When you go to Hogwarts, you usually get an owl, a rat, a cat, a toad, or
something simple like that. But I didn't want to be simple. I got a
Kneazle. But it's not like there are regular names for a Kneazle so I
decided to name mine Sex. Sex had been embarrassing to me since I started
Hogwarts.
First day of classes, I asked my professor where I should keep Sex. Sex can't sustain long if stuck in our dorm room. I wanted to make sure that it would be okay if I allowed Sex in the halls.
For some reason I got a detention.
The next year there was a show for all the pets from Hogwarts over at the Three Broomsticks. But on my way there, Sex jumped out of my arms and ran off. I wasn't able to enter him into the contest so I was rather upset. One of the other contestants saw me and asked what was wrong.
I told him I was hoping to have Sex up on stage in front of the crowd. He said I should have sold my own tickets.
A few years later, one of my friends was outside in the snow when he slipped on the ice and hit his head. He was unconscious out in a snowdrift. If it hadn't been for my Kneazle, he might have died. Yet when I asked our new Headmaster for an award for Sex, he turned me down. He said he didn't care how great I was.
Finally I got out of Hogwarts, with one of the highest detention records. But by then I had to renew Sex's license.
I went to the ministry and to the man at the front desk.
"I would like a license for Sex." He said he would like one too. Then I said, "But you don't understand. I've had Sex since I started Hogwarts." He told me I must have been quite a kid.
I was, but I didn't see how that had anything to do with it.
I finally got married to my Hogwarts sweetheart, and I insisted I bring my Kneazle with me on the Honey Moon. When we got to the hotel, I told the clerk I wanted a special room for Sex. He told me that every room was for Sex. I don't think he meant it, Kneazles can get quite destructive.
"You don't understand," I tried to explain. "Sex keeps me awake at night."
"Me too," he told me, before he returned to his logbooks.
Of course the start of our wedding should have given me a clue. And eventually, my wife and I got separated. And because Kneazles are so special, and Sex seemed to take a liking towards my ex-wife, whom didn't want to give him up, we went to court to fight for custody of him.
"I've had Sex before I got married," I told him. "Me too," he said. "And Sex left me after I got married," I continued. "Me too," he said.
The judge seemed to understand my side, so I won. I was happy to be back at my flat with Sex. But, like I said, Kneazles can be very destructive. First night back, he made a racket. The next day the neighbors complained.
I tried to explain that Sex is really noisy but they just stared at me.
And then last night, my Kneazle got out the front door. I was walking all around the neighborhood, calling his name, searching for hours. Finally a please-man stopped me and asked what I was doing in an alley at four in the morning. I told him I was looking for Sex.
My case comes up Friday.
First day of classes, I asked my professor where I should keep Sex. Sex can't sustain long if stuck in our dorm room. I wanted to make sure that it would be okay if I allowed Sex in the halls.
For some reason I got a detention.
The next year there was a show for all the pets from Hogwarts over at the Three Broomsticks. But on my way there, Sex jumped out of my arms and ran off. I wasn't able to enter him into the contest so I was rather upset. One of the other contestants saw me and asked what was wrong.
I told him I was hoping to have Sex up on stage in front of the crowd. He said I should have sold my own tickets.
A few years later, one of my friends was outside in the snow when he slipped on the ice and hit his head. He was unconscious out in a snowdrift. If it hadn't been for my Kneazle, he might have died. Yet when I asked our new Headmaster for an award for Sex, he turned me down. He said he didn't care how great I was.
Finally I got out of Hogwarts, with one of the highest detention records. But by then I had to renew Sex's license.
I went to the ministry and to the man at the front desk.
"I would like a license for Sex." He said he would like one too. Then I said, "But you don't understand. I've had Sex since I started Hogwarts." He told me I must have been quite a kid.
I was, but I didn't see how that had anything to do with it.
I finally got married to my Hogwarts sweetheart, and I insisted I bring my Kneazle with me on the Honey Moon. When we got to the hotel, I told the clerk I wanted a special room for Sex. He told me that every room was for Sex. I don't think he meant it, Kneazles can get quite destructive.
"You don't understand," I tried to explain. "Sex keeps me awake at night."
"Me too," he told me, before he returned to his logbooks.
Of course the start of our wedding should have given me a clue. And eventually, my wife and I got separated. And because Kneazles are so special, and Sex seemed to take a liking towards my ex-wife, whom didn't want to give him up, we went to court to fight for custody of him.
"I've had Sex before I got married," I told him. "Me too," he said. "And Sex left me after I got married," I continued. "Me too," he said.
The judge seemed to understand my side, so I won. I was happy to be back at my flat with Sex. But, like I said, Kneazles can be very destructive. First night back, he made a racket. The next day the neighbors complained.
I tried to explain that Sex is really noisy but they just stared at me.
And then last night, my Kneazle got out the front door. I was walking all around the neighborhood, calling his name, searching for hours. Finally a please-man stopped me and asked what I was doing in an alley at four in the morning. I told him I was looking for Sex.
My case comes up Friday.