I knew he would never love me back but I didn't care. I would love him in silence for all eternity no matter what. I sat there in the AV room, my urges to strong for me to be near anyone. I heard footsteps coming closer and closer so I hid behind one of the tables. I peeked out from behind the table. It was him. My love. My all being. My Jackie was standing a mere 3 feet from me. Oh how I wanted to jump out and tackle him, love him until I couldn't love anymore. But I didn't. I stayed behind the table and watched. My urges stronger than they've ever been before. He was now standing right in front of the table where I was. "Carlsan." He had never spoken to me before. I knew what was going to happen by the tone on his voice. I started undoing the buttons on my pants. "You are the most repulsive being on the face of this earth. I will never love you." I felt that sharp prick on the back of my eyes and I threw one of the cameras at the window, ran over to it and jumped out into the rain. I searched myself for the pencil I had put in my pocket that morning. I pulled it out and found that it was still as sharp as it was when I finished sharpening it. I pulled up my sleeve to reveal the many scars I made when I cut myself. I leaned against a tree and pressed the lead into my arm. A dark red drop of blood appeared and was washed away by the rain as quickly as it appeared. I dragged the lead through my arm leaving a huge gash about 6 inches long. I started running when I heard my name being called, the rain washing my arm, my heart pumping the blood out. I found the hole I dug and jumped in. I wanted to die. I didn't want anyone to "help" me like they all try to do. It doesn't help. It just makes me feel like I want to die more and more. I peek out when I hear silence. How long has it been? Where did those people go? I pondered these questions until I was yanked out of the ground by a pair of strong arms. "Who are you? What do you want?" " I am Yuki and I want you." He pulled my undone pants off and started on my shirt. "What are you doing?!" I screamed. He didn't answer. He threw me into the hole and then jumped in right in front of me. The hole was so small, our bodies never left each other. He grabbed me and pushed us even closer together. "You don't know how long I've wanted to do this." He pulled my head into his and our lips mashed together. He kissed me long and passionately. I tried to keep my mouth closed. This wasn't something I wanted to do with this stranger. He thrust his tongue against my lips and made my mouth open. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't call out for help and with the rain drenching us, for the first time ever, I felt, right.