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TV ShowsSupernatural
Follow/FavOops, I Married an Angel
By: The Plutomite
Going undercover with a celestial being is one thing - pretending to be married to him is another. However Dean Winchester will get himself out of this one is beyond me, but someone needs to stop a homophobe killing off innocent couples. And what better way to find said homophobic assbutt than to pretend to be gay yourself?
Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - [Castiel, Dean W.] - Chapters: 7 - Words: 23,800 - Reviews: 284 - Favs: 353 - Follows: 484 - Updated: Sep 28, 2015 - Published: Dec 10, 2014 - id: 10882973
+ - Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten
1. Of Shower Heads & Socrates2. Cinnamon Scented Feathers3. The Kobayashi Maru Test & Slumber Habits4. Bliss Before the Storm5. So Who's the Chick?6. Dean 'Sun' Winchester?7. Wishful Tall Tales Next
AN: Hello again! This is my second attempt at Destiel, and although I was expecting this to be more fluffy than smutty... I may not be able to keep a lid on these two. (It's not my fault, right?) I'm rating it T for now because I like to drop the 'f' bomb, and I'm not for sure where I'm going with it just yet. So...sue me. It's all supposed to be humorous and funny, and (just like my last fic) I don't own Kripke's shit. Just mine.
Just one thing I WANTED TO MENTION PLEASE COME BACK AND READ THIS: There will be some maybe-confusing and "randomly" italicized words that are outside quotations; these are Dean's thoughts. I'll state if it's someone else thinking, (or if Dean's not there, I mean, they're not his.) THANK YOU.
"Say again?" Dean asked, giving his brother a look.
His little brother sighed. "You and Cas have to go undercover as a married couple to help me figure out who's been killing all these-"
"-Why does it have to be me and Cas?"
Sam Winchester's patience was wearing thin. To be fair, this was the fifth time he had to explain the plan, and the fifth time he had to be interrupted. "I've already met most of the neighbors as a college reporter," Sam replied with the best bitch face. "Maybe if you had gone with me with instead of lying around here, this wouldn't be an option for you."
Dean wanted to argue that; claim he hadn't lain around the motel room the entire time, but it would be a lie. Other than a quick food run and some shameless flirting, Dean had done nothing while his brother decided to get a head start on the case. Which isn't even our kind of weird. Dean's brain reminded him.
He sighed when he couldn't think of any corners to cut. "There's no way around this?"
"No. Now, I've set up your house and some-"
"-House?"
Sam answered by shaking his head.
There was an uncomfortable silence in the car as Dean drove through the perfect-picket-fenced yards and freshly mowed lawns. "Okay," he said, grunting and trying to get his voice to work right after the excoriating painful silence. "So we're…partners and we're moving here from Lawrence." He parked in the driveway and exited the car to walk over to the passenger's side.
Castiel stepped out as Dean held the door for him. "Just… Don't give away too much information to these people, okay? And remember that our last names are Novak." As he re-explained this, Dean began fixing Castiel's collar and tie. Cas was looking down at Dean's hands as he leaned against the car.
"By partners, you mean…?"
"Married, Cas. Hypothetically."
There was a pause. "Okay…"
"Okay, so let's just go in the house and see what happens." He gave the angel a supporting smile, (although one could rightfully believe he needed it more than he needed to be giving it), trying to get over the fact that this is going to be so awkward.
"Wait, Dean…"
"Yes?"
"What do we do about neighbors?"
Before Dean could go into the speech about 'little information is best,' he noticed that Castiel was looking past his shoulder. Now the oldest Winchester sighed, and turned to see a soccer mom and a too-perfect-dad, who had a pipe with a sweater vest on, walking toward them. Seriously? Dean growled, It's the middle of summer you great douche.
"Hi," he said with a smile instead.
"You must be our new neighbors!" Soccer Mom exclaimed – Get a hobby, lady – a bright, white smile on her face. "I'm Angela, this is Kent"-she motioned to her husband-"and this is Rodger." Her hand rested on her son's shoulder.
"Jones," Kent added, extending his arm.
Sticking out his hand to shake theirs, Dean flashed a smile back at her. "I'm Dean and this is Cas," he replied, hating the fact that Sam had decided against giving them other names; "Simplicity issues with a certain angel," as he put it. Then again, it'll be a amazing if this works anyway. "Novak."
"Oh, how lovely," Angela replied. "I know this is sudden, but when I heard we were due for new neighbors I was a little excited," she might have blushed, but she looked away and cut herself off. "Anyway, I was thinking you guys could come over to our house around six thirty for dinner. We're a friendly neighborhood and it's our turn to hold a get together this week,"
Before Dean could make an excuse about how they didn't want to impose, Cas piped up for the first time, a genuine and sweet smile plastered on his face. "That sounds marvelous. We will be there at six thirty."
"Dean!"
Dropping the local newspaper on the kitchen counter, Dean sprinted upstairs, taking two steps at a time. "What is it?" He called. "What – where are you?!"
"Bedroom!"
Giving a glare to the empty space in front of him, Dean began to push open all the doors in the hallway (most of them, if not all being bedrooms) until he got to the master bedroom at the end of the hall to the right. "In here!" Cas shouted in a very unhelpful way once he realized the human hadn't be there in point zero-zero-zero-three seconds flat.
Rushing to the master bath, Dean pushed the door open to see Castiel sitting on the edge of the tub, his clothes soaked, hair sticking to his forehead and the floor covered in water. "Cas, I thought you were in trouble-"
"-Why? I wanted to show you how our shower head disconnects from the rest of the faucet." He said with a huge, dopey and childish grin. For affect and to prove his point, he began to way the faucet around.
The water was still running.
Dean, in short, got sprayed. Head to toe. "Cas, turn off the water."
"But I'm having fun!" Castiel grinned, waving the shower head again.
Glaring death at Cas, Dean stomped over to him. However, as he reached to take the faucet from the angel, Castiel disappeared and then reappeared, standing, in the actual tub. "Cas, we're getting soaked, stop-"
Dean stepped over the edge, focusing on fighting against the water in his face rather than his footing, and slipped. Dropping the faucet head, Castiel caught Dean under his arms, leaning against the wall of the shower for support. "Be careful," Cas said easily.
Looking up, Dean glared at the blue puppy eyes that looked down at him. "Clean up this mess," he replied, standing and shutting the water off.
Sudden, Dean, Cas and the entire bathroom was dry. "Ugh, this is going to be difficult." He muttered, already tired. "You are changing, by the way!" he grumbled as he stalked out of the bathroom.
Looking down at his clothes, Cas then looked in the mirror and fumbled with his tie a little.
"Cas, c'mon!" Dean shouted as he glanced at his watch. "You're taking forever, just put on some clothes an-" Stopping himself short, Dean looked up and over at Castiel, who stood directly in front of him. Probably the angel part. He thought, trying to explain to himself how the man before him had snuck up on a hunter.
Cas stood, in the same clothes, but with the tie fastened in an improper way and his trench half-tied.
"I couldn't figure out the knot." He stated monotonously.
Dean wanted to smile, but decided against it and walked forward to unhook the trench coat. "I can see that," he replied. "C'mon, you're going to change into some dinner clothes bef-"
"-What do dinner clothes look like?" Cas interrupted.
"Not something you wear everyday," Dean answered, solely basing this off of what he was taught in his one year of normalcy. He walked upstairs to the wardrobe that was in the master bedroom. He opened it and pulled out a pair of tan dress pants and a dark blue button down. "Here. Tuck in your shirt."
Cas took the clothes and began to undress. Dean turned around quickly, noting that Cas was already pulling his undershirt off.
"Well, you could wait until I'm out of the room," Dean muttered.
"I'm sorry," Cas began as he unbuckled the belt, "but I see no reason to be embarrassed. We are married. Technically."
Dean shook his head as he made his way to the door. "In the eyes of the Lord…technically." The angel continued.
But Dean was shutting the door and making his way down to the kitchen, deciding not to focus on what the crazy ass angel was saying. Plus, he was just hoping that there was a bottle of wine somewhere in this place. Lisa's words rung through his head; "Wine is protocol to bring if you're late."
Not that the drink would be missed anyway – it wasn't like anyone in this household would drink it.
"There you are!" Kent said with a smile, his pipe in one hand. It was starting to look a bit suspicious to Dean. "Honey, they made it!"
"Wonderful! We just have to wait for the Smiths to arrive!" She called back from where she was inside the Jones' home.
The 'Novaks' entered the house and Dean began to scope it out; making mental notes of where flower pots and umbrellas were; where rugs sat on polish floorboards and which windows looked like the easiest to break down. "Here," he said suddenly, motioning the bottle of wine to Kent.
"Oh, gee! Thanks, Dean. I'll go give this to the wife – Rodger! Why don't you show these gents to the parlor and introduce them to the neighborhood?"
"God, this is awful." Dean whispered in Castiel's ear once everyone sat down in the den and a glass of wine was served. Dean, who had been silently examining the place, bent over to express his attitude about the 'neighborhood get together' in his friend's ear, who was sitting on the couch.
Cas merely nodded in reply. "Although I am understanding a lot about high class families," he continued, turning to look at the Winchester, "I thought you and your brother were a…norm."
Dean scoffed. "Yeah. Sure. Me and Sammy. Regular Joes."
"What are you two discussing?" A flirty smile fell across Julia (a divorced mother of two boys and one girl; red hair; suggestive; lively) asked.
"Whether or not we should unpack when we get home." Dean replied easily.
A gasp came from the other side of the room. "Oh, boy. I bet you really are tired," Angela said. She was perched on the armrest of her husbands Lay-Z-Boy.
Dean gave a bit of a tired smile for affect. "Well, I'm sure we could survive another hour or-"
"Blasphemy!" Came a declare from Mr. Jones. "Please, you need your rest after such a long travel."
"Yes." Julia agreed. "Angela and I can make you a plate of leftovers," she added, standing along with her friend.
The two women moved out of the parlor and Kent stood. "Why don't you go get Mister and Mister Novak's coats, Rodger?" The boy, who had been showing his friend something on his phone, got up without a complaint at his father's not-question. "I'll show you two out."
Everyone regrouped at the door and handed over their things. "Thank you," Castiel said as he took some Tupperware from Angela. Dean took the coats, said the final goodbyes then began to walk back to their house.
"That went on forever." Cas stated.
Dean smirked. "You're telling me. I'm happy that I never had that life."
Castiel gave Dean a curious glance as he opened the front door. "Really?" He asked.
Throwing the coats over the chair closest to them, Dean looked at Cas for a few seconds. "Yes. Really."
Shrugging, Cas walked into the kitchen to put the leftovers away and Dean followed him. "What's the shrug for?"
"Well, you've never really had a chance to live a normal life, I would think." Cas answered honestly.
Dean, a little taken aback with the sudden topic at hand, furrowed his brows. "I've tried my hand at an apple pie life, Cas. Trust me, it never ends well."
"Maybe if you had been given a chance from birth to have…an 'apple pie' life, things would have been different." Dean gave Cas a look. Holding up his hands as if to defend himself, Cas leaned against the kitchen counter. "You were the one to disprove prophecies, Dean. Now I, along with Heaven, have nothing but theories and our own imaginations."
If I remember correctly, Dean thought, Heaven's imagination sucks. "True," he decided on. Having enough of this sappy crap, Dean grin smugly. "But if I hadn't, you and I would never have met,"
Cas looked over at Dean pensively as the green eyed man winked at him. "Of course, there is a bright side of everything, Dean. It simply depends on your perception."
"Alright, Socrates, I'm going to take a shower. Don't go flying off. I need to know where you are."
Cas seemed to give a sassy shrug, making Dean head upstairs with the first genuine smile on his face.
AN: So these are going to be short. I really didn't even want to begin posting, but my friend said; "They'll get over it if you don't publish a chapter every night," So... You can thank her, or not thank her depending on the correlation of my updates and the weeks that pass.
However, because the chapters are short, I was thinking I could do a sneak peek, or promo, of the next chapter coming up. Let me know what you think of that, and of the beginning in general. I would love to get positive/negative fed back, and definitely would love to hear ways that I could improve my writing.
~The Plutomite
1. Of Shower Heads & Socrates2. Cinnamon Scented Feathers3. The Kobayashi Maru Test & Slumber Habits4. Bliss Before the Storm5. So Who's the Chick?6. Dean 'Sun' Winchester?7. Wishful Tall Tales Next
The author would like to thank you for your continued support. Your review has been posted.
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