Sometimes Near wondered.
Two weeks now, since all hell had broken loose for those few moments. Since Yagami Light had confessed. Since Kira had been found, dead. Two weeks since the cause of so much death had finally been put to an end.
Near hadn't really given death much of a thought. He could barely remember his parents.. or anything before Wammy's House, really. He was never really quite sure if they had died, or just left him, but either way, he had always considered them dead. He'd grown up with that philosophy, and somehow that had managed to keep him sane, to cultivate him into the logical thinker that he was. "Death is a part of life," L had told him once. "There's nothing we can do to control it."
Black eyes that he had trained so well to remain emotionless read and reread over the small, old fashioned L that had been carved into the rough slab of rock before him. He wondered if the body was really there, in the ground. He hadn't made it to the actual funeral procession that had been held last week. He'd been too busy.. too busy with the frayed edges of the Kira case.
Dark eyes shifted slightly to the right, to an unmarked stone that looked very shabby and very uncared about. There was no body there, that much he knew. He remembered watching the news, realizing everything the moment the flames had filled up not one, not two, but rows and rows of the televisions that had been at their headquarters. He remembered the strange, sudden twist in his gut, remembered having to think about controlling his features and shoving away the strange emotions that were all trying to overcome him at once.
But to the right.. it was a good place, as good as any. Right hand man. That's how Mello would have seen it. Mello would have liked that, a lot.
Near shifted slightly, looking down at his pale feet that so contrasted with the dark, dark dirt. He blinked slowly, before finally lowering himself down onto the dusty ground, pulling one leg up to his chest as he resumed staring at the graves.
Was it envy he felt? Envy, that he too hadn't made it out alive? Near wasn't used to emotions. They were too troublesome, and they got in the way of his concentration. He had to have a clear mind, have a grip on himself, be who he was obviously born to be. And that was L, cool, calm, and collected L.
And L was dead.
He twisted a small lock of hair between his small fingers, noticing a tremendous coolness on his cheeks as the faint breeze grew more pronounced. He reached up and touched them. They were wet. So very wet.
L had said death was a part of life. How could that be, when death was the voidance of life, the very exact opposite. No, death was not a part of life. It was simply an ending. Maybe, the beginning of the end. There was no really sure way to understand.
He cried silent tears as he hugged his knee to his chest, the only comfort he could receive as he looked on at the two simple stones. Sadness.. maybe it was alright to feel now, that it was over. Just a little bit.
Near was only a child, after all.