Faint Wishes, a prince of tennis fanfic

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Prince of Tennis.

A/N: Here I am again, writing another one-shot to clear my thoughts. I hope you all will have a good time reading this short piece of mine:)

"The heart's memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good."

- Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Love in the Time of Cholera

"Were your hands always this small?" As Fuji holds her hands in his, he wonders if he overlooked this small detail about her.

With his arms around her, he breathes in deeply. The faint scent of her perfume lingers in the air, and as he leans his head softly against the crook of her right shoulder, he smiles slightly as he thinks of how nice it is to just sit here and rest like this.

It has been quite a rough two weeks for them, and it has been quite a while since they were able to spend time together, just the two of them. Seated comfortably on the picnic mat, surrounded by the trees in the park, they feel the beginnings of the evening breeze.

As Rie leans back against Fuji, she thinks of how time seems to pass them by. It has been four years since the day they started on this relationship of theirs, and as their friends slowly got engaged or moved on to different stages in their respective lives, Fuji and her seem to remain stagnant at their current stage.

They were friends before the relationship, and it was only by a chance event that they ended up being together. As Rie looks down at their intertwined hands, she remembers how it all started.

A group of them went on a trip together. Being colleagues too then, they thought it would be fun to travel to Europe with each other. So with three other work partners, the two friends signed up for a free and easy backpacking tour to Western Europe. Till now, Rie is still unsure of what really happened, but somehow the dynamics of the friendship changed as the days spent in Europe drew to a close. Perhaps it was the excitement of being in a foreign country, or maybe it was the prospect of not having to report to work, but in the end, they both experienced something they have never felt before.

It was their second last day in Europe, and they were touring in London when a colleague of theirs suggested taking a shortcut, and they ended up having to cross a busy road without warning. It was Fuji who reached out for her hand and he smiled warmly at her before leading her across the road. She felt a sense of security then, and for a moment, she wondered if things were possible between them. Even after they had gotten safely across the street, Fuji continued to keep her hand in his, and Rie allowed him to do so.

A month after they returned from the holiday, he asked her the question, and she said yes. It was as simple as that.

Now, as she closes her eyes to rest them for a while, she questions if they had been too reckless then. She shakes her head slightly in mirth as she thinks to herself, 'Isn't it a bit too late to think of this, it's been four years…even if it was too hasty a decision, what can we do about it now?' Rie tilts her head slightly to the left to chance a look at Fuji. For once, the smile on his face does nothing to re-assure her.

"Syuusuke, do you remember the time when I fell off the bike and you weren't there with me?"

Rie turns around slightly to face Fuji, and as she glances into his cerulean orbs, she is startled by the colour of his eyes. That is when she realizes that she is staring into his eyes for the first time in her life.

It doesn't take him long to close his eyes once again.

He runs his own thumb softly over her right one, and answers her as his thumb closes over the faint scar. "Of course I remember…You hid the truth from me until I came back from Osaka. You said it was because you didn't want me to worry, and it was after that incident that I made you promise me that no matter what happens to you, I'll be the first to know."

Rie smiles wistfully as Fuji recounts the memory. She has never told him that she broke the promise on the day she agreed to it. It was their third year together, and that day when she felt herself being thrown off the bike, it was more than just her balance that she lost.

She has always thought that the sense of security in her life came from Fuji alone, and after they got together, she began to depend on him so much to the point that sometimes, she didn't know who she was anymore.

But that day when the chains on the bicycle wheels came loose, as she sat there on the pavement with scraped knees and bloodstained hands, she realized she could still survive without Fuji after all. At first she thought she would break from the pressure of having to carry the bike back alone as there weren't any passer-bys who could help her, and half-way through, she felt like giving up. But as the sweat dripped down the sides of her face, and as the drops mingled with the tears that were falling from her eyes, she felt a renewed sense of strength amidst the hopelessness.

Somehow, she made it back to the rental shop on her own, and it was only as the attendant helped to sanitize her wounds, that she understood the strange feeling of relief in her heart. It was during that difficult journey back to the starting point that helped her to find back her own person.

Somehow without her knowing it, she started to lose bits and pieces of her personality as the relationship progressed. She started to compromise on her values, her ideals – what used to be so clear-cut to her became blurry whenever Fuji was around, and she didn't know the path she was walking on anymore.

For the next one year, Rie never told anyone, including Fuji, what she learnt that day by herself. But for the next 365 days, that long-awaited sense of relief tormented her and forced her to long for something more in their relationship, to wish that things between them could change.

At the silence, Fuji turns Rie around in his arms, in order to look at her fully. When he started to speak, she turned back to the front and has remained in that position for the past few minutes. Slightly worried, he moves her slightly to make her face him. It is only now that he realizes that her eyes are blood-shot and she has been crying silently all this while.

He raises his fingers to wipe away the tears, but Rie pushes his hand away gently before saying, "Don't. Don't let me depend on you more than you can bear…" As she raises her eyes to meet his, she feels guilt at the look of shock on his face. He never asked, and no matter how many times she tried to bring up the topic, he would always laugh it off and say it's that time of the month again.

She tried to give a reason for her being so emotional, and for his apparent nonchalance. She never gave up on him because she knew it wasn't entirely his fault. For when she first got to know him, she knew right from the start that he is always uncomfortable when it comes to issues of the heart. He just believes he is inadequate when it comes to feelings. And she let it pass.

But now, she is afraid she has no strength left in her to fill the void he leaves behind.

Rie raises the back of her hand to wipe the tears from her face, and with the same hand, she draws an imaginary line between the two of them on the mat. She tells Fuji, "No matter how much I tried, I could never cross that line to your side. I tried and tried, but you never let me in…I feel like I'm always standing on the edge when I'm with you, trying to second-guess your thoughts and feelings, and feeling like an idiot when I realize I have been wrong all the while."

Rie raises her hands to cover her face as she feels the tears welling up in her eyes again. She finds Fuji tugging her hands away from her face and as she cries, he draws her into an embrace. With his left hand on the back of her head, he gently rubs her back as she sobs into his shoulder. She feels like a coward for breaking the truth to Fuji in such a way, but it is too late for regrets.

Her voice breaks as she speaks into his ear, "Syuusuke, forgive me. I can't stay like this anymore…"

He tightens his hold on her, and asks one last simple question, "Were you happy, at any point of time?"

Rie pauses before answering. "You made me very happy Syuusuke. But the happiness you gave me cost me my freedom."

As she feels his hold on her weaken, Rie releases herself slowly from his arms. It is always hard to let go, but when the pain of holding on becomes too great, everything else fades in comparison.

"Don't hold on to me Syuusuke…it will only hurt more."

As he walks away from her, he realizes the pain in his heart comes not just from losing her, but what he feels is regret. What he regrets is not having the courage to tell her to stay. As he raises his fingers to press down slightly on his closed eyelids, he exhales in exasperation as he thinks of how things could have been different.

He never told Rie, but that day when he came back to see her bandaged hands and that strange look of determination in her eyes, he had already sensed a change in her. Or rather, he saw that spark in her that had been missing all these years that they've been together. He didn't question it then, as he was afraid to know what it meant. Now, he wishes he had asked.

For the first time in his life, Fuji Syuusuke allows a single tear to streak down his face.

He comforts himself with the thought of how relieved Rie looked after her confession. It was as if a burden had been lifted off of her, and as he reflects further, he realizes the same burden has been lifted off of him as well.

'How can a love that feels so right, be wrong?'

'It wasn't meant to feel like this…what happened to the happiness promised to the both of us?'

As the skies slowly turn dark above her, Rie closes her eyes for the last time, and makes a silent wish in her heart.

She opens her eyes to see a scattering of stars in the night sky. And she smiles as she recognizes the orange-tinted Saturn, remembering how that was the first thing Fuji taught her about stars.

With the mat in her hands, Rie prepares to make her way home. As she starts walking, she feels the breeze tugging at the ends of her hair, and with a slight smile on her face, she mutters, "It's finally time to start living for myself once again."

And so it is.