I come out of a bit of a daze and things begin to focus. The mall...the damn mall...Why is it always the same!? Always some how trapped in a large mall in a place I have never been but always somehow feels familiar. Always on the second floor; some times things are really funny like a Ferris Wheel where the escalator should be, or sometimes the stores are all purple, but the stores are always the same. I am always shopping in the same one. Often it reminds me of that movie from along time ago, only instead of in a group of survivors like the movie, I end up alone, strangely aware, but... Always. Alone.

I make my way from the store where I had been shopping avoiding the new found obstacles I dub them shufflers, I contemplate to myself how I missed what must have been a mass Exodus of people from the mall. I wonder how I missed the screams, the sounds of pounding feet and the sway of the floors beneath my own while hundreds left the mall complex probably not in a quiet manner. I decide that I had been so distracted by the shopping I was there to do, that I just didn't notice. Though somewhere the back of mind mind screams at me that I have been here before; done this before.

Making it to the ground floor I have found an overwhelming number of shufflers wandering through the main plaza area. They are slow, and my adrenaline is pumping, though my hearts pounding in my ears their inherent clumsiness makes it relatively easy to avoid them. I am already beginning to draw more attention, shufflers appearing from open doors all over the mall congregating in the connecting walkways. Some noticing me more than others as I push my way through a small crowd of outstretched arms while trying to watch where I put my feet and what is coming at the same time. I can feel that even though I am faster, one miss-step and I will be sentenced to wander as just another shuffler.

I somehow make it to the staircase leading to the underground parking lot even though I usually have the worst sense of direction. A high pitch meow from the nearby corner leads me to a gangly orange tabby cat in the teenage phase of its life, droplets of blood on its fur. It is more than scared, almost backs away but I somehow catch the little thing and push it gently inside my jacket determined not to leave it to die. Mind wandering just for a moment wondering if there was a pet shop with more scared animals in the mall. The sound of shufflers gets my attention in the staircase again, the distinct sound of flesh falling down the stairs above me causes my body to shudder. I try to go further down the stairs but find the entrance to the parking level has several shufflers roaming about the landing in front of the door.

A sharp but ill timed meow rings from within my jacket and the shufflers above and below all begin to migrate in our direction with more conviction. Whether to be considered a spot of luck or a test of will, I spy a large HVAC vent across the hall about three feet up the wall from the top of the metal handrail for the stairs, knowing it is my only chance of avoiding the shufflers I take it. I tuck my jacket into my pants holding the little kitty in, step up to the first level of the metal rail and use my thighs to hold my body from sliding while I tug at the vent cover. To my delight it comes off easily though I loose my grip on the metal and it falls to the stairs heading down to a lower level of the parking garages staircase with a loud repetitive clanging that couldn't have sounded less like a bell, I am now free to climb inside.

The sounds of distant shuffles come from the lower levels at the crash of the metal cover on the cement stairs as more of those things find their way closer to me. I put the kitty in the vent first, just in case I have no grace in my attempt to cross the gap of the thin staircase below. In the moment I couldn't justify accidentally maiming us both, or the possibly eating the poor thing after the inevitability of my turning after such a fall. I carefully get myself positioned on the top of the rail, the relentless tightness in my chest clenched hard as I am reminded that those stupid slow things continue to find their way ever closer, that combined with my failure to not look down at the darkened cement death below me, causes the breath to catch in my throat.

Using the railing I push my upper half into the three foot opening pulling myself inside a little but having to kick my feet to get further in. Fear grips my heart with thin, cool fingers, as I realize I may not be strong enough to pull my body into the vent from my now dangling position. I let out a huff not wanting to believe that this could be the end. It reminds me to breath and I kick hard. Stretching back my leg in hopes for catching the railing once more to give a little jump instead of the half a push I had started with. I slip down a little and the fear causes my stomach to leap a little. To my surprise my leg ceases to move mid kick as a set of cold, liquid covered fingers wrap themselves deftly around my calf. The arm holds my leg still before beginning to slide to my ankle working at pulling me from the safety of the vent.

Frozen by fear, I force myself to look back at the shuffler thing holding my leg, he might have been attractive in life with his dark tousled hair and his steel grey suit. However, the loss of the colour of his eyes combined with the loss of the majority chest, and left ear have left him less than desirable. Struggling to hold myself in the vent, the skin on my hands turning white as I palm the walls of the vent pressing hard to hold my upper body I kick hard with my free leg and it ends up nailing the outstretched arms of another unfortunate soul, the kick causes the second shufflers to loose balance on the stairs and it topples into the one with the grip on my leg. I manage to slip my leg free due to the lubrication provided by the coagulated blood already present on the creatures fingers and palm and the release is enough to allow me to pull my hips up, finally cresting over them over the edge of the vent. A small sense of relief in the moment provides a burst of energy and I am able to pull myself fully into the vent. Gaining composure I position myself on my hands and knees, I scoop up the kitty again and shimmy along looking for another opening in the vent system.

The crawl is excruciating, dust and rodent droppings fill my nostrils, and the walls feel like they are getting closer and a strange woozy feeling flooded my mind. I brace my hands against the walls to prove to myself they are indeed the same size as when I came in, but it doesn't stop the twisting feeling overwhelming my gut. The taste of dust fills my open mouth, my breathing now erratic, as I see a ninety degree bend coming up ahead. The hair on the back of neck begins to stand on end at the faint sound of scraping coming from around the corner. I push down my imagination as a picture of a shuffler on all fours making its way towards me forms in my mind its jaw thrashing at the air as it scents me coming. I want to turn back, but I know there is no way I would make it into the stairwell without major injury.

I push forward a bit quicker though the noises remain faint, and unchanged. I continue forward quickly peaking my head around the corner, to my relief the noise is coming from a fan I can see at the end of a long run that splits into a T-shape at its end. In the centre of the run I see a slated light shadow cast on the wall of the vent, I move toward the shadow, the sound of my heart beating in my ears now downing out the groaning of the metal vent as I make my way closer to the shadow.

I manage to maneuver myself until I am on my back, cat cradled along my chest and stomach. I use my feet to push the second vent cover from its friction fitted location. A moment passes before the crash of the metal hitting the floor alerts me to the fact that I am much higher up than I wish to be. I peer out and look around there are still many vehicles but I only see one shuffler slowing crawling along the floor. The crawler is heading my direction, its lower body missing innards drawing a black smudge along the floor as it pulls itself painstakingly slowly along the grey floor. The prospect of dropping twelve feet to the cement parkade floor causes me more concern. I let out another huff before forcing my self back to my knees.

Carefully, keeping the cat from getting squished, I lower myself out of the vent. It had to be feet first to have a chance from that near the top of the wall. The burning in my biceps almost causes me to let go all too soon. I pull hard with my will more than my body and I dangle for a moment, holding on with just my fingers, marvelling at what real adrenaline can do. I push back slightly with the toe of my shoes to prevent myself from cracking my face of the wall if I loose balance and fall forward on my landing, but the force proves to be a miscalculation. It would have been a successfully landing, knees bent and everything, had the force of the landing not caused me to fall backward. I landed on my backside more than my feet and not having the strength to prevent my head from following momentum it connected hard against the cement a moment later. The florescent lights in the ceiling faded from my view.

My consciousness mind lost and my subconscious took hold sending me through a maze of darkness. Frenzied and fearing every corner and sound from the darkness before me. I reached the centre of the maze only to realize that it continued in every direction as far as the eye could see. I knew I would never find my way out. I screamed and shuddered, sobbing in my head. My hands covered my face and I whimpered for a moment before a brightness shone through my skin.

I opened my eyes to the feeling of two hands on my shoes, and the kitty struggling inside my jacket. She hissed and dug her claws in before a guttural noise reverberated from her whole being. Though the cat was probably what woke me, now her movements and sounds serve only to increase my fear. The thing is strong and holds my legs steady though I still manage a bit of wriggling toward the car next to me. I notice that a hub is popped free at the top, I use my hands to quickly pry it the rest of the way free, the damn thing watches me as it climbs higher. Its sharp edge slides across my palm and I wince, though it does not break the skin. I grab it using both hands to slam it down into the skull of the half bodied older man who seemed intent on climbing up to my torso. It splits both my hands and the creatures head. I bring the new found weapon down again splitting both further open and it slumps to a heap,my hands split wide near the base of my thumbs.

Leaving smears of blood on the floor, I collect my wits as best I can, trying not to shake my head. The pressure build up resonating from the back of my skull causes a dizzy spell; instinctively I lean myself up against a red Mazda MX3. The cars alarm sounds sending a jolt of fear, combined with pain caused by the ringing I now find in my ears. It took more than a few minutes to orientate myself but eventually I come to my truck.

In a moment I have the old truck's door open and climb inside, I reverse the truck out of the spot and open my jacket for the kitty to climb out, she makes her way to the passenger seat and curls up in a ball now seemingly unaffected by our earlier plights.

I make my way out of the city, finding side roads and alleys to be my best bets for the clearest routes. I drove over more than one of them, the sickening crack of breaking bones combined with the slips of the tires of the truck made my stomach churn. The cat occasionally looking up, either as we drove over another, or when we were slowing down to bumper car vehicles out of the way. I pull over about twenty minutes out of town and wrap my hands while the cat stares intently at me waiting for attention. All I can do it coo at the little thing but it seems to make her happy, and she returns to resting her head on her paws.

Once we are back on the road I find we are approaching an open stretch, I speed up not realizing a high grade hill is just over the tiny crest in front of me. The road is broken and a cliff looms to the left rock wall on the right. Only seconds pass before I find the vehicles breaks are no longer in working order. My face white with fear. My heart once again pounds in my chest as I thrust my foot into the break petal again and again. The front left tire of the truck strikes an unseen pot hole and the vehicle careens toward the embankment on the opposite side of the road.

Unable to keep control, I watch with my heart in my throat and my hand holding the small kitty next to me in the seat, as the vehicle dives over the ledge. A rush of tree branches and tufts of dirt fly past the hood of the truck, and my last meal catches in my throat at the sound of roaring water. The truck crests over a large bolder revealing the turmoil of a rushing river, my view lasts long enough to identify more than one body among debris drifting through the white caps of the violent current below. The airbags of the truck go off on the landing and I dare to glance at the tiny life I have tried to save.

Curling my hand gently around the cat I pull her towards me holding her carefully and ever so close to my body. I pray that the final impact will not kill us both with only deflating airbags left to protect us, I turn my body toward the door instinctively trying to protect the kitten in anticipation of the impact. I remember the feeling of the steering wheel bending with the force of my temple connecting with it, while the cats weight seem to triple as her body slammed into my stomach.

Then I watched the blackness close in. The darkness not just surrounding but seeming to consume the light, only tiny sparkles trickle through here or there, little white pinpricks almost like stars on a cloudy night. The blackness consumed my mind for a time before the light of sunset brought me back around. The red sky lit up my inside of eye lids rousting me from my lapse in consciousness. My eyes fluttered for a moment adjusting to the now quickly fading light.

The cold rush of water over my ankles, reminds me again how close I had come to death. I hadn't been out long. I still held the kitten close to me and she purred gently. I open the window of the truck and begin to climb out. It is by sheer will alone that I force my body out of the vehicles window and into the box of the truck away from the moving water. My cumbersome movements catch my foot on the box of the truck and I land hard against the rocky shore. The kitten crawls from the safety of my battered arms off into the bushes near the shore. I once again find the plague of the sound of shuffling feet in my ears, this time the sound of rocks clicking against each other accompanying the shuffles. The darkness consumes me again as the shuffling ventures ever closer. The last thought crossing my mind is that of the gangly kitten I tried to save. May she be safe. The feeling of teeth wrapping around my flesh almost brings the light back into my eyes but the burning sensations quickly fade and the now familiar darkness bids me hello once again.

A faded light hits my face once more, and I am confused and groggy, reaching up I feel for the rocky shore but am instead greeted by my pillow. The fabric is cold and wet to the touch almost slimy. The sheets are twisted around me, soaking, and cold. This time had felt real. The places, the people, the sensations, they had all felt so real, so genuine. I wiped the sweat from my face brushing the matted hair out of my eyes. My mind drifted a little reliving some of the dreams details, I felt as my face contorted a little as the weight of gangly kitten sleeping on my chest registered and its little face came into focus. My head cocked to the side at the same time the cats ears twitched both of us recognizing the faint sounds of shuffling coming from the kitchen.

Still groggy my mind focused on one thought, that thought was that I lived alone, maybe it was Josh the neighbour, he often found his way to my door when he was lonely, I admit I found him very hard to resist. I find it strange that this thought isn't followed by my usual trepidation, but after that dream I felt freed, different even. The next thought came to me as I held the gangly tabby to my chest and I felt the dried blood in its fur, well I don't always remember everything I but I do remember that I don't own a cat. I swept my eyes over the feline once more before moving my hand to her head, she pushed into my touch and was so soft and warm.

The moment was grand for me while it lasted I had always loved animals but the shuffling had moved to outside my bedroom door. I gently moved the kitty to the comforter after feeling to make sure it was dry. I stood moved silently to the door, I pulled up as I slid the door closed turning the handle before the tongue slot in order to make less noise. I slowly turned the lock before turning on the light to assess the mess I had made of my poor bed.

I avoided the mirror and looked at my bed, to my horror my pillow was covered in blood, so were my sheets down to about my shoulders. The rest of the bed was covered in what I can only describe as waste. It was down right humiliating, I quickly removed the bedding and replaced it all with spares a quick tidy around the room finally led me to address myself in the mirror.

The foggy eyed stare that looked back at me from the mirror took my breath away. My eyes drained of colour, hair matted tangles mixed with dried blood causing stiff stand up parts in the back. I removed my dirty clothes before looking for clean ones, very unsure of why I was doing any of it. I could be a shuffler, I could be in my head unwilling to wake up to face that shuffler by the river. I could already be lost. My mind arguably my own worst enemy even still I found myself freshly dressed unable to run a comb through my hair I choose to crunch it a bit before forcing into a bun over my flat spot that oozed a now more dark brown substance. I kept the kitty hidden under the covers before opening the door to finally satisfying my curiosity as to what is making those sounds.

The door opened as silently for me as it closed and I slipped into the hall closing it behind me. There he stood, John was trying to make pancakes, but it was like he had lost the will to finish what he started as he stared into the batter unwilling to place it in the hot pan. He turned to me before covering his milky white eyes, mouthing the word why before dropping to his knees. There was a bag of cat food, and other things on the table for her new friend.

I moved to him moving the pan off the heat first then I dropped my eyes to look at him again. I pulled him toward me allowing him to cuddle my midsection while he pleaded with some unseen force hoping it would change everything. It was then I noticed the small bite on his ankle, he pulled his pant leg down to cover it again before telling me that they were everywhere. They would never get out of the city unscathed, I smiled at him wishes the milky eyes I now sported could some how convey the laughter I felt.

I couldn't help the laughter as it escaped my lips, his head cocked to the side in response. He knew we were already doomed but if we could last long enough for the animal I had already done so much to protect maybe it would all be worth it. Somewhere between then and now I found my profound happiness.

I tried to take care of my self, so did John, really we held ourselves together for her. Glue was our favourite, but tape helps in a pinch. It was fun now to know that we seemed to be a one in a million chance, that only the two of us kept any semblance of our former selves. In our fifteenth year of care of our little kitty, that she passed away while sleeping on my chest. We had been just four shuffling feet and the occasional piercing meow for so long, that my rotting heart couldn't take it and I opened the balcony door one last time. Shuffling toward the railing I felt the need to take a deep breath, John joined me, gripping my hand. I knew neither of us wanted to be alone in a sea of shufflers, hoping and praying to find another before we too disappear into the dust. He too took a deep breath and we exhaled together. The fog faded gently from his eyes before he kissed me, expressing he had forgotten the colour of my own.

I told him how I felt, he knew, it was why it was so easy to keep coming over when ever he was down. As we stepped up on the chairs, he told me he felt the same. I smiled half wondering if it was true. He blushed a little, before telling me that he had grown into our strange little family, and that I easily believed.

Hand in hand we stood looking out at a sea of shufflers before us before making our final move. The rush of the wind in my ears and the comforting feel of his hand holding tightly to mine brought such peace. When he pulled us closer in the final moments of our fall, I know I was smiling. The moment was real, lovely really, no matter how fleeting, it lasted only moments as our fall came to its expected end.

I will cherish these memories, strangely I think they are my best ones, these memories are what I believe keep me...well me. I am blinded as a strange light pierces through my thoughts, though I dwell on that little bit of life I finally felt in that strange form of death we lived for over a decade. I decide, certain. The memories are what defines me as me. Then. Now. And Always.

Authors note:

This made me feel very limited, very boxed in, not sure why. I am not sure I like the result. Constructive criticism welcome. Thank you for taking the time to read.