Chapter One: Settling In

Steve peered up at the house. It seemed so cold and vacant in the early morning fog. He hoped that as the sun peaked through the branches that lay bare from the promise of winter, that he could find some warmth. His eyes traveled over to Bucky, who was nearly snoring in the passenger seat of the car. His breath fogged up the window as his shaggy, chestnut hair hid his eyes. He was so peaceful in this moment. That's all Steve wanted really, just a place for Bucky to finally be at peace. He had made it clear to the Avengers that Buck was to be protected, even if that had caused some internal conflict with Tony. Steve didn't care. He was still appreciative of the fact that Tony suggested this spot for them to help repair Bucky's mind, to get him mentally healthy enough to re-enter society and become a fully active member of the Avengers.

He leaned over to the passengers seat, trying not to scare Buck as he woke him."Hey, hey… Bucky baby it's time to get up. We're finally here." Steve's voice was merely a soft whisper. His hands gently shaking Bucky's shoulder to stir him, but he backed away as soon as his eyes fluttered open. Steve knew that some things still scared Buck, that he still sometimes thought his mission was to kill Steve, and they'd have to deal with that together. Steve was however willing to take that risk, he would give his life if it meant that Bucky could live without anymore pain and suffering. Sure Steve had been through a lot himself, but he could never come close to imagining what his friend had went through. That's one thing he'd always admire about Bucky, his unyielding will to live, even in the darkest of times.

Bucky's eyes flickered open and the glimpse of daylight blinded him for a moment, most of the time Bucky was only out in the night. Either that or he had been subjected to the dark. He rubbed his eyes trying not to make a big deal out of it and brushed his fingers through his mess of hair. He glanced quickly over at Steve who was sitting there, seemingly on edge, but Buck wasn't going to take it personally. He was a killer, and if he was in the same car as someone like himself he would be on edge too. "How long was I asleep?" His voice was groggy and throat dry.

Steve shrugged, checking the time on his phone and taking the seat belt off himself. He instinctively went to unbuckle Bucky from his seat as well but stopped his hand from reaching over, instead offering him a content smile and nodding his head up at the house. "It's just been a couple hours, but it's worth the wait, don't you think?" Steve opened the car door, stepping outside and breathing in the crisp morning air. It was chilly out but it didn't bother him so much, he liked it. It felt refreshing to simply enjoy the air, the smell of the forest that surrounded them. It was so quiet out here, no wind, no sound or cars or sirens in the background as it was in the city. Only the crunch of fallen leaves under his boots and the few birds that chirped from their nests. He sighed, seeing Buck follow him and go to get his bags they had stowed in the back seat. Steve stopped him. "No no, don't worry about it, I'll carry them in okay?" He grabbed their suitcases and duffle bags, making sure he had everything from the car before heading inside. He tossed Bucky a pair of keys so they both had a set, and let him go in first. Steve had already had all their weapons and suits shipped over and placed in the house from SHIELD so they didn't have to haul them around.

Bucky stepped over the threshold, from the outside you wouldn't think the place was this upscale but it was immaculate. The front door had a small space to hang coats, and there was a bench that lined the corner of the hall almost reminding him of a school. The front side was all windows, an open concept that made it seem less cramped. He strolled down the short hall, turning left and coming to the end that led to the living room and kitchen. They were grand, spacious, the floors made of solid dark oak. It complimented the off white colored furniture. The living room was sunken into the floor, only two steps down but it made it seem more secluded from the kitchen, since there was no wall to divide them. There was a modern style three seated couch that faced the front of the house, it's back to the kitchen's island table. On either side of the couch were arm chairs and in the middle a glass table with a simple flower piece in the center. The whole set aimed towards a plasma screen TV that had been hung on the wall above the fireplace.

Buck slowly made his way into the kitchen, it was around the same size as the living room, all the appliances brand new. The cupboards made of wood with black granite counter tops and the stove top was installed on top of the island table to open up counter space. Further past the kitchen was a small downstairs bathroom, behind it was a laundry room. It seemed simple enough. "This is beautiful Steve, are you sure we're allowed to stay here? I feel like I'm going to break something…" He chuckled a bit, looking back at Stevie who was watching him intensely.

Steve shook his head, breaking himself out of his trance and grinning at Buck. "You're not going to break anything I promise. Come on, the bedrooms are upstairs." Steve took the bookshelf that lined the wall beside the kitchen and living room and slid it towards the front of the house, revealing a staircase. He allowed Bucky to go up first and then followed, all their bags distributed between two hands. "Up here are the bedrooms. That's the master bathroom, Tony said it had a Jacuzzi tub and separate shower with a sauna option." Steve turned to the right at the end of the hall. "This is your room, there's two here, obviously… I just figured you'd want your own private space yeah know?" He shrugged, opening the door and letting Bucky in. He set his things down at the side of the bed and nodded, not wanting to leave him alone but he was sure Buck would like to sleep. It had been a long car ride and they'd be stuck together until everything got sorted out. Steve didn't want to be a nuisance, or annoying. Even though it technically was his job to keep an eye on him.

Bucky nodded, seeing Steve step back and there was a moment of silence. Tension filled the air as Bucky wrapped his arms around himself. He didn't deserve all this kindness, especially not from Steve. What Bucky had done was inexcusable, he was a monster and now what? They were giving him a chance to resolve himself of his sins, but there's no coming back from what he's done.

"Well," Steve gulped, awkwardly biting his lip "I'll let you unpack I guess." He slowly closed the door behind him, leaving Bucky in the room by himself as he went to go set up his own things. Steve's room was the same as Bucky's. As you walked in there was a stand to the left that had all the electronic gadgets Tony brought over for them, mostly gaming systems and some others for connections to SHIELD. Above the stand was another TV, not as sizable as the one in the living room of course but still pretty impressive. To the right of the door was a study desk where Steve could get all his paperwork done, and if he needed to research anything there was a laptop which he wasn't exactly sure how to use still. Steve's room also had it's own walk in closet where he kept his every day clothes and that's where he began to unpack, setting all of his things up in a very particular manner. His shirts were first, dress and then casual classy, and then every day wear and lastly his gym clothes. They all fit into the top left compartment, on the right he hung his pants in the same order. Underneath the larger spaces were small drawers where he kept his ties, watches, socks and cuff links. Finally, on the bottom shelf he set his shoes. Steve took a step back and admired how neat and tidy everything was, not a single item out of place, and that's how he liked it. His stress level went down a bit and he decided to go sit out of the balcony outside his room for a while to watch the sunrise.

Meanwhile Bucky sat in his room, looking around at all the fancy stuff they had gifted to the both of them, he felt guilty almost. Holding his stomach as the anxiety inside him hit a new level, he knew he wasn't a bad person… or that he didn't mean to be but he couldn't help but feel as though he didn't deserve this. It was too luxurious for someone like him. Still Bucky was overwhelmingly grateful to have a second chance at life, to be able to fix all the thing's he's broken. He tried to move on, move forward and with that sense in mind he began to unpack. Bucky didn't have much. A few things that Steve had bought for him, some jeans and a couple of shirts that matched with anything. He had a couple runners and that was it for now. He was content with that, it was probably the most he's ever owned in decades. Bucky felt his stomach rumble and his mind jumped back to a memory, only from a few days before. Him and Stevie were sitting together, just a few days after they had found him. Steve had looked up at him, he was merely picking at his lunch even though he was starving, he remembered his stomach aching from hunger. Steve's words rung in his ears. 'It's okay to eat Buck… no one's going to hurt you I promise, it's okay...' Bucky bit down hard on his lip, hesitating before he headed downstairs to prepare some breakfast. He would make Steve something too… something really fancy like pancakes with bananas, or scrambled eggs and bacon with hash browns. That was good right? That way he could say thank you to him, properly. He could make it up to Stevie like he wanted to.

Bucky got to the kitchen and pulled out all the ingredients from the fridge that he needed to make Steve a great breakfast. He grabbed a bowl from the cupboard and poured in some flour, evidently making a mess and getting it all over himself. What could he say though? Bucky never claimed to be a tidy cook. He mixed in some milk and eggs until it was a semi-thick consistency. Bucky then set the bowl aside and heated up a pan for the flapjacks, pouring out half a cup's size for each cake, the pan only big enough to make four at a time. As they simmered Buck cracked some eggs and whipped them with the milk so he could scramble them after the pancakes had finished cooking. He stood back for a moment, this didn't seem good enough. He scoured the fridge for other things to mix up and fill the table a bit more, bacon, hashbrowns… maybe some spinach to garnish the scrambled eggs? He pulled out the bag of baby spinach leaves and thought this would be a great idea, it would be colorful, nutritious … Steve had to love it, right? He chopped away, using the first knife he found in the kitchen drawer. Bucky sliced the leaves as fine as he could, focusing as he did. He sped up a little bit seeing how little it came out to be, he wanted to finish this before the pancakes were done so he could mix the greens in with the eggs. Bucky looked away for a split second, making sure the flapjacks weren't burning and he managed to slice his finger with the knife. "Shit," He huffed, rolling his eyes as he saw the cut start to bubble crimson. He tried putting pressure on the wound at first but it stung, his blood getting on his metal hand and glistening under the kitchen light. He gulped, his heart starting to race as he looked down at both his bloodied hands. Bucky's mind raced back, blocking out his surroundings and suddenly he was with Hydra again.

Bucky was out of breath, his rage consuming him still as he stood before a sea of dead bodies. Their blood dripping from his metal arm, it was on his bare chest, running down his chin. He saw Pierce approach him from the shadowed corner. "I think you're ready." He whispered, circling him as if ready to capture his prey. "You're doing a great thing for mankind, the world owes you their lives… Winter Soldier..." He chuckled maliciously, electrocuting Bucky with a stun gun, right at the base of his spine. Then ordering him to be dragged back to his cell. Bucky dropped to his knees from the pain. He kicked and screamed, the sensation shooting up each vertabrae as men hauled him over the rotting corpses. He closed his eyes, wishing he wasn't there as his hands gripped his hair, cupping his ears trying to block out his own screams.

Steve was upstairs still when he smelt something… toast or… burning? Had Bucky started the fireplace in the living room? Before he could get up to check, the fire alarm went off. The shrill beeping echoing through the house. Steve stood from the porch and rushed as fast as he could down the stairs. He came into the kitchen, pausing for a moment as he assessed the situation, his eyes immediately jumping to the smoke billowing from a frying pan that sat on the mess of a stove. Steve ran to pull it away, turning off the burner and soaking the pan in cold water. He glanced over his shoulder to see Bucky on his knees, head tucked into his chest and fingers tangled into his hair. Steve had to get the beeping to stop. He quickly grabbed an oven mitt and stood on his tip toes, frantically waving it underneath the alarm to clear the smoke and stop the noise. He sighed in relief when it went silent, but the quiet weeping that escaped Bucky's lips broke his heart.

"Stop stop stop, please no! Please… I can't do this anymore I cant!" Bucky ripped at his hair, his mind still lost in his memories.
Steve came around and down to his level, attempting to pull Buck's hands away from his head. He shook him gently, left palm cupping Bucky's face as his other brushed his hair away from his eyes. "Bucky, baby… Buck it's okay you're safe okay? Look at me. Open your eyes Buck you don't have to do it. You're here you don't have to do that anymore." Steve planted gentle kisses on Bucky's forehead, his lips warm against cold skin. "Baby look at me, come on now open your eyes. Bucky!"
Bucky's eyes shot open at the sound of Steve's voice. His fingers trembling as they released themselves from his hair, flesh hand still bleeding. He clenched his jaw tight, all five senses rushing back to him at once and overloading his mind. His breaths were heavy and uneven. Body shaking as everything flooded through his nervous system, the blinding kitchen light, the smell of burnt batter, the feeling of pain in his hands but a numbness still stuck in his chest. Bucky groaned, feeling weak. "S-Stevie…?" His eyes darted around as he tried to stand, "I... I did this." He went to take a step but his muscles faltered, body unable to support itself in his current condition and he fell to the side.

Steve caught him mid fall. "Woah woah … hey, look at me Buck, stay awake. It's okay, this isn't your fault." He would find out what happened later, right now he needed to take care of his boy. Steve gently lifted Bucky into his arms, bridal style, and carried him to the small bathroom they had off to the side of the kitchen. He set him down on the counter beside the sink, making sure not to go to far away since Bucky was using him as support. Steve tilted his head up, brushing the hair out of his eyes and tucking it behind his ear. "Focus Buck. Focus on me okay? I want you to look at me. Focus baby..." He whispered, keeping skin on skin contact to help ensure that Buck would stay awake.

Bucky's vision was blurry and he could only make out Steve's blonde hair, his blue eyes. He felt so nauseous but didn't want to make a big deal, he'd already caused enough damage. He tried listening to Steve, using every ounce of strength he had to focus on him, slowly it began to work and Steve's face became clear again. He spoke, voice groggy. "I'm sorry Stevie…. I'm sorry… I just wanted to make you breakfast." He bit his lip, eyes swelling with tears. He saw Steve's eyes wander down to the cut on Bucky's hand and he pulled away, trying to hide it. It wasn't a big deal, he didn't need this much care, this much attention.

Steve furrowed his brows, anger spiking in his chest as Buck tried to refuse Steve's help. "Bucky. You're hurt, let me bandage that up… please…" He softened his voice a bit, trying not to sound too upset. He was in no way mad at Bucky for making a mess, or causing a commotion. Steve actually thought it was quite cute, the sentiment meant a lot. He was more displeased that Buck had put himself in danger like that. Especially with his mind as fragile as it was, anything could have happened. Steve took Bucky's arm back and began to clean out the cut. "It's okay Buck you don't have to apologize." He murmured. "This isn't your fault, a lot of stuff isn't even though you try and hold yourself responsible. For whatever reason."

Bucky didn't even flinch as Steve sewed up his hand. He'd been through much worse pain than this. Buck simply sat there on the bathroom counter, eyes gazing over into nothing as his mind raced back, almost in a trance. He remembered Hydra, and Pierce. He remembered every time they sat him down in that chair and filled his body with electricity. Despite what everyone thought… Bucky remembered a lot. He would never tell anyone though, he would never say anything to Stevie. It would only worry him. Bucky's thoughts were interrupted.

"Hey, what are you thinking about over there? Hm?" Steve was finishing wrapping Buck's hand with the gauze, tying a knot around his knuckles.
Bucky shrugged. Shaking his head a bit before looking back up at Steve. His lips pressed into a hard line. "Thanks..." He squeezed his hand into a fist. Awkwardly gulping as he took some deep breaths to keep himself grounded, to keep calm.

"Don't mention it." Steve's eyes couldn't stay away from Bucky, he checked him to make sure there was nothing else physically wrong, nothing that he could fix right now. There was so much that he wanted to fix for him, but Steve didn't have that power. He sighed a bit out of frustration, both hands on either side of Bucky as he leaned against the counter. Steve bit his lip, noticing Bucky wouldn't look at him. "Bucky please don't avoid me…. I know you feel bad but… this wasn't your faul-"
Buck stopped him before he could finish his sentence. "Yes it is… it's my fault. I should have done better… I just wanted to make it up to you." His head hung low, he couldn't find it in himself to look Steve in the eyes right now.

"To make what up Buck? Come on… look at me." Steve tilted his chin up with his fingers, his thumb brushing softly over Bucky's cheek. "It's okay to talk to me, you can tell me this stuff that's what I'm here for. I'm not going anywhere this time… I promise."

Buck bit his lip. He took a deep breath, pushing all the words out from the back of his throat. "To make it up to you for finding me Stevie, for helping get me out of Hydra… if it wasn't for you I'd still be out there somewhere wondering who I am or who to go to. I'd still be a fugitive, a Hydra weapon… I'd still be a killer Steve." His voice shook as he spoke, body beginning to quake as his emotions tried to get the best of him. "The thing that they turned me into… I- I don't even want to think about it, and you're the only person that knew that wasn't who I really was. I've been trying so hard to be better for you Steve. So you'd know that you didn't just waste all this effort and all this energy on someone who can't be saved." He huffed a breath, brows furrowing as Steve stared back at him with a tragic look of sympathy on his face. "I mean look at all this Stevie! I'm living in a goddamn mansion with the most famous superhero on the planet." Bucky's voice softened as he recoiled away from Steve, head hanging back down. "I don't deserve this…"

Steve was silent for a moment, taking in everything Bucky had said. Since he was found he'd never heard him speak so much at once. He nodded a bit. "You're right Buck, you don't deserve this… you deserve better. You deserve more…" He took Bucky's hand in his own. "Look… I'm the one that let you fall off that train. It was my responsibility to keep you safe and I didn't. You suffered for decades because of me." Steve felt a lump start to develop in his throat. "So now it's my job to take care of you. Just like you used to when we were growing up." He smiled a bit at the memory. "And if you want to make it up to me Buck, I mean the best way is just… live your life the best way you can, please. Let me help you get better. Let me help you feel happiness again." He grinned as Bucky's eyes met his own. "Cause I'm not giving up on you just because you burnt some pancakes. I'm with you through all of this. 'Till the end of the line."

Bucky let out a shaky breath, nodding as cracked a smile from the corner of his mouth. "'Till the end of the line."