Forbidden

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars or any of its characters.

Chapter 1

Rey sighed as she slumped against one of the walls in the Falcon. After the resistance's narrow escape from Crait, she realized how exhausted she was, yet she couldn't bring herself to sleep. Her mind was buzzing, completely alert, but completely empty at the same time. So much had happened in such a short period of time, that she felt as if not thinking was the best option instead of trying to process at the moment.

Finn wouldn't leave Rose's side and Rey couldn't help the small smile that graced her lips at the sight. They deserved to have some source of happiness in all the chaos. Poe had filled her in on Rose's sister and Rey couldn't help but feel for the girl, losing the last family she had. That was definitely a feeling the scavenger could understand. Luckily, Rose had Finn to help fill the loneliness that was bound to begin boiling up in her, like it had in Rey.

Rey didn't know who she had. Well, that wasn't completely true. The only time that loneliness had gone away was when she was with the least likely person. Kylo Ren. Ben Solo. Whatever you wanted to call him, he was the same man who ended her loneliness when she was in his presence, Force bond or in person. This of course confused her to no end. She shouldn't feel lonely now. Not only was she surrounded by people, but they all thought of her as some hero. It almost made her feel even more out of the loop, like they were scared to talk to her or intimated.

Leia had done much to help her, but despite feeling a slight motherly presence from the General, she still felt that void of loneliness within her.

Perhaps something that confused Rey the most, was the fact that even though Snoke was dead, she still felt that pull in the back of her mind. The pull and string that lead straight to Kylo's mind. They were both actively avoiding it for now, both too scared to reach out to the other after all that had happened.

Rey let out a sigh as she looked around seeing where everyone had settled. It was a tight fit on the Falcon, but they could all deal for a while as they found somewhere to settle for the time being. Poe was currently helping Chewie pilot as they spoke with Leia about where to go. Eventually they settled on an outer-rim planet that would hopefully be off the First Order's radar for at least a little while. Just enough time to give them a breather. Though as Rey came in the cockpit, she noticed a slight smirk on Poe's face.

"Ever seen snow before, Rey?" He asked playfully, making her eyes go wide as she looked to the three of them, raising an eyebrow slightly. Her expression didn't change as Chewie let out a humorous noise and Leia smiled softly, shaking her head a little before telling Rey to get some sleep, they would wake her up when they arrived.

Kylo stalked through the corridors of his ship, seething. He was never good at controlling his anger and now most definitely was no different from before. After the heavy losses on both sides, the First Order decided to take a break from attacking the resistance in order to rebuild and regroup after the death of their Supreme Leader. Besides as Kylo had pointed out in their meeting, the resistance was lucky to have fifty people in total, leaving them to be hardly a threat at the moment. He didn't know why he defended them. He should have wanted to end it now. Annihilate them all after the humiliation and rejection he had just gone through.

He knew deep down it was because of that woman. The one who had managed to tear down all of his walls and throw them back at him despite all of his efforts. Rey. The scavenger from Jakku. She had changed everything. She had filled the emptiness within him and he wanted it to remain that way more than anything.

Finally making it to his chambers, he took a second to breathe, something he hadn't done since she closed the Falcon's door on him, ending that connection for the time being. He ran his hand through his dark hair as he sighed, taking off his outer layers, leaving him in his black long sleeved tunic and black pants. Coming up to his bed, he sat on the edge, head falling in his hands.

Snoke had promised he wouldn't feel torn after killing his father. It had not stopped. The feeling only got worse. He felt the pull to the light, but he knew he would never fully leave the dark. He felt more torn now than he ever had before. The only thing holding him together was the fact that he could still feel that glimmer of light in the back of his mind, that place where Rey's mind connected to his.

He stood once more, rolling his shoulders and neck, trying to relieve some tension from the sore muscles. Walking towards his fresher, about to strip off his tunic until he felt the familiar pull, his ears almost popping from the sudden loss of sound for a second. He froze, knowing she must be behind him. Kylo wasn't sure if he could face her at the moment and not fall apart.

Rey stared at his back, biting her lower lip as she was glad she had the quarters to herself for the remainder of their journey. She closed her eyes for a moment, preparing for the worse, but instead, he remained silent, causing her eyebrows to furrow together in confusion.

"Ben?" She said softly, hardly anything over a whisper. It was like a bomb had gone off. All of a sudden, she was hit with a barrage of emotions. Hurt, pain, humiliation, heartbroken, lonely. She almost choked at the intensity of it all before she glared at his back, letting her emotions flow into him. Her feeling matching his completely and she saw his back tense as he felt all of hers as well, both of their feelings doubled.

He slowly turned around, eyes glued to the floor as he faced her before he slowly brought his dark eyes up to meet hers.

"Rey." He said just as softly. Both stood their ground, not moving an inch, just staring into each other eyes. They were both to scared to talk, scared of what may come out if they did. Their walls were down, baring all to each other, but then Rey narrowed her eyes at him. Out of habit and due to how angry he had just been, his walls were thrown back up immediately, preparing for the fight about to come.

"You could have come back! Come to the light! Everything was lined up!" She yelled to him, as much as she could without disturbing the other on the Falcon, not wanting them to know about the bond. Her hair was falling around her face as she had put it back in her typical three buns, tears in her eyes at how strongly she felt.

"And you could have come to me! Been safe and always taken care of! Never be scared or lonely again!" He yelled right back though he wasn't as nervous about disturbing anyone. Not only did anyone never go near his chambers, but his doors could hide the sound. He was shaking, unshed tears in his eyes as well as he glared at her.

They both were upset about a life they both could have had, but they were both too stubborn for their own good.

Rey knew Kylo was awaiting her response, but she couldn't come up with one. She was strong, but even the strongest of people cracked at times. She turned her back on him, allowing a few tears to shed, not knowing what to do. She thought Luke would show her her place in all of this, which he did, but it just seemed all blurred now. Nothing seemed definite anymore. At least on Jakku, she knew what to expect, knew what she was doing. Now she was lost and she hated the feeling.

Kylo looked at her back, feeling his anger dissipate slightly as he noticed the tears fall from her eyes before she turned around completely. His eyes returned to the floor as he calmed slightly. They both were too stubborn, wanting the other at their side, but on a different side in this war. He slowly looked back up at her, noticing her hair back in her normal buns which made a slight smile appear on his face.

"You went back?" He asked, his voice neutral now as he gazed at her, hoping for just a response. She filled the empty lonely places within him and he just wanted this moment to last a little bit longer, feeling the connection grow a bit weaker.

The question seemed to surprise her, not expecting small talk. She looked over her shoulder at him, her tears stopped as she raised an eyebrow slightly, seeing the small smile gracing his lips.

"Back to what?" She asked, slightly confused as she continued to look over her shoulder at him. His lips curved up a fraction of inch more as she spoke with him.

"Your hair. You had it down earlier." His eyes glinted playfully, feeling his mood lightened. This was something he wasn't used to, but it was such a pleasant feeling, he didn't want to stop it.

Rey couldn't help herself, maybe it was because of everything they had gone through in such a short time or maybe just exhaustion, but she giggled softly.

"I...I guess I just thought too much change at once would be too much to handle." She explained weakly, not really sure why she had put it back up. She had liked it down, but a part of her thought she had changed so much in such a short time, she should go back to something she knew, even if it was only her hair.

"Well, I like it down." He said softly, a smile gracing his full lips that almost took Rey's breath away as she wasn't expecting it. A blush started to settle on her cheeks before the connection severed, leaving her wide eyed and full on blushing now.

There was a small mirror in the quarters and she looked in it briefly, debating on taking her hair down before shaking her head. She wasn't going to take her hair down just because Kylo had told her he liked it.

She knew she felt a pull to him, but she thought she could fight it.

Clearly, she was wrong.

So, hopefully you guys enjoy! I haven't written in a very long time, but I love this ship so much and this idea has been running through my mind for days now. :)