A/N: This is supposedly a Mayuko/Hatori drabble, but this is how I feel right now. I was thinking of this when I was checking the peas for my mom for Christmas dinner (she's making it the day before Christmas Eve, for we're going to my uncle's house tomorrow, which takes 5 hours in a car…People think I'm going to Oregon or Montana when I'm telling them I'm spending 5 hours in a car. They don't seem to think it takes that long to go to a teeny little town in eastern Washington). My mind just sort of ran away with me…This is how I feel about someone, really. So listen to me open my heart to you disguised as a cute little drabble.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

First you meet them. You look him over. Nothing special. He is still somewhat handsome despite some of his more noticeable faults. Dark, very soft looking hair, tall, nice physique.

Soon you find yourself thinking more and more about him. Whenever you hear his name (or what sounds like his name) you think of him. When you meet him, you feel…happy…for a long time. Your heart feels like flying. You remember old crushes you had, where you would feel a rush of emotion whenever you saw them in the halls and you would feel like flying when you thought of them. You think of them all the time. This is…different, yet the same at the same time. The feeling lingers and it's not so much a rush of emotion as a steady flow. Even when you don't think of him and you haven't seen him in days (which is when you miss him terribly for some reason) you feel…

Happier than anything. Anything at all.

Eventually you start clinging to anything you can think of that gives you a chance to be near him. Whatever you have in common, whatever you do or own that draws him to you for just a little, you try and take with you everywhere. You don't want him to think that you are dependant on it, that you have no life outside of it, or that you always need him there in order to do anything with it, but you can't help it. You want him around as much as possible.

Soon, you realize, you've fallen in love. You can't get him out of your mind, no matter how hard you try. You start doing things and changing your route and your schedule just a little to "accidentally" bump into them as much as possible. You find yourself stealing glances at him when you can, happy you can be so close to him.

However, in your heart of hearts, you know you cannot have him. He belongs to your best friend. You could NEVER betray her, EVER. Even if they don't say it, you know. You know. You know and it kills you that you have to be so close to the one you love, yet so far away. It hurts you so badly inside, but at the same time you can't help it. You can't help it. You're falling in love.

Everything, even those obvious flaws, everything about him is beautiful. You love it all. You want it all. You hope, you hope dearly, even when you seriously want her happiness and especially his happiness most of all, you hope that, underneath it all, they'll break up, something will happen, and you can have him.

Something does. Something horrible.

Of course, you are still so loyal to your friend that you can't bear to move in on him. Even if she doesn't remember, you do, and you want the memory to live on. You don't care if you live on nothing but memories of what was and hoping that one day it will all change for the better, you don't even try to see him for two years out of loyalty.

Then one day he wanders into your family's bookstore and everything changes.

However, you still can't help it. You still convince yourself that it will never be, but for some reason unknown to you, you still try. It's the only thing you have left.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Wow, that was crap. Oh well. I'll post it anyway.