Misfits Going Through Dimensions
By Awesomedude17
Now, I'm not gonna sugarcoat this...
"Where is my vodka?"
"There is none, you ruffian!"
"You will not drink vodka in front of me, it is a commie drink!"
"I am Soviet, dumbass!"
"And you make..."
"KICKASS GUNS!"
"Would you four, shut. UP!"
"Woah, Cole doing that reminds me 'bout the time my buddy Keith walked into the middle of a lightning storm, and..."
"Ellis, shut up! Savvy?"
"Hey Jack, that's not cool, for reals."
"That's Captain Jack Sparrow to you mate."
My new situation is hell. I'm stuck in a new universe in a dark cave with a drunk, zombie-killing communist named Nikolai Belinski, a gun-toting 'vault hunter', as he said, or rather, yelled, named Salvador, an America obsessed idiot named Jane Doe, not gonna remind him that that's a girl's name, let alone an name for women with no name whatsoever, a walking power outlet named Cole Macgrath, a pirate named Captain Jack Sparrow, a clumsy-headed guy named Ellis and a unicorn pony-human hybrid thing, she insisted she be called a pony, by the way, named Rarity.
And I am Jesse, a white gangbanger, and one with few words to say. Just do my job, as it goes.
How we came together, I don't know, I don't care. For me, one of my homies went too crazy with a rocket launcher, an M80, and mustard seeds. Don't... I don't even know.
"You are all sissies! Sargent Macgrath is the only one I can trust with my life, with pure, untainted power! He eats lighting and cr-raps thunder!"
"And you are starting to piss me off."
"Hey men, can't we all get together, try and git home, maybe grab some beers."
"AND GUNS, CRAPTON OF GUNS!"
"Ya know, Ah think this is the start of a beautiful friendship between the eight of us."
"Da, and you can get me some vodka."
I walked over to the pony. For some reason, the two of us were closer than with the others. To me, Ellis is... weird. Jack was... weirder. Soldier, weirdest. Nikolai was too drunk for my tastes. Salvador has a bit of a... loudness to him. And being in a gang, I wouldn't sit well with the Electric man, because he stopped people like me. Rarity was kind, but clearly tired at all the randomness. So was I.
"Man, the boss ain't gonna believe this."
"I would believe so." She replied. The only woman in our group, I don't know what to think really. Would we? Nah.
From what I can tell, Cole and Soldier became good friends. They had some weird connection. Ellis and Salvador are also a bit close, maybe because Ellis was a redneck, and Sal was basically a guy whose dick is small, he compensates for it by being a badass gunslinger. Nikolai and Jack also simply drink and drink and drink. Simplicity, thy name is 'Vodka and Rum' Cocktails.
Bunch of weird assholes. I don't like any of them. I put my earphones on and play R3hab. It's the only way it would calm me down in this... madness.
"Alright, listen up, we're gonna find out way home, but we need to find out how." Cole said in a tone that can only be described as a leader's voice.
"And how, do we do that, exactly?" I retorted.
"Ya know, we can go find a teleporter thingy, and use it go to other worlds." Ellis suggested. I thought it was stupid, but hell, so was this.
"Da, sounds like plan." Nikolai said as he took a drink. What was that, his ninth shot already?
"So it's settled, we wander around like a bunch of idiots, hoping to get home." I joked.
"The short and narrow of it." Cole said.
"THEN LET'S DO THIS!" Sal yelled, taking out two machine guns, both which I would struggle carrying, even with one.
Geez, this is gonna suck.
-{}-
Just gonna say this, I never really got to look at my teammates that well. Now that I notice, I noticed several things.
Jack was a dirty looking man, dreadlocks, and loose-fitting clothing galore. He had several flintlock guns, which made no sense to me. I had my handgun, why the single-shot, outdated shit? He also had a satchel, which had some sloshing in it, maybe some booze. God I would kill him for some. His buddy, Nikolai was also dirty, dressed in some weird space suit thing, blood was rusted, it can happen, I did excel in chemistry, even though I couldn't give a shit about it. He also had a satchel, which was not too subtle about its contents, 'Nikolai's vodka.'
Then there was Ellis. Coveralls covering his legs, with work boots. A yellow shirt with Bull-shifters on it, pretty neat. He had a hat. He did look handsome, no homo. Bet even straight dudes want him, no homo. Salvador was a shorty, 5'4. He had bulging muscles though. Steroids, pff. He had one hell of a beard, and a look that can only be described as batshit-crazy.
Soldier, as he is also called wore blue fatigues, had a blueish helmet, and wore two grenades on a bandolier. There were also symbols, yellow rockets in circles. Maybe he loved to blow shit up. Then there was Cole. Shaved head, white shirt, track pants, this guy just screams free-runner.
The girl next to me, Rarity. She had white fur, and indigo eyes, and curly purple hair. Really curly, heh. She wore a purple skirt, and a white, button up shirt. Professionalism, anyone? Me, shaved head, normally brown, green eyes, wear a lot of purple for gangs stuff. Had an eight shot pistol, and an AK, natch! There was also a blade on my side, 6 inches of blued steel, no one will take one to the chest, and neck, and face.
"March you lazy maggots!" Soldier ordered us.
"Ah ain't marching, Ah'm walkin'." Ellis basically made a point. He may have his head in the clouds, but he isn't stupid at least.
"I agree! We need to make sure we can kick ass with guns!" Sal yelled.
"Are you just going to yell and yell? You are giving Nikolai headache."
"Maybe you should sober up." I said.
"Fuck that, I'll drink more!"
Oh, the stupidity.
"Ya know, we should go there." Ellis said, pointing to a strange pylon. I knew I had to work that thing, it might take me home, or at least give me internet for my phone.
"Maybe..." Rarity said, stroking her chin.
"Do we have a choice?" Cole asked.
"No? Then let's go! CHARGE!" Soldier yelled as he took out a rocket launcher and fired at his feet. Physics be damned, he rocket jumped. Pretty the boss is gonna flip his shit now, and try it himself. I looked to see Cole summon an ice pillar too. Similar ideas, annoyance for us normals.
"Last one to thingy buys me vodka!" Nikolai soon ran off, with the good ol' cap'n following shortly after. Resident cuckoo, Ellis made a dash for it, and Salvador just went for it. Rarity and I just walked there, not wanting to waste our energy.
"This is gonna suck."
"Tell me about it." I heard her mutter. She may be pretty, but she at least has the attitude to last this adventure of stupidity and danger. Then again, after my crew became sell-outs, it kinda became that way already.
Still, 3rd Street Saints are the best there is. I just hope the boss ain't doing something now. Oh well, better get to it if I want to go home.