Rating: PG-13. Not much to fret about, just James being his usual fanboy self.

Spoilers: Oh, c'mon. Really. I had to throw it in for old time's sake. :3

A/N: The oneshot I never thought would happen – and it just might be 'cracked', I'll leave that to you (I almost wish we could have more than two filters). Be sure to read the note at the end.

Enjoyxx

James Potter had found himself walking the halls of Hogwarts casually on his way to the common room in a final attempt to finish his Charms homework, as he did any other normal day. Except he couldn't stop thinking about yesterday and how it didn't end normally at all, when did it ever in the life of a Marauder? No. It ended in the worst way imaginable.

You see, James had recently run into a brick wall that resulted in a head on collision at possibly eighty-five miles per hour or so. Well, at least it felt like he did–and his heart had paid the toll for it as well by turning a shade black. Because the shining beacon to his woeful existence, the apple of his 'can't see twenty feet in front of him on a good day' eyes, the Mary Jane to his Peter Parker, was in L.O.V.E with someone else. Or perhaps it was only a crush; he'd lost count from the number of names Sirius had dropped after hearing it through the grapevine. Either way, that someone had beaten him to his beloved, and hard earned, prize.

Butternubs. Dirty, ruddy, pathetic, idiotic, Butternubs. The worse part was, he doesn't know what the hell a Butternub is. Sirius had introduced him to the idea of using plain words, sometimes weird and obviously fabricated, to risist the urge to curse in order to help win over Evans, seeing as she thought it acceptable to add yet another of his bad habits to her expanding list—probably titled 'One Thousand Ways To Kill James Slowly On The Inside, Number One: By Strutting About Like I Own Hogwarts' or some other rot.

And that 'someone' is a person he had to look at everyday for another two years. He sighed; sitting crossed-legged by the fireplace surrounded by his books, he hoped they wouldn't name their first child Harry. Maybe Heather, Jonathan, Michael, or Sarah, but not Harry. As far as he was concerned, Harry would be his with or without Lily-Look-At-How-Glossy-Her-Hair-Is-Today Evans to forever muck up everything in his life by being the beautiful, kind hearted, and brilliantly vivacious witch she is.

James turned as he heard Sirius come pounding up the hall, panting and completely out of breath. Had he run the whole way here? Wasn't he just in the stands watching me practise? He thought and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Calm yourself, mate. What is it?"

"Must you move like the wind?…Lily…someone else…doesn't like…you don't have a chance…never did if you ask me…ah bugger."

"What about Lily?" His ears instantly perk up at the sound of his dearest's name. It was the only thing that really got him through the meaningless days, full of emotionless girls fawning over him like some object and the pressures of keeping a solid repetutation. If his grades were anything below 'Acceptable', his parents would likely cut off his inheritance, or at least fail to provide the full amount on his eighteenth birthday. "Did something happen to her? Is she all right?"

Sirius took one last deep breath and released it in a rush of words that didn't make a bit of sense to him at first.

"LilyisdatingsomeoneelseandIdon'tknowwhoitisbecauseIforgottogetanameyouwouldn'thappentohaveanywater? Phew."

James stared.

"Do I really, really, have to repeat all that again?" He asked in defeat as he watched the Chaser's face harden to unreadable mask, jaw firmly set.

"No. I understood enough."

Sirius chewed at his bottom lip, looking at the other boy with great concern. Despite how desperate his silly actions seemed in regards to getting Lily to date him, he knew this news would deeply hurt James more than he let on and was thankful they were alone in the hall should he do anything drastic. But to his surprise, James did just the opposite, though he failed to miss the hard edge in his voice.

"Tell me where she is."

"I would if I knew! Should we try the Library?"

James didn't have to be told twice as he dashed off with such speed one could say it matched a Ostrich, if one squinted that is, and left Sirius in the dust thinking he really needed to get more exercise.

They reached the Library the minute she sat down, and James had time to notice a second person sitting across from her before Sirius pulled him back roughly.

"Whoa. Let's not make a scene, you know?"

"But Padfoot—"

"I'm simply saying we should wait and see what happens, it's not like they're going to jump each other's bones in Library. I reckon Evans will have more sense than that!"

He nodded, lips turning into a thin line. He didn't care if the sourly bloke even glanced at her in an enticing way, it was enough to get his blood boiling again. Difficult as it was, he'd lost most of his unsavory behavior that kept them at arms length for so long during their time at Hogwarts. Although he still had a pension for hexing students that crossed him—and Snape was no exception, what more did she want?

And then he saw him. The boy that she had made it obvious was more worthy of her attention than him.

"Oh. Shit."

These were last words he heard Sirius utter before blackness clouded his vision.

"James!" He felt a soft hand gently pat his face and for a moment he thought it was Lily, as his view was blurry and gradually coming into focus. "Look, he's waking up."

"About time," Came Sirius' haughty reply. "Are you all right?"

"I think so," He replied groggily, still feeling dizzy when he tried to sit upright and becoming convinced that the hand he felt earlier had indeed belonged to Lily. "Why am I in bed?"

"Easy James, you're in the Hospital Wing. You flat out fainted—in the entryway of the Library to be exact. Gave us a proper scare, you did." Remus shifted uncomfortably, knowing James would wollow in misery once he remembered the dramatic scene that unfolded in front of the 'love of his life'. Possibly 'Ex-love', due to his friend's now traumatized expression.

Peter stepped forward. Well, more like Remus pushed him forward, but whose really counting here? In spite of the ugly consequences ahead, Peter had some serious nerves to work up and when James put on his glasses he knew there was no time to back out now.

"Listen, mate…" He started, but James cut him off abruptly with the shake of his head.

"No, I'm not your 'mate'. Never was, given the apparent circumstances."

"Oh come on, don't say that. Pete has always been there for us. Besides, you've got it wrong—"

"He also never stole any of your girlfriends, Sirius!"

"I am not anyone's girlfriend, and I am certainly not yours!" A shrill and thoroughly irritated voice echoed beside him. Well, his hunch had been correct. "Er, at least not yet." Lily clarified, sneaking a glance at Peter with his head down.

"Look, I'm sure we've all got plently to say, but right now I think we should let Lily and Peter do the explaining before things escalate any further."

"Yeah? Bet you were the first to know."

Remus adjusted his robes and stood a tad taller than usual, intelligent eyes narrowed into slits. Oh, it was time to school a bitch. "Hey, don't shoot the one who helped you up here when I could have just as easily left you lying there in the hands of a gawking, gossiping, and mocking crowd. So maybe you should stop being a pain in the arse and hear them out first."

James crossed his arms and nodded. "Fine."

"Sure we're allowed?" She asked reproachfully.

"We get the point, Lily."

"Okay, sorry." She tossed her hair, long silky hair that James would never get to run his hand through. God, be still his heart he was pitiful. "But I'm not sorry for studying with Peter. He's lot more tolerable and kind than you."

"So what am I supposed to do then? Accept everything and move on? After all those years—" James whipped his head around so fast Remus could have sworn it was a full 180 degress. "Wait, studying?!"

"Yes! That's all. He needed help with a Herbology lesson and was too embarrassed to ask any of you. And what years? We have hardly anything in common. You were the one relentlessly asking me out on dates when I'd made it perfectly clear the answer was 'no'. You had most of the school eating out of your hands when I defended Severus," A grimace all around. She just had to bring that dreadful business up again. "Yes, Severus and over a dozen others against your senseless bullying—though, why you continue to condradict this by facing off with those Death Eaters is beyond me but I admit I do admire it," He was rendered speechless by this small tidbit, but his hopes were swiftly crushed by her next words. "Not to mention the way you prance about the place with your hair untidy as if you just enlighted off your broom. It must be endearing to some girls, but indubitably not me or any I know. Do you really think I'd fall for you that easily?"

He truly did regret his past doings, and by all accounts he was more than willing to compromise if that's what it took, but blimey was she making it difficult.

"No. I guess you wouldn't. I just didn't expect you to pick Pete over me, I mean, I get I'm not exactly dating meterial at the moment but…"

"Dating? What, Lily and I? Dating?! That's absurd! Why would I, we, do such a thing?"

James looked at them both incredulously. "You and Lily aren't together?"

"Of course not!"

"But you said all those nice things—"

"It doesn't suggest I would date him!" She glanced at Peter apologetically. "No offense?"

"Don't worry about it. Narcissa agreed to go out this Saturday anyway. If I washed her robes for a month."

"By hand? A little rude isn't it?"

"I believe I'm at the point of desperation, so yes."

"Nevertheless, the girl is quite pale. Not to mention the complementary personality of a brick."

Remus, who normally kept his composure impectably in tact should an event such as this arise, is having just about enough of this jazz and decided it was high time he cut in. "Sirius, you are far from helping."

The appealing wizard sat back and sighed, you'd think he would be used to being ganged up on. Then again, they were the only four people who really knew about his undisclosed collection of pressed butterflies, therefore he honestly should not complain.

"Well, it's a little 'rude' that Lily is dating Regulus because of an 'F'."

"Peter!"

A shrug. "Whoops."

James was past the kingdom of Confusion and ventured straight into the land of Disbelief.

"What? What?"

"Loose lips sink ships, Peter. Loose. Lips." Lily's face was a picture of intent murder, thus he couldn't help but shrink down to a mere two-feet-tall.

"Too many broom closets, I suppose?" Sirius made crude kissing noises while she sent him her best death glare.

"Shut up, Black. At least he treats me with more than an ounce of consideration, unlike some people I know."

"Lily, please," James ignored the rest and had resolved to take matters into his own hands. "I know how much it meant to you, but I don't care about your bad grade. However, I'll never understand what you see in anyone related to this mad man."

Sirius chuckled and thought he couldn't be more right.

"I've tried to be better, you've seen it. Shouldn't that count for something?"

"I know you tried, James, and you may have changed for the better. Albeit, a little. Surely I don't expect this to happen overnight, but you're too late. Too much has happened for me to think otherwise and trust you."

The boys murmured their apologies after Lily left. Leaving to resume their usual activities, and James to regret not having a time machine.

A year later and a new leaf as Head Boy had its privileges. And its disadvantages. Lily still hadn't seen reason, nor how it could possibly benefit them both by going out with James, though he was begininng to face facts and find closure in the next 'set of legs' to walk his way and focus on his budding career in Quidditch. If not to fuel his passion for the sport rather than for money, his usual excellent reflexes had begun to feel dull lately and he didn't want to lose sight of all the years of practise he'd put in or be precived as lazy—that would kill him. But it would never be enough, although Sirius was indeed enjoying this turn of events and no longer having to settle for him as a wingman. Everything had gone just as 'peachy' as it could get after that day in the Hospital wing, and tried to forget it with all the power in his being. But no magic could erase the damage done and the scars left, or the upturned head whenever she passed by him on her way to class, it was enough to drive him nuts if it weren't for three friends supporting him and making him understand she wasn't the last fish in a very big, and awfully variable, pond. That wasn't the point; he'd thought at the time, the point was he wanted the fish that someone else had caught.

However, most of that had been locked securely in a steel vault and thrown back in the furthest part of his mind. Until this evening when he decided a bit of fresh air would set him straight after his daily responsibilites became too much. For a castle of its sizable structure, it could be extremely stuffy when you've dealt with overly curoius and overwrought first years to guide and recited every rule in the book all day.

"James Potter?" Incited a masculine voice out of nowhere. He was hoping to have this evening by himself to think and a quick walk around the grounds, maybe a small moment at Black Lake as well, would steer his mind clear in no time. It usually did. But that little plan was now shot to hell it seemed.

He turned and saw someone wearing a hooded cloak that completely shielded his face from view.

"Yes, what is it?" His tone may have been a bit sharper than intended, but he had a right to his privacy.

The stranger stepped closer out of the shadows. "I couldn't help overhearing you're current situation, or shall we say delimia? As it is, I've come to you with a proposition."

"Oh? Who are you anyway? What could you possibly offer me? And at this hour no less."

The man pulled his hood down, his dark hair shined against the rising moon and James wondered exactly how much sun he could be getting. His pale features would be considered young, possibly not much older than James himself, but something about him suggested he knew more than a person of his age should. Not to mention there was a sudden substantial chill in the air that made him want to be anywhere rather than standing here talking to a stranger who really had no business being at Hogwarts, for some reason he didn't like where this situation was going. He knew he should alert Dumbledore, or at least the McGonagall, but he just couldn't shake the feeling he should wait and listen before jumping to conclusions. The Headmaster may be one of the kindest and most experienced wizards of his generation, but even he didn't take too kindly to being pulled out of his study for little to no good reason, not with twlight so soon on the horizon. Perhaps this stranger meant well and was only lost? You could never anticipate what came from the Forbidden Forest, if that was the case.

"I imagine one beyond your wildest dreams."

"Really. Yet I don't know your name, but you knew mine and by the looks of things you don't attend Hogwarts. Again, what do you want? Mind you, I don't care to repeat myself—especailly to a possible threat." He readied his wand; this mysterious stranger was starting to put him off in a bad way.

He chuckled, although James rather thought it sounded of dry leaves scuttling over grass.

"You don't miss a trick, do you? I can tell. For your sake that is good," He stepped closer as James stepped backwards. He was in a tight spot, no one knew he was out here and he wasn't sure how skilled the man is in dueling.

He held out a hand, pointed fingernails and all.

"My name is Tom. But that will soon change, and everyone will know it. Of that I'm sure."

That's all, folks.

A/N: Nope, I'm not continuing. Don't even bother to follow it—I may incorporate something into another fic of mine, but it won't be another series as one is enough right now. Don't ask me how the hell Voldy came to approach James, it's an Oneshot and that's all I know. I also doubt James would 'black out'; I just wanted to see him lose his cool completely, really. There's an unspoken code that you do not date the person your friend is mad crushing on (common curtasy, you know?), not that everyone follows this of course, so I ran with that idea. I'm such a bad person when it comes to toying with relationships in this fandom. Thanks for readin'. ;*