Featuring songs from Jon Cozart, Team Starkid, Harry and the Potters, Ministry of Magic, and various other Wizard Rock Bands. All Rights go to them and JK Rowling. I'm sure a few other people own stuff too but I'm not going to list everyone because that seems like an obnoxious waste of paper, er, screen?
Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ronald Weasley walked into the Great Hall grumbling irritably together. They had Umbridge's class today and they really were not looking forward to it. They sat down at the table and helped themselves to toast. Harry was spreading jam on his when the intercom crackled to life. The entire hall swiveled to face Dumbledore. The intercoms were never used. Dumbledore just shook his head slightly to indicate that this was none of his doing.
Voices came over the intercom and the entire hall stopped talking; everyone was eager to see who was using the intercoms. The voice crackled a few more times before coming into focus permanently.
"-this working? Test 1,2. Test 1,2. Anyway, hi. It's James. James Potter. Er- no not that one. I'm actually from the future, not the past. Actually, my dad should be sitting in the Great Hall right now. This is Harry Potter's fifth year, right?" The entire hall had switched from staring at the ceiling to staring blatantly at Harry. Harry himself was currently choking on his toast. Ron was thumping his back to try to get him to stop. He finally did and took a sip of his pumpkin juice. "Well, if it is, Mom should be there as well. Fourth year, right? Hello? Ginny Weasley?"
Harry spit out his pumpkin juice. Ginny was as red as her hair with embarrassment. Ron was as red as his hair from anger. Fred and George were as red as their hair from laughing so hard. Ron was yelling something about Harry knocking up his baby sister. Harry was saved by a new voice that interrupted the first.
"JAMES SIRIUS POTTER! YOU BLOODY IDIOT, YOU KNOW MOM AND DAD DIDN'T GET TOGETHER YET BY HIS FIFTH YEAR." Ron was very angry now, screaming something about two children.
"Geez Al, lay off. hey everyone. I guess you know my full name now? Sirius isn't bad. He was framed." The Hall broke out with mutters and Umbridge looked furious. "So if you know my name, you should know my dear siblings' names too. Unfortunately Lily Luna Potter isn't here because of something about how dad's going to kill us and she was not getting involved." Ron looked about ready to explode and Harry looked very faint. The second voice, Al, was yelling at his brother that if he didn't shut up now he would kill him.
"Oh, Al. You threaten to kill me whenever I prank you. Or should I say, Albus Severus Potter." The words might have been even more efficient than a silencing spell. There was absolutely no noise in the Hall. People were whipping their heads quickly back and forth between Harry and Snape, looking for their reactions. Snape looked slightly green, as did Harry.
"Anyway, I have a reason for hacking these intercoms. I heard that Dad's fifth year was pretty hard on him, because nobody believed Voldemort was back." The entire hall collectively flinched at the name while Umbridge was screaming about liars.
"Anyway, in our time Dad is pretty famous. Some crazy woman broke into Dad's office and stole his pensieve. She wrote up all his memories as books and published them as fiction in the Muggle world, one for each year at Hogwarts. The whole world is obsessed with them. We're talking 62 languages, millions of copies, 8 movies, musicals, even an entire genre of music." The Slytherins looked disgusted that even muggles would be obsessed with Harry Potter.
"Anyway, we thought it would be hilarious if we played these songs all day long. So you better cancel classes for today, Professor Dumbledore, sir."
Dumbledore stood up, and to everyone's surprise, canceled class. Everyone cheered. Umbridge looked VERY angry.
"So, without further ado, the first song is 'Harry Potter in 99 Seconds' by Jon Cozart. It spoils a bit into the future, but whatever. Harry groaned as the lyrics started.
There once was a boy named Harry, destined to be a star. His parents were killed by Voldemort, who gave him his lightning scar.
Most of the students flinched at the use of the name. Harry was fighting the urge to bang his head repeatedly on the table.
Yo Harry, you're a wizard!
The Hall giggled.
Harry goes to Hogwarts, he meets Ron and Hermione. McGonagall requires he play for Gryffindor. Draco is a Daddy's boy; Quirrell becomes unemployed, the Sorcerer's Stone is destroyed by Dumbledore.
Most students were confused, as they weren't quite sure what all had happened. The Trio were smiling widely. Draco was yelling that he was most certainly not a daddy's boy.
Ron breaks his wand. Now Ginny's gone and Harry's in mortal danger. Tom Riddle hides his snake inside his ginormous secret chamber.
Some of the more immature students laughed at the innuendo. Harry and Ginny both flinched at the reminder of that terrible experience.
Harry blows up Aunt Marge. The Dementors come and take charge. Lupin is a wolf. The rat's a man and now the prisoner is at large. They use time travel so they can save the Prisoner of Azkaban who just so happens to be Harry's godfather, I don't really get it either.
The Hall erupted. People wanted to know if Lupin meant Professor Lupin, and what it meant that he was a wolf. Others wanted to know how a rat could be a man. The more intelligent wanted to know how they used time travel and the exact methods behind it. Some wanted to know why they would save Sirius Black. Fred and George complimented Harry on blowing up his aunt.
Harry gets put in the TriWizard Tournament with dragons and mermaids. Oh no! Edward Cullen gets slayed. He's Back!
The school broke into nervous muttering as they realized Harry had not been lying. A few asked who Edward Cullen was, but they were ignored.
Harry, Harry, it's getting scary. Voldemort's back now you're a revolutionary Harry. Dumbledore, Dumbledore, why is he ignoring your constant attempts to contact him? He is forced to leave the school. Umbridge arrives, Draco's a tool. Kids break into the Ministry. Sirius Black is dead as can be!
Draco was yelling at the ceiling. Harry looked ready to cry. Most of the Hall was just concerned that Voldemort was back.
Split your soul, seven parts of a whole. They're Horcruxes, it's Dumbledore's end!
Dumbledore and Snape exchanged a glance at the mention of the Horcruxes. Most students were just shocked at the news that Dumbledore was going to die.
There once was a boy named Harry, who constantly conquered death. But in one final duel between good and bad he may take his final breath.
The intercom came on and the hall quickly cut off its muttering.
"Well, that certainly was fun. Obviously Harry is still alive because all three of his children are sitting here. Well actually Lily is hanging at Rose's, but that's besides the point. Anyway, who's ready for another song? Alright, this is "The Mysterious Ticking Noise" by the Potter Puppet Pals."
Everyone sat quietly through the song, not at all certain what was going on. Everyone was laughing by the end, because it was just so ridiculous. After the Hall settled down, James started talking again.
"Alright, well, that was okay. Who's ready for a song from Team Starkid's A Very Potter Musical?" Everybody laughed at the idea of a musical about Harry. Harry blushed. Again. "Well, here's Voldemort is Going Down. by Ron, Hermione, and the DA." The DA exchanged looks, after all, Umbridge shouldn't know about them.
RON:
Well, it looks like we're just gonna have to fight. And we are gonna fight SO HARD... that we're gonna win.
"Nice Ron," whispered Harry. "I hope you do win, because it would suck if we didn't."
He thinks that we're finished. He thinks that we're done. He thinks that it's over, his battle is won, HA! He thinks that we're finished, but we aren't through. Stop and think my friends, what would Harry do for you?
"Why am I not there?" Harry asked, frowning.
HERMIONE:
Harry never gave up the fight. Harry stood up for what is right. Well, now it's our turn.
"Okay, I'm nervous. Why are you guys talking about me in past tense?"
"I don't know, Harry. I don't know."
RON & HERMIONE:
Our turn! Make a joyful sound, Voldemort is going down! We must unite so we can fight. Turn the battle around. Time's running out, it's time to shout. Voldemort is going down
Everybody but the Slytherins cheered.
HERMIONE:
Can't you feel the fire burning? Now it's time to be a man. A great, big, muscly, super big, super hot man.
"Nice Hermione."
"Shut up Ron"
RON & CHORUS:
Ah, aaaaaaaaaah!
ALL:
We won't be pushed around anymore. We'll be a force you cannot ignore. We'll be an army for Dumbledore. For Dumbledore! We must unite so we can fight, Turn the battle around, time's running out. It's time to shout, Voldemort is going down. We must unite so we can fight. Turn the battle around, time's running out, It's time to shout! Voldemort is
GIRLS:
Going-
GUYS:
We must unite, So we can fight.
ALL:
Voldemort is going down!
Most of the hall was smiling. The intercom crackled again.
"Alright, what fun. That song's one of my favorites. Now let's see, what's next. Ah! I love this one. Dad hates it, so does Scorp. Oh, Scorp is Al's best friend. He's a git." The voice changed to one everyone now recognized as Al's.
"Oi! Scorp's not bad! And not all Slytherins are gits. I'm a Slytherin," there was uproar at the thought of a Potter going into Slytherin, but mostly people were trying to figure out who this Scorp was. "And anyway, Rose seems to like him well enough, they're dating." There was silence as nobody knew who Rose was.
James' voice came back. "Seriously? Since when? Why didn't I know?"
"Well they've obviously been keeping it a secret. Can you imagine Uncle Ron's face if he found out his daughter was dating a Malfoy?" Now THAT caused some uproar. Ron was red both from embarrassment at the mention of his child and anger that she was dating Malfoy spawn. Fred and George were on the floor laughing. Malfoy was changing colors very fast and screaming at the ceiling again.
"Anyway," came James's voice again, effectively calming the majority of people down. "many muggles might have interpreted the books incorrectly. Many fans believed that some people were just meant to be. Obviously this fan-favorite pairing didn't actually happen as I'm right here talking to you, but here's the song In Which Harry and Draco Secretly Want to Make Out."
The title alone threw the hall into stitches once more. Harry, Ron, and Draco all looked like they were close to being sick. The song started.
Draco Malfoy, what's your problem?
You're lookin' kinda mopey and forlorn this morning.
"You're my problem," muttered Draco.
Harry Potter, what's your deal?
Are you having trouble with the feelings that you feel?
"What? No!" screamed Harry.
Draco Malfoy, what's your issue?
Do you need a hug or maybe a tissue?
"I most certainly do not!"
Harry Potter, give us a sign
You can't commit to Ginny, so what do you have in mind?
"Well obviously I do." Ron hit him.
Give me three guesses:
Is it Professor McGonagall?
The entire hall looked disgusted
Is it Lavender Brown?
"NO!"
No, it's Draco and Harry sitting in a tree
S-N-O-G-G-I-N-G
It's Draco and Harry sitting in a tree
F-A-L-L-I-N-G in love
In love
In love
"ABSOLUTLEY NOT!" The cry came from Draco and Harry in perfect synch.
Draco Malfoy, level with me
You used to be so enthralled with Pansy
"What? No!"
Harry Potter, don't be shy
You got no luck with women, so perhaps you need a guy
"That's kind of true, mate," giggled Ron. Harry shoved him.
There's nothing wrong with it
No, there's nothing wrong with it
You can move to Massachusetts
"Why there?" asked a random 3rd year. There was a collective shrug.
Where it will be
Draco and Harry sitting in a tree
S-N-O-G-G-I-N-G
It's Draco and Harry sitting in a tree
F-A-L-L-I-N-G in love
By this point Harry and Draco both had their ears covered trying to block out the sounds of the song and the giggles of the rest of the students.
There's nothing wrong with it
No, there's nothing wrong with it
No, there's nothing wrong with it
It's Draco and Harry sitting in a tree
S-N-O-G-G-I-N-G
It's Draco and Harry sitting in a tree
S-N-O-G-G-I-N-G
It's Draco and Harry sitting in a tree
S-N-O-G-G-I-N-G
It's Draco and Harry sitting in a tree
F-A-L-L-I-N-G in love
"Thank god that's over," muttered Harry.
Just a bit of silly fun from a bored mind. Should I continue?