Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Seed.
I found this sitting on my school hard drive. I was happy that at least one of my gundam fanfictions was not lost in the proverbial fire that occurred on my computer hard drive. It's probably riddled with mistakes, and it's quite short because it's an older one, but I'm so happy I found it, I don't really care. I skimmed through it before posting, so there shouldn't be any glaring spelling errors. Some grammer may be off.
Well, enjoy!
The Monster
I couldn't bear to look at his face.
That conversation. The one in the hangar. The one with Kira.
It turned everything from black and white, to full blown digitalized colour.
It was just too much for me.
He was young, thin, and wiry, compact muscles showing through his flight suit. Long, sleek blue hair rested at shoulder length, his bangs hanging in his eyes. Emerald green eyes sparkled with human emotion as he talked with Kira, brief flashes of pain and guilt coming to the surface during certain parts of the conversation.
This man, no, this boy was completely and utterly human. Human face, human eyes, human soul.
For a moment, I just couldn't believe it.
When Tolle died, I imagined that a monster had killed him. A monster that breathed exhaust fumes, coating in shiny, blood-red plates, yellow teeth bared as it tore his little blue plane to pieces with him inside. Darkness clung to this monster; and in my mind it even smelled evil.
But now, that monster had a name, and its name was Athrun Zala.
Athrun Zala was a conflicted boy. Athrun Zala had lost friends in the war. Athrun Zala drank his coffee with no sugar, or cream. Athrun Zala laughed at Dearka's stupid jokes. Athrun Zala was focused. Athrun Zala was determined. Athrun Zala was kind.
Athrun Zala was not a monster.
The first time I passed him in the hallway, I was deeply afraid. I thought, for a moment, that he might attack me without warning, sharp claws and fangs springing out of his harsh red uniform. I thought he might hiss, or growl at me as I walked past, or that cruel words might leave his lips and cut through my skin with their bite. He even moved like a predator, lithe steps coming with ease from white, shined boots, his muscles contracting and relaxing with power in each step. When the moment arrived, and we finally intersected, I even held my breath and tensed as he came close.
He looked at me with those bright, sea green eyes, swimming with surprise and guilt upon seeing me. His lashes lowered, and his shoulders slumped in a kind of submission. He walked past me quickly, he steps clicking and apologetic.
"Good Morning, Miss Haw."
I stopped in the hallway in a kind of shock, letting the breeze of his passing wash over me. The slight hint of metal and leather lingered in the air, mixed with the scent of something spiced, like ginger. It was what he smelled like, from all that time he spent in a mobile suit cockpit.
And somehow, that made it so much worse.
The second time he and I crossed paths, it was morning again. He was always up and about at 0600 sharp, and he usually had his breakfast at 0615. I would normally avoid that entire area of the ship on purpose around this time for that exact reason. But this time, for some reason, I was very thirsty, and at 0608 I stole in quickly to the mess hall to get a glass of water, praying that I wouldn't meet him on the way.
No such luck.
He was already there, a tad bit early, sipping his black coffee and studying the shine on his boots. He looked so normal, albeit a bit shadowed around the eyes from lack of sleep. My heart almost stopped, and I felt queasy. Quite suddenly, I wasn't thirsty anymore.
The swish of the door caused him to look up, and his lips parted in surprise when he saw me. I was beginning to assume that he would always be surprised to see me. He quickly lowered his eyes back to his coffee, but not before I saw that same flash of guilt run through his eyes. An uncharacteristic flare of anger rose through me. He knew. He knew what he had done, and he knew who I was. He knew, and he still dared to sit in front of me like that; make me afraid to even be in the room.
I hadn't realized that I was staring until he looked up at me, his eyes shimmering with some kind of foreign emotion.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" His voice was deathly quiet, a little bit thick from exhaustion. I paused, staring a few moments more.
"No." The response was hoarse, rising up from my crackling throat. I turned on my heels and left the room quickly, practically breaking into a run once I got out.
The worst part of my day was always at the beginning of a fight, when the mobile suits had to be launched. I, being a communications operator, had to brief each pilot and help them launch at the start of a battle. During the battle, I would also respond to their communication requests and send back-up in their direction when needed.
This included Athrun Zala.
At first, it wasn't so bad. I would just have to tell him that he was ready to launch, and tell him if there were any immediate hazards in the area. He would launch, and that would be the end of it. All of them were fairly experienced, and rarely needed to ask for my help. I mostly ended up working with inter-ship communications, rather than those of the pilots.
Until there was that one battle.
Zaft forces had surrounded us, and the ship was taking a lot of damage. Sirens and warning bells were screeching throughout the ship, and I was already having trouble deciphering the constant information and alerts that were coming my way. I was getting tired, my eyes blurring from flickering my vision from screen to screen, running out of breath from relaying messages and solving problems.
Of course, it was at this point that Athrun Zala needed my help.
His voice came crackling through the transmission, sounding as if he were on his last legs. "Miss Haw, this is the Justice, there appears to be a problem with my mobile suit. Requesting back-up."
I froze. For a moment, I couldn't even think. Voices continued around me, but for me time was stopped. I wasn't even sure at the time why; all I had to do was say that I'd get back to him and send some help his way. So simple, just two presses of a button and two easy sentences.
The real problem was that I didn't want to.
I didn't want to help him.
"Miss Haw?" His voice warbled, he was frightened. I sat for a few more moments, only his voice echoing through my head.
Am I helping a monster? Will I help this monster?
He isn't a monster.
I shook my head back and forth, pressing a few more buttons and relaying a few more text messages through the ship. I paused before pressing the red relay button to reply to his message.
"Arch Angel to Justice, repeat request."
Look at you now, stalling for time. What kind of person does that make you?
It was a few more moments before the com light crackled to life again.
"T-This is the Justice...I-I..." I heard heavy coughing, and the tell-tale fizzing of electrical circuits. My gut clenched. "...requesting back-up...please."
Tears were gathering near the corners of my eyes.
"Arch Angel to Justice, request granted. Recommended return to ship for damage assessment." My voice only cracked once. I felt grateful for that.
"J-justice...r-roger." He sounded out of breath, and I could hear the rings of alarms in the background.
I took a deep breath.
"Arch Angel to Buster, Freedom. Justice at red 2 beta, requesting immediate back-up. Severe damage suspected."
Kira's voice flared to life almost instantly. "Archangel, this is the Freedom. Roger that." Not soon after that, I heard Kira babbling on the battle frequency to his friend. Athrun was not quick to respond.
"Buster to Arch Angel, cannot comply. Enemies blocking direct path." And Dearka just sounded mildly irritated.
"Arch Angel to Buster, acknowledged. Carry out battle normally." I was only vaguely aware of the tears flowing down my face, but my voice stayed even. Calm and even. You're CIC. Keep it together.
And as the battle raged on, I did just that. The Justice returned to the ship; major damage. The pilot returned with it; major damage. Battle strength was lost as Kira helped Athrun to the infirmary, and I had to deal with more rapid fire calls and status updates as the stress intensified.
I was numb to it all.
You idiot! If you had taken too much longer, do you realize what could have happened? Do you really hate him that much?
And then, I realized something about myself.
I think...I hate him.
And he was no longer the monster.
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