Todd stole the disclaimer telling all of you that I do not own any X-Men Evolution characters. I just had this cute idea pop into my head one night.
Teaching Tolensky
Pietro walked into the house from the backyard. "Lance have you seen Toad?"
"No," Lance was sitting at the table eating some cereal. "Why?"
"I wanna do some one on one training with him," Pietro said.
"Why?" Lance asked. "What's the point?"
"Look if we are going to beat the X-Men we have to do better as a team," Pietro said. "And any team is only as good as it's weakest link. And let's face it, Toad is a pretty weak link."
"So you're going to fix him?" Lance asked.
"That's the plan," Pietro sighed.
"Oh I gotta watch this!" Lance chuckled as he got up and followed him. "So how are you going to accomplish this miracle?"
"Well I'm gonna try…" He walked into the living room and started at the sight before him. "Oh no…"
There was Todd with a half dozen garden gnomes. He was cleaning them up. "Now you are all gonna look nice and perfect!" He said happily.
"I thought we got rid of all those things!" Pietro groaned.
"Well you were wrong," Lance quipped. "Okay Toad what's the deal with all your little friends here?"
"I'm just cleaning them up," Todd said. "So they'll look nice and happy for Wanda when she comes back. I think she'll like them."
"Wanda?" Pietro blinked. "You're going to give my insane sister garden gnomes? Why?"
"Uh, trust me Pietro you really do not want to know the answer to that question," Lance groaned.
"Never mind," Pietro groaned. "Come on Toad I need you out back."
"Why?" Todd asked as he followed him.
"Training session," Pietro said. "Come on."
"So what are we gonna do this time?" Todd asked as he hopped behind Pietro. Lance followed at a distance.
"Not we, you," Pietro told him. There was some interesting equipment set up outside.
"Where did you get all this stuff yo?" Todd asked. "Your dad spring for it?"
"I kind of borrowed this stuff from various places last night," Pietro said.
"Where did you get the Burger Beaver statue?" Lance asked. "That place closed down a week ago!"
"It did?" Pietro asked. "Why?"
"Hey guys did you know there are a bunch of garden gnomes in the living room?" Fred walked up to them. "Hey it's the Burger Beaver! I loved that place."
"Not now Freddy," Lance said. "The Miracle Worker over here is trying to teach Toad some new tricks."
"Oh this I gotta see," Fred folded his arms.
"Now Toad we are going to do some simple exercises," Pietro motioned over to a set of hoops in the back yard. "Just a few little tricks we can practice."
"What do I look like? A dog yo?" Todd snapped.
"Well you both have fleas," Pietro grumbled as Todd scratched himself with his foot.
"I do not have fleas!" Todd snapped. "If I did I'd have eaten them already!"
The others made a face when Todd said this. "What?" He asked. "Fleas are actually quite tasty. And crunchy."
"Toad will you pay attention please?" Pietro groaned. "Just run around and jump through the hoops. This exercise will increase your reaction time. Any questions?"
"Yeah I got one," Todd said. "If a cow laughs, does milk come out of its nose?"
"WHAT?" Pietro yelled.
"You said any question," Todd defended himself.
"He has a point there," Lance said.
"You are not helping!" Pietro snapped at Lance.
"I have another question," Todd asked. "Why do croutons come in airtight packages. Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?"
"Well yeah but…" Pietro started to say.
"And you know how people say we were put on this earth to help others?" Todd asked. "Well then what are the others here for? And how do you know which group you are in?"
"I don't know!" Pietro sputtered. "But something tells me you are definitely in the latter category!"
"And you know Preparation H?" Todd scratched his head. "Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?"
"What the heck does that have to do with anything?" Pietro shouted.
"Nothing," Todd shrugged. "I just think of these things sometimes. They just pop into my head."
"I know what you're talking about," Lance said. "You mean things like if a tree falls on an X-Geek in the forest and nobody hears him being squashed does he make a sound?"
"Yeah like that," Todd nodded.
"Don't encourage him!" Pietro shouted.
"I have one," Fred said. "Why is Jean always Jean? Why doesn't she have a codename? What is she too good to have one? Why don't they make her have a codename? They did with all the others?"
"Yeah and why is Rogue always Rogue?" Todd asked. "Does she even have a real name? I mean who names their kid Rogue anyway?"
"That's one of the mysteries of the universe," Lance said.
"Hey!" Todd piped up. "Ever wonder what it says on Xavier's driver's license under 'hair color'?"
"Good one," Fred nodded. "But let me ask you this, does Nightcrawler and Beast use the same kind of shampoo for their fur and if they do, what kind is best for their fur?"
"Interesting," Lance nodded. "Anybody else wonder where the heck Xavier and Magneto get all the money for all the stuff they have?"
"All the time," Todd nodded. "But more importantly, if Magneto is hiding in a secret base how does he get his mail?"
"Does Wolverine polish his claws?" Lance asked. "And if he does what with?"
"Here's a real Zen question: What is the sound of an X-Geek banging his head against nothing?" Todd asked.
"Good question," Fred nodded. "If four out of five X-Geeks suffer from diarrhea, does that mean one of them enjoys it?"
"ALL RIGHT THAT'S ENOUGH!" Pietro shouted. "NO MORE STUPID QUESTIONS!"
"What makes a question a stupid question?" Todd asked. "It's obviously important to the person who asks it."
"SHUT UP!" Pietro snapped.
"You know ever since you took over as leader you've been really crabby," Todd pointed out. "Maybe you should take a nap or something?"
"Maybe you should just shut up and jump through those hoops!" Pietro snapped.
"You do it first!" Todd said. "It's only fair."
"Fine!" Pietro did so. "Okay! Happy? Now you do it!"
"Okay here goes," Todd went to the end and jumped through the first hoop. Unfortunately his foot got caught and he fell flat on his face, knocking down all the other hoops. The hoops fell on Lance.
"Toad you maniac!" Lance snapped as he tried to disentangle himself. "Look at what you did!"
"I'm okay," Todd said weakly.
"Hey if you don't need me for anything I'm going to take my new buddy up to my room," Fred picked up the Burger Beaver statue. "It will look perfect in my room." He walked away with it.
"I think I just figured out one mystery," Pietro grumbled as he held his head in his hands. "Why Mystique was always swallowing aspirin."