Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho, Shakespeare, or any of his plays. Nor do I own Hiei, though I do have a pretty good market on sarcasm. :P
A/N: So Reneey and I were talking about my fanfic, Why Seto Kaiba Was Not in Shakespeare, and then I read her fanfic about Hiei (It's called Sweet Snow, Not Ice Cream!) and we started talking and I just had to write this one, too. It features the same plays as the Seto one, but obviously Hiei's choices and circumstances are somewhat… contrasting. -grins-
Why Hiei Was Not in Shakespeare
Hamlet
Hiei was not in Hamlet because he would have fought the king's ghost, not chased it or listened to it or did what it wanted in any way. On that note, he would also have fought with every other character in the cast, which would likely have ended with him being crowned the king or emperor or ruler in some form of Denmark simply because there would be no one else left for the position. And because anyone who he didn't kill just from sheer spite or boredom would be too frightened to object to his ascension. Hiei would probably have sliced Ophelia in half for daring to come near him, and in the end would probably just take everything of value from Denmark and leave. After all, he really isn't the calm-and-rational-ruler type.
Romeo and Juliet
Hiei was not in Romeo and Juliet because the only person he cares about besides himself is his sister, and he wouldn't be caught dead falling in love with some pathetic human girl. Much less some pathetic human girl whose family hates him. He would probably slaughter all the Capulets, including Juliet herself, just on sheer principle. So on the bright side he would have fought Tybalt himself; but Mercutio would have died anyway because Hiei would have just killed him himself. Oh, and then he would have stolen their money and valuables before disappearing into the night. While smirking.
Macbeth
Hiei was not in Macbeth because he would not have listened to the three witches; he would just have killed them. He would also have killed Banquo then, while there were no witnesses, and either blamed it on the witches or just outright admitted it and dared the messenger to try to do something about it. He would have had no need for a Lady Macbeth (or Lady Hiei), because he would simply do all the plotting and killing himself. And if there was one, he would probably kill her, too. Hiei would have cared less about becoming king, but probably would have killed Duncan anyway, just because the man would have undoubtedly done something to annoy him during his stay. Like messing with the headband over his Jagan eye or telling him that it's ice cream, not sweet snow. And he wouldn't have bothered to frame the guards; he would have just killed them, too, to make a clean go of it, as well as Malcolm and Donalbain and probably anyone else who came to ask questions. And obviously Marcus wouldn't be marshaling any grand army to come and retake the castle because firstly, Marcus would already be dead; secondly, it wouldn't do him any good because Hiei would just kill them all anyway; and thirdly, Hiei would already have looted the place and continued on with his life.