This song is set in season one, somewhere in between when Mr. Schue breaks up with Terri and when he gets together with Emma. And it's based on the song Måndag-Fredag by Swedish singer Orup. I know most of you won't understand the lyrics of the song but just write in a review or send me a PM and I'll send you the translation okay? Great!
With one try done on the first verse, I deleted everything and hoped that it would end up better this time around. So I hope you like it.
Alex is portrayed by Måns Zelmerlöw. And just to brag I can mention this 'cough' random fact about him that in the last Eurovision song contest he won for Sweden.
"Hey." I hung on the door frame to my colleague's office when I had finished all of my work that I could find. "Do you need help with anything?" The new teacher, in math and some sort of Swedish club nodded and riffled in some papers on his desk while I took his nod as the final answer and walked in and sat down on the opposite side of the desk from me while he handed me a pile of papers.
Mr. Alexander Jonasson was the newest of the teacher stab. He had only came here a few weeks ago, even if it was in the middle of a semester. His quirky smile, dark hair and light Swedish accent had already seduced most of the female members of the staff. While he had already from the beginning made it clear for all of us that ninety percent of the reason he had moved to America at all was to be close to his girlfriend Kendra.
"I have a way with putting all the papers in my bag together. And as you know, I have both math and Swedish. If you want to be perfectly bored then I could use some help." I took the pile he reached me and started putting them in two different piles. "Well, I'll take a guess that you don't know much Swedish but…"
"That's okay… I don't know much math either."
"Well then. The papers with numbers that you don't get are the math ones. And the ones with words that you don't get are the Swedish ones." He gave a short laugh and I forced myself to do the same. "Sorry… Swedish humor! Most things in Sweden are kind of weird? Do you know any Swedish?"
"That's okay." I let hear another short laugh. "And differences in cultures are… fascinating. And the only ones I know are hej, hejdå, köttbullar and mig älskar dig." I tried to say it in as much as a Swedish accent as I could. But still Mr. Jonasson just laughed at me.
"It's jag älskar dig. Mig älskar dig would make me love you. Then hi, goodbye and meatballs. So yeah, you know the most important." He laughed again. "Without that word köttbullar- meatballs. It would probably be hard to get around in Sweden. Do you want another pile?" I had sorted the papers he had given me and nodded. "Well, here you go… The others told me about you, Mr. Schuester is it right? Spanish and glee club?"
"Yes and yes." I answered for what I was teaching. "But please… Just call me Will."
"Will…" Mr. Jonasson made a pause as to build up suspense. "Well… In Sweden- another thing is that you never call each other by last name so… I just go by Alex."
"Alex."
The silence during the next couple of minutes seemed thick. It was so late afternoon everybody else had gone home. Left was Alex, who after a minute or two started humming on some Swedish song and me. Who concentrated as much as I could on the papers in front of me not to let the questions and the voices get into my mind again.
"You know, there's gossip around the staff room." I was so far away in my concentration I flinched when Alex had been speaking and looked up at him, he must have seen on the look on my face because he started over. "I said there's gossip around the staff room." I nodded- I knew that very well! "About you too. They're saying if everybody worked as much as you with asking everyone if they need help with anything and such- they'd have to fire half the stab today." He chuckled. "I have been waving it off until now. But now I'm actually not so sure." He chuckled again and smirked up at me to let me know he was joking. I just gave a nervous smile and hoped that he wouldn't notice how I just held my breath and clenched my hand hard in the paper I was holding.
"I heard you're going through something quite rough right now."
"Yes, yes." I couldn't do else then agree. "But hey, better and better for each day." I smiled nervously one more time. While I couldn't understand why it had gotten so hard to cover up what I was feeling these last few days. But that didn't keep me from still fighting to do it. And I saw Alex nod good but he didn't say anything else. "Doing something, like this… It kind of helps you get your mind of things doesn't it?" Alex nodded again and scrabbled some comment down on a paper.
"If you need something to do and you want to. I'm going to be gone for the weekend. So I need someone to come in twice a day, feed the cat, and feed and walk the dogs. But it's probably not a good idea… You don't have to do it. You really don't."
"No." I quickly interrupted before he would have found someone else to do it. "It's fine. You live somewhere on Brigston road right? That's not too far from where I live. I can do it, how many cats and dogs are there? Oh, you said cat. So one cat, how many dogs?"
"Three dogs." Alex chuckled at my babbling. "And yes, one cat. They're all labradoodles. The yellow and brown are females named Bella- the brown, and Lorie- the yellow. Then the bigger black one is named Sixten. The cat is Mario. And yes, it's on Brigston road. But I thought you lived in the other direction! Oh well, that's not my thing." Alex got out a piece of paper and a pencil from his desk drawer and scrabbled down an address. "Of course, if you come to my place tiomorrow afternoon before I leave. I can show you how much food they need and such things. Is that alright?" I nodded, Alex stood up and grabbed his bag. "Then… see you tomorrow." I nodded. "Do you need a ride home? I noticed your parking lot was empty. And yes, I have memorized which person owns which parking lot. Sorry." I chuckled.
"It's fine. I did the same thing. But no. I'll just take the bus. Which leaves in…" I looked to my watch. "Darn it! Two minutes. Goodbye. See you tomorrow." With that, I turned around and ran the fastest I could down the hallway without looking back. But even if I had looked back- I would have noticed the way Alex stood in the doorway to his office looking after me with a distressed expression in his eyes and on his body. Maybe if I had looked back I would have spotted on that look that he had already figured what I was doing. And that I couldn't miss the bus because if I stood by the stop for thirty two minutes the voices, the questions and statements would get too loud for me to function at all.
What was it that had happened in between me and Terri actually? Was there something I could have done to stop it? We must have drifted apart for so long. I had tried to blame her with the faked pregnancy and everything, but in a relationship there was always to parts and I couldn't be innocent. What had happened if I had had a better paid job? What if I could have been able to give Terri everything she thought she needed? What if I could have kept her happy?
What if I had never had the idea of starting the glee club? What would have happened then?
By the thought of the glee club I regretted what I had thought. The new directions was the most important part of my life. To change those twelve young lives and maybe keep them from doing a bunch of mistakes that I had ever done in my old one- well, old compared to those twelve. Even if I could only change one life- I would choose that any time in front of a relationship that wasn't working since years. And one that hadn't been right even from the beginning.
And if I could save the kids from doing one mistake that could have ruined their future, I would do anything. I would have stayed up all night, flown half across the earth, climbed the highest mountains or swum the deepest seas. And that had just from the beginning, from when I had decided to start up the glee club. I needed- no, I wanted to do anything in my power. To help those twelve, to do what I could to give them good lives and at least one steady relationship. Maybe because I myself knew what it was like when relationships were unsteady.
I shook my head and returned to reality. Everything could impossibly neither be only mine nor only Terri's fault. But I couldn't dwell about that, and looked out the window seeing people and squares and God knows what else outside. Something that I couldn't even see what it was, and while I gave all of my concentration to trying to see what that was- or trying to identify what that statue was of… I pushed away the thoughts that were haunting me so badly.
I looked up towards the spring sun, and suddenly remembered a few lines from a song I had heard, or a poem I had read what must have been a thousand years ago. But it seemed so perfect. And once I'd remembered a few short lines it just took a grip and wouldn't leave my mind.
Ain't it funny?
How the world will keep on moving on
Even when we cannot do so ourselves
I saw the sun today
And it was still shining
I had during my darkest moments really been fascinated with how it would actually get better and how everybody else were moving on even though I couldn't quite do it. This time I knew it was going to get better- it always would sooner or later. But I had never been so down and just trying to keep myself busy and everything… It had gotten into a habit I wasn't so sure if I would ever be able to put an end to.
I also decided that I'd take the car from now on to concentrate on driving rather than exactly everything else. This thing with looking around wasn't working anyway- I'd seen it all way too many times for any part of my brain to just give a damn about it.
"Bye." When I got off the bus I did it as slow as I could tell that the driver's deep sigh was because of that and took a too long way around the block to the grocery store with my headphones at the loudest, blasting with Journey and singing in the rain. I think that that little boy and his mum I walked by heard it too. At least the boy, maybe four or five years old was dancing to it on the sidewalk- while I walked by. But started backing so I could see the boy continue dancing. Even though he could impossibly still hear the music, I could see him dancing. All the way until I'd passed around the corner.
I got a few dollars out of my pocket and gave to the beggar outside the store. He would sit here every day, but I never used to even look at him. Now I did- maybe I could bright his day more than I could brighten my own. And when I saw the guy carefully pick up the bill and look me into the eyes I felt just a little pinch in my heart- what wouldn't I have done for so little, or for anything to brighten my day so to the point my own eyes would shine like his did.
In the grocery store I walked as slowly as possible. Read every table of content carefully. Not because I wanted the most healthy or with the least e-numbers. But simply because for every minute I spent in the store keeping myself occupied. It was sixty seconds taken from sitting on my sofa. And staring right in front of me while the voices in my head just grew louder and louder and louder until I couldn't even hear the cars from outside or the voices on the TV any longer.
At last I finished off with buying a bottle of water and a pack with two cheese sandwiches for the beggar, who looked if possible even more grateful when I- grumpily and nervously handed them down to him and then left with my heart beating so loud it was almost louder than my music that still wasn't turned down.
(Despite all the angry looks I had gotten into the store)
Getting the groceries and the snacks and everything up into the fridge and cupboards and whatever else took way too little time. So however I would twist and turn it I sat down into the sofa afterwards and tried to think of something else to do.
Was there something I could have done differently with Ter…
And there were just so many memories in every little corner. Kiss there, fight there, laugh there…
I started wiping off the shelves with a cloth I found in the cupboard, picked out all the cd's, movie's and porcelain figures (Terri's, and I needed to get them back to her since she was the one who 'needed them) but it wasn't any dustier there today than what it had been yesterday after I cleaned it off the last time. But still, I just made everything take as long as it possibly could.
Looking through the apartment afterwards I realized I must have done the cleaning with cleaning off dust, vacuuming, taking the dishes and doing the laundry with God knows what else a thousand times only the last few days. But when I once again had a new idea, to do the biggest job so far I didn't give a second of dragging out on it before I started getting everything out of drawers, down from shelves and away from tables until the whole living room floor was full of things that could either be put back, sold or thrown away.
I put the speakers on my phone on and put the radio on so I wouldn't have to get up to switch the song. Then, even though the work could have been done pretty much on automat, I forced myself to believe that if I didn't put all concentration to sort out the things, checking what each and every sheet of paper was- it would end up wrong. And when I fell into bed that night, exhausted. But happy since I had finally found something that could for real keep my mind of things for hours and finished!
Maybe I could do it again this weekend. My bins were full, and I had several big boxes with things that could be sold. Maybe I should give the money away to charity- or give some to that and use the rest for new clothes. Terri had been so annoyed with the vests I would always be wearing- maybe I should give them up, realize that she was right and get something more modern. Shopping could get my mind of things couldn't it?
Well, wondering about that wasn't quite enough for me to wonder about the next day. On Fridays, I had a long break in the middle of the day on three hours- don't ask me how that happened. And after checking all of that paper work (and yes, everything was still done since yesterday) I must have walked through the hallway back and forth to check so everything was going well a hundred times before I had a- according to me, pretty good idea and I sent out a text each to all of the New directions' boys.
"Hey." Artie was the last one to come in, wheeling through the door and steering into his usual spot in the front. "That's everyone then…"
"Where's Rachel…" Finn asked confused. "…And Quinn… And Mer… Hang on… None of the girls are here. How can everybody be here if none of the girls are here? Have all girls like fallen off the face of the earth? They can't have. There were girls all around in the hallway earlier so it must have happened since then and I'm pretty sure we would have noticed if half of the world's population just disappeared."
"Now…" Before Finn had continued yet more in his confused ways I interrupted. "I only called you boys to be here today… I was wondering… You know… the girls have a way of taking over during the glee club so… How about just, you guys and me just have a … boys' night?" The boys didn't look too excited. "I know it's short noticed but how about instead of night we take it tomorrow and at day time… Say at two? You know, guy movies, pizza, I think I've got a backgammon game and a twister somewhere… Unless Terri took those too… No, I'm pretty sure I have those. And just… hanging around talking, without girls." I looked around trying to seem exited to get them exited as well. But nothing, and one after one they stood up and left.
"I finally got my dad to tidy the whole house."
Kurt left.
"And he got me and my mum to help him."
Finn left.
"I need to babysit my sister."
Puck left.
"My parents want to take me to some museum."
Mike left.
"I'm going to visit my older sister at college."
Matt left
"And I'm going to this club for people in wheelchair."
And Artie left.
I was left alone in the room, sitting on the piano and rubbing my palms against each other. While the thoughts started spinning in my head I did everything I could to keep them away. I tried to start turning the pages in some sheet music and playing music in hopes to find some songs that we could do in glee club- but no! Maybe I could invite the girls instead… No, it would be on a too short notice to ask them to come to the choir room now. And far away in my own thoughts I didn't notice Alex came into the room before he talked to me.
"Hey, Will." I looked up as he came into the room. "I just wanted to tell you that there's no need to go over to mine tonight or tomorrow. Turns out the reason Kendra wanted me to come over to hers was breaking up. He gave a slight smile. "But, honestly… we're friends and everything just feels good." I thought for a minute, but I was too tired and broken to even know what I was saying.
"No… Are you sure you don't need any help. I would really like to come over and help you with them… Or is there anything you need help with…" I was becoming really needy. But I couldn't stop at that. "Maybe we could just… grab a beer or something. Sitting home just doesn't really work for me right now."
"I don't drink! And, Will. Can't you see what doesn't work?" I flinched and then froze when Alex's voice took a more harsh tone. "Can't you see this doesn't work? You can't run from your feelings." I tried to say something but honestly, didn't know. "And I know you're going through some rough times. Probably harder than what I could imagine but I do know that running from it will not solve anything. More like the other way around and make things harder." I gripped hard around the fabric in my jeans while Alex sighed. "I'm sorry…"
"No," I tried to ignore the fact that I hadn't breathed in for like thirty seconds. "You're right… Have a nice weekend." With that, I left the room and half ran out onto the parking lot, threw my bag in the bag seat. With shaking hands put the key in and then quickly skid out of the parking lot and towards Brigston.
If the police had spotted me on the highway I would have been dead. Because I had never hit the gas pedal as hard and as deep as I did right then. And crossing in between the cars on the highway I was probably the luckiest person not to have killed myself on that road. And the speed wasn't everything when my vision was blurred by tears and sobs made my body tremble.
I somehow came to a stop on the side of the road just as a big truck passed me closely and while my hands were shaking towards the steering wheel I tried to fight the sobs down my throat. Until I couldn't anymore and laid my arms towards the steering wheel and buried my face behind my arm. There's only so much a person can take and I cried until I thought I'd either throw up or faint- or both. And when I was finally finished I leaned back in the seat and had to take a while to just sleep before I could drive back to Brigston safely- this time with a new feeling in my chest.
For the first time as I could remember right now I didn't want it to become Monday again. I didn't want to return to work and didn't want to be surrounded by colleagues who I knew knew everything about me taking all the jobs and whatever I could find. Staying at the school until I had no choice but to leave and trying to make sure I was never alone and bored.
I think I had known for quite a while that everyone knew what was going on. That they didn't let me do their extra jobs like sorting out tests and homework because they wanted me to. But because they knew that if they didn't I would have to go home to an empty place where all the questions and thoughts would grow too loud for me to ever believe anything would ever get better. That anything would ever change from the ways they were right now.
Maybe they just needed to do it or it was their conscience that would grow too loud just like mine was. And maybe it was that I had never ever wanted that for my colleagues- my friends to do that for me. That I had never wanted them to worry about me like that. But now when I knew they all did, that I knew how it had all ended up like this.
How was I ever going to look any of them in the eyes again?
Dear God don't let Monday come too quickly!
That verse is from a poem written by me- don't take without permission.
Random fact
Actually, there is another part to that poem (which is a lot longer than the part in this). A couple of months ago, I was riding the bus just looking out the window keeping as quiet as possible and all of that jazz because I didn't want everybody else on the bus seeing that I was bawling my eyes out- And I was bawling my eyes out! That poem I wrote years ago but looking up to the sun and blue skies I took a picture, put it up with that verse. And even though right then it didn't feel like anything would ever get better… it did!