A Secret Santa Exchange for 'GeckoMoriaShadowLord' and guess what? Moria is her fave character! So this has Moria! xD I don't know how I came up with this plot but I didn't wanna reuse the old one (sorry Gecko ): cuz it felt like cheating...

ANYWHO- AU- Characters are- Sanji, Paulie, Gecko, Ace, Luffy, Zoro, Law, and the main man of the story, SMOKER!

and plot is- A murder occurs at an all male retreat which is cut off from society, no electronics and most importantly, no phones. Detective Smoker, there by "chance" after Hina forced him to take some time off and he received a pamphlet for the retreat mysteriously, has to investigate who the murderer is before it continues.

Now I know murder mysteries are supposed to be long drawn out chapters...but I really wanna try to keep this one as 2 or 3 chapters ... but I hope I keep you guessing~

Enjoy and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

"Shit." Smoker cursed as he rode the tram up the mountain, seeing the light drizzle change into a heavy downpour. Why'd the damn place have to be so fucking secluded anyways? The brochure said that separation from society means separation from stress... Bullshit! Some people like to be miserable! Is that so wrong?

In addition from being a tram ride away from civilization, the place also had a no electronics policy. Despite having working lights, the place had no outlets for laptops and chargers and no signals for cell phones and such. If we wanted to be fucking Amish, we would go to a fucking Amish village!

One of the few employees (the brochure had mentioned minimal employees for a more welcoming and homely experience) who was smart enough to wear a poncho out in the rain escorted Smoker through a short dirt road and a small tunnel of sorts before the resort came into view.

Since Chaser didn't prepare for the storm, he took the hoodless coat he had and draped it over his head, crouching down to cover his luggage from the storm too. Sure it looked kind of stupid but he was not in the mood to be wet too.

The place wasn't that impressive though. It just looked like a small hotel with pointy roofs for the illusion of a castle and a few courts for various sports scatter around the large space of the apparently flat mountain.

"The brochure looked better," Chaser mused aloud, earning a glare from the employee. That's really all Chaser had to go by though. The brochure. He came here on a whim anyways. The damn media had caught footage of him being "unnecessarily violent" to a purse snatcher. He was a damn criminal so why be gentle?

Sadly, the world didn't see it the same way as him and the pissed off Hina told him to disappear for a while until the press calmed down and he found the brochure on his desk, figuring Tashigi had brought it in with the mail.

The employee opened the door, escorting Smoker into a large dining hall. "Kishishishi! It seems our last guest has arrived for the week!" a large pale as ice man with a smile and a throne-like seat at the table said, the employee pulling out a chair for Smoker who slowly took a seat. "Alright! For the next week you are all brothers so we should start by getting to know each other more! Kishishishi!" the man announced, standing up before beginning introductions.

"My name is Gecko Moria, the owner of this beautiful resort and your father for a week! Kishishi..." he said, gesturing to the waiter to introduce himself as well. "Bonjour "brothers". I'm Sanji AllBleu, your humble chef/waiter so just come to me if you want a hot midnight snack." he said, winking at one of the guests very discreetly, causing Smoker to scoff.

The employee that escorted Smoker in just moments ago was struggling to take the poncho off and ended up disrobing his shirt in the process on accident as Sanji gestured to him to introduce himself before face-palming. "Hi brothers... Shit!" he said as he pulled his shirt out from the poncho. "Ahem. I'm Paulie and you can just call me if you find anything broken and I'll fix it right up for you." he struggled to say as he put his shirt back on, someone, Smoker wasn't quite sure who, whistling at the display of the man's 6-pack.

Gecko then tapped Smoker on the shoulder, being seated closest to him and Smoker grumbled under his breathe a few unsettling words as he unwillingly got up. "My name is Smoker. I'm a detective working for the NYC police department... umm... treat me well." he said, grumbling the last part under his breathe before hastily sitting down.

The man next to Smoker silently sat up before introducing himself. "Hi. My name is Zoro Roronoa and like Smokey here, I work for the NYC police department as a bounty hunter." he said before sitting down as well, giving a quick smirk over to Smoker as he gritted his cigar between his teeth angrily. Why the hell did he have ta be here! Smoker thought to himself, thinking of their past acquaintances. No good bounty hunter never played by the rules.

"Hello. I'm Law Tralfagar and I'm a surgeon from Pennsylvania." the next man said, slightly bowing his head before discreetly returning the wink previously given to him by Sanji causing him to smirk in response.

"HI! I'M LUFFY!" the next boy shouted before receiving a tap on his shoulder from his brother, gesturing him to lower his voice. "I just got out of high school and came here for fun with my brother!" he said cheerily before falling back into his seat.

"Hi. I'm Ace Portgas. The brother of that monkey and I'm happily unemployed! Came here out of boredom~" the boy almost sang before sitting down, finishing introductions. Considering it was only 7 o'clock, the rest of the day flew by rather uneventfully, getting a quick tour of the place.

"To help you all grow closer as brothers, you'll alternate rooms each night with another person of the group. Kishishi." Moria said before laying out a chart with everyone's names written into boxes with another.

Zoro/Smoker | Sanji/Moria | Ace/Paulie | Law/Luffy

"Shit!" Smoker said aloud upon reading the chart. The one person of the group he absolutely couldn't stand to be with (except for that Luffy brat. He was loud and annoying) he had the "luck" to be paired up with. That damn Roronoa and him went way back to when the green-haired boy was a rookie officer.

Later, once everyone was properly escorted to their rooms Smoker wanted to be brief and to the point with the cocky bastard. "Listen brat. I don't care what kind of little coincidence Satan has set up here, I came to be miserable as I expect it to and I don't want you mixing the misery with irritation!" Smoker growled at the boy who just sat on his own bed with his never fading smirk.

"Aren't misery and irritation kinda under the same category?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Not when you're involved kid." Smoker said, rubbing his temples. Back when Zoro was a rookie officer, Smoker was his instructor of sorts and on a particularly boring and long steak-out, they were both particularly horny and... yeah. It was just a one-night thing but Smoker was always a bit unsettled around the kid and asked to switch rookies. A while after, the kid went rogue as a self-proclaimed "bounty hunter" and they continued to butt heads like people would on a stupid Saturday night citcom.

"Ah come on. I'm not seeing anyone and you're way too picky to be seeing anyone wrinkles." Zoro said, getting off his bed to sit with Smoker on his, behind him. He wrapped his arms around Smokers neck and began trailing kisses from the edge of his cheek bone until his neck was craned enough to place a kiss on Smoker's lips, pushing the man back so he was lying down and kicking one of his legs over him so he was sitting on the older man's waist.

Smoker gave little resistance but at the same time showed no interest, not kissing back or even leaning into the kisses. Zoro removed the man's jacket and lifted up the thin black t-shirt to display his creamy skin and well-defined abs, tracing kisses up his chest before nibbling at his nipple.

Smoker let out a soft sigh before grumbling in an annoyed voice "If we're gonna do this again, you better be fucking crazy if you think I'm letting you top two times in a row!" flipping the boy so he was on top, pulling the kid into a sloppy kiss while using one hand to support himself and the other to rub the kid's bulge, Zoro hastily beginning to slip down Smoker's pants as he let out a muffled groan upon the friction.

Just when the Marimo was finally getting him into it, releasing his erection and fluffy white bush, a deep scream rung through the building.

"The fuck?" Smoker growled before pulling himself off the boy, pulling his pants back up and composing himself before running out into the hallway to see the chef of the resort in his boxers and on the ground in front of his room with a scared shitless face, everyone else running out of their rooms to see what was going on, Zoro looking particularly annoyed.

Sanji was mumbling to himself every swear word he could think of before turning to the detective and saying "He... He's dead."

Smoker's eyes widened a bit in shock before peering into the room, flicking on the light switch to see Moria lying in his bed with his throat slit open and the bed next to him having the bloody knife used to finish him jutting out of the mystery figure in the bed... Sanji's bed?

I already have the murderer planned and it is someone in the resort, not someone from the outside so feel free to guess~ It's a Christmas present for Gecko (despite not being christmassy or merry ^.^;) and I'd love for yall to amuse my royal ass of a self with predictions... ^.^ But E-kun might be able to write his first smut in the next chapter... if it'll fit xD

R & R please~

Expect an update in three days (or less) ~

Later~