Title: Thoughts with Truth
Rating: T
Summary: Catelyn's thoughts and Eddard's truth
Dedication: WaylowHalo made me write something. So here it is…. Haha
Disclaimer: I wish I owed Game of Thrones but I don't….
Catelyn Stark sat by the window in her room looking out toward the courtyard below. She saw her son Robb playing with her husband's bastard, Jon Snow. Ever since the two boys where introduced they had almost impossible to separate even though she had tried on many times. Robb had been persistent though and her husband seen a problem with it. She hated herself for the feelings she held for the boy.
Family, Duty, Honor!
Her house words rang in her ears whenever she thought of him. Jon was not her family though. She owed him nothing and with that line of thinking she hated herself. She knew he held no fault in his birth or the actions his parents committed to bring him into this world.
Every time she saw him though she knew her Lord husband had broken his promise to her on their wedding night. Jon Snow was a never ending reminder of her husband's broken words and promises. She believed him when he swore it would never happen again and she knew since his return to her he had kept that promise. Jon looked so much like Ned, even more then Robb who favored herself. Sansa even looked more Tully then Stark.
Looking down at her rounded stomach she couldn't help but wonder if their next baby would look more Trout then Wolf. Ned never complained. Not once. He loved all three of his children the same and she was glad for it. She had no doubt he would love the child growing within her the same as well. She wanted to give him a child that looked more like him. That thought was selfish of her because perhaps that would calm the hate she had for the boy. She knew full well that wasn't fair to her baby or Jon. Even if she couldn't bring herself to love the boy he at least had his father's love and that of his siblings.
Hearing laughter she looked back down towards the boys to see Robb chasing Jon around the courtyard. Both boys where laughing as they played bringing smiles to the people around them. She couldn't help the small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. Robb loved Jon. That was perfectly clear when you saw them. She wished that she could just accept him. That would make everyone's life so much easier. Jon only wanted her approval after all.
The door to the room opened and she knew it was her husband before she looked toward him. She returned his smile before looking back out the window.
"How are you feeling?" He asked her coming to sit across from her looking out the window himself.
"Alright," she said yawning, "Tired." She was nearing the end of her pregnancy and false labor pains had been happening more and more often. Maester Luwin had advised her to stay rested so she remained in her chambers.
Robb and Sansa where brought to her every day to visit. She had allowed Jon to visit her once with Robb after a lesson with Maester Luwin. She even allowed him to feel the baby kick after Robb's face lite up with excitement when she placed his small hand on growing stomach. Jon was surprised when she had reached out for his hand after Robb had stepped back. His smile spread across his face when he felt the baby move and she couldn't help the small smile gracing her own lips. Jon had thanked her before retreating with Robb. Ned had given her a grateful smile and thanked her when the boys had left.
"You should lay down," Ned told her softly with a small smile on his face as he watched his sons. Jory was now chasing the boys around laughing as they avoided capture.
"I will soon," she told him. They sat in silence for a few moments as they watched the courtyard.
"I know it hurts you that he's here," Ned said just above a whisper, "I hate that it hurts you."
"You promised," she whispered to him. They rarely talked about Jon. When he first came home with a baby she was so furious she didn't want to know but after things settled down a bit she started asking questions. She could never receive a straight answer until one day he told her to never ask again. She didn't allow him back into their chambers for nearly two moon turns. She didn't ask and he didn't say anything again.
"I know," he said after a moment. If only she knew the meaning her words truly held. He promised his wife he would remain hers alone. He promised Jon's mother he would protect him. Eddard Stark has kept both promises to the two women he loved most in his life besides Sansa. He reached for her hand which she gave to him willingly.
They stayed that way for what seemed like hours. He kept his secret for years, always to protect Jon just like he promised. What would it hurt for her to know the truth? Perhaps it would help her with Jon. She wouldn't tell anyone this secret. She could help protect him especially if anything ever happened to him. It was dangerous for her to know though. One wrong word to anyone and Jon's life would be forfeit and the rest of his family would be in danger for keeping him hidden.
"He's not mine," he whispered without thinking any longer about the danger. He could not look at her, "he's Lyanna's." he waited for her to reply but none came. He looked toward his wife only to find her asleep. He let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. He gave a small laugh before shaking his head. Perhaps this was sign from the gods. He had to keep this truth to himself.