You've all said so many wonderful things about my story. I'm hoping that you'll all continue to review and enjoy this one…it means a lot to me! =) Again, my posts won't always be regular, but I hope you'll bear with me. I've taken a lot of ideas into consideration, and I'm fairly sure which direction I'm going to take the story…but I won't tell you all just in case I change my mind. Also, cause that would just ruin it.

A couple of highlights, this story will focus mainly on Draco and Hermione although it might seem like it from the first chapter. It will still continue to be rated M. Not a lot is set in stone for the plot, so if you still would like to pitch ideas, whether you're a first time reader of my story, or if you've been a fan of I'm Still Me from the beginning, I appreciate any and all comments. If there's anything else you'd like to know, please ask!

Sooooooo….enjoy!

Meghan

I was beloved by one of the heroes of the Wizarding world.

I was best friends with the Chosen One, the Boy Who Lived.

I was considered the brightest witch of my age.

I was also a mother to the son of a Death Eater.

Or reformed Death Eater, I suppose. No one really knew what team the Malfoy's played for. No one cared. Voldemort was gone. The euphoria of this unbelievable event combined with the sorrow for lost loved ones masked any ones concerns about other, more mundane worries.

I should have been as relieved as everyone else, who, while not quite to the celebrating after the loss of so many good people, were all obviously quite glad the war was over. After all, I had lost none of my family, for which I was truly grateful. I could have been so much worse off. Yes, I would bear the scars that Bellatrix, the other Death Eaters, and even Voldemort himself had left on me. But I was alive. It was more than I could say for those poor souls who were lost during the war….Fred and Tonks and Lupin and Mad Eye….so many names and faces swam before my eyes. My grief for my lost friends and the uncertainty of the whereabouts and well being of my son felt like it was going to swallow me whole.

I pulled away from the rest of my friends, and went to find a secluded spot for some peace. I walked and walked, until there were no stragglers milling around, and sat down against the cold castle wall. My whole body shook as I wept, and I felt as though I would be sick. How would my life ever be whole again? So many people that I had known and come to love were gone, gone as suddenly as a fire going out, or a life being turned off. I wish I could say that it seemed unreal, like it had originally with Sirius. Back then, for weeks I had expected Sirius to come strolling through the doors of Grimmauld Place. But now…I was more than certain that our friends were gone where they could not come back. The reality of it was so fresh and overbearing that it consumed me.

To add to my pain, the one I truly cherished had stood less than twenty feet away from me in the Great Hall while the rest of the families were banded together. Draco and his father and mother were huddled closely together, I suppose trying to be inconspicuous. His eyes would not meet mine, although he must have felt me searching him out. The dark grey orbs displayed exhaustion, and his face was lined with sadness. I could not make myself even walk in his general direction, much less strut up to him and announce that he had a son. I doubted I would ever be able to add that burden to his shoulders.

It broke my heart even further every time I looked at him, at what he had obviously been through. I couldn't imagine the atrocities Voldemort had made him do, or put him and his family through. I tried not to care, tried to remind myself what he had done to me. Left me broken and in pieces, even though he'd done it for good reasons. Left me alone and pregnant, even though he hadn't known it. Just…left me. I tried to let him go and remind myself of everything I'd been through with Harry….and Ron. Ron, who loved me and took care of me, Ron, who had apologized for everything he'd done to me before Fleur and Bill's wedding. Who'd been smart enough to think to look in the Chamber of Secrets for the Basilik's fangs.

But I couldn't ever feel the same way about him. Hell, I couldn't even see him the same way after how he'd treated me our 6th year. And on the trip to hunt down the Horcrux's we'd said horrible things to each other. Some deserved, some not. The night he left….it brought back every horrible feeling of abandonment and desolation and desperation I'd felt the night Draco walked out. I'd gone into a semi-state of depression…again. When he finally had come back, I was much worse to him than I should have been. After all, it wasn't really his fault. He hadn't made me fallen in love and then thrown it back in my face. He hadn't contributed to me becoming a young mother.

All of these thoughts were plaguing me. I had no idea where to go from here. What would happen for me and Ron in the future? While he obviously saw things progressing further for us, I couldn't honestly say that I felt the same way. Would we be able to go back to school? Would we have to find work? How long would it take me to track down my parents and remove the spell…and most importantly…what was I going to do about my son?

I honestly hadn't considered living long enough to be able to find him. I hadn't had high hopes of surviving the war, being the right hand, go to woman for Harry Potter. I was almost certain of my death. But now…I couldn't just leave him out there, always wondering about his mother. Or would whoever adopted him even told the now toddler that they weren't his real parents? Did he even know I existed? Did a Wizarding family take him in? Would I ever be able to find him, know him? If I did find him, would I be able to take him back, build a home, raise him?

It was too many things to consider. But I realized something…I could never live with myself if I didn't at least meet him. Just once. I had to know who he was, who he might become, even if he didn't know me. Surely the parents would allow me…? After all, I would have done it for someone else.

Another question popped into my mind….would I ever tell Draco?

Hope you enjoyed the first chapter. =) I considered writing it from the son's point of view with him being older, and trying to look for him, but I wasn't sure I liked the idea of that much time passing. PLEASE review, and again, hope you liked it.

BTW still interested in a Beta!