Standard A/N: I don't own Naruto, and no flames please.
He was the last of his clan, and that made him special. He had vowed revenge, and let himself get swallowed by a snake, and that made him even more special.
"Do you ever find if you say a word a lot, it loses its meaning?"
"Why would I sit around repeating a word?" Sasuke quirked an eyebrow.
"Because it means something to you. At first it's normal. Then, the word starts to sound real funny, and then it just stops making sense at all."
Sasuke turned his head to his feet, absently kicking pieces of gravel as they walked down the street.
"There are meanings of some words I'd like to forget."
Sasuke's stare stayed fixated on his feet, which were torn with bloodied scratches and pressed with bruises, signs that training had been good today.
Naruto glanced at his friend. It had been a year since his return to Konoha, a year since Jiraiya dealt Orochimaru his final blow, a year since Itachi escaped, once again, into the shadows of the Akatsuki. However, Sasuke was calm at the moment.
Sasuke wasn't calm upon his return to Konoha. The fight with Itachi left him in a week-long coma. When he awoke in the hospital room, the memory of Itachi's crimson eyes daring Sasuke to scream played on an endless reel in his mind. There's not much Sasuke could remember after that. He has vague recollections of women in white holding him down on a table. They fluttered in and out of the room like soft butterflies. They were angels holding sedatives, but there was one angel who stood out. She bent over him holding a syringe, her cropped pink hair falling into her face. Those eyes are familiar, Sasuke thought.
"Sasuke-kun. Please forgive me. This is for the best."
The needle disappeared into his skin. He winced and opened his mouth to scream, but found his vocal chords were too scarred to work.
Did Itachi finally send me to heaven? The thought melted almost as soon as it was born.
Naruto hadn't been at the hospital that day, but he talked to Sakura when she offered to change the bandages on his right arm, which had been torn to shreds by Orochimaru.
"It was horrible," her green eyes brightened with the threat of tears, "He screamed like he was being drawn and quartered. He thrashed about the same too. Exactly like if someone was tearing him limb from limb, and he were trying to escape."
She wiped her now wet cheeks on the back of her sleeve. Naruto pulled her close, careful not to disturb the handiwork of the fresh bandages.
"He'll get used to it all again, Sakura-chan. It'll take time, but things will be like old again."
"Will it really? He hasn't killed Itachi. All this work he did, all the things he left behind to do so, and you think it'll ever be the same?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because he's apart of us. That's all I need to know that he'll be okay."
He could feel Sakura smile into his shoulder. It was a smile, that he felt, was filled with as much doubt as it was hope.
The walk from the training grounds seemed to have grown a few miles from the week before, or awkward silences had the unfortunate ability to extend time. The silence between the boys had turned from still and uncomfortable, to grating and persistent. They soon arrived at the door to Naruto's apartment.
"Do you want some ramen?" Naruto asked, fishing for his keys in the sea of his pocket.
"That shit?"
"It's not shit! There's not a better meal out there!"
Sasuke scoffed. He actually didn't have a grudge against ramen, but he was looking for a way out of the invitation, afraid to go back on the promise he had made himself. It was three months ago that their liaisons had begun, and two months ago that Sasuke decided that they had to end. He hadn't planned to step foot into the tiny apartment again, nor had he planned on entering it to begin with.
For the first twelve months of Sasuke's readjustment period to Konoha, Tsunade ordered an escort with him at all times, that escort often being Naruto. Upon walking home one afternoon, a particularly bad thunderstorm had broken out. The two friends ran for the nearest cover, that being Naruto's apartment.
"Do you mind just staying here for the night? It's storming like hell out there, and I really don't want to have to go all the way to your house, then come back all the way here." He wrung out his jacket, milking puddles of water into the sink.
Sasuke slicked back his wet, tangled hair from his face, trying to find something to put into his field of vision other than the mass of black.
"Yes, I do mind actually, but as it is, I don't really have a choice but to stay." He gazed out the window, the thunder sounding like a gun, and the rain hitting the glass like bullets.
"Whatever. As long as I don't have to go back out in that. So, do you want some ramen?"
The night sauntered in like a feline. Naruto reclined on a chair, reveling in the comfort of the waning light. Sasuke lied on the couch, wishing he were in his own bed and in his own clothes, not much liking the bright pajama pants Naruto offered him until his own clothes dried. The apartment was distinctly Naruto. Empty ramen cups littered the place, there were rips in the furniture, and the walls were even orange.
"This is nice," Naruto grinned.
Sasuke stared at him dumbfoundedly. "What do you mean?"
"Well, normally I spend this part of the day alone. It's just kind of nice being with someone else for a change."
Distinctly Naruto, Sasuke thought, and Naruto is special. He had learned from Orochimaru that inside Naruto dwelt a demon of epic proportions. To be able to contain that and keep your sanity, that is special.
"Yeah, well, don't get used to it." Sasuke folded his hands under the back of his head.
"I'm glad you're back, Sasuke," Naruto nodded in his direction.
Sasuke pulled himself from the couch into a sitting position. "I wasn't aware that I did anything to make anyone feel that way."
Most in the village were very wary of Sasuke, as if he were the village leper. It was hard to miss the groups of people who, whenever he would venture outside the Uchiha estate, would stare at him as they hid their whispers behind their hands. And if, by chance, he got too close, they would scatter. Or if an ignorant child wandered too near to him, a worried mother would pull him back, saying in low whispers "evil" and "stay away." Sasuke figured that it didn't help that most of the time he was accompanied by Naruto. It did seem like most of the village had warmed to him, but Sasuke still figured they made quite a pair walking through the streets of Konoha. The last of the world's most elite ninja clan, tainted by darkness, walking beside a grinning container of a deadly demon.
"Just knowing you're back here safe, that's enough. I think that's all I really need to get by." Naruto's words captured his attention.
Sasuke locked eyes with his friend. 'Just knowing you're here.' When had he said that before? Sasuke didn't deny that they shared a bond. It wasn't the healthiest of bonds, being forged from the pain of loneliness and isolation, but glazed over with rivalry and friendship. As such, it was a bond most people didn't have, nor would they ever; and Sasuke figured, they were probably better people for it.
"Your clothes are probably dry now, let me go check." Naruto stood from his chair, shortly accompanied by a standing Sasuke.
"You've said that before."
Naruto, perplexed, responded, "No. No, I don't think I've said anything about your clothes."
"No, idiot, I mean you told me before that just knowing I'm here made things more bearable for you. It was a few years ago, when we fought."
Naruto nodded.
"And still," Sasuke continued, "after everything, after Orochimaru and everything I did when I was in Sound, after everything I left to do it, still you have those words to say."
"That's because after all that, you still haven't cut my ties, Sasuke," he approached his friend, smiling ear to ear, not sure what degree of facetiousness to put into his honesty. Not sure how close to Sasuke was too close. And certainly not sure how to react as Sasuke grabbed the sides of his face, and placed his mouth over his, catapulting his tongue into Naruto's mouth. In a haze of lust or shock, or something else that Naruto figured he'd contemplate later, he pushed Sasuke back onto the couch, sliding a hand inside his pants. Sasuke moaned, and not wanting to waste any time, clumsily removed Naruto's shirt. This is going too fast, Naruto thought. Though the thought didn't seem to have much of an effect, as he put his mouth on one of Sasuke's nipples, feeling his friend arch into the biting of his teeth. Naruto moved his hand from Sasuke's front to his back, and began to probe and prep.
"Wait."
Naruto removed his hand, as Sasuke slithered out of his pants. He laid underneath Naruto, naked. Naruto leaned back, taking in the full sight of a naked Sasuke, hesitant on what to do next, cautious that maybe they should slow down, but feeling his own length hardening nonetheless. Sasuke reached up and pulled Naruto down on to him again, thrusting his naked length into Naruto's clothed crotch. He let go of his neck, and laid his head back on the couch. Sasuke spread his legs, giving Naruto an invitation he couldn't ignore or turn down.
"Begin," Sasuke commanded. Naruto's mouth gaped a bit in surprise at his friend's seriousness. He dipped his head down, and licked from Sasuke's anus to his balls, then back again, with Sasuke purring in response.
"Naruto," Sasuke moaned, "give me your hand." Naruto placed his hand into Sasuke's, who moved it and placed two of the fingers in his mouth, and then began to suck and lick, getting them thoroughly wet. He pulled them out of his mouth. "Now, try again."
Naruto pulled back his hand, a blush creeping onto his cheeks. Why is this moving as fast as it is?
He bent his head down again, this time taking Sasuke's length into his mouth. He then pushed his two fingers inside of him. Sasuke bucked and moaned underneath, and instructed him on what to do and when to do it.
This is definitely going too fast, Naruto thought again, but when has anything with Sasuke ever been slow and easy?
It continued like this for a month. Sometimes after training, Naruto would offer Sasuke food or a drink, only to be crowded at the door by a Sasuke hungry for something else, something more. He would be pushed onto the nearest chair, couch, table, though sometimes their urges wouldn't allow them to go that far, and they would settle for the floor. Naruto let it happen, just as Sasuke let it happen when Naruto pulled him into his apartment, or upon returning Sasuke to his own home, pushed him into the door of the Uchiha estate. Each time was filled with a need that ached for control, or the want to lose control. It continued for a month, until one night Sasuke woke up with Naruto laying facing him, with his hand lightly touching Sasuke's arm, and he decided that it had to end, that the desperation in their touches to prove that the other one was there had become too much. Thus, Sasuke swore off Naruto's apartment without ever telling him. He only denied his friend the touches he once enjoyed, leaving a confused and hurt Naruto in the wake of the rejection.
Yet here he was regardless, sitting on a chair in the forbidden apartment, as a happy Naruto fixed instant ramen. Sasuke had figured that a bowl of ramen was a tiny price to pay if it meant satiating his friend's need for his company.
He placed the bowls on the counter, and took a seat next to Sasuke, eagerly slurping the noodles down his throat. Sasuke stared into his bowl, the contents swimming, and looking less appetizing by the passing second.
A week ago, Naruto had coaxed Sasuke into a dinner at Ichiraku's Ramen Stand. Naruto was ordered to accompany Sasuke from his meeting with the Hokage back to his home. Along the way, Naruto offered to treat him to ramen. As much as Sasuke didn't want to have a dinner date with Naruto, the rumbling in his stomach betrayed those feelings. The pair sat down, Naruto already delving his chopsticks into the bowl, and feverishly sucking the noodles. Sasuke managed a few bites before the thoughts that had crowded his mind for the past year took over his mind like a tsunami. He stared at his oblivious, hunger-stricken friend.
How could he be so happy when his world has a tendency to break over and over again? Sasuke cringed. How could I have let him bring me back? He interrupts my plans, he makes things confusing. It's him- his special way of doing things.
Sasuke's tsunami of thoughts finally flooded the shore, and escaped through his mouth.
"You should have never brought me back. You should've left me in Sound." Sasuke stared.
Naruto stopped mid-slurp. "What?"
He refused to break eye contact. "Itachi's still alive, you know. I don't sleep well because of it. Even after all I put myself through, the bastard's still alive." He clenched his jaw, trying to stifle a yell.
"Is that why," Naruto placed the chopsticks on the counter, "you've been so calm lately? I thought that maybe you were healing, and I thought that was great, even if it meant, um, other things had to quit. That hasn't been the case though. You haven't been healing, you've just been quietly stewing in your anger. I don't understand."
"Of course you don't. We may know the same loneliness, but you don't know the extent to which mine consumes."
"We can help, Sasuke! Me, Sakura, Kakashi. We can all help. We can take down Akatsuki and Itachi together."
"No! It doesn't work that way! This is my burden," he growled, shooting a menacing glance at Naruto.
"Why? Why is it your burden alone? What's wrong with having your friends help you? You're apart of us. You're apart of me. Your burden is mine too, no matter how much you want to pretend that that's not the case."
Naruto pushed the bowl away, not feeling very hungry anymore.
"You speak of ties…" Sasuke began.
"I speak of love, Sasuke. It may not be enough for you, but it's enough for me. It's enough for me to risk everything to have you here right now. You're very special to me."
A bond forged from loneliness, Sasuke pondered, wondering why so much power comes from that.
He cut his eyes to the boy beside him, whose stare barely concealed the fury underneath. It was only weeks before in which he had held Naruto on his lap, and buried himself to the hilt inside of him. The feeling of Naruto shaking, and his moaning of Sasuke's name, the clasping of the tight muscles around his member, the hot tongue in his mouth, and his own lips pressed against the hard chest. It had all been heaven to Sasuke. It had brought him a needed release- a moment's peace from the circus in his mind.
"It's best not to talk about this."
"I just want you to understand," Naruto pulled the bowl to him, reclaiming his appetite. "Your friendship holds me together."
Sasuke winced. Such a blanketed admission from his friend was emotional nakedness. He had seen Naruto stripped of his clothes, and held him close in that state. Is that what he was supposed to do now? His friend sat there emotionally naked. Should he hold him close at this moment? Should he say something? Is there anything he could say?
Sasuke chose silence. Words make things more complicated, he figured, so quiet is best. The rest of the dinner was silent, as was the walk home.
The next week had passed in relative peacefulness, if not a peacefulness tainted with the awkwardness of unsaid words. Regardless, it was a peace that both boys welcomed. It kept them from the bigger issues that surrounded their relationship. The questions that neither was willing to ask just yet, for fear of the realization of just how far away they were from the answers.
So they sat in Naruto's kitchen now, silently swallowing hordes of noodles, as if continuing the silent end of the previous week's ramen dinner. Your friendship holds me together; Sasuke repeated this in his head, the words crawling like spiders in his mind.
Sasuke glanced at Naruto from the corners of his eyes, noting the placid look on his face as he chomped on his ramen, and stared blankly at the messy stove in front of him.
"I hold you together."
"What?" He turned, noodles dangling at the corners of his mouth.
"That's what you said last week."
He nodded, slowly sucking up the dangling noodles. "Yes, yes I did. You have a knack for bringing up stuff I say long after I've said it, and then understanding what I meant. Is that a trait special to the Uchiha bloodline?"
Sasuke scowled, "Idiot."
"I call it as I see it."
Sasuke sighed and edged the irritability out of his voice. "Naruto, your friendship is why I let you take me back. It's why I haven't gone back."
"I keep you from going back to pursuing Itachi?"
"From pursuing Itachi, from being in darkness. Take your pick."
Naruto's eyes moistened slightly, an observation which did not go unnoticed by Sasuke. "I keep you here. After all this time, you've decided that. That's okay though, just as long as you stay."
Sasuke lowered his eyes. Is this how Naruto felt when, a week ago, he had sat completely stripped of any emotional mask? It was like a perfect second skin had been peeled away, and you sat with your tattered and burned, but real skin on display for voyeuristic eyes.
"Sometimes I wish I didn't have this tie, because then I could pursue Itachi at my own discretion. But, I do. You're like me, and maybe you're also the person I could've been had I lived a better life. And after all this, after everything, I think you hold me together too."
Naruto smiled. He placed his hand on the back of Sasuke's neck, pulling him into a kiss. Sasuke opened his mouth in response, caressing his tongue against Naruto's. It was gentle at first, gentle with a sweetness that seemed almost bitter to Sasuke. He snaked his hands around Naruto's waist, and pulled him from the chair so that he straddled his waist. He moved his mouth to Naruto's neck, sucking and biting, and eliciting soft moans from the boy writhing on his lap. He placed his hands on his hips. He steadied them, as he began to massage the area where his hip bones were. Naruto nuzzled Sasuke's neck.
"Stay the night." There was a whimper in Naruto's beg.
"Anything."
Anything, Sasuke thought, because you're too special not to love.