A/N-This is my first fan fic. Please review! Thanks so much!

Observing/Control

Chapter 1

He wasn't my type. At least I tried to tell myself this as best as could.

The slicked back, perfect hair, the expensive tailored suits, barely opening his minute mouth unless spoken to, his slender figure and his cool, calculating dark eyes.

No, none of it was right. He was about five years younger than me and American too for God sakes! I never did well with a young American-cocky bastards.

I didn't think I had a type but he definitely was not it.

He was uptight, stuffy, lost in his own head, never gave me the time of day and oh yes absolutely gorgeous.

I went for men (or women) whichever struck my fancy that were damaged goods and easy. The bleeding heart types that were oozing poetry and sad songs, emotionally shredded and were a complete mess. Maybe I thought it was my duty to right them? I never stuck around long enough to find out. They weren't a challenge.

I was up for a challenge. I blamed the excess adrenaline from the last job.

I was always the one pursuing, never the one pursued. I had gotten used to it. I had to lose myself in someone else by smothering them and taking control. I was the one that had to take the reigns over the weak and broken hearted that I always had on my arm and in my bed.

He wasn't like that. He was control. Everything about him was perfect, cool and in order at all times. He never showed weakness. He was diligent and a details man. I would never admit it to him because he was so damn annoying and smug at times but he was the perfect point man. I could see why Cobb trusted him so fully.

No, it wasn't right. He wasn't right. Everything about him screamed: "wrong". So why couldn't I stop thinking about him?

I tried so hard to bury it. After the inception job we all went our separate ways-anonymity and protection was still number one priority after a job especially after long and difficult ones. It's been two months since the Fischer job. I was still riding high of feeling invincible-I had never had such a complex job as a forger and was tested to my full abilities to fight off projections and security. I was scared and angry at Cobb for not telling us the full risks but I had to admit it was thrilling, a rush. I felt like nothing could touch me. The money didn't hurt either. Saito paid us handsomely for the job maybe even more than he originally planned because of the increased risks. Or maybe not. The rich old bastard basically shat gold.

I was a jittery ball of energy and nerves after the job, flittering from place to place. Trying to burn off the residual effects of the inception job like I was running a marathon. I was running from him too and his damn dark eyes, his smug American accent and smirk of a smile but he was everywhere. In every bar, every casino, every hotel, every airport like he entered my mind and planted inception that I should only think of him. Some drunken nights I crazily thought he did but I desperately clutched my totem-my poker chip and relaxation came but only for a short time.

I think I had a new lover every week. I didn't know if I was trying to prove a point or if I was just that messed up in the head over him. Every woman or man I took to bed wasn't satisfying and I only imagined it was him as I fucked them.

I thought I might be going crazy. Was this one of the after effects of such a dangerous and intense job? Maybe by going through all those layers of dreams something inside me snapped? Inception wasn't done for a reason and now I knew why.

And then there were the dreams. I didn't dream much anymore but when I did my dreams were always of him. His slight crooked smile as he looked over his shoulder at me, prepping his machine gun, happy as a school boy. Draping his tailored suit coat over his shoulder, his back to me as he walked the length of our old warehouse slowly, throwing his dice, his totem into the air and catching it perfectly in his palm a second later. Bent over a rusty, ancient desk in the corner of the dark warehouse, brows furrowed, back hunched over as he went through papers and files meticulously. His warm laugh as Cobb whispered something to him, something from the old days. He only laughed with Cobb but when I witnessed it, heard it; it was like my heart was set afire.

I realized these weren't dreams-they were memories.

I always woke from these in a pile of sweat and bed sheets, gasping for breath, scrambling desperately for my totem in the darkness.

I only had to think of Cobb and Saito getting sent to limbo and barely making it back and I panicked thinking I too was living (or dreaming) in limbo, haunted by the constant loop of memories of him. Feeling the familiar weight of the poker chip brought me back to my senses but it never settled me in terms of bringing me back to a sensible reality.

It was all his fault.

I was the pursuer, the forger and I had control. He wasn't allowed to take hold of me like this.

I tried to find new jobs, to lose myself in the work. I took what I could get. Cobb wasn't the only extractor in the business and I had worked with others before. The jobs didn't last long and frankly were quite boring and trite and the pay was shit too. I wasn't doing it for the money though. I wanted the escape and to keep my mind occupied which they did neither.

I was everywhere and nowhere in those two months, never staying long enough to remember much. Gambling and alcohol tended to help fill the holes that were in my head but it brought me so much trouble.

I got kicked out of another hotel, in Spain this time. I was so disorientated I didn't know which way was up or down. I remembered a prostitute was involved or was it the party in the hotel room from the night before?

I was sitting on the curb, the whole world swirling. My face was mashed in. I was bleeding all over the place. A fag was dangling from my mouth, I wasn't sure if it was even lit. I had one suitcase to my name and I felt dreadfully sick.

How the hell did I get to this point? I was able to ask myself through the fog of pain and whiskey.

I decided this was it. This was the last straw, my breaking point. I had tried everything in my power to forget him and nothing worked. I had stayed away as long as I could. I had to see him. Even if I was shot down face to face it didn't matter because I was at my wits end all ready. I had to try.

Once I was sober enough I would figure out a plan. I was a forger after all-I would think of something. I could prove that I was smarter than him.

I phoned Yusuf from a pay phone the next day. He revealed Arthur had been keeping in touch with him which frankly I was a little hurt by. Were they all still buddy-buddy and forgot all about ol' Eames?

Both him and Cobb had settled back home in America he told me. They were lying low, taking time off.

Apparently they all were. Ariadne was back in school, Miles was still teaching but took trips to America to visit his family every so often, Saito was vacationing in Switzerland and Yusuf was leaving the shop to a relative to look after as he was building a new home with his shit load of money from the inception job. I was envious of them all. How could they all do it? How could they all sit still and lie low? Sit on their hands and be content with waiting? Living the life outside the dream world. The whole thing was infuriating! I managed to keep my voice even and cool as I faked interest in what Yusuf and the others were doing with their happy selves. When I was able to get a word in edgewise I casually asked where Cobb and Arthur were living these days. Yusuf though that Arthur was back in New York and Cobb was at home in LA. I laid out some subtle hints that maybe we could all get back together for another job. Yusuf just laughed and said: "In your dreams."

Oh if only you knew the half of it my friend…