiiiiiime!"
The SSX Tricky gang (excluding Zoe and Eddie): "On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me!"
Elise: "Nine million bucks!" (Everyone glances at her strangely, she shrugs) "A girl's got to think big these days."
Brodi: "Eight gold medals!"
Eddie: "...uncle..."
Marisol: "Six decent looking SSX guys!" (She blows a raspberry at Luther)
Luther: (Snarls at Marisol) "You want rough, I'll give you rough!"
Marisol: (Waves the unoriginal taunt off) "All talk, no brains."
Seeiah: (Finally feeling her "groove" again) "Fiiiiiiive fiiiiiiiiine looookiiiiiiing laaaadiiieeeeesss!!!"
Marisol, Elise, Kaori, and Seeiah: (Chime in at the end) "That's us!!"
Kaori: "Plus Zoe." (Someone had to note the punk-girl, after all)
Zoe: (Getting pretty tired out by now) "huff, huff.....Somebody.....gasp.......talkin'.....huff....about me?"
JP: (Beginning to have trouble singing his growing verse) "Aaaaaaah, an extremely diligent, resourceful, suave, intelligent, exciting, dashing, irresistible Frenchman!"
Kaori: "A pervert who talks to his tattoos!"
Psymon: (Indignant at Kaori's accusation) "Hey, I only talk to tattoo boy!" (The Canadian continues with his lyric) "And a lazy whiner who sickeningly cuuuuuuuute!"
Kaori: "Don't say that!"
Psymon: (Grinning because he has the upper hand at the moment) "It's true! I read it in your interview!"
Kaori: (Furious) "How did you get a hold of that?!!"
Brodi: (Desperately trying to keep some semblance of order) "Just a little more people!"
The SSX Tricky gang (you know the drill - no Zoe or Eddie): "On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me!"
Mac: (Is sitting with a mixer and record scratcher) "Boomp chica bob, boomp chica bob.......Ten radical courses!.......squeaky, squeak, squeak, squeaky, squeak, squeak." (All the other non-occupied snowboarders blink in amazement)
Elise: "Dare I ask, where you got all that equipment?"
Mac: (Smugly smiles as he gestures toward his setup) "Hey, I carry this gear with me wherever I go. Always gotta be prepared."
Kaori: (Stares at her friend) "Is that why you wear those baggy clothes?"
Mac: "Nah, I wear them 'cause they've got style." (Thinks a moment) "Although I guess they do come in pretty handy."
Elise: (Not wanting to think about all the physical laws that are probably being broken by the DJ wannabe, goes on with her verse) "Nine million bucks!"
Brodi: (Thinks about Mac and says to himself) "Will wonders never ceast." (Sings out loud) "Eight gold medals!"
Eddie: "...owie..."
Marisol: "Six decent looking SSX guys!" (She looks at Mac) "Some quite unusual!"
Seeiah: (Revved up for another round) "Fiiiiiiive fiiiiiiiiine looookiiiiiiing laaaadiiieeeeesss!!!"
Marisol, Elise, Kaori, and Seeiah: (Chime in again) "That's us!!"
Kaori: "Plus Zoe."
Zoe: (Becoming exhausted) "....I need a vacation...."
JP: (He's taking such a deep breath his cheeks are starting to puff out) "Aaaaaaaaaah, an extremely talented, diligent, resourceful, suave, intelligent, exciting, dashing...gack...irresistible Frenchman!"
Kaori: (Shouts right in Psymon's face) "A freak, freak, freak, freak, freak, freak, FREAK!!!!"
Psymon: (Something snaps, well, maybe just gets tweaked a little, within him. He lunges after the teenager, who runs wildly around the studio) "And somebody who's going to get squashed real gooooooooooood!"
Brodi: (Sweat drops at seeing the chase) "Well, I certainly hope we can make it through this." (Addresses those who care) "Not much more left!"
The SSX Tricky gang (even Kaori and Psymon who, unlike two other racers, find the time to recite): "On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love sent to me!"
Moby: "Eleven bikini-clad female beauties!"
Marisol, Elise, Kaori, Seeiah, even Zoe: "What, we're not good enough for you!!"
Moby: (Gulps and nervously waves his hands) "No, no, nothing wrong with you ladies, nothing wrong at all."
Mac: (Still with his mixer and record scratcher, plus an additional synthesizer) "Whiiiiiirrrrrrrr......Boomp chica bob, boomp chica bob.......Ten radical courses!.......squeaky, squeak, squeak, squeaky, squeak, squeak."
Elise: (Shaking her head again at Mac's display of spatial prowess) "Nine million bucks!"
Brodi: "Eight gold medals!"
Eddie: "........need......aspirin........"
Marisol: "Six decent looking SSX guys!"
Seeiah: (In full gear by this point) "Fiiiiiiive fiiiiiiiiine looookiiiiiiing laaaadiiieeeeesss!!!!! Dobewhapbedoooo!!"
Marisol, Elise, Kaori, and Seeiah: (Repeat, in unison) "That's us!!"
Kaori: (Helpfully chirps) "Plus Zoe."
Zoe: (In her exhausted state, she doesn't sound much better than Eddie, whom she stares at) "..........huff...........gasp.............wheeze.........why was I............huff, huff...........pounding you........gasp........again?"
JP: (Little pink Kirby would be getting jealous of the Frenchman's intake of air by now) "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, an extremely cool, talented, diligent, resourceful, suave,...........huff...intelligent, exciting, dashing,............hack.............irresistible Frenchman!"
Kaori: (Still dashing around the studio, with Psymon in extremely close pursuit) "IIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!"
Psymon: "Come here, you little twerp!" (Pauses a moment as he remembers it's now his turn) "And a brat who I want to stuff up a chimneeeeeeeey!"
The SSX Tricky gang (without Zoe and Eddie, whose one-sided fight is only now starting to really wind down): "On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me!"
Luther: "Twelve, ah..." (At a loss for an original verse)
Seeiah: (Savoring this chance at payback) "What's the matter, homeboy, cat got your tongue?"
Luther: (Obviously irritated) "Quiet woman! I'm trying to think!"
Seeiah: (Calmly buffing her nails) "Perhaps by next Christmas, you'll come up with something worth saying."
Luther: (Steamed, he clenches his fist) "Maybe I ought to..." (For once, his better judgment reins him in as he finally sings) "Twelve buckets of greasy fried chicken!"
Seeiah: (Sickened at the image) "That's the best you can do?"
Moby: (Butts in before any more argument can ensue) "Eleven bikini-clad female beauties!" (Sees the SSX females glaring at him again and realizes what he just said) "Oh bloody @^%&#$(%*."
Mac: (Has now added a second turntable to his 'portable' equipment) "Whiiiiiirrrrrrrr......Boomp chica bob, boomp chica bob....... squeaky, squeak, squeak...Ten radical courses!.......squeaky, squeak, squeak, squeaky, squeak, squeak."
Elise: "Nine million bucks!"
Brodi: "Eight gold medals!"
Eddie: "....oooh...is there, like, a doctor in the house?........"
Marisol: "Six decent looking SSX guys!"
Seeiah: "Fiiiiiiive fiiiiiiiiine looookiiiiiiing laaaadiiieeeeesss!!!!! Halleluiaaaaaaaaah!!"
Marisol, Elise, Kaori, and Seeiah: (Repeat, in unison) "That's us!!"
Kaori: (Still running from the crazy Canadian) "Psymon, you're so mean!! (Remembers Zoe) "Oh! Plus Zoe. Gomen nasai!"
Zoe: (Weakly pounding Eddie) "...ugh...that's it...I'm done..." (Passes out on top of a now very grateful Eddie)
JP: (Turning blue in the face) "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, an extremely sophisticated, cool, talented, diligent, resourceful, suave,...........huff, hack, wheeze.......intelligent, exciting, dashing,........gasp.....merci. CLUNK!!" (Faints due to his exertion)
Kaori: (Resorting to desperate measures, she whips a huge mallet out of nowhere and swings at Psymon's head) "Take that, baka!"
Psymon: (Seeing the impending mallet impact) "What the...?!!" BONK!!! (Gets knocked unconscious)
Those of the SSX gang who remain conscious: (Upon witnessing Psymon's clobbering, they sweat drop and simply shrug) "And a parrrrrtriiiiiige in a peaaaaaaarrrr treeeeeeeeee!!!!"
Brodi: (Sighs in relief) "Thank you, Buddah."
Epilogue:
A week later.
Rahzel has summoned all the SSX Tricky racers together for an announcement. The entire group is currently lounging around in a cozy ski lodge.
Eddie: (Wearing numerous bandages and a couple of casts) "Anyone know what this is about?"
Moby: (Still trying to keep as far away from the SSX women as possible) "No idea, mate."
Psymon: (Reluctantly wearing one of Mac's spare stocking caps to cover up the large bump on his head) "Well, it better not be for one of those stinking songs again!"
Elise: "No need to worry, Sketchy." (Psymon glares at the smirking blonde, who points toward a miserable JP) "The French nightingale over there won't be singing anytime soon."
JP: "..."
Luther: (Patting his friend on the back) "Don'cha worry boss, the docs say you should be getting your voice back in about a month."
JP: "..."
Mac: "That's too bad, yo. It would be so phat to do another song."
Kaori: (Knowingly smiles) "You didn't seem very excited last time."
Mac: (Puts a hand behind his head, embarrassed) "Eh......heh, heh, guess everything turned out pretty O.K."
Seeiah: "Yeah, it was rather fun."
Zoe: (Making doodles in a pamphlet recommended to her by Rahzel, "How to Keep Your Anger in Check") "Speak for yourselves. Personally, I could do without another Christmas carol for awhile." (In the background, Eddie eagerly nods, then winces in pain)
Brodi: (Contemplates) "I wonder if they will edit our recording?"
Marisol: (Looks curiously at Brodi) "What do you mean?"
Brodi: "Well, we did add a lot of material not directly related to the song."
For a moment, no one says anything, then a startled realization dawns upon everyone.
Elise: "You mean..."
Mac: "...they'll include..."
Zoe: "...the fighting..."
Luther: "...Eddie whimpering like a baby..."
Eddie: "Hey!"
Seeiah: "...and Luther acting like a baby..."
Luther: "Shut your trap, woman!"
Brodi: "...the lack of team harmony..."
Elise: "Not that there's much to begin with."
Marisol: "...information about JP and me..."
JP: "..."
Moby: "...the bloody screw ups..."
Elise, Zoe, Marisol, Seeiah, and Kaori: (Again glaring at Moby) "You got that right!"
Kaori: "...the insults..."
Psymon: "...the twerp nailing me..."
Another horrified pause.
Nearly the whole SSX gang: "Oh @^%&#$(%*!!!"
JP: "...!!!"
At that moment, Rahzel rushes in with a huge grin on his face.
Rahzel: "Guess what gang! They accepted our song!"
Brodi: "All of it?"
Rahzel: (Smiling like a proud father) "Yep, the boys upstairs said they loved it. 'Makes great comic material', they said." (Notices the less than enthusiastic expressions on everyone's faces as they slowly close in on him) "What's wrong?"
Moby: (Rolling up his sleeves) "Nothing much, mate."
Elise: (Smirks while approaching with cat-like grace) "But since you asked."
Seeiah: (With her own predatory stare) "We were just considering."
Mac: (Suddenly looking quite menacing for his age) "Since it is the season and all, yo."
Marisol: (Coyly smirks as she stalks the hapless DJ) "That we neglected to buy you a Christmas present."
Eddie: (Hobbling toward Rahzel as best as he can) "And because it's, like, better to give than to receive."
Kaori: (Pulling out her mallet and nods) "Uh huh."
Zoe: (Smiling way too sweetly) "We thought we'd give you a little token of our appreciation."
Psymon: (Grinning like the maniac he is) "Because you're such a freakin' nice guy."
Rahzel: (Seeing the slowly closing circle of angry snowboarders, he tries to back up) "Gulp...you really don't have to do this."
Luther: (Cracking his knuckles) "Don't sweat it chumpy, ain't no trouble at all."
Brodi: (Solemnly approaches Rahzel) "Just consider it a bit of karma returning to you."
JP: "..."
And so, amidst the falling snow and jingling sleigh bells, a certain DJ's screams ring throughout the night.
THE END
Seasons Greetings! ^_^