Just Read Between The Lines, Love

Disclaimer: Don't own, get over it, Fanfiction. If I did, this would be the prequel to the Clique Series.

Just a one-shot to try and get back into writing. It is summer after all. The time frame is pre-Clique series where there's only the original Clique members (even if they weren't a Clique yet), the Briarwood boys (minus Josh), and their supposed (in my mind) fifth grade year. It's a love triangle, of course, because that's the thing I love to write. Hope you all like it :)

jagged shards of reality and wholehearted perfection

Oh, aren't you a fool?

You got caught up in all the jazz and beauty and wonder that you never stopped to think and analyze. Wasn't that what you were good at? Isn't that what the great, illustrious, and majestic (yeah right) Layne Abeley was infamous for? You were the most fearless, most cynical, and the most whole person anyone had ever met (or at least that's what you liked to tell yourself). You were the master at uncovering what true intentions were, what people were thinking and why they did things, who should be in a relationship and who should just break up (from your never-changing post on the sidelines).

But it was all before, wasn't it? Now, you don't seem to read between the lines, shift through your broken realism that you used to pride yourself on; or at least, you can't seem to do it for yourself. You've deluded yourself enough that you saw things that weren't there, hoped for miracles that just weren't happening, and convinced yourself that maybe, just maybe, that blond, mop-headed boy you were always after liked you back.

You're such an idiot.

She's so much brighter than you are. She's light and sparkles and all the effervescence that all boys are after. Her amber eyes glitter and her darkdarkdark, nearly black hair shimmers as she sashays gracefully through all the boys' hearts. Maybe she's just more beautiful than you are. Maybe your fear manifested in your anger and bitchiness (but only towards him of course; be mean to her and it's as if you picked at a fallen angel) finally scared him off. And isn't that what you wanted, him to have someone else so you'd feel compelled not to like (isn't it love already? It's been long enough and it hasn't gone away) him anymore?

No. It's not what you wanted. Not at all. All you wanted, all you ever wanted, was for him to look at you and know that he likes you. You wanted him to kiss you so you shut up from your rants, for him to hug you and hold on every day, and for his eyes to sparkle when he looks at you. You wanted him to piece you back together and make you believe in unicorns and fairies and happy endings, tugging you away from what you considered reality. But those emotions are saved for her. She's the girl who you just want to kill, but she's too damn nice (isn't it surprising she's nice with him now, when she's really such a bitch inside) for you to actually do so. Why was she able to captivate him so easily when you still haven't been able to? Why could she swoop in from her old penthouse in New York, without even noticing the effect she had, and take him away? He was yours to win over. Why couldn't he just see that?

Why did he have to hold you like that before the history test? He must have known how much that meant to you. He must have seen how your cheeks turned crimson along with your exposed ears and how you cuddled into his embrace as his arms wrapped around your shoulders from behind, holding tightly as you could, only grab onto his lanky arms (you could almost pretend you were a couple). He must have heard your giggles that made you cringe because they sounded so cliché and much too bubbly for whom you are. He must have felt how reluctant you were to pry off his hands and how easily you had molded into his warm, comfortable body. He's not so oblivious (even if he'd like to admit otherwise) that he wouldn't have realized.

But if he had, then how could he have hugged her too? It was the most excruciating moment of your life. Isn't it so freaking ironic how right after you and he have had the best moment in your non-relationship, he goes and hugs her after the exam? And it was so… intimate. She held onto him as if she did like him back (finally right? He's only wanted that since he met her even if she was much too busy with Cam Fisher) and as if he was the loveliest, the softest, the greatest (everything you already knew) boy in the world.

She leaned her head on his shoulder, making him happier than you ever could. And he looked so happy. He hugged her as if she was delicate, beautiful, and amazing, everything you're not. You're starting to wonder if maybe when he was snuggling his head into your shoulder, maybe it was because he didn't want to see you. Maybe it's because he wanted to imagine her and her perfect silhouette wrapped in his arms and not you.

Maybe he's never wanted you, and that's the one thing you should have known. He goes for beautiful, happy, perfection. He doesn't go for ugly, sarcastic, broken, you. And why would he? When he could chase longingly after perfection, why would he want to chase after you and your sharp shards of harsh reality?

The fact of the matter is... he doesn't. That's plain to see. You never have, and never will be, whom he wants. You'll just continue to be you. Why it isn't enough for him is what you'll just have to ignore, store, and leave alone. He'll never want you, that's what you need to learn. It's about time that maybe you did just that.

You must always remember this:

Derrick Harrington + Massie Block = forever.

Layne Abeley never has fit into that equation.

neverland dreams and sweeping blond bangs

You're not stupid, even if you pretend you are sometimes. You tell that girl (that oh so fragile girl) that you are oblivious to anything that happens. The truth is, you know exactly what's going on. You see her face-breaking grins as you flash your signature heartbreaking smile. You see the light tears glistening in her eyes after she sees you flirting with Massie Block. You see it all.

But it's so much easier to ignore her pain.

She's not part of your circle, not part of the elite. She could never fit in with your friends' expectations of girls or their girlfriends' clique. She would be ostracized and her voice would be stifled into obscurity, while she longs to speak. You can't let that happen to her. She's lovely and free and you won't be the one to put out her light. You refuse to doubt your Tinker Bell; you don't want your very own fairy's magic to die out.

That's why you can't give her false promises. You are madly, fully, insanely in love with Massie Elizabeth Block and there's not enough of your heart left to love her too. Massie is the sparkle in your life. She is the beauty, grace, and wit that powers your days. You can't live without her (you know this for sure since you've tried so many times when it seemed hard to go on with her ignoring you) and you refuse to. She is your Wendy Darling, the one meant to give you thimbles galore.

Hugs for Tinker Bell don't mean much to you (but for her it's everything) and you know it. Hugs for Wendy mean the universe and beyond to you (even if it means nothing for her).

Tinker Bell was freaking out about the history test. You could tell because her green eyes were shifty, her wild brown hair was frazzled, and she wasn't talking. It was not normal for your Tinker Bell to be silent; it was madness even to think such a thing. When you were walking, she asked you, timidly, for a hug to calm her nerves. Her light was glittering softly, about to die if you didn't hug her. You've always believed in keeping wild things alive after all, you thought, when you smiled and complied with her wish.

You literally felt her light crackle and explode in a frenzy of bliss, floating into the atmosphere and soaring past the Milky Way, showering the universe with fairy dust. You hugged her tighter, snuggling your face into her shoulder, hoping to soak up more of her magic. You wanted to fly, you wanted to be young; you wanted to be Peter Pan so badly. She grabbed onto your arms that were wrapped around her frame and giggled, a completely uncharacteristic thing. Who was this girl and why had she replaced your fiesty Tinker Bell? Tinker Bell did not giggle; that was Wendy's job.

(You knew deep down, below your fantasies lost in a J.M. Barrie wonderland, that she did it because all she ever wanted was to be your Wendy.)

You walked with her, continuing to hold on, still trying to soak up some fairy dust since you weren't flying yet. You finally let go when you felt her tensing up and asking you to let go already; you were almost to the classroom for your test. You quickly released her. You can't have Wendy (Massie, Wendy, what's the difference anymore?) thinking you and Tinker Bell are anything. Really, she's just Tink. But you knowyou mean so much to "just Tink", even if she's just an interesting light in your never-grow-up plans (you don't want to admit anything is wrong with your childlike image of the world).

After the test, Wendy approached you for a hug too. You grinned as if all the planets had aligned, as if the world suddenly made complete and utter sense. It would have only been better if she offered you a thimble, but you'll take what you can get when Wendy is involved. When you both finally did hug, nothing could have made you happier. Finally, you felt your Wendy love you like you always have loved her. The comets, stars, and meteors are finally twinkling brightly as you embrace your one true love. Everything was pure and lovely and you can't imagine anything better than the feeling of being around her. You could hear the Lost Boys (known by everyone else as the Soccer Stars) whispering in awe about you finally getting the girl of your dreams to hug you. You feel like dancing in place, rushing through life until you get to be with Wendy forever, and can have Tink's fairy dust fly you anywhere you'd like, keeping you young and blissful forever (Hannah Montana singing the Best of Both Worlds has never seemed so right).

After your paradise is over, you have the misfortune of looking into Tinker Bell's expressive green eyes. You see a dash of nearly imperceptible moisture on them, half a cup of self-loathing, a pinch of envy, and a gallon of heartbreak that cloak the jade green irises. You feel a pang in your heart as you see true misery dampening her fairy light. Her wings even seem clipped and closed, fallen limply around her frame due to her pain. You hate that you did this to Tinker Bell. Nevertheless, as the story goes, Tink is simply your sidekick, the one to amuse you when things get down, never the one you fall in love with but the one that falls for you. Wendy is your true love, as long as she continues to forget her options and lives in Neverland, of course; the hug proves she has entered Neverland.

Because Massie Block (the renowned, pure, and lovely Wendy Darling) is all Derrick Harrington has ever wanted. He simply has no time for Layne Abeley, the frumpy fairy light he has christened Tinker Bell

a princess and her torn, damaged alpha heart

It's so easy to give in, you've realized. But it's oh so hard to lose once again what you really wanted.

It happens every time, every goddamn time. You change to a new school again (because your mom, as a sociologist, needs to observe different societies and your dad as a business tycoon is bent on expanding his company) and you try to make a (semi)permanent best friend. This time, you thought you could be friends with someone who wouldn't simply let you take charge. You hoped to be friends with someone who could put their own in a debate, who's not the typical boring beta, who wouldn't let you down by backstabbing you so she could be on top.

You wanted to be best friends with Layne Abeley.

But of course, you had to make her hate you. You tried to be nice, you really did, all real princesses are supposed to be. All that attracted, though, was Derrick Harrington, the boy who Layne is clearly in love with. The progress you might have had left and in came the blinding hate and distaste she has for you, even if she tries to hide it. You hated yourself for unknowingly letting Derrick like you. You knew that you had to be careful around him in case he began to like you. You knew you had to be far away from him so that Layne wouldn't hate you and you would finally have a real friend.

But you knew the only way into Cam Fisher's heart was through his best friend.

You really liked Cam. You thought he was sweet, funny, random, carefree, and absurdly hot. You liked that he listened to you and didn't treat you just like the "hot new girl". Cam acted like your knight in shining armor, the Prince Charming to all of your deluded
fairytales. You thought that he was going to be the one to mend your shattered heart.

You thought he would be the one to glue all the pieces together again and make you fully functional. Nevertheless, you knew it would not work out, no matter how much you wanted Cam to be your prince that had finally come.

Alicia Rivera, Olivia Ryan, and Allie-Rose Singer got in the way of that.

They were the girls that had been competing for Cam since they were in pre-school. Since toddler years, they had been backstabbing the other in an effort to gain Cam's heart. Maybe in their mind, the other two were simply dragons keeping them away from their one true love. That's what you thought they were anyways. They are the only things keeping you from having Cam Fisher and happily ever after.

At least, that's what you'd like to think. In reality, where princesses and princes don't end up together, you see those dragons hugging him like crazy after the history test. You burn with jealousy and you shatter with pain, while your heart rips itself into tinier pieces. You wanted to hug him; those harpies shouldn't be able to. They aren't royal enough for him. You're the true princess around here, not them!

Of course, no one can know of these emotions. You have to keep them secret in case they think their flawless alpha has lost her composure. That can't happen. You love your pride, power, and dignity much more than you will ever love Cam Fisher. Those are the only things you know you will still have should your prince never love you back. Even if he can't be yours, you still have the ability to ruin his life. And that's all that counts, right?

You knew you shouldn't have hugged Derrick after the test, though. You knew that would end outrageously bad. But your pride wouldn't (couldn't) allow for those wicked witches to hug your man and you not being able to do anything about it. You're Massie freaking Block. Showing that you are in charge is in your blood. And what better way to do this than hug the boy alpha?

When you opened your arms for a hug, his eyes lit up. You could see his childlike happiness glitter and sparkle as he embraced you. You hugged him back and closed your eyes, making it seem as though you loved hugging him. In fact, you couldn't be more unhappy. Why can't you have the one you want, not the one you're expected to want? You could hear Derrick's friends (including Cam) whispering about Derrick fulfilling his dream of hugging you. You'd like to feel smug about this, but how can you? His best friend prefers that you be with Derrick, not with him. What chance could you possibly have now?

You finally let go and you open your eyes, masking effortlessly the heartbreak coursing through your veins. Derrick turns his head and you discretely follow his gaze. You see him staring at Layne, a nearly imperceptible pitying expression on his pretty-boy face. You look intently at her eyes that were focused on Derrick and see a mix of heartbreaking emotions clustered haphazardly into her bright irises. Your façade cracks for a minute as you know that you and Layne can never be friends now. Your fantasy of having Prince Charming and your best friend is ruined. All you're left with is the arranged marriage to someone you don't love and the seemingly loyal mice who can't be bothered to give independent opinions.

Later on, you hear that Layne had hugged Derrick before the history test and you feel like slapping yourself. How could you have let your pride get the best of you so easily? Maybe Layne and Derrick could have their happy ending and could have helped you with yours. Maybe you wouldn't have to be alone in a sea of things you truly don't want if you had only kept your wrath in check. But you can't help but think… should Layne even get Derrick? Derrick is an awful jerk to her and he doesn't even seem to care that she loves him and is still willing to go after you right in front of her. He's an immature boy lost in his own hallucinations that will never see her as anything more than a sidekick. You can't subject her to that for the rest of her life.

You decide that day that you're going to try your hardest to get Layne someone, even if she doesn't realize it. She won't be your friend, you've accepted that now. But maybe… maybe you could secretly find her someone that will make her happy. Someone offbeat and crazy who has the potential to be a good boyfriend, unlike Derrick Harrington. You refuse to go out with Derrick and live up to the peasant's expectations unless Cam starts dating someone else and you've found Layne a guy. You can't bear to hurt Layne again or yourself.

Because after everything is said and done, and all of your daydreams are crushed by the wicked villain (consisting of the three witches and yourself), all that's left is the amber-eyed, true-love-seeking princess stuck inside a closed off tower, away from everything she ever wanted, her shattered heart breaking more every day. The only thing she can do from her lofty perch is to do what all great queens need to do: make peace.