Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any part of the Naruto franchise!
Warning: Language. (The unspoken "duh" hangs at the end of it.)
Beta: Ha, what a funny joke!... I wish I had one... Not even my brother is here to help me right now, and this chapter is kinda late as is...
Chapter One
"What the hell, un?" yowled a bright yellow cat. A kitten, to be more specific. It was not blonde, or dyed, or yellow-but-slightly-burnt-orange. It was just yellow. The yellow kitten's tail lashed angrily, his frustration with the current dilemma obvious.
"Watch your tail, brat," growled a dark red kitten. "You keep hitting me in the face with it."
"Sorry, Danna," apologized the yellow one. "But it's not my fault I'm not used to having a tail, hm."
"Ha!" laughed a silver cat. "You have a fucking tail!"
"You do, too, idiot," glared a brown one.
"Itachi, do you know what's going on?" asked a large, blue cat.
"No. But I do believe Leader-sama will tell us soon," stated a black cat with, surprisingly, not spinning red eyes, but charcoal gray ones. "It seems our chakra is not working, though."
"Yeah, it seems so," Kisame nodded.
"Everybody, calm down," ordered the orange cat, obviously the leader. A calm lavender cat sat next to him.
"TOBI IS A KITTY!" bounced a hyperactive cat. I don't need to tell what color his pelt was, I think you all can guess. Hint: It wasn't Kakuzu.
"Yes, I have noticed that we are all... felines. But that is no reason to lose our heads," the leader nodded. "Our main priority should be food and hopefully information, while we're at it, which means getting out of this box."
Konan opened her mouth to agree when- BOOM!
An explosion shuddered the box, throwing it to the side.
The cats were rolled around, making their heads spin nauseatingly.
"Hell- I mean, heck yeah, bi- bro!" cheered a rough, yet clearly feminine voice.
"Yay!" cheered a younger one.
The cats stumbled to their feet, looking around what appears to be a large yard filled with storehouses. As their vision cleared, the Akatsuki noticed a couple of figures jumping and cheering at the destroyed-nearly-beyond-recognition pieces of flaming metal. One seemed to be a teenager, the other... a small child?
"To think that my little Angel blew this one almost entirely on her own," the taller figure gushed, seemingly wiping away a fake tear. "It just makes me so proud, ya know?"
"No, Blaire, you helped, too! Remember when I needed your distraction to set it?" the smaller girl, Angel, asked, attempting to console her obvious sister figure.
"Oh, Ange, you're too sweet," the teen sniffled. "I just can't believe it... My little Angel, already making her first bomb!"
The cats blinked the spots out of their eyes and wiggled their way to a black path, hoping to escape unnoticed before tracking the girls down to see what they were up to.
Unfortunately, they forgot that bright yellow, orange, and blue cats weren't quite that inconspicuous.
"Whoa! Yellow kitty!" the girl called Angel gasped, running surprisingly fast for a chakra-less eight year old.
Blaire followed after the child quickly, wondering what could have possibly drawn the attention from the beautiful explosion to... well, anything seemed insignificant compared to an explosion. To her, at least. She hoped it wasn't something too bad, after all. This day had gone really well, maybe she should treat the kid to ice cream, kids liked that, right? and did Ange say something about cats?
Blaire was half in her thoughts of ice cream and if should she get a book on parenting, after all, that was what Leader had done, wasn't it? The other half of her thoughts, however, were full on Angel (if the aforementioned thoughts were not considered "full of Angel").
"Kid, whatcha lookin' at over there?" she called, casually strolling. Or at least that's what it would seem like to the regular human bean. To the neko-fied nin, however, it seemed apparent that her laid-back shoulders, while somewhat relaxed, were still slightly tensed. And her hands, though sloppily thrown in her pockets, were loosely holding onto a suspiciously bomb-shaped lump.
Trust them.
They'd had enough incidents of Deidara trying to bomb the Uchiha to know what a bomb-shaped lump looked like.
While they had been shaping up the older of the two, they had failed to notice the younger one. Cats' minds seemed pretty one-tracked, from what they've experienced so far.
"Kitties! Berry, there are kitties here!" Angel said excitedly before beginning to coo at the cats. "Aren't you so pretty? Look at your purple fur! It's sooo soft, like velvet! If Mama-"
"Ange. Not on the field."
"Fine, if Leader lets me keep you, then I wanna call you Velvet!" she grinned.
"Ange," Blaire, or Berry, though the latter was most likely a nickname, sighed through her nose. She hated being the bad guy, but it had to be done. "Hate to break it to ya, but Leader might not-"
Angel cut her of with the most heartbroken look any child could break out. Her burnt orange hair was brushed out of her face as she summoned the inner moe, making fake tears at just the right amount so that they prickled at her eyes and made them shine, but not so much so that she actually started crying. Rule one of puppy eyes- never oversell it.
Blaire/Berry looked away, but it was too late. She had to look back now. It would be a shame to ignore a child so cute. Even the manly Uchiha agreed- Angel was nearly as cute as Sasuke was (not in that way, Uchiha-cest shippers.) when he was that age. Of course, Itachi had killed the cute boy's entire family at that age, but still.
Cute.
The cats vaguely wondered what the chances of them running were, but it was still awkward, learning how to walk on all fours, and this whole "plus-claws-and-tails" thing wasn't really helping.
Plus, if their original assumptions were correct, these people were involved in an organization. Which meant, if they were kept, they could get food, shelter, and information, all at once.
Three birds with one stone.
Why not?
The orange leader stared Hidan into submission when the Jashinist very nearly hissed at the small girl who bent to pick him up. Pein then just looked at his Akatsuki and glared at them until they got over their egos and lay back their ears to look cute.
The girl ran a hand through her black locks, pausing to fiddle with a highlighted red tip. She had been a bit surprised when the apprehensive cats' personalities took a one-eighty and pulled the "Puss-in-Boots" look at her, but under the continuous stare of her subordinate and the cats, she nearly had no choice.
Blaire hesitantly glanced back at Angel, who took this as the signal to tip her head down slightly and look up a bit more.
Blaire sighed and muttered something along the lines of, "Never underestimate the power of cute," and groaned in what sounded like resignation. "Okay. You win. Congrats, Rat."
The cats blinked a bit at the nickname. Who calls a kid "Rat"? In fact, who call a kid "Rat" while managing to make it sound affectionate?
But she picked up the cats and piled them high on her shoulders, head, and arms, and carried them away from the blast site before the cops showed up.
Blaire's boss was going to have her ass.
A/N: Welcome to the re-write of Code HISBI! (Help, I'm Surrounded by Idiots!)
I decided to rewrite this because... Urk... There was a volcano in Hampton... And I'm pretty sure I was stoned off my ass or something to that extent while writing my first Naruto fic... And... Every personality was pretty monotonous... And the mood swings... my God, the MOOD SWINGS my OC's had!
'Scuse me for a second... I think I just need to cry myself to sleep and remind myself of what a fucking idiot I am...
FML.
Anywhooozles... -wipes away snot-. I'm okay, now. And I know this is a bit overdue, but- HOLY MOTHER OF-
*dodges flaming knives and pitchforks along with miscellaneous plastic silverware*
OKAY! I GET IT! I'm sorry guys, but for Chrissake! I know, I promised this thing today, and I did do it today! (just, like, at ten or something, but what the fuck ever, dude.)
And anyway, as a final note, these chapters may or may not be significantly shorter than the last versions. I'm not sure yet. This chapter was kind of rushed, so... Yea.
Good night.