Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

A/N: This is a completely random one-shot I thought of one day when I was watching television. (: Or I'll say T.V. The beginning is similar to the Order of the Phoenix.

**NOTE: Performing magic in front and/or on a Muggle is NOT against the law in this story…why? Because I say so! :)**

-.-

Harry Potter lay down on the garden patch right below the open window of Number 4 Privet Dr. He was always fond of Muggle news, probably because he never knew what was going on because he was at Hogwarts.

There was a loud crack! from somewhere near. He was shaken by the noise and hit his head hard on the windowsill. He heard the agitated groan from Vernon Dursley and the shriek from Petunia Dursley.

Before he knew it, they were both rounding the corner of their house and spotted Harry lying down in the garden.

"Get out of my garden!" Petunia ordered. Harry got onto his feet and Vernon marched over to him, clutching on his collar.

"Where the devil did that sound come from?" Vernon demanded, his raunchy, hot breath pelting on Harry's face.

Harry replied, "Don't worry, some idiot crashed into a pole over there." He pointed his finger at a bright blue car that had collided with a telephone pole, which stood high and all and unharmed.

Petunia screeched, "My baby! Vernon, DUDLEY is in that car!"

Dudley and his friend, the driver, casually got out of the car and stared at the scene in front of him. Dudley whispered, "I told you not to drive drunk. My parents will flip!" Petunia was the first to reach Dudley. She crushed him with a tight embrace that caused Harry and Dudley's friend to burst into laughter.

Petunia snapped at his friend, "You could've killed him!"

"But I didn't, did I?" he replied, slightly slurring his words.

Vernon roared, "Were you drinking, punk? I'll sue you if you were!"

Dudley yelled, "Quit hugging me, mum! Stop threatening my friend, dad! AND STOP LAUGHING POTTER!" Harry died down his laughter to a small giggle. Petunia looked at her son with a shocked expression. Dudley muttered, "I'm going on a walk."

"But baby!"

"ALONE!" Dudley roared in his mother's face. Dudley stormed out of the neighborhood towards the playground where Harry and he were attacked by dementors. Harry sneaked past the car accident scene and followed Dudley.

Dudley sat on a swing and lit a cigarette.

"You know, Dudley," Harry said, "those kill."

"Yeah," Dudley said moodily, popping it in his mouth, "and I'll kill you if you don't get yourself out of here." Harry could see a deep gash on Dudley's arm.

Harry exclaimed, "Dudley, you have to go to a hospital!"

"Yeah, whatever," Dudley replied coldly.

Harry shot back, "Well, I'm just being nice for once. You don't have to be a moody little prick!"

Dudley got onto his feet and flung his cigarette into the grass. He was obviously drunk, because he was charging at Harry with staggering steps. Harry raised his wand and cried, "Expelliarmus!"

Dudley only saw a scarlet burst of light before he was knocked backwards high above the ground. Everything was spinning at one point; he felt like he was like Superman. Wind was howling in his ears, the summer temperature was kissing his skin…it felt like heaven for him.

He landed on the ground rather softly in a daze. He stared at Harry gasped, "Wow…please, do it again." Harry looked at him with a confused expression.

"Dudley, are you drunk?"

"Please, Harry!" Dudley pleaded, getting onto his feet.

Harry replied, "Okay…if you want to. Expelliarmus!"

This time is was different. He didn't leave the ground, but was rather pushed yards away from Harry. He felt an incredible force push upon his stomach…it was an unbelievable tummy tickler. It continued for what seemed like forever until he was pushed against the fence in 'defeat.'

"Oh, yes," Dudley moaned in pleasure, as though this was a game of sex. Harry sniggered at his reaction. "Again…try to make it harder and rougher."

Harry laughed, "Okay, Dudley!"

Dudley clung onto the fence in preparation. Harry cast another Disarming Charm that hit Dudley in the chest. His body pressed against the fence with a violent, yet satisfying, force. It made Dudley horny. His knees were shaking uncontrollably and his hips bucked.

"Harder!" Dudley groaned. Another charm was sent, pressing Dudley even harder on the fence. He was sweating and panting, and Harry was enjoying every minute of this. He wished he had a video camera…this would be great on YouTube. "Harder!" Dudley demanded once more.

"EXPELLIARMUS!" Harry roared on the top of his lungs.

"Aargh!" Dudley moaned in absolute pleasure. The fence broke and made a teeth-shattering squeaking noise. He fell onto the ground and Harry immediately noticed the big bulge in Dudley's pants. Dudley panted, "That…was…amazing. Harry, please…any more spells?"

Harry muttered, "Oh, I know one you'd love. Crucio!"

Dudley, strangely, screamed in ecstasy. His back was arched high in the air and his pelvis was jolting and forcing itself up and down repeatedly. Dudley screamed on the top of his lungs, "I'm…going…to…ah!" Harry lowered his wand and vomited. He knew what just happened, and he wished he would've left his cousin alone.

Harry never used the Cruciatus Curse again.

-.-Fin-.-

A/N: Oh my God. Did I really just make a sort of lemon story without the lemon? Or would it be a lime? No flames unless they are good flames (: