A/N: Hi there, folks! Andi here :)

This is my first shot ever at extensively writing fanfiction, let alone something that is standalone in the Fallout universe. I really love writing and developing characters, so I wanted to give myself a chance to take the canon storyline of FO4 and switch it up quite a bit with my F!SS because who doesn't like a hefty amount of good ol' fashioned angst? Well, if you're not so fond of it, this story is very likely not for you because the main character is a mess. So is MacCready, and you bet your ass this is a F!SS x MacCready fic.

This will very likely be the only chapter wherein I write in first person POV and it was definitely important for me to do so for this chapter for Tallulah's development. Every other chapter will be third person and past tense, but the story may showcase other characters from time to time instead of being solely (hah, sole) Tallulah-centric.

Anyway, I genuinely hope you enjoy this despite the fact that it is very likely rambly at times. I will always take constructive criticism so long as it is polite. If anyone wants to help me proofread, just shoot me a message and we can definitely discuss it! I'm one of those writers who is constantly rereading stuff and "correcting" things so much that everything just eventually becomes a different story lmao

The rating is currently M and is subject to change from chapter to chapter. I don't recommend anyone that is under the age of 18 read this story.

Thank you! xo

Prologue

I actually never wanted to be a mother.

After several visits to the doctor and a rather established diagnosis of polycystic ovary syndrome, I was more than convinced that I was barren. But here I am, standing in front of my great grandmother's mirrored armoire with my hands planted right on my stomach where a life is growing inside of me. This little life was blossoming right before my eyes, sending vines of purple tension marks up my abdomen – little reminders that I was in my third trimester and would soon be giving birth to a baby boy.

I couldn't help but swallow hard as Nate snaked his arms around my midsection. His fingers tenderly traced patterns into my blouse, and his lips pressed against my temple before curling into a pleased smile at the sight of my colossal bump. That week prior, he proposed that we name the baby Shaun. "A gift from God". The meaning was revolutionary to my husband, and I felt awful for even thinking that I hated the name.

"You look beautiful today, Tallulah," Nate spun me around and enveloped me in a long, loving embrace. I sighed against his mouth after he gave me another brief kiss. My forehead bowed forward into his as he continued, "I love you more than anything. Shaun too."

Looking back on it now, I can't believe that I had ever taken those moments for granted. I was so lucky, and the moment that I finally held Shaun in my arms was the moment that my world turned upside down. I was hopelessly in love with the baby boy whose existence I had doubted for so many months.

Shaun was a remarkably quiet little boy. There were precious few moments when he cried. When he did, my heart broke thousands of times over with each little tear that dribbled down his tawny cheeks. To tell you the truth, I was almost remarkable at comforting him. I can admit that it took me quite a while to get a feel for being a mother but when I finally got my bearings, I wasn't half bad at it. I was filling a role that I had never once considered to be possible.

Being a mother filled me full of pride, and obtaining my degree in criminal justice (which was admittedly one of my greatest achievements) paled in comparison to the overwhelming love I felt when I looked at my little family.

Just when I thought I had finally found my niche in this strange and often terrible world, everything crumbled into millions of pieces.

And I lost it all the day the bombs fell.