Author's Note/ Warning: The fiction you are about to read contains high dosages of crack, both an OOC Kathryn and Sebastian, awfully written one-liners, and multiple mentions of Barry White and Barry Manilow. Continue at your own risk.

Cantare

Sometimes Sebastian wished he could fully execute the Barry White complex.

To be one of those guys that were so insanely in love, they would run through a grocery store clad only in their tighty whitey's singing "Can't Get Enough of Your Love Babe", and proceed to merrily whistle the same little ditty as a police officer forcefully hauled them away for disturbing the peace.

Sebastian, however, had a reputation to uphold. And while behaving like an unabashed pussy on speed was likely to garner attention, he doubted it would generate the audience he wanted.

But sometimes, just sometimes, he had these impulsive little urges to do just that. To boldly humiliate himself in a public area all in the name of love. Sure it sounded like a god awful knock-off of a character in a Danielle Steel novel, or whatever it was that women were getting wet over these days, but he honestly couldn't help himself.

"Sebastian, I think it's safe to assume that your numerous sexual encounters have somehow threatened your mental well being."

Sebastian glanced down to see Kathryn staring at him with a look of curiosity and pure amusement.

With cunning wit he replied, "Err…wha…what?"

Kathryn's smile broadened. Speechless, though very rare, was a good look for Sebastian. "Not more than two seconds ago you were singing what appeared to be a song by Barry Manilow."

"White." He instantly corrected, "The song was by Barry White. Manilow, however, is customarily known for his hits 'Mandy' and 'Copacabana'."

Kathryn blinked at her step-brother and lover, "Copacabana?" She questioned disbelievingly, "The fact that you even know that calls your sanity into question. And it really makes me wonder what it is that you do when you're not banging dirty sluts into the ground."

Sebastian grinned as he pulled Kathryn closer to him, lightly drawing circles on her arm with his fingertips. "Just because I happen to be cultured music wise, does not make me insane, as you seem to be hinting towards. And for the record," He smirked smugly while moving his hand up to cup her chin, "as of two months ago, you're the only dirty slut I bang into the ground."

Kathryn rolled her eyes, "Gee, now I'll finally be able to rest easy knowing you reserve your manhood, or lack thereof, just for me."

Sebastian pulled Kathryn closer towards him and let his hands trail down her back slowly, "Well, I'm certainly glad I could offer my semblance of relief. However, I feel like I should warn you that you won't be obtaining any rest tonight."

Kathryn pulled her head away from Sebastian's chest and quirked an eyebrow at his last statement, "And just how do you figure that Sir Valmont?"

"Well my darling step-sister, love of my life, heat of my loins, I'm feeling very…ravenous tonight."

"And how is that different from every other night?"

"Oh, it is very much different," Sebastian smirked, "For tonight I shall do something I have never done before."

"Attempt to last longer than five minutes?" Kathryn offered with a smirk of her own.

"Ha. Ha." Sebastian responded flatly, "But no, I was actually going to sing."

Kathryn gave her lover an incredulous look, "Are you telling me that you, Sebastian Valmont, are going to sing while we have sex?"

"Think of it as making love to your own personal jukebox."

Kathryn snorted at that, "I'm sure you'll be just as hard. But honestly Sebastian, what's with the sudden bursts of musical theatre? Have you been accompanying Blaine to gay Karaoke bars lately?"

"Uh, that would be a definite hell no." Sebastian answered, shuddering at the mere thought of him and Blaine singing along to 'YMCA' in front of a crowd of 40 year old homosexual males.

"So what's with this spontaneous need to sing to your little hearts content?"

"Well, I don't know," Sebastian answered honestly, "I just felt the need to show you how much I can't get enough of your love babe." He finished with his best Barry White impersonation.

"Okay, first all never, under any circumstances, do that again." Kathryn chuckled, "And second of all, I guess if you insist, then it won't be entirely awful. Of course, I do suppose I'll be the first woman to ever go deaf during an orgasm."

"Well, there's a first time for everything my dear. However, you could join me in song in between your choruses of 'yes, Sebastian, more more more" and "oooh baby, faster faster."

For what seemed like the hundredth time that night, Kathryn rolled her eyes, "Whatever. But I'll play sing-a-long Susie, if you promise to join me in a round of 'I Got You Babe' by Sonny and Cher."

"Sonny & Cher?" Sebastian questioned with a smirk.

"Consider me musically cultured," Kathryn grinned repeating Sebastian's words, locking her bedroom door, and grabbing her lover's hand to lead him towards the bed.

Sebastian may not have had the Barry White complex in public, but in the privacy of the bedroom, he had that, and a whole lot more.

- конец (end)-

A/N: Yeah, so I'm not entirely sure where that came from, but as you all know, crack has no bounds. I'm aware that Sebastian and Kathryn are too OOC for coherent words, but I thought "Hey, why not?" I mean sure they're sadistic, evil human beings who deserve to rot in hell, but that doesn't mean that they can't have a little fun. I bet even Mussolini sung during sex….

Anyway, the title 'Cantare' means 'Sing' in Italian just in case you were wondering. Originally, I was going to name the fic "The Bed Sheets are Alive with the Sound Of Music", but I decided against the idea at the last minute.

Well, reviews are always appreciated!

-Andee