DISCLAIMER: Sadly I do not own Cirque du Freak or any of the characters though I would love to have my very own Larten Crepsley.
SUMMARY: Darren has a nightmare and Mr Crepsley comes to the rescue.
A/N: Set after the death of Sam. Italics are flashbacks.
TITLE: Nightmares
Nightmares
Bolting upright, Darren let out a shaky sigh and wiped some of the sweat from his forehead. Taking a few deep breaths, he untangled the bedcover which had now wrapped around his legs and quietly crept over to the window of the tent. Looking out, he realised that it was still dark and when he checked the time on his watch, he discovered that it was only one thirty. Silently heading out of the tent so as not to wake up Evra, he ambled over to Mr Crepsley's tent and hesitated, trying to decide whether to go inside or not. After a couple of minutes, he quietly went in and stood beside the coffin which stood in the centre of the dim tent.
Usually Mr Crepsley slept during the day and went out to feed or train Darren at night but they had both been through hell over the past few nights and Mr Crepsley had chosen to stay in his coffin instead. Darren kept having nightmares so had had hardly any sleep and whenever Crepsley tried to coax Darren into a little training, the half-vampire would complain that he wasn't in the mood or that he wanted to be left alone. This had made Crepsley incredibly frustrated and when Darren had told him that he would never understand, Mr Crepsley had told him to go it alone from now on.
Sighing, Darren thought back to the argument that had happened the previous evening.
"Darren?" Crepsley looked around the Cirque camp ground but there was no sign of the half-vampire. "Darren?" Sighing, he looked up at the sky and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He hadn't been sleeping much lately, worrying about his young assistant. He would never let Darren know that he had been staying awake worrying, he had vowed that he wouldn't let Darren see how much he cared but, despite his attempts not to, he had found that he cared more about him that he thought he would.
Darren hadn't been sleeping properly either, every time he closed his eyes he could see Sam's mangled body lying there…motionless and cold. Sam had been his best friend, he had wanted to join the Cirque and Darren still felt guilty; thinking that if he had told Sam the truth then he might still be alive now. "Darren?" He could hear Crepsley calling his name outside but tonight he really wasn't in the mood for training and so he rolled over and pulled his blanket up over his head; hoping that Crepsley would leave him alone. He was still rather surprised at the fact that Crepsley hadn't thought to check his tent, he usually waited outside the vampire's tent for him at night but on the rare occasion that he didn't, he waited in his own which he shared with Evra.
There was silence once again and Darren smiled slightly, he was going to be left in peace because his mentor hadn't got the brains to check his tent. "Silly old git."
"What was that Master Shan?" Bugger. Mr Crepsley had found him after all. Darren remained silent, hoping that if he ignored the vampire then he might go away but his plan failed. "Are you ignoring me Darren?" Darren said nothing and Crepsley let out an aggravated sigh. "Darren, I am talking to you." He still got no response. "If you want to act like a spoilt little brat Darren then…" He was cut off as Darren angrily sat up and glared at him.
"You have no idea what I'm going through!" Crepsley was somewhat taken by surprise by this and took a step back. "You have no idea what it's like being me!"
"Darren…" Crepsley tried to interrupt but his attempts failed miserably as Darren started to rant.
"I have just lost the best friend I had to that stupid wolf man and you made me drink his blood and now you stand there and call me the selfish one?" He let out a bitter chuckle. "Why don't you try taking a look in the mirror Larten?" The last few words were spat from his mouth as Crepsley's eyes widened in surprise. "I hate you, I always have and I always will!"
Although he hid it, the words hurt Crepsley more than he cared to admit. Darren was hard work and moody but deep down, Crepsley had developed some fatherly instincts towards the boy and it hurt knowing that Darren hated him. "Darren…" He once again tried to speak but was again cut off.
"No Crepsley, I am sick of listening to you! I am sick of being told what to do! You are not my dad…you'll never be my dad!"
Finally getting his way, Crepsley voiced his own opinions. "Yes Darren, I am not your father and I am not trying to be. I am the one who is teaching you how not to get yourself killed so if you do not want to listen to me then fine, go ahead…go and do this on your own and when you end up dead you will not be my problem anymore. As far as I am concerned you are nothing but a silly little boy." It proved more difficult saying that than Crepsley had thought but once he had, he regretted it. "I did not kill Sam, Master Shan so I suggest you stop taking out your anger on me and those around you and look at what you still have." With that, he turned and headed back to his own tent.
Crepsley's words had played over and over in his head and he had realised that he was right. It wasn't Crepsley's fault that Sam had died and he really did have the best intentions when he told him to drink Sam's blood. Taking a deep breath, Darren took a step closer to the coffin and knocked on it softly. He got no response so knocked again and took a step back when he heard a soft mumble and saw the lid rise. A sleepy looking Crepsley sat up and blinked before focusing on Darren and sighing. "Darren?"
"Umm, I was wondering if umm…well I mean…" He stuttered and stammered and then grew angry when he saw Crepsley's knowing smirk. "What's that look for?"
"I thought you did not need me Master Shan, you made it very clear that you did not appreciate my help." His voice remained neutral but his face was a mixture of contradictions; his eyes were sad and understanding, his eyebrows raised in question and his smirk said it all…I told you so.
"Look, I umm…I had a nightmare and…" Looking down at the floor he trailed off with a mumble.
"What was that?" His voice matched his eyes and had Darren not had strengthened hearing then he might have missed it.
"I said I had a nightmare…and I wondered if I could stay here with you." Crepsley let out a cold chuckle before looking seriously at Darren.
"No, you said it yourself I am not your father. You are a vampire now, you cannot go crying to mommy and daddy after having bad dreams anymore; I am sorry Darren but you need to grow up." With that, he closed the coffin lid again and tried to return to sleep. His hearing however, enabled him to hear Darren shuffling around but he was not prepared for what he heard next…sobbing. He listened again for a couple of minutes and heard Darren leave the tent so closed his eyes again and tried to doze off. After five minutes of trying, he found that sleeping was a lost cause as something stabbed at his chest…guilt. He was the closest thing that Darren had to a father now, Darren had needed him and he had pushed him away.
The truth was, at heart Darren was still that frightened little boy and behind the tough half-vampire façade, he needed Crepsley. He sought for his approval and wanted so much to make him proud but every time he tried, he seemed to mess up. Now he sat outside Crepsley's tent, silently sobbing into his hands and wishing that he could still crawl into bed with his parents; snuggle up to his mother and have his father tell him that he would make all the bad monsters go away but he knew that would never again happen. He thought back to what he had said to Crepsley…he hadn't meant it and although he could have used the excuse that he had good reason to hate him…he didn't. Crepsley did more for Darren than he got credit for and Darren knew that at times he could act like a spoilt brat…in truth they both did. "Why did I say that?" Whispering the question to no one in particular, he was shocked when he got an answer.
"Because you were angry." Turning, he watched as Mr Crepsley sat down on the grass beside him and sighed. "Because we both said some things that we umm…that we didn't mean." Crepsley reached up to scratch the back of his head and if the moment wasn't so serious, Darren would have laughed at the awkwardness that he knew Crepsley was experiencing. "Look Darren, I will never be your father and I cannot make all the bad dreams go away."
When Darren finally spoke up, his voice was soft and scared. "I know that…I just…sometimes I need someone to talk to and well, you are the closest thing I have to a father now…" Trailing off, he let out a frustrated sigh. Why had he just said that? Crepsley would really laugh at his weakness now.
"Why did you not tell me all of this sooner?" His voice wasn't angry or condescending, just confused.
"I thought that if I did…it would make me weak." He looked down at the floor, refusing to meet Crepsley's eyes for fear of what he would find there.
"Darren, weakness is nothing to be ashamed of from time to time. It is perfectly normal for a vampire as young as you to miss home and miss your family…I expect you to. You and I both know that I can never be your father but I am your mentor and…and I am your friend and if you need to talk about it to someone then that someone ought to be me." His voice was quiet and Darren could tell that Crepsley was finding this incredibly difficult. Vampires didn't show their feelings easily and they certainly didn't bond with each other to the extent of having father/son relationships.
"D…do you really mean that?" Darren's voice was filled with hope and Crepsley found himself nodding.
"I may not be your real father but I suppose it could not harm either of us for me to be there for you if you should need me." He coughed and cleared his throat before continuing. "So, do you want to tell me about this nightmare you have been having?"
Darren thought for a moment before nodding. "Every time I close my eyes, I see him." Crepsley remained silent, he knew that Darren was talking about Sam and didn't want to interrupt him. "I see his cold, lifeless body…he was so…" Trailing off, Darren took a deep breath. "I drank from him to keep his memory alive but I still miss him so much…it hurts you know and I know that I need to train or I'll never learn how to be a vampire but…" Blinking away a few tears, he shakily sighed. "It all seems so pointless now."
"Darren, I am going to tell you something now and I need you to listen to me carefully." It was Darren's turn to fall silent and he nodded. "Sam would not want you to die for him; he would want you to carry on and remember him but he would want you to remember the good times." Crepsley very rarely had to comfort people so assumed it would be difficult and was surprised to find that it came rather naturally to him. Pushing that thought aside however, he returned his attention to Darren. "If you blame yourself then you are going to kill yourself Darren."
"I know but I can't stop it." Even Crepsley had to strain to hear him but caught what he said and sadly nodded. "The dreams…I have to relive it every night Mr Crepsley." Darren glared aimlessly at a tree and Crepsley sighed before shuffling closer to his apprentice. Turning, Darren looked helplessly at his mentor; silently asking for guidance.
"I cannot tell you what to do Darren but I do know this…you need to grieve for Sam and then move on." Darren opened his mouth to speak but Crepsley continued regardless. "I know what I have said in the past about vampires not being very good at showing emotions but everyone needs to grieve for someone and if doing that for Sam will make you feel better then maybe you should."
"But how?"
Crepsley regarded him for a second before opening his mouth and saying, "Tell me." Confusion crossed Darren's face and Crepsley sighed. "Tell me about Sam."
Half an hour passed as Darren shared stories with Crepsley, stories of his, Sam and Evra's adventures. By the end of his recollections, he had started to cry and Mr Crepsley looked away. "Da…Darren d…do not do that. You know that I am not good with crying." Darren mumbled a half-hearted apology and buried his face in his hands, desperately trying to stop the tears from flowing. "Darren?" The half-vampire's shoulders shook and Crepsley mumbled something under his breath before wrapping an arm around Darren's shoulders. "I am sorry for your loss." He didn't know why he said it; it just seemed the right thing to say.
At first Darren said nothing and Crepsley worried that he had said the wrong thing but as he continued to stare ahead, he felt two slim arms wrap around his waist and a head rest on his chest before he heard the tiny voice. "Thank you."
Giving his shoulders a gentle squeeze, he pulled Darren in closer to him and hugged the boy close. "It umm…it will get easier, given time." Darren nodded and snivelled as Crepsley once again fell silent.
Another few minutes passed in a comfortable silence until Darren pulled back and looked up at the orange haired vampire next to him. "Thanks La…umm…Mr Crepsley." Crepsley simply nodded but said nothing.
When Darren pulled away and stood up however, he opened his mouth and before he could stop himself, the words tumbled from his mouth. "You know, I did not mean what I said yesterday." Darren raised an eyebrow and he continued. "You are not a spoilt little brat and although you have your moody moments, I am glad I chose you to be my assistant." Darren's eyes widened in surprise at the compliment and Crepsley let out a tiny chuckle but tried to disguise it as a cough. Nevertheless, Darren heard it and smiled back.
"I umm, I'm glad that I have you as a mentor." Crepsley smiled slightly before getting to his feet and placing a hand on Darren's shoulder. "I mean it Mr Crepsley."
"I know…so did I." Darren nodded and Crepsley gave his shoulder a final squeeze. "Do you feel any better now?"
Nodding, Darren's smile widened. "You know, I think I do."
"Good, in that case we can start training again tomorrow?" Darren nodded again and Crepsley smiled a more obvious smile this time. "Good, in that case I bid you goodnight Master Shan." He turned and was about to head back inside his tent when Darren called out to him. Wordlessly, he turned and raised one eyebrow.
"I know I said that you'll never be my dad…and you won't but…well…" Trailing off, he tried to work out how to say what he wanted to say. "Thank you for being like a dad to me."
Crepsley was going to laugh it off but when he realised that Darren was being serious, he decided not to. Even vampires could show emotion sometimes and before he knew what he was doing, his mouth had opened and he was saying, "Thank you for being like a son to me."
Once he had gotten over the initial shock, Darren smiled and simply said, "You're welcome."
"Will you be able to sleep now?" Darren nodded and Crepsley mirrored his reaction. "Very good and if you need me…well you know where to find me." Again Darren nodded and Crepsley turned before heading into his tent, calling a goodnight back over his shoulder as he went.
"Goodnight…dad." Darren smirked and waited for the response.
He wasn't let down as Crepsley shouted back, "Never call me that again Master Shan." Despite his words, he hid a grin as he closed his coffin lid.
Sneaking back into his own tent, Darren climbed back into bed and fell asleep with a smile on his face and pleasant dreams of a boy named Sam in his head.
A/N: Thanks for taking the time to read now you see that lonely looking review button, click it and let me know what you thought. Pretty please review and hopefully I shall have a new story for you soon. ^_^
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