AN: Okeedokee, I wrote this for fun? So please don't read and then leave some review being all "the characterization was flawed hya and hya, and there seems to be a grammar error blah blah." I mean I tried to make it semi-decent but for fuck's sake it's DIGIMON FANFIC don't take it so seriously. Also there's much to be offended by, so uh…this fic contains much sex and due to its content should not be read by anyone. (Sorry for OOCness, wangst, and…everything else. Thank you for reading, anyway.

--

Tai felt mildly on top of the world. Like he'd picked a nasty scab to find it'd healed completely, or he'd won a fight he'd picked without thinking he could—which was sort of what he did, if you wanted to get especially metaphorical. It was a grey day, cold for summer, but he couldn't have found it prettier. He was just in that kind of mood.

He knocked on the door to Matt's apartment before letting himself in, to warn any naked people in the living room, which there had yet to be any of, though he was always prepared. It was charmingly messy, as per usual, and he had to lift his legs high to step over a pile of pillows in the entryway, before stooping to tug off his sneakers. The TV was blasting, TK asleep on the couch, a melting Popsicle in his lolling hand. It had melted off the stick, down his wrist, and onto the hardwood floor, while he drooled sticky rainbow rivulets onto his chest. Knowing he didn't have to clean it up made it adorable. TK was always adorable.

"Matt?" He spoke, not daring to yell for fear of waking TK, but not bothering to whisper, considering the screaming of the TV wasn't doing the job, so he wasn't likely to, either.

"I'm in the kitchen!"

It took a certain amount of hopping to get past the living room and to the source of the voice. Matt was at the stove, playing with something in a frying pan, wearing his stupid pink apron. Even the stupid, stupid apron seemed absolutely charming to Tai right then.

"Just making some lunch. Want some?"

"Sure, thanks." He supported himself on the table as he lowered his butt into a chair.

"So what's up?"

"What makes you think something's up?" Too loud.

"Uh…I was just asking in general, but now I definitely think something's up.…" There was a smile in his voice. Tai figured he could change the subject without much difficulty.

"TK made a mess."

"What, again!? God damnit, he's only been here a week and every day he's made a huge mess!" Matt dropped the spatula into the frying pan and stomped out of the room in his ridiculously stupid apron, Tai turning uncomfortably at the waist to watch him. He listened to the sound of Matt yelling, TK waking up and mumbling incoherently, more yelling, TK yelling, and the both of them returning, surprisingly cheerfully. TK gave him a wry smile as he dug a wet washcloth out of the sink, briefly rubbed the polychromatic smears from his face, one-eightied, and marched high-spiritedly back out.

"So you didn't answer me." He shouldn't have let Matt out of his sight. From behind, two hands clenched his face, jerking his chin up to look into Matt's curious blue eyes, trapping him in his chair.

"Don't, lemme go!" He grabbed Matt's elbow and tried to tug his hand away, to no avail.

"Not until you tell me!"

"It's nothing interesting—your spatula's melting."

Matt squeezed harder for a second before registering. He skittered to the stove, where in fact the plastic spatula he had left resting in the hissing pan had, unsurprisingly, melted somewhat around the handle. "Ahh shit—no, it looks okay. It's just a little dented." He pulled it out to show Tai, thin strings of liquid plastic stretching and breaking. There was a blistered chunk missing from the middle of the handle.

"It got in the food, didn't it?"

He had to look. "Not a lot."

"It smells like…burning plastic."

"What did you expect?"

"I like my food to smell like food."

Matt ignored him, setting about retrieving dishware. He had the same demeanor with small chores that he did with cooking—fast, efficient, and sloppy. The stack of plates amazingly didn't break as he dropped them from an inch off the table, and he at least bothered to wipe off the mass of lunch debris he missed getting onto them.

"TK, food!"

"I ate!"

"Half a Popsicle isn't lunch!"

"Okay!"

Tai shoveled a forkful into his mouth and chewed slowly while trying to turn off his tongue.

"So, no grabbing your face, but tell me what happened."

"Why does it interest you so much?"

"If you shut your mouth about something, I know it's gonna be interesting." He strangely seemed to be enjoying his own cooking. TK wandered in, rubbing his eye, the post-nap fatigue apparently having settled on him. He free-shot the washcloth into the sink and plopped down in one of the empty chairs on his coccyx, glaring down at his meal. He had been living with his brother and dad long enough to understand not to get his hopes up about homemade food.

"Tai's keeping secrets?"

"Don't worry about it, TK."

"You don't worry about it, Matt."

"There's something hard in my food."

"You just came from Sora's, didn't you? You didn't…"

"Huh? No! God no!"

TK was sucking on his fork, wide eyes flicking from Matt to Tai with the turns of the conversation.

"So if I called Sora…"

"She wouldn't tell you anything either. Seriously, let it go. I'll tell you when I feel like it."

"Fine. I think this needs salt. You guys want salt?"

"Yes!"

.

--

The first raindrops were falling as Matt and Tai positioned themselves on the couch. Tai had believed it would be comfortable to lie with his legs over the back and his back on the seat, looking at the screen upside-down, and while it was, he couldn't play the game with the controls reversed—however, Matt had watched him warily as he had shimmied himself there, and he couldn't allow him to see his plans fail so miserably. So he instead allowed Matt to believe he adored steering his car off the track and into the gaping pits.

"You're not very good at this."

"I adore falling into pits."

"All of the computers have lapped you."

"It's not whether you win or lose—"

"Shh."

He did. Just over the sound of the rain, he could hear the sound of a siren from miles away—not the whooping police sirens, but a slow, creepy one.

"Is that the tornado siren?"

"Hurricane."

"How do you know the difference?'

Matt found the remote, switching the TV onto the local news channel.

"Hey, you made me fall into a pit."

The screen was solid blue, with blocky, white letters spelling out "HURRICANE WARNING" above a ticker listing areas in danger. Theirs passed.

"I hope my dad can get home before it hits…"

"It's just a warning." Tai yawned. "We get these every summer."

"Yeah, I guess." He distractedly switched it back to the video channel before turning over his shoulder to shout in the direction of the bedrooms. "TK! There's a hurricane warning!"

"Great!"

When Matt turned back, he was scowling. Tai wasn't especially concerned. While he knew that TK and Matt were freakishly in love, much like he knew water was wet and air was dry, unless there was water in it, he also knew that they weren't quite accustomed to living with one another yet. Fighting for survival in the digital world together was one thing—cleaning up after each other and sharing a toilet was another. Just for that summer, it had been decided Matt and TK would live together, alternating between their mom's and dad's every two weeks. Matt had told Tai quietly that their dad had been forced into action when he mistakenly told a new coworker he had one son, only realizing the mistake he'd made much later.

The phone rang after a while. Matt hopped over the back of the couch to get it, which Tai didn't want to admit he found incredibly graceful. He wandered like a girl while he had a short conversation.

"My dad's staying with a friend near the station." He put the phone back in its cradle. "Apparently a bunch of roads are flooded. Maybe you should stay; call your mom before the phones die." When he sat back down, he was closer.

"Oh, it's that bad?" He threw down the controller without pausing to scamper on his hands and knees to the sliding door leading to the balcony. The sky was unusually bright blue for how dark it looked in the city—the rain was cutting in sheets parallel to the ground between the apartment and the next building over. "Shee-yit!"

"Yeah. Call."

"Yessir."

--

Shit.

Shee-yit.

Matt had showered while Tai flipped through his comic books on his bed. He hadn't thought it through, really. He hadn't thought about when Matt came back, and he was in just a towel and wet, or about how only guys lived in the apartment, so they would have the short towels that only cover your waist instead of the kind long enough for girls to cover all their parts with.

"Sorry, hope I didn't take too long."

"Nooo…" He breathed too much.

Matt held the towel with one arm as he dug through his drawer. His arms had light muscle tone, just little shallow hills below his shoulder, pecs rising barely above his ribcage rising barely above his stomach, hip bones and a soft bump below his belly button, curved calves and flat feet. He found a pair of boxer shorts, and did the most amazing thing Tai had ever seen—holding the towel in the one hand still, he stepped into them, pulled them up over one hip under the towel, and dropped it. He saw fuzz and the side of his ass before he hiked up the other. He got a small crease under his ribs as he bent to find more clothes.

"I should tell you what I told Sora."

"Wh—oh! Yeah, do that." He'd found a black T-shirt, and wriggled his way into it. "Real quick, do you want to borrow something to sleep in?"

"Um…no, I can just sleep in my shorts and shirt. Anyway. I don't want you to freak out."

"I won't."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"No matter what?"

"Tai."

"Okay. Don't sit here, sit over there."

He lifted himself obediently off the bed to sit cross-legged on the floor. "This is big, huh?"

"I only told Sora first because I've known her longest. I'm going to tell everyone eventually. Oh, I told Kari first-est."

"Tai, come on!"

"Okay, it's really not a big deal at all, it doesn't change anything—okay, okay!" He decided to do it like a band-aid. "I like guys."

Matt stared at him blankly for a second, his lips just slightly open with his teeth closed. And then his eyebrows slowly rose, his face gradually glowing red. Tai couldn't quite read it. "You're gay?"

"Well, yeah. You said you wouldn't freak out."

"I'm not! It's—it's just a little—surprising—is all—for how long?" He was leaning forward. His face had stopped changing color, simply because it could not get any redder.

"What do you mean, how long? How long have you been straight?"

Matt looked at the ground, which was puzzling.

"It doesn't matter at all—I mean, nothing's gonna change—well, I'm not gonna change—you don't have to act any different—" Telling girls he was not likely to have sex with them was different than telling guys he may or may not possibly desire to have sex with them at some point in the future. Especially when he already sort of—

Umm.

"I'm not going to, I just mean—I didn't expect that. At all."

"Yeah, well."

Awkward silence. He didn't know where to put his eyes.

"So like…who?"

"Who?"

"Who are you gay for?"

"I'm gay for me." Another awkward silence. "I—I don't mean like that—I'm just gay, I like guys in general—I mean, I don't like all guys, I j—"

"Yeah, I get it. But you don't like anyone?" He cocked his head. It was pretty cute. He was back to his original, slightly pale color, and looking at him, he might've just asked if Tai liked coke or pepsi.

"It's a bit fast to start talking about that."

"For you or for me? Because I'm over it."

"No way."

He nodded. "Come on. You've got to like someone, or else what's the point in coming out?"

That was actually just such a ridiculous deduction that Tai was stunned into silence, and then had to grapple for the proper reaction to express how preposterously disconnected the two thoughts were, but Matt took his silence differently.

He transitioned from Indian-style position on the floor to leaping-like-a-tiger-to-tackle-Tai position the way someone might've gone between the standing position and the falling position, catching him completely off guard so that rather than reacting with his arms thrust forward to push him back, he only jerked his elbows slightly, and within less than a second was on his back on the bed with Matt's hands on either side of his shoulders.

"Tell me!"

"Why do you have to know everything all of a sudden!?"

"Why are you so secretive all of a sudden!?"

Thunder cracked. The interior of the house shivered, making the both of them freeze for a second while the sound rolled over them. It lasted for nearly ten seconds before there was a soft click, and the lights went out.

"Power went out."

"Thanks, Tai."

It was too dark to horse around. They had a brief time out while their eyes adjusted, Matt tainting it by whispering, "—" inhaling, and whispering, "tellmetellmetellmetellme."

"I didn't even say there was anyone yet."

"Izzy."

"No!"

"Joe."

"No!"

"Angemon."

"What."

Matt sat down. It was still too dark to see, so Tai couldn't quite tell if he was sitting down in the spot most directly under him because he legs were getting tired, or purposely placing his ass on his crotch and straddling him.

"Older or younger?"

"No."

"Same age?"

"That's not what I meant."

"Play soccer with him?"

"I'm just going to keep saying no. Get off me."

"Your age, doesn't play soccer—"

"Will you listen to me!? I'm not playing around here!"

"What's that? Are you pointing at me?" Matt ground his butt down onto Tai's hopelessly hard dick. Although it wasn't the reaction he'd feared, it wasn't one he wanted, either.

"Stop it, Matt! I mean it! Get off!"

"You sure?" Waves of pressure and ecstasy flowed slowly speedily from their points of contact outward. He felt like if someone cut his forehead, it'd spurt blood for half a mile.

"What the fuck are you trying do!?" He wanted to scream something about doing him or not, but if not, getting the hell off his god damned disco stick so he could go jack off until he burst into flames, but he figured that might be in bad taste.

Matt clapped a hand loosely over his mouth, more for effect than to actually forcibly shut him up. "Don't wake up TK."

Tai lay limp for a moment, his mind having rolled over from the sheer amount of stress, panic, rage, and boner, into a mildly depressed state of apathy. Matt waited patiently for something fun to happen.

He was rewarded when Tai snapped back to life, head-butting him, which worked out in dazing Matt enough that he staggered back, landing in a pile of vertigo over the edge of the mattress, but at the same time did not quite work out, in that his own skull might've completely opened for all he could tell. He couldn't see blood, and he couldn't seem find his head with his hand, so he tried to remain optimistic.

Lightning lit up the room briefly in sharp black on white. Once it disappeared, all he could see was a wall of sparkling light, as the thunder deafened them.

"It's right over us."

"Are you bleeding?"

"No. You?"

"I can't tell."

An open palm smacked against his knee, his stomach, and then his face. He heard Matt breathing above him as he pressed gently against various points on his head. When he sucked in breath, Matt stopped, and touched at the tender spot. "S'just a bump."

"Oh. Good."

He aimed a fist blindly into the dark. Although the ideal would've been to hit Matt in the shoulder or chest, he instead felt the thin bones and gentle slope of his throat, which made him feel guilty enough to not try again, but not enough to apologize. Matt made a small gasping noise, which at first horrified Tai into thinking he'd severely hurt him, before he recognized it as it was—a laugh.

Matt was on him again, grabbing him by the shoulders and throwing him roughly to the ground, where he jammed his knee into his stomach. Tai kicked reflexively, Matt managing to avoid most of by lifting his torso slightly, but when he refused to lower his foot from the peak of the arc, he had to do an awkward handstand over Tai and half onto the bed. He fell, obviously, back onto Tai, and Tai, obviously, shoved him off.

They lay side by side, panting. Matt was giggling almost deliriously.

"It's funny how things sometimes work out so great."

Because it was incomprehensible, Tai ignored it, and moved on. "A boner isn't permission, you fuck."

Matt ignored him in turn. Their voices could have been in different rooms, while their bodies were painfully side-by-side. The hand that'd felt for a bump on his forehead touched his belly, slid under his shirt, and rubbed at the soft pocket of fat there. He felt like a faggot as he sucked it in. He was too conscious of his shape. He wasn't fat, but he should've been thinner; he wasn't scrawny, but he should've had more muscle; he wasn't ugly, but he should've been cuter. He jerked his hips up to hump at his hand with his stomach, because he didn't quite know what else to do.

"It's me, isn't it?"

"I never said there was anyone."

The hand left.

"Yeah, yeah, it's you."

Matt sat on his legs. He was getting used to the dark—the slightest glow from the window showed a faint Matt-shaped outline on one side, enough that he could tell from more than just the shifting weight that he was leaning down into his face.

"I haven't brushed my teeth since this morning."

Tai closed the gap between their mouths, missing just a little, jerking his chin up to properly line up their lips. Matt's mouth felt weird, and soft, and wet, his teeth were straight from the front but jagged on top. He could feel knotted scars from where he'd bitten at the inside of his cheeks, and he licked along them, until Matt jammed his tongue back with his own—too deep. It tasted like milk and spit, which he wouldn't exactly want to drink a glass of, but which seemed overwhelmingly wonderful right then.

"Oh—" The motion of his mouth unlocked them. Tai was beginning to reach his frustration limit, and didn't bother to hide his glare as Matt pulled back. "We don't…we don't have to do it right now."

"Yes, we do."

"I'm just making a disclaimer here. If you want some time, I'm willing to wait—"

"We absolutely have to do it right fucking now, Ishida."

He laughed again. "Yessir." Tai listened to him pulling his shirt off over his head, and when felt him grab the hem of his own shirt, he lifted his arms, feeling like a little kid. Darkness suddenly became his number one complaint about the workings of life. Apparently Matt felt the same—he lay flat over him, chest on chest, and forehead on forehead. Embarrassingly, Tai was panting—he felt the Braille of his nipples, the hard ridge of his collar bone, and soft and yielding and warm of the kind he'd only felt in fights and accidents for the past few years. Matt's hands were between them. He was fingering at his button—it popped out. When he tugged down, his underwear came too, until his ass was lying vulnerably on the hardwood. Matt had a slightly awkward time getting off his own boxers without standing up, but he managed. He heard an annoyed clucking sound, and then Matt did stand—Tai was horrified at exactly why, until he heard the soft pad of feet and the sound of the nightstand drawer opening.

"I don't know what I have…" Rustling noises, hard objects clicking together. Tai sat up on his elbows. "Umm, oh, here we go." The squelching sound of a semi-liquid being squeezed out of a small hole. Matt hit the ground hard on his knees, dropping the soft bottle carelessly on the ground. The hand that wasn't full of whatever the other hand was full of suddenly gripped his dick fully—no teasing here—and gave a few pumps, forcing Tai to think of anything but where he was and what he was doing. If he finished now, he was sure he'd have to kill himself. The other hand was reaching between his legs and under him, and a few fingers poked into his butt.

"Hey—no."

"No?"

He gently pushed Matt back. He could almost hear Matt's lip quivering, until he caught on, and stopped scooting back, and started leaning back. The shoulder under his hand shrugged, and the hand job hand grabbed his wrist so its mate could slop what Tai was pretty sure was lotion into his palm.

He used one hand to push on the back of his thigh, more for his own support than to keep it up, and with the other, he shoved four fingers into the hot interior of Matt. The muscular walls pushed at his hand, too tight for him to go further than a little bit. Matt was jerking under him.

"Too fast."

"Oh, sorry." He started over. Finger, two fingers, sliding them in and out, and three. How much was necessary? He didn't want to hurt him, but he didn't want to go to long and have to be told to get on with it. He bit his lip. Well. "Ready?"

Matt reached an arm around him to put a hand on the small of his back, manually pushing them together.

Once he was in, his only thought was to not give in too fast. It was like scratching an itch had a baby with scoring a goal in soccer, had a baby with cake, had a baby with God, had a baby with jacking off, and that baby had a baby with God again. Tai wondered if the sex was making him think this way, or if he always thought this stupidly and the sex was just making him realize.

"Okay, you can speed up."

He wanted to impress Matt, blow his mind, make him gasp and beg, somehow beat him, like it was a competition, but he had a suspicion he wasn't very good. If he was good he wouldn't be needing directions. He had no idea if his dick was a good size. He didn't know how tight it should feel. It felt fucking euphoric for him, but if it wasn't good for Matt, he didn't even want to. Well. Barely even wanted to.

Matt gave a little whimper. He started to ask if that was a hurt whimper or a happy whimper, but either sounded a bit self-satisfied. He pawed at Matt's cock, trying to find a rhythm, trying to figure out if he should be doing something fancy, or just masturbating at a different angle. Matt whimpered again, so he kept doing what he was doing.

When Matt lifted his hips off the floor to buck against him, he knew he was doing all right. The confidence definitely helped. He plunged in deep, and, finally, heard Matt give a muffled cry—he'd put his own hand over his mouth—and shoot come onto his belly. Tai was doing a touchdown booty dance in his head. He made it. He came so hard Matt yelped.

There was a squelching sound when he pulled out, which he hadn't expected. He'd been aiming to pass out beside Matt, but his arms looped around his back, and he instead fell like a corpse on top of him. The jizz on his stomach squished between them, and their burning cheeks pushed together.

"That was grawesome. Awesome. Great." The tiny Tai booty dancing in his head stopped to fix him with a disgusted look.

"I love you."

It wasn't said like it was anything new, or important, because it wasn't. It went without saying that Matt and Tai loved each other, like how it went without saying that any member of the Digidestined loved any other member of the Digidestined. However, like hot soup when it snowed, it was something that was normally pretty nice that was inexpressibly wonderful when partaken in at the right time. Tai nuzzled against him in reply.

"We should, ah, we should probably get cleaned up and dressed and junk—I don't want anyone to walk in on us…in a naked jizzy pile."

"Why not?"

Matt laughed more than he should've. He sighed, heaved himself to his feet, and stood over Tai, who never wanted to leave that jizzy naked pile. The rain was still thudding down over them.

"Um…Matt? This is really stupid of me to ask, you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but uh…did I do good?" He sat up.

Mysterious silence. Something was pushing against his mouth. Matt's fingers. He parted his lips slightly, again feeling like a baby, as Matt hand-fed him semen. It tasted gross, but he still sucked at it to be sure none was caught under his nails.

"There's your answer, champ. C'mon, it's gonna be hard to find your pants in the dark, I sort of threw them."

--

They had fallen asleep desperately tangled into one another. Tai hoped the afterglow would last until the afternoon, but once he left his dream and remembered the events of the day before, he realized he had wrapped his arms and legs around a pillow, and he was alone in the bed. Deciding between being warm under the blankets and being cold on Matt was more difficult than it should have been.

He found him on the couch, knees up to his chest, watching the news. Tai'd forgotten about the hurricane, or the power outage. Matt smiled vaguely at him as he sat down with their hips against each other and leaned his head on his shoulder.

"My dad's gonna be back this afternoon. A lot of the low roads are still closed, from the flooding, but they're probably going to be cleared by later today. They're not even counting it as a hurricane, it was just a really bad storm. No one died or anything. You live uphill, so you could probably get home any time you wanted, not that I want you to. TK's asleep in my dad's room. You hungry?"

"Mm." He snuggled into him.

Matt didn't respond, either by saying anything or reciprocating the snuggle. Tai was concerned.

"Matt, we're…together now, right? I mean, that wasn't just a one-time…"

Apparently he sounded more pathetic than he'd meant to, because Matt snapped back, wide-eyed, waving his hands furiously in front of him. "Oh yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah! No, no, we're definitely together, it's just, um." He moved so that they were facing each other. "Could we…keep this between us?

Tai stared blankly.

"Look, think about it. What would your parents do if they found out?"

As usual, he heard "parents" and thought of his mom. She'd be shocked, and slowly become uncomfortable yet apathetic toward it. Not great, but not bad enough for him to want to hide it from her. And then he thought of his dad, who would likely to get drunk and beat his gay ass.

"Oh. I guess he'd kill me."

"My dad, too."

"What? Your dad's so nice."

"Yeah, but this is sort of a touchy subject. It would just be easier if we were like, secret together, alright?"

"Um…okay. I guess that's cool."

"And especially don't tell TK, alright?"

"Why not? Don't tell me it's touchy for TK, too."

"No, it's just TK's so transparent, you know? If he knows, my dad'll know in about a second, and then your dad will know and it's just a whole lot easier to keep it quiet altogether."

Tai actually did not know that TK was especially transparent, probably more opaque then Tai himself, although he figured that maybe it was a sort of brother thing. And if TK was transparent to Matt, he was likely transparent to the rest of their family, as well. He nodded agreeably. As long as Matt was happy, he could learn to be, too.

"And Mimi texted me this morning to tell me Sora told her you told Sora you were gay."

"GOD DAMNIT SORA AND MIMI."

--

"Hell-ooo, Mimi speaking!"

"Mimi! Why are you telling everyone about—about you-know!?"

"Hi Tai! Well, cuz it's just so cute!"

"How is me being gay cute?"

"How are puppies cute? It just is. Oh I have got to introduce you to a few people, they'll just love you."

"Well—stop it! I want to tell people myself!"

"Why?"

"Why? Because I do, that's why! I want to be sure I tell them right!"

"Oh, don't be such a drama queen. (It's just a phrase.) It's not big deal to anyone."

"Who all have you told?"

"Izzy, Matt, Joe…well, just the boys. I assumed Kari would already know."

"Mimi."

"Alright, I'll stop!"

"What did everyone say?"

"Oh, you know. Izzy said it was prodigious or something, he seemed distracted, you know Izzy, Matt said I should stop talking about you behind your back, puh-lease, and Joe said more girls for him or something. Nobody understands how cute it is."

"Because it isn't cute. Stop being so condescending."

"It's not condescending, it's loving! You're like a baby brother to me, Tai—"

"I'm eighteen months older than you!"

"—And frankly, I'm surprised at you for not telling the others and me. We're a family, and families don't keep secrets like this!"

"Of course they do!"

"Not our family."

"I was going to tell everyone eventually, I just got sidetracked last night."

"…Really."

"Oh shut up, Mimi."

"Hmph. I'm sorry I tried to help you be less of a secretive jerk."

"And I'm sorry I don't fill you in on every minor thought and detail the moment it pops into my head."

"Fair enough. Tee-tee-why-el, have a nice day, love!" Click.

--

He cocked the phone back in the cradle.

"Mimi's cute. I hate her."

"She is cute, and you don't hate her."

Matt was sitting in front of the sliding glass door, watching the slow rain. The porch above them was leaking onto theirs in mini waterfalls, splashing loudly on the cement. Assumedly theirs was doing the same to the apartment below. This made up most of the sound of rain they'd been hearing. It was only sprinkling. Although the storm had passed, it was still lugubrious out.

"What time is it?"

"About one."

"And TK's still asleep? He went to bed at like, eight."

Matt sat back somewhat ponderously. He got up on his haunches, and then pushed himself into an easy jog toward the bedrooms.

Tai pressed his hands against the cold glass, feeling goose bumps spread down the backs of his arms. He, strangely, didn't miss his virginity. He didn't feel any more mature or worldly. The only change he felt was knowing that he wouldn't have to be blustered and embarrassed if someone started speaking first-hand about sex around him. He hoped Matt didn't feel as unmoved by it as he did.

Having a boyfriend—significant other—that was the disparate experience. Having Matt as a boyfriend was like finding out not only Santa was real, he wanted Tai to come live with him at the North Pole. If he made out with someone else, he'd feel bad. Matt would be mad. If someone did something to him, Matt would feel like his property had been violated, instead of just his friend. Thinking about it like that excited him—being property. Matt's property. Like a pet. He wanted to be trained, have his belly rubbed as a reward, punished when he was a bad dog. He let out a stream of low giggles.

"He says—"

"Bwah!"

He spun around to look wide-eyed at Matt, who had pulled his shoulders back and raised his eyebrows slightly.

"…He says he feels sick. He doesn't have a fever. Hope he's alright."

"Oh, that's good—or sucks—good he doesn't have a fever, sucks he's sick. Is he asleep?" He titled his head and grinned, and Matt raised his eyebrows again. Shit shit shit.

"I like where you're going and all—" Thank God, "—But my dad could be home any minute."

"You said afternoon."

"And it's after noon."

He wanted to think of some retort, but the disappointment and rejection was damming his cerebral function. Apparently this showed, because Matt's expression softened from bemusement to that of crushing guilt. He walked toward him, knelt down beside him, and brushed the hair back from his forehead to kiss it. It made a cute "smek" noise and left a small wet spot Tai was in no hurry to wipe on his sleeve.

"I'm sorry, Tai, I just want to be really sure, okay? I promise, if I had my way we'd be doing it until we died of exhaustion, and as soon as we're alone, you can vent all your frustration and then some, but right now, can we just hang out?"

"You don't have to word it like all I want's sex now."

"Then you'll just watch TV with me until my dad gets home?"

He'd sandwiched Tai's hand between both of his. That, and his mild desperation to hang out with him—he was willing to allow himself that it was mild desperation and not plea bargaining—completely drained him of all emotions but muted serenity.

"Yeah—'course."

"You're the best."

"I love you."

"I know."

"…"

"I love you too, duh."

--

Kari grilled him over his distracted behavior until dinner, when their parents pestered her about scratches on her arms until she admitted to attempting to make friends with a stray cat, and then pestered her for that. Tai texted under the table.

At six-fifteen, he sent a poorly spelled message to Matt, asking what he was doing.

At six-twenty-six, he got one back, which started out saying it was TK answering, and Matt was asleep.

He sent one back instantly asking why TK was reading Matt's texts.

TK responded, he liked spying on him.

Tai felt mixed concern for Matt, Matt and himself, and TK for that one.

He texted TK's phone, to start the conversation over, asking him what he was doing.

"Texting you."

"That's it?"

"Yup. You?"

"Same, I guess."

"Lol, you're not so good by yourself, are you?"

"You're doing the same!"

"Nothing I'd rather be doing. :)"

"Oh yeah right."

"You only ever talk to M anymore."

"Do not."

"You probably talk to everyone else, just not me. Why?"

"I hadn't noticed."

"It's cuz you like M better. So you come over and ignore me for him."

He didn't know what to say to that, either. Saying he didn't like Matt better would be a pretty pathetic lie, but the truth—he honestly hadn't noticed, though looking back he did now, he was completely ashamed of himself and could not be more sorry, and he'd never go three days without hugging TK again—sounded like a lie, too.

"You're right, I'm sorry, we should hang out soon, just you and me."

"I'd have to get you way from M then, wouldn't I? :) It's not just you."

"Promise, soon as possible."

"K, whatever. g2g."

It was weird that he could feel on top of the world one day and like a piece of complete shit the next.