So, the story begins. I'll try to update it as often as I can, at least two times a week. I don't know where the story will end up or how long it will be, so that's a surprise to me too.

I just have to say that I'm from Sweden, so English is only my second language, so please don't be to hard on me when it comes to language. I do my best, but it won't be perfect, just so you know.

So enjoy the reading, and please review, that would make me really happy!

"He's asking for you."

Meredith woke up from her thoughts when she heard Christina's voice. She turned around to face her best friend who stood in the doorway.

"Good. I'm coming." Meredith said and closed the door to her locker.

Christina took a few steps forward so she stood in front of Meredith.

"Are you okay?" She gave her a worried look.

"I'm fine."

Christina gave Meredith a sharp look. "We're never fine."

"I'm fine Christina. Really. I mean, given all that happened, I'm fine."

Christina sighed. She knew Meredith well enough to know when not to push it any further. This was one of those moments.

"Just tell me if you need anything, okay?"

Meredith nodded as to say thanks, and Christina disappeared out of the locker room. Meredith sighed deeply. She looked at the trashcan one last time. She still didn't understand it. So many things had changed in less than 10 hours. Her whole life had changed. She had felt so many things the past hours. Joy, fear, desperation. She had felt like her whole life was ending. Like she was loosing all she ever had. She could still feel the horror she had felt when she thought she was loosing Derek.

Derek.

Meredith shook her head, as if she could shake all the dark thoughts away. She was going to see Derek. He was awake. She needed to see him, to see that he was alive. She had to look into his beautiful blue eyes and see it for herself. Even though she knew he was going to be fine it still felt like he could slip away from her at any moment. She wouldn't let that happen. Not now, not after everything.

Meredith walked through the hospital, she walked across the floors that had been covered in blood only an hour earlier. The floors where people had been shot. Where people had died. Where lives had ended.

Meredith hurried to the ICU where Derek lay. She hadn't seen him since Teddy took over after the surgery and drove Meredith away to get someone to look at her. Christina or Owen must have told her about the miscarriage.

Meredith had gone to the gynecologist and it had been a complete miscarriage. She would meet with the gynecologist again in a week, just to have a check-up. But she would be fine. She might have some pain for a few days, but she would be fine.

But that didn't change the fact that her heart broke whenever she thought about it. She had lost a baby. Derek's baby. And even though she'd only known about the pregnancy for a few hours, she had loved the baby. And now it was gone.

When she reached the room, Meredith slowed down. She held her breath for a few seconds when she saw Derek lying in the hospital bed, sleeping. He had fallen asleep again, and she watched him for a moment. He was pale, and there were tubes all around him. Beside the bed, the monitor showed his heartbeat, which now was steady. Meredith started breathing again and let out a sigh of relief.

She took a few steps forward, so that she was standing next to the bed. She looked at her husband's face. He was pale and looked so sick, but he was still Derek. The love of her life.

She felt the tears that started to roll down her cheeks. Damn it, she thought. She had tried so hard not to cry. She had been able to hold the tears inside, until now. Now that she saw Derek lying there, it was like something broke inside of her. The tears streamed down her face and it was impossible to stop them.

Meredith sat down in the chair beside the bed and let out the tears. She took Derek's hand in hers and just sat there for a while. She wanted him to wake up. She wanted to see his beautiful blue eyes, she wanted to talk to him, she wanted to tell him how much she loved him. She wanted him to wake up. She needed him to. But at the same time, she know how much he needed to rest. The more he could sleep, the faster he would be okay again.

About half-an-hour later, Christina entered the room.

"Hey." Meredith said, with a weak smile.

"Hey." Christina picked up Derek's chart, but when she saw everything was the same as last time, she put it back and turned to look at Meredith. "Are you okay?"

Meredith nodded. "I'm fine. How's Owen?" Meredith said.

Luckily, the bullet had gone right through his shoulder, but you never knew what could have been damaged, even if she hadn't been able to see any damage when she stitched him up. But she was afraid she'd missed something.

"He's good. Stubborn as usual, insists on going back to work, even if he can't move his arm properly. But he'll be fine."

"Good." Meredith said. "Christina?"

"Hum?" She looked up to met Meredith's eyes.

"Thank you for saving my guy. I'll owe you forever, you know."

Christina smiled. "I'll make sure to remember that." She looked at Derek. "Are you going to tell him?"

Meredith nodded. "I will. But not yet. In a few days, when he's better."

"Good." Christina said. "I'm proud of you Mer. A few years ago, you would have ran away from all of this."

"No running." Meredith said in a low voice, turning her eyes to Derek.

"What?" Christina said confused.

"It's in our vow's. No running." she looked up at Christina who smiled.

"Right. The post-it vows."

"Yeah."

Christina looked up at the watch. "Oh, crap. I have to go. I'm going with Owen to Seattle Pres in five minutes. I'll be back later."

"Will you check on Alex?"

Christina nodded.

"Let me know if anything changes, okay?"

"Yeah." she said before she disappeared out of the room with a smile.

Meredith turned her eyes to Derek again, surprised to find herself looking into his beautiful blue eyes.

"Hey." she whispered. She stood up and gently stroke his hair.

"Hey." Derek's voice was hoarse, but it was him. It was Derek. Meredith felt like if a heavy stone was lifted from her shoulders. It was over now. Everything was going to be okay.

She met his eyes, and they were quiet for a while.

"How are you feeling?" Meredith asked. Her voice was just a whisper.

"Good." Derek answered, which made Meredith smile. She knew he wasn't telling the truth, but it was still good to hear him say it, even if it wasn't true.

"You okay?" Derek asked.

Meredith nodded. Now wasn't the time to tell him. He needed to rest and get better. She would tell him about the miscarriage some other day when he was better. She didn't want him to get upset right now. It wasn't what he needed.

Derek smiled weakly. "Good." he said with his soft voice.

Meredith saw how he tried to lift his hand, but he gave up with a sigh. He just didn't have the strength yet. Meredith took his hand in hers and squeezed it. She sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Thank you for not dying." she said at last. Derek looked at her, sorrow in his eyes.

"I couldn't leave you, could I?"

Meredith felt tears begin to build up in her eyes, but she wiped them away and squeezed his hand again. "No. Because if you did, I would have come after you just to be able to beat the crap out of you." she said with a weak smile.

"Good thing I didn't then." Derek said with a smile and started to caress Meredith's hand with his thumb. Suddenly, his face changed, and his eyes got sad "Do you know how many people…?" His voice faded out.

Meredith shook her head. She hadn't heard any numbers of how many had been shot. The only one's she knew about besides Derek were Reed and Alex. Alex was still alive, but he hadn't woken up. She hadn't been to visit him yet. She didn't want to leave Derek's side, and Alex was in Seattle Pres. She would go there later, she promised herself.

Meredith saw the pained expression on Derek's face. A pain she knew had nothing to do with the physical injuries he had.

"Derek."

He meet her eyes. "He was after me. He came here to shoot me." his voice was only a whisper. "It's not fair. It's not fair that innocent people should die because of me."

Meredith stroke her hand across his forehead. "Derek, this isn't your fault. You didn't do anything to deserve this. You didn't do anything wrong. You don't get to blame yourself for what happened. This is Mr. Clark's fault, okay?"

Derek nodded, but Meredith could see that she hadn't been able to convince him. She stroke her fingers across his cheek and Derek looked at her.

"I love you." he whispered.

"I love you too Derek." she said, bending down to kiss him gently. Suddenly she felt a flash of pain going through her body which made her wince. Derek frowned.

"What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

Meredith shook her head and forced a smile. "I'm fine."

"Meredith.." The look on his face told her he didn't believe her at all.

"I'm fine, okay?"

"When you say the word 'fine', that means you're not okay."

Meredith didn't answer. She was saved by Mark, who entered the room.

"Hey. Am I disturbing anything? I can come back later."

"You're always disturbing." Derek said with a smile. "But you can come in."

Mark grinned. "How are you feeling?"

"Good, considering I just got a bullet removed from my chest."

"Good." Mark said. "Sorry I haven't been here earlier, but I was over at Seattle Pres to help with some of the gun shots."

"Do you know how many he shot?" Derek asked.

Mark hesitated. "I'm not sure.." He started. "The last I heard was that about 20 people. I don't know how many of them are dead though. Most of them are at Seattle Pres now."

Derek sighed deeply. "Damn it."

Meredith sat down at the end of the bed and let Mark take the chair beside the bed. He sat down with a smile at her.

"Webber is taking over as temporary Chief, until you're back on your feet." Mark said and Derek nodded.

"Good. But he might as well take over entirely. I'll give notice to leave as Chief of surgery as soon as I can." he said, putting a surprised look on both Meredith's and Mark's faces.

"Why?" Mark asked. Meredith didn't know what to say. She hadn't been expecting this. She hadn't been expecting this at all.

Derek shrugged a bit, looking up at Meredith.

"I don't know really. It's just not what I thought it would be. I almost never got to operate, I had paperwork to do all the time, meetings to go to. I guess, I was unhappy with the work. I didn't look forward to going to work anymore. I almost never felt the rush you get in the OR." Meredith could se sadness in his eyes. She hadn't realized just how unhappy he had been lately.

"And all of this.." Derek continued "..it made me realize that we can't live our lives just waiting for everything to change, to be better. Life's too short to be unhappy, I guess. I'd rather do something that makes me happy."

Mark smiled. "You always come up with the impressive speaks huh?"

Derek laughed, but stopped when the laugh turned in to a cough. Meredith looked at him, worried. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Meredith raised her eyebrow over the fact that he used the word 'fine', but she didn't say anything about it. Not now. Instead, she turned to Mark.

"Do you know how Alex is doing? Is he okay?"

She noticed Marks face changing when she mentioned Alex's name. She couldn't quite point out what had changed, but he somehow looked sad.

"He hasn't woken up yet, but everything seems to be good. I bet he wakes up today." He said. "Lexie is with him right now."

"Good." It was all Meredith could say.

Mark turned to Derek again. "I called Nancy earlier. She said she would call Carolyn, and they're all coming tomorrow."

Crap. Meredith hadn't even thought about calling Derek's family. She hadn't though of them at all. She felt bad about it. Of course he wanted his family to come. Of course they needed to know.

Derek nodded. "Thanks Mark."

'Beep. Beep.'

Mark looked at his pager. "Damn it. I got to go. Page me if you need me or anything, okay? I'll be back later." With that Mark disappeared out of the room.

Derek turned his eyes to Meredith. "Are you sure you're okay?"

She nodded. "Don't worry about me, okay? All you have to think about is getting better." she smiled weakly. "And right now you should get some rest. I bet you're tired."

Derek nodded. "Yeah, I guess I am."

Meredith stood up. She leaned forward and kissed him. "I'll be right here." she said and sat down in the chair. Derek closed his eyes with a smile. "I love you Meredith." he whispered.

A few seconds later he was asleep.