Life Happens

I've come up with these short stories so you can get to 'know the author' kind of thing. These things are based on the true happenings in my life….yeah these actually happened.

******Chapter 1******

The Grocery Store

The car halted to a stop and pulled into the rather tight spaced square that was directly under a flickering lamppost. My mom and I opened the car doors simultaneously, and proceeded to the grocery store. The drooling food-slaves pushed their carts into the magic-jedi doors that opened every .5 seconds squishing the too-slow carters. It was all about the timing…

So we ran. Oh how we ran…. we ran directly into those bastard doors, trampling over the blood and gore that was of past shoppers. I almost tripped over the severed arm of a toddler when we made it…

Phew….

The smell of dead animal carcass still lingered on our clothes but that's okay, don't fret….we are still alive. …And so we pushed our cart to the produce isle and picked whatever our stomachs demanded us to get.

"POTATOS!" it screamed, "We need more…POOOOTAAAATOOOOSSSS!!!"

"No!" the kidneys yelled. "Get the fruit… get it NOOOOOOWWW!"

"Oh shut up are you that inapt?" the brain said calmly. "Now. WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY PEANUTS!"

My head hurt. Why must my body always argue with each other?

As my organs continued to yell, when a man stopped to look at me. His eyes were turned yellow and let out a rather horrible scream…

Then he sneezed…

The debris flew out of his disgusting mouth and it fell to the floor. The green colored fluid burned right through it….

We came to the next isle…it in was the lair of the Bloosh…that's right the Bloosh…

It let out its ear-piercing screech and rushed right for us…why is it this hard to get onion rings?

With ninja –like reflexes I kicked it right in the groin….but wait…the Bloosh does not have a groin! Its gooey body constricted my foot like a snake. I was surely doomed! When my mother poured some salt on it. It burned and melted to the ground. We have won once again.

Last stop was the ice cream, where the water gremlins live. Those sneaky bastards are always lurking about…when BOOM! Oh..it's just an old lady….Oh sweet God! The gremlins they're…they're tarring her face apart! Oh the humanity why? WHY?

My mom got the ice cream and we bailed….

So another boring day at the grocery store…why is life so dull?

THE END!!!!!