A/N: I'm not even sure what this train wreck is, except that I wrote it for the DN kink meme, and decided to post it here too.

It's L and Light, but nothing sexual happens.

Kinks: spanking, child regression.

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L turned to Soichiro after flicking the monitor in the investigation room off. "Though the surveillance has lowered my suspicions of your son being Kira," he said, thinking nothing of the sort, "I am worried about his stress levels. From what I've observed, he seems to be under a lot of pressure."

Soichiro relaxed visibly when L mentioned that the possibility of Light being Kira had decreased. He frowned at L's mention of Light's stress levels. "Well, he is under a lot of pressure right now to study for and do well on his exams. I'm sure he'll relax after he's finished them next week."

"Hmm," L said. "Oftentimes stress can build up and become habitual. Merely removing one of the stressors might help for a while, what will happen when he attends college? Or starts working at a job?" L paused to shovel a handful of gummy worms into his mouth. "It's better if the root problem is dealt with, and he learns to more effectively manage his stress. I have extensive personal experience with this, and am willing to provide him with several therapy sessions a month. With your permission of course."

Soichiro inclined his head. "Thank you, Ryuzaki. That's very generous of you."

L stared at him, his black eyes seeming to become wider. "I'm merely helping one of my lead investigators with his family," he said with a small smile. "Oh, and by the way, I'll need to keep him here for a few days in a row, in order to most effectively administer the therapy."

Soichiro sucked in a breath. "But Ryuzaki, won't that interfere with the case?"

L paused to bring a finger to his mouth. "I am effective at multi-tasking, but Yagami-san is correct, my efficiency will drop slightly during the therapy days. However, I think this will be more than compensated for, as I have calculated that Yagami-san's efficiency will increase greatly when he no longer has to worry as much about his son's well-being." L smiled, a smile that Soichiro would probably find creepy if he didn't know him.

"Thank you for your concern for my family," Soichiro said, wincing slightly. "It's true that maybe sometimes my work might suffer when I worry about them." He paused in thought. "It might be best to wait until after the exams for the first therapy session." He scratched his mustache. "What form of payment will you accept?"

"Yes, after exams makes the most sense, as there is no telling how Light might initially respond to the he is resistant at first, I may have to keep him for longer than planned." L's smile grew. "My caretaker initially administered this therapy for me, free of charge. It would be my pleasure to do the same for Light."

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Light was pleased with himself once he returned home after the entrance exams. Not that they'd been difficult, but now that he no longer had to attend classes and cram school, he'd have more free time to become God of the New World. The only thing was...coming up with a convincing lie for why he spent all his free time in his room. Fortunately Light had already bought a few of his college text books, and planned to use 'studying ahead' as his excuse.

He was taking notes on chemistry in the living room (for appearances only), when his father approached him and cleared his throat.

"Light," he began, "I'm worried about how hard you've been working lately. You seem stressed."

Light smiled his 'perfect son' smile, and clenched his hand so hard his pencil nearly snapped. "I'm not stressed, Dad, I'm just working hard."

"Yes, I know, son, but a colleague of mine suggested therapy, and even offered to provide the sessions free of charge."

Light's hand clenched hard enough to easily snap the pencil in two. "Therapy? Don't you think that's kind of extreme?"

Soichiro sighed as he gazed at the broken pencil in Light's hand. It was obvious that Ryuzaki was right, and that Light was more stressed than Soichiro had realized. "I think you should at least give it a try and see if it works."

Light nodded, but fumed inwardly. "Okay, Dad. I'll try it if that's what you suggest." Fortunately, he had pre-scheduled Kira deaths for the next few weeks.

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Light adjusted his dress shirt as he waited outside his father's colleague's hotel room. The man's name was Ryuzaki, and he had no idea what to expect. Hopefully they'd be able to get through the therapy nonsense quickly - surely the man would quickly see that Light was a perfectly normal teenager who had absolutely no need of therapy. And in the unlikely event that the guy actually kept him here for several days, well, Light would just have to suffer through the therapy as best he could. All his father required was that he tried it.

Light sighed, and knocked again, eager to have this waste of time done and over with.

On the fifth knock, a man opened the door. He was dressed in a loose-fitting white shirt and jeans, and had wild messy black hair. In fact...he looked exactly like that creep who'd sat behind Light during the exams. It had to be a coincidence, though, right?

Light politely greeted Ryuzaki and stepped inside.

The man didn't reply, just stared at him creepily and closed the door. He seemed to be more in need of therapy than Light.

Light huffed and folded his arms. "I really don't think I need therapy, honestly. I'm only here because my father suggested it." Then he grimaced. Might as well get it over with even though all his instincts were screaming at him to run. "When do we get started?"

Ryuzaki grinned. "Many patients think that, but I assure you, even the most normal human can benefit from therapy."

Light rolled his eyes. Why his father stuck him with this creep was beyond him. But he did trust his father's judgement.

Ryuzaki scratched one bare foot against another. "I should warn you, some patients are slightly resistant to this form of therapy at first, and it's nothing to be ashamed of." He threw a soft blue t-shirt and matching shorts at Light. "Please get changed before we begin."

Light scowled. He didn't wear a nice shirt and a pressed pair of fitted khakis just to change into shorts and a t-shirt. Still, it wasn't horribly unreasonable yet, and he might as well humor the man. He picked up the clothes. "Where should I change?"

"Right in front of me is fine. We should learn to become comfortable around each other."

Light paused before continuing. He considered throwing the clothes down and storming out of the room. But then his father would surely hear of his reaction and make him return. No, it was better to put up with this now, and get it over with. Light slowly removed his clothes and folded them, glaring at Ryuzaki the whole time, then pulled on the soft t-shirt and shorts.

"Now what?"

Ryuzaki pointed to a corner of the room. "There are blocks and coloring books for you to play with. You may make use of them for as long as you like."

Light felt his eyebrow twitch. that was the therapy? What the hell...he wasn't a child. Light turned angrily. "I don't have time for this."

Ryuzaki reached out an grabbed his arm. "Then Light-kun would like to progress immediately to the next step of therapy?" he asked, eyes widening creepily.

Light calmed slightly at the mention of 'progressing' and 'next step'. "Yes."

"Very well," Ryuzaki said, still grasping Light's wrist, and pulled him into the next room.

It was a bedroom. "What kind of therapy is this, anyway?" Light snapped, starting to lose patience again.

Ryuzaki stared back at him, a wide-eyed innocent grin on his face. "Oh? I thought you'd already been informed of the type of therapy you were to receive," he said, so exaggerated that it was almost certainly a lie. "My apologies." He sat down on the bed and pulled Light into a sitting position next to him. "I've read through your case, and have decided that-"

"My case? What do you mean, 'my case'?" Light interrupted.

"Notes from your family and teachers. As I was saying, in your case, child regression and spanking therapy are most likely to be effective at helping you deal with your root causes of stress."

Light paled. He'd never heard of such a thing in his life, and now this crazy man was going to treat him like a child and spank him? Light stood. He'd ask his father about this. Surely he hadn't agreed. "I don't think this will be helpful," he said. "I'm going."

But before Light could move another step, Ryuzaki pulled on his arm and kicked at his feet, sending Light sprawling over his lap. "At least allow me to demonstrate first," he said, holding Light firmly down, then smacking his bottom.

Light struggled, but Ryuzaki had a firm grip on him and was stronger than he looked. A lot stronger than he looked. Light bit back a whimper and shifted, as Ryuzaki continued to relentlessly smack his ass.

"You're doing exceptionally well for you first time," Ryuzaki said, his voice low and soothing. "Don't hold it in, let your frustration out."

Light hissed and bucked as stinging slaps continued to rain down on his buttocks. It was starting to hurt, and he couldn't hold back the tears that began leaking out of the side of his eyes. He let out a soft sob.

"Good boy," Ryuzaki said increasing the tempo of his slapping. "You're doing so good."

Light writhed and turned as much as he could biting his lip. His butt was heating up from the spanking, and his cheeks were heating up with humiliation. He didn't want the added humiliation of crying in front of this weirdo.

"Come on, just a little bit longer, we're almost there," he said, encouraging Light with each blow he landed on his backside.

Light grabbed the bedcover in his hand and let out a choked sob. The pain was starting to become unbearable. And he was starting to not care as much what Ryuzaki thought of him. He sniffed and whined. "Please..."

"Very good, just a little while longer. You're making excellent progress."

Despite himself, the words were strangely comforting, contrasting sharply with the pain in his backside. Light let out a wail and tried to inch away from the punishing blows.

Ryuzaki re-adjusted Light's position on his lap and gave him a few extra-hard smacks in a row. "Very good, we're finishing up now," he crooned in Light's ear.

Then, just as suddenly as it had started, it was over, and Ryuzaki rolled Light off his lap and onto the bed. Light crawled towards the other side of the bed, clutched a pillow to his chest and sobbed.

Ryuzaki was right behind him, rubbing his shoulders soothingly. "You did excellent for your first time," he said. "I had other event planned today, but I imagine you probably need a nap first."

Light nodded hesitantly. There was no way he could leave the hotel room with a tear-stained face and dressed like a child. He'd just take...a few minutes or so to recover his composure, then he'd insist that Ryuzaki let him leave. Light hiccuped and sniffed as he clutched the pillow tighter. Ryuzaki finished with his shoulders and cuddled up behind him.

"It hurts," Light whimpered as Ryuzaki pressed a little too close to his heated backside.

"I know," Ryuzaki said and readjusted his position. "But it will make you feel better. Just wait and see."

Light drifted off to sleep with the weirdo nestled behind him. It was strangely relaxing and soothing.