Fly Me To The Moon

"Fly me to the moon
Let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On jupiter and mars"

"You cannot be serious, Clarke! Tell me you don't mean that. Please!" He is pleading with her but Clarke silently shakes her head. She desperately is trying to suppress her tears and appear hard.

"I am dead serious, Bellamy. I'm not doing this again. Never would I ask you to decide between your job and I. Being a soldier is your life, I know that, Bell, and I would never ask you to stay. But this is your fourth tour now and I know you'll say it's going to be the last time but you already said that before you went to your second tour and then again before the third one and I'm sorry, but I can't take it anymore. Sitting for month alone in this – in our – apartment, constantly worrying if you'll come back to me and not knowing if I'll ever see you again... I can't do this anymore, Bell. I don't want to do this anymore."

"Clarke-" Bellamy's voice cracks.

"I'm sorry." And she means it. "But I think it'd be better if we both try and move on." Just saying that feels like stabbing herself in the gut. Her chest tightens and she feels sick to her stomach but she knows it the right thing to do.

Tears are spilling down Bellamy's cheeks and he viciously shakes his head and it hurts Clarke seeing him like this – being the reason he's in this pain, breaking his heart. It feels awful and she hates herself for it but for once in her life she decides to be a little selfish. Just this one time, Clarke decides to put her own feelings first. It hurts her as much as it hurts him but she knows it's what she needs. It's for her own good.

Bellamy takes a step towards her, cupping her face in his hands and finally the dam breaks. A dry sob escapes her and she feels the moisture running down her face.

Then his lips finally descend on her own and he is kissing her like a dying man. His lips aren't soft against hers; it's a hard, bruising kiss. They are both crying and her hands fly up to wipe the tears from his face. She also kisses him back with all the strength she can muster. Clarke knows that it's probably the last time that she will ever feel his hot breath fanning over her cheeks, his tongue pushed deep into her mouth and the hard panels of his body pressed against hers.

As if Bellamy knows that she's saying goodbye with this kiss, he breaks apart and whispers – pleads, "I love you!"

They are both still cupping the other's face; Bellamy's gaze bores into hers.

Clarke hiccups and closes her eyes – trying to escape the pain that is clearly visible in his usually warm, laughing brown orbs – as heavy sobs wreck her small frame.

Her hands lay over his where they are still holding her face and slowly peels them off.

"I never doubted that and I love you, too. God, I love you so much, Bell! And it hurts me to do this, it does. But I don't want to have a relationship with someone who's never home."

"I'll stay. Clarke, I won't go. Please stop, I can't lose you. I love you, Princess! You're more important to me. I don't want to lose you, I can't. You mean too much to me. Just...please!"

Clarke brings his hands – she's still holding – to her lips and kisses each knuckle. Her vision is blurry from her tears but she can still see the tears spilling from Bellamy's eyes.

"Bellamy, I could never live with the knowledge that I made you neglect your duty. You'd eventually start to hate me and the man I fell in love with would never let down his country."

He knows, she is right. Clarke can see it in the way, his eyes close and his whole face twists in pain. He wouldn't be happy if he stayed; the guilt would slowly eat him alive and Clarke could never look in a mirror again if she took this part away from him – a part she deeply fell in love with.

She presses a last, soft kiss against his closed lips, lingering for a couple seconds, before stepping back and taking the bag she packed after work.

At the front door, Clarke cannot resist to look over her shoulder – the pull is simply too strong.

Bellamy is still standing exactly where she left him – eyes pressed shut and hands trembling, silently crying. Another sob escapes her and she quickly escapes from the apartment. The door closes with a soft click behind her.

For a moment, Clarke leans her back against the wooden frame, taking a deep breath.

"May we meet again."

"In other words, I love you"

Okay I know this is simply cruel but I PROMISE that that's not it. I had this idea a couple days ago and so I started writing the first chapter. Just writing this mentally hurt me but I will continue this – eventually. And yes, this is a BELLARKE fic.
I'm not gonna tell what this is about yet but it's not over.

Lemme know what ya think!

Loads of love -Katharina

PS. Song's by Frank Sinatra (because he was just awesome)