Chapter 1

California summers are either scorchers or a late spring day in New England: today, one of the aforementioned. It's going to be hot, heavy and steamy. A front began moving in from the south: it's bringing all the heat up from Baja California and the moisture off of the Pacific Ocean. We used to have days like this in Connecticut, when I lived there. The heat and moisture would come up from the Caribbean and maybe bring a hurricane with it. We don't get the hurricanes in California, but the heat is a killer. We'll have heat indexes and fire warnings in a few days.

Early morning can be sort of pleasant and Gretchen and I hung out in the back yard playing. She's playing and I'm relaxing. At six months pregnant, I get tired easily. The doorbell rang and we went to answer it. A florist delivery woman had arrived with flowers for me: two dozen red roses and a card. When I closed the door I was hesitant to open the card. Callen left me and the house two months ago. He came and played with Gretchen and ate dinner with us once a week. It felt like a requirement for being a Daddy or a rehearsal for a divorce and it made me sad. G left because I didn't tell him I was pregnant right away. He was in the middle of a major case and I wanted his head in the game, not his body in a box. He never quite understood that. There had been a bomber attached to the case that was aimed at our family but he never mentioned that until he was leaving.

I opened the card and found a note. It read:

Michelle and Sam are taking Gretchen for the night.

Put on your prettiest dress.

We are going to dinner.

Pick you up at six.

G

I must admit it surprised and excited me. It sounded positive but I became anxious; I had nothing to wear. Most of what I owned didn't fit anymore. I called Michelle and asked if she minded watching Gretchen this morning as well. Michelle excited is something else. She said that I could leave her all day and night. She obviously had high hopes for this dinner.

I dropped Gretchen off at Sam's house and headed for the mall. This dress needed to be perfect. I wanted my husband back. I stopped at the Maternity Shop and found a pretty peach colored dress that fit me to a T. I got a pedicure and a manicure to finish the look. I had just got my hair cut last week so that didn't need to be done. It was one o'clock and I needed a nap, a soak in the tube and a cup of tea.

When I got home the nap called me first. I had exhausted myself shopping. I didn't remember being this tired when being pregnant with Gretchen. It must be having one child and carrying another. After my nap I soaked in the tub, showered and got dressed. Perhaps I was a little too fussy with my hair but it's for a good cause.

Six o'clock came and went. Maybe he had cold feet? Maybe he changed his mind. I checked the answering machine. No message. I checked my cell phone. No message. Where was he? I texted Sam. He said that G had left with him, dressed and ready to go. He should be there soon. If not, call him back and he'd find him and kick his butt.

Sam can always make me laugh or get my mind off of things. So, OK, I felt better. Just then I heard the key in the lock and he walked through the door. He had dressed in a cobalt blue dress shirt; you know the kind that makes his eye color pop. He had on a navy suit coat and dark jeans and I fell in love all over again. He stood there looking at me and just gave the look that says it all: the hunger in his stare and a wee bit of come hither. I would have given up dinner at that point. The moment became a little awkward. "Thank you for the beautiful roses."

He waved it away. "They're for my beautiful lady and worth it." He crooked his arm and took my hand and put it there, "Shall we?"

As I took his arm I felt like a princess with her prince. He has always been able to make me feel that way.

Callen had reserved a table at Montmartre, a chic new place that has had a good review in the LA Times. It's a beautiful place and he had requested a table a little out of the way. I guess he was in the mood to talk. It's about time. The waiter came and took our drink order. We both ordered water with a slice of lime.

I looked at him with askance. "It's OK to have a drink."

He shook his head. "No. Marty and I had gone out after work one night. I guess that I had been knocking them back pretty heavily and Marty called me on it. He told me to work out the problem not drown it, because that was never the answer. Deeks said that he had tried that when Kensi went to Afghanistan, it was a mistake and Nell had kicked his ass for him. That conversation was a week ago and I haven't had a drink in a week and want to keep it that way."

We ordered filet mignon, twice baked potatoes and asparagus for dinner. It was delicious. We sat and talked about so many things, but, not us. I began to think it was like a first date. Before dessert came he broached the subject and it was a tenuous beginning.

Callen looked at me across the table and took my hand. "I do understand what you were trying to do, and I appreciate it, but in the future I don't want you to protect me. That's my job, to protect you." He stopped talking and looked around. "I would have liked to have known about the pregnancy so that I could have shared it with you from the beginning. I missed that with Gretchen and now with this baby. I've never felt the excitement of the beginning of a pregnancy. Someday I would like to feel that."

I looked at him and felt the pain he was feeling. "I'm so sorry G. I understand that, but do you understand my concerns? I wanted my husband to come home to us, but not in a box. I will try to accede to your wishes in the future just keep mine in mind as well."

He nodded agreement and took a sip of his water and looked around the room. He got a faraway look in his eyes and a sour expression. I could tell he had thought of something unpleasant. "The bomb in the kitchen was my fault. I had befriended a woman at the grocery store. She seemed nice, you know, someone that you say 'hi' to in passing, nothing more. She began being there all the time and I tried to back off. It made me uncomfortable. I didn't know what she would do. She placed the bomb in our house. I tried to talk her out of it but in the end Sam had to shoot her, in our kitchen. It made this argument more intense for me. I love you and want to be together as a family. How can we try to fix this?"

"We can communicate with each other and not be afraid to say what needs to be said." I know this sounded trite but what more could I say. "Tomorrow is a doctor's visit. I'm having an ultrasound. Would you like to come?" I was afraid it might be too little too late.

He smiled and said he'd love to come. "It might be exciting."

We had made headway.

On our way home he was quiet. "Do we need to pick up Gretchen at Sam's?

I looked at him and definitely enjoyed the view. "No, she's staying the night." I hesitated. "Would like to stay?"

He didn't answer right away and I wondered why. He thought before answering. "I would like to. I miss you and Gretchen. I just don't want you to think that would be how to solve our problems."

I understood how he felt. With a sense of sadness I agreed. "I don't think that way, I just miss you. Please come home."

"I will but it won't be tonight. I want to spend more time with you though. Can I come in for a few minutes?"

The fact that we had made headway this evening had me looking up and feeling a little sassy. I gazed into those gorgeous eyes and smiled. "Of course you can. It is your house after all."

We settled for water with lime again. It's needed after the hot, steamy day. Our house has air conditioning as do most homes in Los Angeles but being out of doors makes one thirsty. We sat and talked for over an hour. He then decided it was time to go back to the boatshed where he was living. He kissed me gently good-night and left. I crawled into bed that night and for the first time in two months felt hopeful. We both want our marriage to work. We'll find a way.