A/N: I was attempting to write an English paper on the Odyssey and this popped out. Stranger things have happened, I guess. Also, many thanks to the Projectile Amoeba for beta-ing this for me.

Disclaimer: I don't know why I put this here. It's not as if I have anything witty to say.

Count Down

Buffy glared at the television screen. Demons, she thought, definitely demons. One look was all it took. And the worst part was: they were going after children. This had to stop.

"Xander!" she hollered.

No response. She decided to try again.

"Xander!!"

Still no response. Buffy poked her head out the door and yelled down the hallway.

"XANDER!"

A moment later, a slightly out of breath Xander skidded around the corner. He slowed down as he approached, adjusting his eye patch and attempting to finger comb his hair back in place.

"Yes. Buffy," he gasped, "Do you mind? I was kinda busy."

Buffy gave him a Look.

"Xander, this is serious. Look, I need your ten best slayers on the double. I found a whole nest of demons… and they're attacking children."

Xander looked a little perplexed.

"Uhh.. Buffy, how did you find out about these demons? 'Cause, I mean, the psychics haven't picked up any demon activity…"

He didn't have time to finish as Buffy abruptly pulled him into the room.

"Look," she said, pointing at the TV, "Obviously demons."

Xander looked. Then, he checked to make sure his eyepatch was on the correct eye. Then, he tried desperately not to laugh.

"Buffy, that's Sesame Street," he said, as seriously as he could.

"They're obviously all demons. Have you ever seen a bird that big? And bright yellow?!"

"That's Big Bird," Xander fought hard for control.

"And the red blobby thing with the high voice. You can just see the evil spewing from it! And it seems to possess some sort of power that can bring drawings to life! Don't tell me that's not a demon!"

"That's Elmo," Xander couldn't believe he was having this conversation.

"And…and look!" Buffy pointed frantically at the screen, "They have a vampire! That's what I do. Slay vampires."

"The Count. Buffy, did you call me in here just to watch Sesame Street? Because, I gotta say, it's a bit of a waste of my time."

"B-but that vampire! They're conditioning children not to be afraid! All the four-year-olds of the world are going to grow up thinking that vampires teach them to count to twenty-three!"

"The Count only gets up to twenty," Xander couldn't believe that he'd just said that but, when Buffy didn't seem to notice, he plowed on with an exasperated sigh, "Anyways, Buffy, Sesame Street is a major broadcast show. I'm sure we'd hear something if it was suddenly run by demons."

Buffy wouldn't give up.

"But Smile Time was big and look what happened there!"

"Yes, that's true, " Xander felt like he was talking to four-year-old Buffy, "It's also true that we did a background check on all the other big kiddie shows. Buffy, there's nothing there."

Buffy turned back to the television and growled, "Oh, there's something there…and I'm gonna find out what."

Xander slowly backed out of the room, shutting the door carefully behind him. After laughing until he cried, he decided that he was going to have to find some real demons for Buffy to fight, before she declared war on the Teletubbies.

A/N: I must confess, I wrote this story because of my puppet-phobia. I'm absolutely terrified of puppets. I know Buffy feels the same way.